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A second chance !?
Well, lifes sorted itself out here at last...I hope.
Guess whos back? well, not back to live, and after telling me that he still wants to find that special someone, "me,me?" I ask impatiently "no, but we can still be great together!" he says. Am I a fool? after 6 bleedin years no, not in the slightest, I've just got to get used to the fact that he's happy without the responsibility, he likes his own place, he likes his freedom and his friends and hes told me not to say anything to anyone. I've got so used to being without another adult in the house I'd go bonkers. I've gotten used to my tv programmes, wearing sloppy pants and slouching about with my old coffee mug with stains on it. Hey! I'm convenient! and I'm happy about that....for the time being, it was a lovely cuddle and we never argued. The birds sang, the rain fell in twinkling droplets and the kiddies were happy he was home. The only way I think we could get it together and live in the same place would be by both selling everything we had and making a fresh start. That ain't never, and I mean never going to happen. I'm not his girlfriend, neither am his wife, hey ! I'm his slag! and should I have asked for him to leave a tenner on the sideboard after his beans on toast on his way out my door? or ever ask if he'll he be around next Tuesday at 7:00? Talking of second chances seriously again. I was upset that its taken so damned long, hes always known he had first choice there, that I really wanted more family, and more children around, you know when you get older its something we could look forwards together. Now I've hit an age its never ever going to be possible. My dating experiences have been last, really fraught. I really truely, madly and deeply wanted a large family, I was never so happy as I was with my kids. There are a lot of people who only want the fun out of a relationship, and no children. Should we have two sorts of dating agencies for the single parents who want to start anew? one for those model agencies "I'm not sure cos I've just split up and I'm feeling really shaky" and the other for "I'm divorcing, I don't want to go to town or raise hell all I want to do is get along with having a family" sort of thing? miri |
#2
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A second chance !?
On Mar 14, 8:26?pm, "miri" wrote:
Well, lifes sorted itself out here at last...I hope. Guess whos back? well, not back to live, and after telling me that he still wants to find that special someone, "me,me?" I ask impatiently "no, but we can still be great together!" he says. Am I a fool? after 6 bleedin years no, not in the slightest, I've just got to get used to the fact that he's happy without the responsibility, he likes his own place, he likes his freedom and his friends and hes told me not to say anything to anyone. I've got so used to being without another adult in the house I'd go bonkers. I've gotten used to my tv programmes, wearing sloppy pants and slouching about with my old coffee mug with stains on it. Hey! I'm convenient! and I'm happy about that....for the time being, it was a lovely cuddle and we never argued. The birds sang, the rain fell in twinkling droplets and the kiddies were happy he was home. Sounds to me that if you can be happy with this arrangement than it works for you and that is what you need to consider . Does it give you enjoyment and can you be happy with it this way? If so, it is what it is and you chose it, it wasn't shoved down your throat. The only way I think we could get it together and live in the same place would be by both selling everything we had and making a fresh start. That ain't never, and I mean never going to happen. I'm not his girlfriend, neither am his wife, hey ! I'm his slag! and should I have asked for him to leave a tenner on the sideboard after his beans on toast on his way out my door? or ever ask if he'll he be around next Tuesday at 7:00? You make me laugh....in a good way.....not at you,with you. Talking of second chances seriously again. I was upset that its taken so damned long, hes always known he had first choice there, that I really wanted more family, and more children around, you know when you get older its something we could look forwards together. Now I've hit an age its never ever going to be possible. My dating experiences have been last, really fraught. I really truely, madly and deeply wanted a large family, I was never so happy as I was with my kids. There are a lot of people who only want the fun out of a relationship, and no children. Should we have two sorts of dating agencies for the single parents who want to start anew? one for those model agencies "I'm not sure cos I've just split up and I'm feeling really shaky" and the other for "I'm divorcing, I don't want to go to town or raise hell all I want to do is get along with having a family" sort of thing? miri I think the dating or discovery of a connection with someone is exciting but putting yourself out there takes a lot of guts. I have ..er I have tried to have long term relationships with "future" in mind. I have not had many of those either. When I think about the ones I have had, all were very family oriented.I think the one that was meant to last my lifetime passed me on ...she died. I have lots of kids, stepkids, grandkids, step grankids, big extended families and that I enjoy, especially holidays with the kids. What is good about having the kids and grandkids is that no matter what, that part is always there. No matter what is going on in my relationship I can depend on the kids keeping my life real.Keeping me aware of what is important in this life. I am beginning to notice that as I get older I am sick of the games people play in relationships, just tired of the stress it takes to keep somebody else happy when they dont even know themselves what they want other than to consume you with their drama, and expectations that you sit around and wait for them all day everyday ...and for what anyway? I just want to be wanted for me, enjoy that I am an individual, that what I feel means something to them, and I am treated equal to someone that -wants- to spend time with me. Is that too much to ask? I am obviously tainted at the moment lol! Having been use to being in a live in relationship for the past ohhhh .....ALL MY ADULT LIFE , I have only now at almost 46 years old begun to feel it is so -not- something I have to have to be happy anymore.Kids are grown (just about) I am free to just be me.Not someone elses convienance. I am ready too, just as you sound, Good for you! |
#3
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A second chance !?
On Mar 18, 10:06?pm, 'Kate wrote:
On Wed, 14 Mar 2007 17:26:05 -0700, miri wrote for all to see: Well, lifes sorted itself out here at last...I hope. Guess whos back? well, not back to live, and after telling me that he still wants to find that special someone, "me,me?" I ask impatiently "no, but we can still be great together!" he says. Am I a fool? after 6 bleedin years no, not in the slightest, I've just got to get used to the fact that he's happy without the responsibility, he likes his own place, he likes his freedom and his friends and hes told me not to say anything to anyone. I've got so used to being without another adult in the house I'd go bonkers. I've gotten used to my tv programmes, wearing sloppy pants and slouching about with my old coffee mug with stains on it. Hey! I'm convenient! and I'm happy about that....for the time being, it was a lovely cuddle and we never argued. The birds sang, the rain fell in twinkling droplets and the kiddies were happy he was home. The only way I think we could get it together and live in the same place would be by both selling everything we had and making a fresh start. That ain't never, and I mean never going to happen. I'm not his girlfriend, neither am his wife, hey ! I'm his slag! and should I have asked for him to leave a tenner on the sideboard after his beans on toast on his way out my door? or ever ask if he'll he be around next Tuesday at 7:00? Talking of second chances seriously again. I was upset that its taken so damned long, hes always known he had first choice there, that I really wanted more family, and more children around, you know when you get older its something we could look forwards together. Now I've hit an age its never ever going to be possible. My dating experiences have been last, really fraught. I really truely, madly and deeply wanted a large family, I was never so happy as I was with my kids. There are a lot of people who only want the fun out of a relationship, and no children. Should we have two sorts of dating agencies for the single parents who want to start anew? one for those model agencies "I'm not sure cos I've just split up and I'm feeling really shaky" and the other for "I'm divorcing, I don't want to go to town or raise hell all I want to do is get along with having a family" sort of thing? miri Snipped "I guess I have to" or "I'm not doing anything in case I do something "wrong"" or, "Of course I love you, I'm still here" or "I'm only paying attention to you because I'm horny." Huh. OMG!!! You just described my past four days home......just sickening! I have cried 3 out of four days...... so far today I am good. |
#4
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A second chance !?
On 19 Mar, 02:06, 'Kate wrote:
On Wed, 14 Mar 2007 17:26:05 -0700, miri wrote for all to see: Well, lifes sorted itself out here at last...I hope. Guess whos back? well, not back to live, and after telling me that he still wants to find that special someone, "me,me?" I ask impatiently "no, but we can still be great together!" he says. Am I a fool? after 6 bleedin years no, not in the slightest, I've just got to get used to the fact that he's happy without the responsibility, he likes his own place, he likes his freedom and his friends and hes told me not to say anything to anyone. I've got so used to being without another adult in the house I'd go bonkers. I've gotten used to my tv programmes, wearing sloppy pants and slouching about with my old coffee mug with stains on it. Hey! I'm convenient! and I'm happy about that....for the time being, it was a lovely cuddle and we never argued. The birds sang, the rain fell in twinkling droplets and the kiddies were happy he was home. The only way I think we could get it together and live in the same place would be by both selling everything we had and making a fresh start. That ain't never, and I mean never going to happen. I'm not his girlfriend, neither am his wife, hey ! I'm his slag! and should I have asked for him to leave a tenner on the sideboard after his beans on toast on his way out my door? or ever ask if he'll he be around next Tuesday at 7:00? Talking of second chances seriously again. I was upset that its taken so damned long, hes always known he had first choice there, that I really wanted more family, and more children around, you know when you get older its something we could look forwards together. Now I've hit an age its never ever going to be possible. My dating experiences have been last, really fraught. I really truely, madly and deeply wanted a large family, I was never so happy as I was with my kids. There are a lot of people who only want the fun out of a relationship, and no children. Should we have two sorts of dating agencies for the single parents who want to start anew? one for those model agencies "I'm not sure cos I've just split up and I'm feeling really shaky" and the other for "I'm divorcing, I don't want to go to town or raise hell all I want to do is get along with having a family" sort of thing? miri Miri, It is hard to date. On the other hand, I've only dated two or three who were absolutely not going to work out. The rest have been nice, fun, and interesting, for a time. I like living alone. I like uncomplicated relationships with firm boundaries - one of them being, "I like when you go home." Maybe it won't always be that way. For now, it's nicer than what I had in marriage. I get the fun and none of the upkeep issues. In fact, I get taken care of instead of having to be the caretaker and ... I really like it. I thought it would feel selfish but it just feels like someone chooses to care. It's a conscious choice. That is nicer than, "I guess I have to" or "I'm not doing anything in case I do something "wrong"" or, "Of course I love you, I'm still here" or "I'm only paying attention to you because I'm horny." Huh. Are you really ready to settle into being single or is this despair? 'Kate- Hide quoted text - - Show quoted text - Yep!, supposing he said he wanted to come back and make it legal I'd maybe run a mile, but for the moment I can dream I kinda like looking at the holiday brochures, its the effort to go buy the ticket, get the jabs, do the shopping & pack, get the insurance, get fit for the beaches and learn a foreign language that exhaust me, |
#5
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A second chance !?
On 19 Mar, 14:25, "Bev" wrote:
On Mar 14, 8:26?pm, "miri" wrote: Well, lifes sorted itself out here at last...I hope. Guess whos back? well, not back to live, and after telling me that he still wants to find that special someone, "me,me?" I ask impatiently "no, but we can still be great together!" he says. Am I a fool? after 6 bleedin years no, not in the slightest, I've just got to get used to the fact that he's happy without the responsibility, he likes his own place, he likes his freedom and his friends and hes told me not to say anything to anyone. I've got so used to being without another adult in the house I'd go bonkers. I've gotten used to my tv programmes, wearing sloppy pants and slouching about with my old coffee mug with stains on it. Hey! I'm convenient! and I'm happy about that....for the time being, it was a lovely cuddle and we never argued. The birds sang, the rain fell in twinkling droplets and the kiddies were happy he was home. Sounds to me that if you can be happy with this arrangement than it works for you and that is what you need to consider . Does it give you enjoyment and can you be happy with it this way? If so, it is what it is and you chose it, it wasn't shoved down your throat. The only way I think we could get it together and live in the same place would be by both selling everything we had and making a fresh start. That ain't never, and I mean never going to happen. I'm not his girlfriend, neither am his wife, hey ! I'm his slag! and should I have asked for him to leave a tenner on the sideboard after his beans on toast on his way out my door? or ever ask if he'll he be around next Tuesday at 7:00? You make me laugh....in a good way.....not at you,with you. Talking of second chances seriously again. I was upset that its taken so damned long, hes always known he had first choice there, that I really wanted more family, and more children around, you know when you get older its something we could look forwards together. Now I've hit an age its never ever going to be possible. My dating experiences have been last, really fraught. I really truely, madly and deeply wanted a large family, I was never so happy as I was with my kids. There are a lot of people who only want the fun out of a relationship, and no children. Should we have two sorts of dating agencies for the single parents who want to start anew? one for those model agencies "I'm not sure cos I've just split up and I'm feeling really shaky" and the other for "I'm divorcing, I don't want to go to town or raise hell all I want to do is get along with having a family" sort of thing? miri I think the dating or discovery of a connection with someone is exciting but putting yourself out there takes a lot of guts. I have ..er I have tried to have long term relationships with "future" in mind. I have not had many of those either. When I think about the ones I have had, all were very family oriented.I think the one that was meant to last my lifetime passed me on ...she died. I have lots of kids, stepkids, grandkids, step grankids, big extended families and that I enjoy, especially holidays with the kids. What is good about having the kids and grandkids is that no matter what, that part is always there. No matter what is going on in my relationship I can depend on the kids keeping my life real.Keeping me aware of what is important in this life. I am beginning to notice that as I get older I am sick of the games people play in relationships, just tired of the stress it takes to keep somebody else happy when they dont even know themselves what they want other than to consume you with their drama, and expectations that you sit around and wait for them all day everyday ...and for what anyway? I just want to be wanted for me, enjoy that I am an individual, that what I feel means something to them, and I am treated equal to someone that -wants- to spend time with me. Is that too much to ask? I am obviously tainted at the moment lol! Having been use to being in a live in relationship for the past ohhhh .....ALL MY ADULT LIFE , I have only now at almost 46 years old begun to feel it is so -not- something I have to have to be happy anymore.Kids are grown (just about) I am free to just be me.Not someone elses convienance. I am ready too, just as you sound, Good for you!- Hide quoted text - - Show quoted text -- Hide quoted text - - Show quoted text - I'm so sorry Bev, you sound so upset, I wonder if people are truly ment to live as couples, theres all that expectation of what couples are supposed to do. One of my best freindships is with a guy who came to stay on my couch. Not recently, but after my divorce. I wanted the 'relationship thing' so after x number of years and no kids I was heartbroken to call it quits with him. It didnt matter when he went out when he would be back again because he worked away and stayed with his other mates & his mum. We used to phone one another up to see where he was He asked me if I wanted to get serious but I said not, it would have been like trying to hide a bison in my airing cupboard! the beauty would have gone, that ethereal quality, the intangible fleeting air that something in our world remained untrappable, natural and wild was too dreadful even to consider, luv |
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A second chance !?
On Mar 20, 2:27�pm, "miri" wrote:
On 19 Mar, 14:25, "Bev" wrote: On Mar 14, 8:26?pm, "miri" wrote: Well, lifes sorted itself out here at last...I hope. Guess whos back? well, not back to live, and after telling me that he still wants to find that special someone, "me,me?" I ask impatiently "no, but we can still be great together!" he says. Am I a fool? after 6 bleedin years no, not in the slightest, I've just got to get used to the fact that he's happy without the responsibility, he likes his own place, he likes his freedom and his friends and hes told me not to say anything to anyone. I've got so used to being without another adult in the house I'd go bonkers. I've gotten used to my tv programmes, wearing sloppy pants and slouching about with my old coffee mug with stains on it. Hey! I'm convenient! and I'm happy about that....for the time being, it was a lovely cuddle and we never argued. The birds sang, the rain fell in twinkling droplets and the kiddies were happy he was home. Sounds to me that if you can be happy with this arrangement than it works for you and that is what you need to consider . Does it give you enjoyment and can you be happy with it this way? If so, it is what it is and you chose it, it wasn't shoved down your throat. The only way I think we could get it together and live in the same place would be by both selling everything we had and making a fresh start. That ain't never, and I mean never going to happen. I'm not his girlfriend, neither am his wife, hey ! I'm his slag! and should I have asked for him to leave a tenner on the sideboard after his beans on toast on his way out my door? or ever ask if he'll he be around next Tuesday at 7:00? You make me laugh....in a good way.....not at you,with you. Talking of second chances seriously again. I was upset that its taken so damned long, hes always known he had first choice there, that I really wanted more family, and more children around, you know when you get older its something we could look forwards together. Now I've hit an age its never ever going to be possible. My dating experiences have been last, really fraught. I really truely, madly and deeply wanted a large family, I was never so happy as I was with my kids. There are a lot of people who only want the fun out of a relationship, and no children. Should we have two sorts of dating agencies for the single parents who want to start anew? one for those model agencies "I'm not sure cos I've just split up and I'm feeling really shaky" and the other for "I'm divorcing, I don't want to go to town or raise hell all I want to do is get along with having a family" sort of thing? miri I think the dating or discovery of a connection with someone is exciting but putting yourself out there takes a lot of guts. I have ..er I have tried to have long term relationships with "future" in mind. I have not had many of those either. When I think about the ones I have had, all were very family oriented.I think the one that was meant to last my lifetime passed me on ...she died. I have lots of kids, stepkids, grandkids, step grankids, big extended families and that I enjoy, *especially holidays with the kids. What is good about having the kids and grandkids is that no matter what, that part is always there. No matter what is going on in my relationship I can depend on the kids keeping my life real.Keeping me aware of what is important in this life. I am beginning to notice that as I get older I am sick of the games people play in relationships, just tired of the stress it takes to keep somebody else happy when they dont even know themselves what they want other than to consume you with their drama, and expectations that you sit around and wait for them all day everyday ...and for what anyway? *I just want to be wanted for me, enjoy that I am an individual, that what I feel means something to them, and I am treated equal to someone that -wants- to spend time with me. Is that too much to ask? *I am obviously tainted at the moment lol! Having been use to being in a live in relationship for the past ohhhh .....ALL MY ADULT LIFE , I have only now at almost 46 years old begun to feel it is so -not- something I have to have to be happy anymore.Kids are grown (just about) I am free to just be me.Not someone elses convienance. I am ready too, just as you sound, Good for you!- Hide quoted text - - Show quoted text -- Hide quoted text - - Show quoted text - I'm so sorry Bev, you sound so upset, Nah, it's ok.......the upset is quickly becoming amusement for me, which is then predictable, and ends up just plain boring. I am in a situation that leaves me bound to where I am for now. I have no job , no income, I was broken physically there for a while. My 19 year old daughter and her fiancee, two kids, are also sharing this home with myself and my "relationship gone wild" situation.I just came back after a month long being away and I am so certain now that this is past over for me.. I am not happy at all. I want to help my daughter and her fiance' and my grand children. I am only here because they are here. If things were different , if my daughter was ready for me to let her go I would not have come back. I need to get my income started back up but my moms health has gone from "she wont make it through the weekend " 3-4 weekends ago, to now being in a rehab center to get strong enough to go back home again. I am still needed out of state within the next month or so, so I can work some **** job in the meantime that I can just drop when I need to go back. All this just keeps telling me I am up the creek at the moment. On top of all those thoughts I have to live with, look at and be pleasant to someone that just don't get it. I wasn't good enough for you the past year, I'm over it, go away! I wonder if people are truly ment to live as couples, theres all that expectation of what couples are supposed to do. heh expectations....just this morning I make a comment about how "I must refill my meds today " and I get the "Oh yea me too , do mine too!" I said " So you think I am the hired help still?" Be a grown up and refill your own meds" I don't want to be so bitter about relationships because they do work sometimes it can be a nice thing, even this one "was" a nice thing at one time. I'm not sure what happened maybe just life happened and it ended up not being what we expected it to be . I know what I wanted it to be didn't last.When your feelings begin to be unimportant to someone what other choice do you have but to wipe away the tears and walk away. One of my best freindships is with a guy who came to stay on my couch. Not recently, but after my divorce. I wanted the 'relationship thing' so after x number of years and no kids I was heartbroken to call it quits with him. It didnt matter when he went out when he would be back again because he worked away and stayed with his other mates & his mum. We used to phone one another up to see where he was He asked me if I wanted to get serious but I said not, it would have been like trying to hide a bison in my airing cupboard! the beauty would have gone, that ethereal quality, the intangible fleeting air that something in our world remained untrappable, natural and wild was too dreadful even to consider, luv- That was hard for you I am sure, you survived though as most of us do . I'm not thinking I know all the answers, I do know there must be a better way to live than like I have been lately.I am ready to try something else, 'cause this isn't working. Bev Hide quoted text - - Show quoted text - |
#7
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A second chance !?
Bev wrote:-
Nah, it's ok.......the upset is quickly becoming amusement for me, which is then predictable, and ends up just plain boring. I am in a situation that leaves me bound to where I am for now. I have no job , no income, It sounds like you have a full time job there! how could you find time to do anything else but care for the family? Cant you work from home doing something? is there an arrangement where everyone in the house can pitch in there and share a workload? In my dreams when I married I thought our long term plan would be someday have a business together, so if I sound like I'm unrealistic I absolutely understand but it will work for some parents with extended family I guess. I was broken physically there for a while. My 19 year old daughter and her fiancee, two kids, are also sharing this home with myself and my "relationship gone wild" situation.I just came back after a month long being away and I am so certain now that this is past over for me.. I am not happy at all. I want to help my daughter and her fiance' and my grand children. I am only here because they are here. If things were different , if my daughter was ready for me to let her go I would not have come back. I need to get my income started back up but my moms health has gone from "she wont make it through the weekend " 3-4 weekends ago, to now being in a rehab center to get strong enough to go back home again. I'm really sad about your mom, but really happy that shes feeling better, does she live with you? if you're her primary carer don't you get some support from somewhere? I am still needed out of state within the next month or so, so I can work some **** job in the meantime that I can just drop when I need to go back. All this just keeps telling me I am up the creek at the moment. On top of all those thoughts I have to live with, look at and be pleasant to someone that just don't get it. I wasn't good enough for you the past year, I'm over it, go away! Maybe there should be a national 'Lose Your Rag' day? and the next day everything that was said or done is totally forgiven....an amnesty on 'Hand Your Fury Over' week? and a 'Get The ****er Back!' hour. I'm being silly, but other peoples misbehaviour is forgiven if we love them, and theres some good things to look forward together for. I know being part of a couple is different, its like so damned difficult, like too afraid to split up because you love them and they've become part of your life, and too worn down an frail to cope with any disaster. What did I do? I gave up! at sometime it became clear and I had to admit to me that whatever I did was wrong! simple. Then I met someone who said I was right. heh expectations....just this morning I make a comment about how "I must refill my meds today " and I get the "Oh yea me too , do mine too!" I said " So you think I am the hired help still?" Be a grown up and refill your own meds" I don't want to be so bitter about relationships because they do work sometimes it can be a nice thing, even this one "was" a nice thing at one time. I'm not sure what happened maybe just life happened and it ended up not being what we expected it to be . I know what I wanted it to be didn't last.When your feelings begin to be unimportant to someone what other choice do you have but to wipe away the tears and walk away. or maybe have a mutual respect, and unless theres any funny business going on between you, agree you're both fed up, pat each other on the back and remind yourselves of how well you've coped together through other misfortunes in the past, remind yourselves it isnt all fairytales. My past relationships have been hetro, I'm not too sure if that makes an awful lot of difference, maybe you see a difference if you were married or commonlaw, I couldn't do without a man about, but then I couldn't do without a woman either. I don't cry on a mans shoulder but I will ask for advice. Are there any fathers here who could offer some advice? luv |
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