How much privacy do you give them?

"Sophie" wrote in message
...

We got one for our bedroom last Christmas. Dylan hated the idea but then
with Iraq it was great for watching TV there and not letting the kids see
the news.

Well, I guess I lied. There's a tv sitting in a box in my room that has been
there for about 8 months now. Dh earned it on incentive at work. We have no
intentions of putting it in our room though. It's (supposedly, for the last
8 months) going in Matthew's old room which will be my scrapbooking room
until we someday have another little one to use the nursery. It was going to
go to the lake, but *I'm* going to use it darnit!
--
JennP.

mom to Matthew 10/11/00
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"user" wrote in message
...
We have one TV in our house. And it's just 19".

And it was almost impossible to find one that size,
in the first place - if you want small, they have 12"
sets, if you want big, EVERYONE sells 26"+ sets.
But 19"? We had to look at a lot of different
retailers here before we found one.

I haven't *bought* a TV in more than a decade now. All of mine are
hand-me-downs from one source or another. The au pair's is a 19"; we just
replaced the on in the living room because the old one (a 19") had a flaky
power switch and couldn't be relied upon to turn on when you wanted it
to--very annoying. The new one is borrowed from my best friend, who
currently lives with my mom and therefore doesn't need a TV of her own. I
think it's a 26", which seems quite large by comparison to the 19" one that
preceded it, but our living room is fairly large and the nearest chair to
the TV is more than 10' away from it, so the larger picture is nice
(especially since hubby's eyesight is going but he refuses to wear his
glasses g!).

I wouldn't want a TV any bigger than that, though. My MIL just got a 52" TV.
It's enormous and the focal point of the room. I just don't want the TV to
assume *that* much importance in our lives!
--
Be well, Barbara
(Julian [6], Aurora [4], and Vernon's [20mo] mom)

This week's special at the English Language Butcher Shop:
"Rejuvinate your skin." -- Hydroderm ad

Daddy: You're up with the chickens this morning.
Aurora: No, I'm up with my dolls!

All opinions expressed in this post are well-reasoned and insightful.
Needless to say, they are not those of my Internet Service Provider, its
other subscribers or lackeys. Anyone who says otherwise is itchin' for a
fight. -- with apologies to Michael Feldman

I wouldn't want a TV any bigger than that, though. My MIL just got a 52"
TV.
It's enormous and the focal point of the room. I just don't want the TV to
assume *that* much importance in our lives!
--
Be well, Barbara
(Julian [6], Aurora [4], and Vernon's [20mo] mom)


My parents just got a huge plasma TV. Can't believe it :O
My dad can barely work their new VCR/DVD all in one player - lol.

The internet isn't danger-free...plenty of adults get into throuble here!

"Wendy" wrote in message
...
dejablues wrote:
The kids have their own computer, with no internet access. If they want
internet, they have to use the one in the kitchen or our bedroom.

My husband is a network admin guy and I use computers in my business
so we've got various generations of computers lying around: I can think
of six functional ones at the moment. Even our four year old has a
computer that's set up for him and he loves to visit Caillou on
PBS.org. Because of my business we also have a wireless LAN attached to
the DSL. It's a blessing if you want to check the weather, but a curse if
you want to limit internet access.

My oldest
son (14) uses AIM occasionally, but I know all the ppl on his buddy list
(school friends, family). I want to know what they're doing on the net,
I
would not allow password protection on anything.

In my convrsations with my daughter last night she told me who is on her
AIM buddy list and it was all the same answers I expected... until she
said, "friends of friends". Oops. She's just so confident that these are
real people that someone she knows knows that she can't even imagine that
she's at risk. I'm left having to find these people and call their
mothers (which I will do) to make sure they're really local kids.

There are ways to crack passwords , ya know. :-)

And my daughter knows more about them than I do. I noticed her password
is many characters long with numbers interspersed. I wasn't able to guess
it yesterday.

I have to say that I'm a bit disappointed that no one took the position
that the adolescent has a right to privacy. I feel cruel not giving it to
her. When I picked her up after school yesterday I started out by saying,
"I want to talk about privacy." She said, "Good, when are you going to
give me some?" Oops, that wasn't the way I wanted that direction to go.

I couldn't even promise her that I'd never read her email or look at her
chat conversations, but I did promise her that snooping wouldn't be my
FIRST stop with no warning, i.e., I'd only do it if I were particularly
concerned about something and I would bring up that concern with her
first.

We went on to talk about my big fears: the potential to cause serious
emotional damage of sex and my quest to protect her from that, and the
potential to waste lives from drugs and my quest to protect her from
that. As she tells me less and less (and she tells me hardly anything
now) I feel like I need access to her life if she seems to be faltering -
which she is NOT doing now. But sometime in the next six years... could
be.

-- Wendy

In article P0xqb.131056$Tr4.337381@attbi_s03,
JennP wrote:

"Marion Baumgarten" wrote in message
news:1g3zppi.18wnf441pjkhekN%marion10@mindspring. com...

My daughter has hd her won par top since about that age (she paid for
half of it). She does not have internet acess on it, however- she does
use it for school a lot for papers, etc.

I think this is wise if you are going to allow a child to have a computer.

I guess I just don't understand why a 13 y.o. can't use the family computer
for assignments. JMO, I guess.

Depends what else it is needed for by other family members.

--Robyn

On 5 Nov 2003 19:39:32 -0400, Wendy wrote:

My daughter is nearly 13 and has her own laptop with DSL access to the
internet and her own email account and website on NeoPets.

Today I tried to use her computer to do something with the iPod that I
share with her and I wasn't able to log in. She has a password at
login. She also has passwords for her mail account and her AOL Instant
Message program. I cannot see her buddy list or who is emailing her.

I'm unhappy with this. I don't intend to read her email or chat
conversations but I want to have the OPTION of monitoring them. My
feeling is that she was only allowed to go on AIM because we required a
level of oversight (like no computer behind closed doors.) The reality is
that she's up in my husband's den and can hear me coming from a mile away
and everytime I walk past she's on NeoPets. I just don't know what she's
doing online for hours at a time!

My husband, on the other hand, says she is entitled to her privacy: that
we ought not to read her email or monitor her conversations. I don't
INTEND to do that, but want the option if

First of all (this is after the fact, unfortunately,) I think allowing
a thirteen year old a laptop is a mistake. Very hard to monitor and
control.

I can tell you what we do in our house:

Computer is in a fairly public place with open doors.

I can walk in and look over kids shoulder at any time (I would not
read a private conversation, but would check to see where kid is
logged onto)

We limit internet use (other than obvious homework) the same as
anything else. We allow a total of an hour per day assuming all
chores and homework and family obligations have been met (which rarely
leaves an hour) and it has to be turned off when I go to bed. In our
house this is easy because everyone shares on PC

I dont allow instant messaging (some people do, and it is cheaper than
long phone conversations, I just dont feel comfortable)

My son has a regular yahoo account.

I have a net nanny that I use as little as possible, as I want my son
to be able to search where he wants when studying. However, It will
tell me where he has been.

My son is fourteen. Someone once coined the phrase as "vigilant
trust" in terms of aprenting. Thats me. I want to trust but i also
need to protect, so I am vigilant. If I ever suspected that my son
had been somewhere, all rules would be off.

Barb

Wendy

On Thu, 6 Nov 2003 13:46:21 -0500, "Sophie"
wrote:


If I had a thirteen year old, I would not allow him/her to have her own
laptop unless I had full access to it and all applications, *especially*
internet applications.

But then again, I don't think I'd allow *my* thirteen year old to have
their own computer in the first place. JMO.
--
JennP.

mom to Matthew 10/11/00
remove "no........spam" to reply



I'm with you. One computer for everyone in a place in the house where I can
see what he/she is doing.

Heck my kids won't even have TVs in their rooms, let alone computers.

I will probably get my high school freshman a laptop by junior year,
but it will not have internet access... not not not

"Barbara Bomberger" wrote:

First of all (this is after the fact, unfortunately,) I think allowing
a thirteen year old a laptop is a mistake. Very hard to monitor and
control.

I've not followed this thread so it was likely mentioned, but just
in case, I caught the above and wanted to add that several local
high school (Catholic, private) issue laptops to all students. I'm not
sure what Internet allowances they have, if any, but they all have
them, generally starting at age 14.


P. Tierney

On 6 Nov 2003 09:40:58 -0400, Wendy wrote:



I have to say that I'm a bit disappointed that no one took the position
that the adolescent has a right to privacy. I feel cruel not giving it to
her.

So, when she goes out, its private where she's going and with whom?

I treat the internet just like anything else. I wouldnt read her
emails, but I darned well want to know where they came from.

Just like when she goes out to door, when I ask where, "out" is not
an acceptable response. And when I ask "with whom" "friends are not
an acceptable response.

When I ask "what grade did you get on so and so", then "give me my
privacy" or "its my business" Is an unacceptable response.

I expect to know where and with whom at all times. As a parent I am
responsilble for their well being. I respect my kids privacy as much
as possible within that requirement.

Barb

"I want to talk about privacy." She said, "Good, when are you going to
give me some?" Oops, that wasn't the way I wanted that direction to go.

Okay, how about starting with "well, lets show me you're old enough to
have earned some...and start the discussion from there.

Barb

On Thu, 06 Nov 2003 19:03:12 GMT, dragonlady
wrote:



Just for the record, girls have been known to check out porn sites, too.
At least, my girls have. I haven't seen evidence that any of my kids
have been to any of the really raunchy sites, though it is undoubtedly a
possiblity.
Girls have just as much of this curiousity as boys.

My kids are old enough that I no longer monitor them at all; after all,
in less than a year, they'll be old enough to be off to college! Our
computer has always been in a public place, but for the most part I
haven't done much monitoring.

This is how we work. Every year my son gets more responsible. I try
not to cut off any of his sites. The other night he was trying to go
to shockwave (the game site) and actually typed just shock.........it
was a shock all right.

Like I said, I DO NOT censor my kids places to go online. I am only
concerned with the kind of email chat like instant messaging, until
they get old enough to handle it.

I guess I have always believed in a fairly high amount of privacy for my
kids; I don't read their mail, look through their journals, or go
through their rooms. That right to privacy can (and has) been lost, but
only for specific cause, and the cause was pretty dramatic.
I do not go through my kids rooms either, and have never read their
mail knowingly (ripped open a couple of envelopes from relatives
before I looked at the address). I have assured my son repeatedly
that his journal is private. I told him if he ever wanted to show me
he could. I have never looked at any of my kids lockers.

However, as long as my kids were at home, i did expect them to keep in
contact with me and let me know the where and whith whom. To me that
was mor eimportant than the what time you get home stuff.

Barb

Bringing the internet into the house changes things, but since ours was
always in a public place, I didn't do much about it -- since I could
always be wandering past while they were on, I guess I just expected
that they wouldn't do much that was dangerous or questionable.

meh