communicating with partner about having children

Hi,
I just wanted to know from other ladies who have had kids - how did
you discuss when and whether to have children with your partner? Was
it you who came up with the idea first and then led the way into ttc
so to speak - or did your dh come up with the idea first? Was your dh
generally into the idea but wanted to wait a lot longer than you? Did
many of you actually deliberately try to conceive (by modifying
behaviour, planning ovulation dates etc etc) and or did you just throw
away the contraception and see what happened?
If you already had one child, how did you discuss the possibility of
having another child?
thanks!

"Abi" wrote in message
om...
Hi,
I just wanted to know from other ladies who have had kids - how did
you discuss when and whether to have children with your partner? Was
it you who came up with the idea first and then led the way into ttc
so to speak - or did your dh come up with the idea first? Was your dh
generally into the idea but wanted to wait a lot longer than you? Did
many of you actually deliberately try to conceive (by modifying
behaviour, planning ovulation dates etc etc) and or did you just throw
away the contraception and see what happened?
If you already had one child, how did you discuss the possibility of
having another child?
thanks!

for us, DH was ready before me, but i knew i'd get tehre in the end. I
REALLY wanted to go overseas - lucky we married relatively young so we could
do these things.

i knew my life was going to change so much after kids, that i had to be more
ready. But then, you can never be 100% ready! anyway, 2 and a bit kids
later here we are.

this is usually the way of our marriage - he wants to do something and i
eventually catch up

c

"Abi" wrote in message
how did you discuss when and whether to have children with your partner?

Hmm, I don't remember exactly, but we both knew that we wanted kids and
since we were a little bit older than we wanted to be to have children, we
decided together to be married a year and then start trying. I was on birth
control and when we decided to start trying, I was taken off of the pill,
waited three months and then started trying.

Was your dh generally into the idea but wanted to wait a lot longer than
you?

No, hubby was ready before I was.

Did many of you actually deliberately try to conceive (by modifying
behaviour, planning ovulation dates etc etc) and or did you just throw
away the contraception and see what happened?

All three kids were planned. After our firstborn was born with medical
problems, we waited until she was stable enough in her life and we were
reasonably sure she would be able to stay out of the hospital is when we
started thinking about another child.

If you already had one child, how did you discuss the possibility of having
another child?

We always knew we wanted more than one child. I had to talk hubby into a
third child.
--
Sue (mom to three girls)

In ,
Abi wrote:

*Hi,
*I just wanted to know from other ladies who have had kids - how did
*you discuss when and whether to have children with your partner? Was

Before we got married, we talked about future plans, including whether or
not we wanted kids. This came up during our "committed dating" phase,
prior to our engagement. I made it clear that not only did I want to have
kids, I wanted to start having them soon (I was 29 when I got married). He
made it clear he was totally on board with that. We got engaged shortly
after

--
Hillary Israeli, VMD
Lafayette Hill/PA/USA/Earth
"Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it is
too dark to read." --Groucho Marx

Before we got married, we talked about future plans, including whether or
not we wanted kids. This came up during our "committed dating" phase,
prior to our engagement. I made it clear that not only did I want to have
kids, I wanted to start having them soon (I was 29 when I got married). He
made it clear he was totally on board with that. We got engaged shortly
after

we were similar it's always been an open topic of conversation, deciding
when to start trying for number 2 was trickier as there were many more
secondary issues than first time round, but we just kept things in the open,
I never keep my desires secret from my dh, he's known right since a few days
after number 1 that my body has been saying get pregnant, but he also saw
the change over time as my mind decided that was ok

Hi there.

For us DD was completely unplanned and a shock, we had never talked about
having children as we were both only 20. Now over 3 years down the line we
got married in July.
And DH has openly spoke about his wanting of baby #2 and so we talk about it
quite often as since trying we talk even more as I am having problems with
not ovulating.

Things seem much more exciting as we have planned and talked about it!
We dont just say 'right lets talk about babies'
but sometimes DH will just say, 'hey thats a nice name what do you think'
and things like that, and 'aw our little girl is so grown up now, she needs
a playmate'!

Kellie

"Anne Rogers" wrote in message
...

Before we got married, we talked about future plans, including whether or
not we wanted kids. This came up during our "committed dating" phase,
prior to our engagement. I made it clear that not only did I want to have
kids, I wanted to start having them soon (I was 29 when I got married).
He
made it clear he was totally on board with that. We got engaged shortly
after

we were similar it's always been an open topic of conversation, deciding
when to start trying for number 2 was trickier as there were many more
secondary issues than first time round, but we just kept things in the
open, I never keep my desires secret from my dh, he's known right since a
few days after number 1 that my body has been saying get pregnant, but he
also saw the change over time as my mind decided that was ok

Abi wrote:
Hi,
I just wanted to know from other ladies who have had kids - how did
you discuss when and whether to have children with your partner?

I brought it up. Actually I said I want to have kids so if we don't get
married and move in that direction, we need to part ways. I'm not sure that
is the best way to approach things but it is what we did. The discussion
was also part of our pre-marital counseling.

Was
it you who came up with the idea first and then led the way into ttc
so to speak - or did your dh come up with the idea first?

With #1 it was spoken about but then we had to get on with the marrying
part, which took a while. We knew we'd ttc right after getting married.

Was your dh
generally into the idea but wanted to wait a lot longer than you?

Yes. Dh and I were together years before we were married. I was ready for
kids a long time before we had them. We knew we'd ttc right after we were
married. He was ready then. With #2 the discussion happened mostly by
small snippets here and there and we sort of mutually agreed we'd start ttc
#2. We seemed to both be ready at the same time.

Did
many of you actually deliberately try to conceive (by modifying
behaviour, planning ovulation dates etc etc) and or did you just throw
away the contraception and see what happened?

We just threw out the contraception. We were lucky and conceived right off
the bat. If we had not we would have been more deliberate about it.

We both talk about #3. If logistics were better we'd probably ttc right
now. Other parts of our life are not in order (jobs mainly). I suspect
that he'd be ready to ttc #3 the day he is employed but I think I'll want
about a year to go by after that. Enough time to really feel settled and
enjoy the baby because I suspect #3 will be the last.

--
Nikki

In article ,
Abi wrote:
Hi,
I just wanted to know from other ladies who have had kids - how did
you discuss when and whether to have children with your partner?

DH and I had been friends for years before he broached the subject of
dating. We talked for several weeks about marriage, kids, and life
goals before we even started going out. Neither of us were young, and
we didn't want to waste each other's time if we weren't on the same
page.

That said, I'd always wanted children, and DH - who has two grown kids -
had thought he was done. He thought about it a long time before agreeing.

If you already had one child, how did you discuss the possibility of
having another child?

Our plan has always been to have only one. I sometimes find my hormones
mumbling about having another; but when I think of the reality of it I
realize I don't want more than Emily. That said, if DH changed his mind,
I'd go with it, even as old as I am (I'm 40).

Liz & Emily (5/25/2004)

--

"No problem of human destiny is beyond human beings. Man's reason and
spirit have often solved the seemingly unsolvable - and we believe they
can do it again." -- John F. Kennedy, 6/10/1963

In our case it was decided from the day we met that we wanted to have
children, and at least two. We wanted to wait until I finished my degree,
and as soon as the end was in sight, I stopped birth control pills. I only
just finished before giving birth We did try to BD around ovulation,
but I did not chart of anything. Within 2 months I got pregnant with DS.

We knew we wanted a second baby from the day I conceived, and after moving
when DS was around 8m old, we decided that it was time to try again. The
first few months without any charting were unsuccesful. When I start to
chart, I generally get pregnant within two months, but unfortunately
haven't carried a baby to term since. :\

--
-- I
mommy to DS (July '02)
mommy to four tiny angels
(28 Oct'03, 17 Feb'04, 20 May'04 & 28 Oct'04)
guardian of DH (33)

On 5 Nov 2004 01:32:21 -0800, (Abi) wrote:

I just wanted to know from other ladies who have had kids - how did
you discuss when and whether to have children with your partner?

I think I began the conversation. We had been married for a little
over 2 years. It was time to get my Depo shot. I didn't want to get
it. So I asked him if he thought it was a good idea to go off bc and
see what happens. He agreed. Then we just had sex. No planning or
anything. I don't remember how long it was after I got pregnant, but
I remember that we found out on our 3rd wedding anniversary.

--
Daye