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My kid taking up with the class "bad kid"( kinda long, sorry)
Hi all. I haven't posted in a while as things have been busy but good.
Here's the dilemma. My son is in kindergarten. There is a boy who insists on hanging around with my son all the time. This kid is really bad news. He is constantly at the principles office for swearing, hitting and stealing the toys. My son, who thinks that everyone has HIS best interest in mind at all times, doesn't recognize this as really terrible behavior for a 5 yr. old. He doesn't do any of these things at home and so far hasn't started following example at school. None of the other kids go around him because they know this kid is a bad seed. I talked to his teacher about it and she told me that my son was saving spots for him and playing with him allot. My son says he's scared of this kid and doesn't want to hurt his feelings because none of the other kids will play with him. The teacher said she would try to separate them. Maybe I'm over protective but he hasn't had the chance to make other friends yet and this little brat is already all over him. What can I tell him at home to help him see that this is not a healthy friendship or a good situation to be in and that his should avoid this kid at all cost? thanks for any advice! s |
#2
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My kid taking up with the class "bad kid"( kinda long, sorry)
Shana wrote in message newsEEbb.8531$I36.1714@pd7tw3no... Hi all. I haven't posted in a while as things have been busy but good. Here's the dilemma. My son is in kindergarten. There is a boy who insists on hanging around with my son all the time. This kid is really bad news. He is constantly at the principles office for swearing, hitting and stealing the toys. My son, who thinks that everyone has HIS best interest in mind at all times, doesn't recognize this as really terrible behavior for a 5 yr. old. He doesn't do any of these things at home and so far hasn't started following example at school. None of the other kids go around him because they know this kid is a bad seed. I talked to his teacher about it and she told me that my son was saving spots for him and playing with him allot. My son says he's scared of this kid and doesn't want to hurt his feelings because none of the other kids will play with him. The teacher said she would try to separate them. Maybe I'm over protective but he hasn't had the chance to make other friends yet and this little brat is already all over him. What can I tell him at home to help him see that this is not a healthy friendship or a good situation to be in and that his should avoid this kid at all cost? thanks for any advice! As a parent I would say I would be as worried as you, and want to keep dd away from him. As an independent (!!) advisor, I'd say that your son may have a good influence on him rather than the other way round. Maybe the attraction in your son is that he doesn't do those things and helps to keep him out of trouble? What would concern me is that your son said that he's scared of him. That sounds a problem to me. Maybe you need to discuss the behaviour issues with your son and let him know that they are not acceptable. Also make sure if he feels frightened by anything this boy (or any other child) does/says then he is to tell the teacher/you and he will be helped. I think possibly inviting other children round to play so he can get to know them better would also help. Debbie |
#3
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My kid taking up with the class "bad kid"( kinda long, sorry)
In article pEEbb.8531$I36.1714@pd7tw3no, Shana says...
Hi all. I haven't posted in a while as things have been busy but good. Here's the dilemma. My son is in kindergarten. There is a boy who insists on hanging around with my son all the time. This kid is really bad news. He is constantly at the principles office for swearing, hitting and stealing the toys. My son, who thinks that everyone has HIS best interest in mind at all times, doesn't recognize this as really terrible behavior for a 5 yr. old. He doesn't do any of these things at home and so far hasn't started following example at school. None of the other kids go around him because they know this kid is a bad seed. I talked to his teacher about it and she told me that my son was saving spots for him and playing with him allot. My son says he's scared of this kid and doesn't want to hurt his feelings because none of the other kids will play with him. The teacher said she would try to separate them. Maybe I'm over protective but he hasn't had the chance to make other friends yet and this little brat is already all over him. What can I tell him at home to help him see that this is not a healthy friendship or a good situation to be in and that his should avoid this kid at all cost? Gee - *I'd* be a bad kid if all *my* budding friendships were to be undermined by an authority figure! I mean, you' 1. Writing off a FIVE year old (!) as a "bad seed". 2. Overriding you boy's choice of friends. The teacher needs to be dealing with the behavior problems per se, and not to be doing social manipulations for you. She probably should break up the monopolizing, but for *all* the kids' sake. Not for one parent's desires for the content of her kids' social circle. Consider - the teacher probably desires that the less-behaved kid get positive influences from kids like your son. Indeed, that's part of her job - she's teaching that kid, too! You need to teach your son for yourself and himself what is good and what is bad behavior - that doesn't depend on who is doing good or bad behavior. You can help him make other acquaintances by havng kids over for playdates, etc. You can teach him that fear is not a reason to be a friend or have a friend. But you also need to get used to the notion that your son's preferences and your preferences for him may be different. It's early in the school year, too. You've indicated a concern. Little kids' friendships are variable and come and go with time anyway. Relax and let the teacher handle it in a way that is constructive for all the kids and for the operation of the classroom. Banty |
#4
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My kid taking up with the class "bad kid"( kinda long, sorry)
Shana wrote:
What can I tell him at home to help him see that this is not a healthy friendship or a good situation to be in and that his should avoid this kid at all cost? Let him learn it on his own. Right now he sees the kid differently than you do, and until he sees him more the way you do, your words won't really sink in. I haven't always approved of my daughters' choice of friends, but having been "best friends" with an extremely bossy, manipulative, and egocentric little girl a few years back was an invaluable lesson for my older daughter. They're still in the same class two years later, but my daughter hardly even talks to her any more -- and now she recognizes controlling actions in other kids and knows when to keep her distance. If you want a really good book about friendships turning bad, read WHO MOVED MY CHEESE by Spencer Johnson to your son. It's allegedly a management training book, but it's really a short fable about some mice and miniature people in a maze and how they react when something that was once good slowly turns bad. My older daughter did a book report on it when she was in third grade, and I have made references to the characters dozens of times since then when I saw her in similar situations, and she has always understood immediately. |
#5
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My kid taking up with the class "bad kid"( kinda long, sorry)
"Brian Anderson" wrote in message ... Shana wrote: What can I tell him at home to help him see that this is not a healthy friendship or a good situation to be in and that his should avoid this kid at all cost? Let him learn it on his own. Right now he sees the kid differently than you do, and until he sees him more the way you do, your words won't really sink in. I haven't always approved of my daughters' choice of friends, but having been "best friends" with an extremely bossy, manipulative, and egocentric little girl a few years back was an invaluable lesson for my older daughter. They're still in the same class two years later, but my daughter hardly even talks to her any more -- and now she recognizes controlling actions in other kids and knows when to keep her distance. If you want a really good book about friendships turning bad, read WHO MOVED MY CHEESE by Spencer Johnson to your son. It's allegedly a management training book, but it's really a short fable about some mice and miniature people in a maze and how they react when something that was once good slowly turns bad. My older daughter did a book report on it when she was in third grade, and I have made references to the characters dozens of times since then when I saw her in similar situations, and she has always understood immediately. I just saw a picture book version of this in Borders yesterday. Same story and plot, but brightly colored pictures. My husband commented that HE likes this version better than the original. |
#6
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My kid taking up with the class "bad kid"( kinda long, sorry)
Gee - *I'd* be a bad kid if all *my* budding friendships were to be undermined by an authority figure! I mean, you' 1. Writing off a FIVE year old (!) as a "bad seed". I agree that was harsh wording for me, I don't meant to "write him off" but his behavior is definatly not well supervised or desirable. 2. Overriding you boy's choice of friends. The problem with this is he doesn't want the boy around him but he is too scared of him to tell him to let him play elsewhere or with others too. The teacher needs to be dealing with the behavior problems per se, and not to be doing social manipulations for you. I am not trying to manipulate the social atmosphere, I am trying to make sure that my son is comfortable in his classroom setting and making his teacher aware that there is a problem with that already. She probably should break up the monopolizing, but for *all* the kids' sake. Not for one parent's desires for the content of her kids' social circle. I am not concerned for the social status of my child. I am simply concerned that a child who tells me to F**k off when I get in his way is not a child who should be allowed to bully my son into doing all of HIS choice of activities with him because no-one else will. Consider - the teacher probably desires that the less-behaved kid get positive influences from kids like your son. Indeed, that's part of her job - she's teaching that kid, too! You need to teach your son for yourself and himself what is good and what is bad behavior - that doesn't depend on who is doing good or bad behavior. You can help him make other acquaintances by havng kids over for playdates, etc. You can teach him that fear is not a reason to be a friend or have a friend. But you also need to get used to the notion that your son's preferences and your preferences for him may be different. It's early in the school year, too. You've indicated a concern. That's excactly all I did. Little kids' friendships are variable and come and go with time anyway. Relax and let the teacher handle it in a way that is constructive for all the kids and for the operation of the classroom. Now *that* is some good, constructive, advice that I think we will take in future...thanks s Banty |
#7
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My kid taking up with the class "bad kid"( kinda long, sorry)
"Banty" wrote: : Shana says... [...] : Here's the dilemma. My son is in kindergarten. There is a boy who insists on : hanging around with my son all the time. This kid is really bad news. He is : constantly at the principles office for swearing, hitting and stealing the : toys. My son, who thinks that everyone has HIS best interest in mind at all : times, doesn't recognize this as really terrible behavior for a 5 yr. old. sniiiip : Gee - *I'd* be a bad kid if all *my* budding friendships were to be undermined : by an authority figure! : I mean, you' : 1. Writing off a FIVE year old (!) as a "bad seed". : 2. Overriding you boy's choice of friends. snip excellent post I have been thinking about this post for several hours, and Banty's post pretty much sums up exactly how I feel. While I understand the concern, the child is *5*! If he is acting out, there must be a reason for it, and perhaps your child *will* have a good influence on him. Keep an eye on things; heck, they are so young it is not likely that much they do will be unsupervised, right? But don't ostracize the kid coming out of the box Ruth B --- Outgoing mail is certified Virus Free. Checked by AVG anti-virus system (http://www.grisoft.com). Version: 6.0.520 / Virus Database: 318 - Release Date: 9/18/2003 |
#8
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My kid taking up with the class "bad kid"( kinda long, sorry)
"Brian Anderson" wrote in message ... Shana wrote: What can I tell him at home to help him see that this is not a healthy friendship or a good situation to be in and that his should avoid this kid at all cost? Let him learn it on his own. Right now he sees the kid differently than you do, and until he sees him more the way you do, your words won't really sink in. Very good point. I haven't always approved of my daughters' choice of friends, but having been "best friends" with an extremely bossy, manipulative, and egocentric little girl a few years back was an invaluable lesson for my older daughter. They're still in the same class two years later, but my daughter hardly even talks to her any more -- and now she recognizes controlling actions in other kids and knows when to keep her distance. If you want a really good book about friendships turning bad, read WHO MOVED MY CHEESE by Spencer Johnson to your son. It's allegedly a management training book, but it's really a short fable about some mice and miniature people in a maze and how they react when something that was once good slowly turns bad. My older daughter did a book report on it when she was in third grade, and I have made references to the characters dozens of times since then when I saw her in similar situations, and she has always understood immediately. Thank you! As long as we can ensure that he feels safe at school and he is properly behaved at home( for a 5 yr. old!), we will just chalk it up as a lesson in getting along with others, and let the teacher deal with any disipline issues in the future. s |
#9
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My kid taking up with the class "bad kid"( kinda long, sorry)
x-no-archive:yes
"Shana" wrote: Hi all. I haven't posted in a while as things have been busy but good. I can't see (haven't gotten) Banty's post, but I think I agree with it. This kid is only 5 - he's not a fully formed 'bad seed' yet - probably just a bit hyper active and maybe a bit neglected. I had the same kind of thing but dd#2 was a bit older - she was in 2nd grade. Some little boy insisted on sitting next to her, 'playing' with her on the playground (which according to dd meant that he took her and threw her down on the ground) etc. I did nothing. dd wasn't being hurt (when I finally met the kid he was significantly smaller than she was - a weedy little pipsqueak of a thing) and I figured she could handle it herself. And she did, eventually. Of course she was a very forceful - not to say a bit aggressive person, so I didn't have any concerns that she would be cowed and intimidated. Here's the dilemma. My son is in kindergarten. There is a boy who insists on hanging around with my son all the time. This kid is really bad news. He is constantly at the principles office for swearing, hitting and stealing the toys. My son, who thinks that everyone has HIS best interest in mind at all times, doesn't recognize this as really terrible behavior for a 5 yr. old. He doesn't do any of these things at home and so far hasn't started following example at school. None of the other kids go around him because they know this kid is a bad seed. I talked to his teacher about it and she told me that my son was saving spots for him and playing with him allot. My son says he's scared of this kid and doesn't want to hurt his feelings because none of the other kids will play with him. The teacher said she would try to separate them. Maybe I'm over protective but he hasn't had the chance to make other friends yet and this little brat is already all over him. What can I tell him at home to help him see that this is not a healthy friendship or a good situation to be in and that his should avoid this kid at all cost? Just listen to him talk and sympathize. And maybe ask him some questions like "What do you think would make him act that way?" (swearing etc may be because of an example at home and/or because he wants attention). And "What do you think you could do about that?" grandma Rosalie |
#10
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My kid taking up with the class "bad kid"( kinda long, sorry)
On the subject of school friends and good/bad influences, we recently
read a library picture book called "Hunter's Best Friend At School," by Laura Malone Elliott. It's pre-school/kindergarten reading level, and it's about two raccoon friends. One of them acts up in class and at first the other one goes along with it, but then learns that rather than follow his friend's bad lead he can become a good influence on his friend instead. Maybe it'd be helpful? - Lynn |
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