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  #11  
Old April 1st 04, 10:01 PM
zeldabee
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Nevermind was all, like:
"zeldabee" wrote...
was all, like:


http://story.news.yahoo.com/news?tmp...s_health_sleep
[...]

[snip]
[...] My schedule is brutal for me, and I'm scraped
about as
thin as I could be, but I worry more about how it's affecting his
development.


Wow, I really feel for you. What on earth time do you guys get home?!


About 7:30-8:00pm. To bed at 8:30-9:00, he's asleep about a half hour later.
I usually read for a little while myself before I sleep, with a little
nightlight--it's become part of our night-time ritual.

What would happen if you lay down with him when he's ready for bed,
with the intention of getting back up again after he's asleep? Would
you just fall into a deep sleep yourself?


I've tried, and I don't want to get back up, and he wakes up if I leave
anyway. Besides, he'd end up getting to sleep a half hour earlier, and I'd
still have to shower and eat...then, probably, have to get him *back* down
to sleep again. So I think it would be a hassle for not much if any gain.

[...]

Alternatively, maybe you could go down to sleep with him early but
then get up before him to get your stuff done?


This is basically what I do anyway--I get up at 5:15 am to pump, eat, make
lunch, wash bottles for daycare, do the catbox, etc. Get him up at 6:30 to
change him and dress him, then leave at 6:50. (As it is he sometimes wakes
when I get up.)

I'm racking my brains trying to figure out how to change the
situation, and
the only thing I can come up with is that I have to make a major life
change...like, quit my job and freelance or start my own business.
But
that's scary, because I've got a good job with benefits, and a stable
child-care situation with which I'm happy. My son's father
contributes very
little, so for all intents and purposes, I'm the sole breadwinner.


What is causing the crushingly full schedule? Are you expected to work
long hours at your job? Do you commute far?


I basically work 9-5, but I do pump, which adds maybe a half hour to my work
day right now, since I have to make up the time it takes to pump. Yes, the
commute is long-ish. That's what makes the biggest difference.

Is it possible to make changes *at* your job? Could you work from home
a couple or a few days per week? This would be very helpful if
commuting time is part of your problem. Could you leave at a decent
hour but take work home to do after the baby's asleep? (I know lots of
people who do that -- not fun, and can be stressful, but allows the
kids a better schedule.)


No, my job is service-oriented (graphics service bureau). I can't do any of
my job from home. My skill-set is such that I could do a similar type of
work at home, but I don't know whether I could make a living at it or not,
and I'd still have to make some arrangement for childcare.

How about the dad? Does he live nearby? If so, could he take over
either taking the baby in or picking him up from childcare?


Well...this is sort of an ongoing issue...he lives with me, but is just not
very helpful either financially or otherwise. He does pick up Sprogly from
daycare one day a week, which makes a big difference to *me*, but it's like
pulling teeth to get him to do it.

Could anything be changed at daycare to help your baby get better
sleep there?


I think if she could get him to sleep in the playpen, she could put him in
the bedroom, and maybe he'd be able to sleep more that way. But I'm under
the impression that she's tried this. She's had some success in getting him
to sleep in a stroller, pushing it toward a corner. I think sometimes she's
lucky and gets both toddlers and Sprogly to sleep all at the same time. But
obviously that can't be counted on, and my hat is off to her for managing to
do it at all.

It's hard to see a way out without making a huge and risky
change...but I'm
seriously considering moving to the west coast so I'll at least have
some
family around to lend support.


Would they be a big help? If so, and if you could get a good job out
there, then that might be a great option. I can't imagine my life
without my mother -- and I've got a live-in husband! But what about
the baby's dad?


They're all clamoring for me to move out, and I'd imagine they'd be some
help. More help than I have now, anyway. I doubt Bloke would move out there
if I did, but he might. I'm hesitant to move away from Sprogly's
father...but as it stands now, we're barely a couple, and he's a financial
liability.

That sounds really cold, and at the same time, I do get some help from him
in small ways (I'm talking 10 minutes at a time here and there), and if I
lived alone with Sprogly, I wouldn't even have that. I've known since I
discovered that I was pregnant with him, that I'd likely end up a single
mom, but the reality of that is a little scary.


  #12  
Old April 4th 04, 07:29 AM
Emily
external usenet poster
 
Posts: n/a
Default Sad

zeldabee wrote:

Well...this is sort of an ongoing issue...he lives with me, but is just not
very helpful either financially or otherwise. He does pick up Sprogly from
daycare one day a week, which makes a big difference to *me*, but it's like
pulling teeth to get him to do it.


Hi Zeldabee,

I don't know you well, so I hope you don't mind my jumping in
on this point (I guess it is usenet, afterall). What does Bloke
do all day? Can you put it to him as something that's valuable
for Sprogly, not a request from you? If he's not busy but still
unwilling to do pickup every day after understanding that it's
important for the baby, I wonder about his mental health...

--
Emily
mom to Toby 5/1/02
Scheherazade, stillborn at 20 weeks, 3/2/04
  #13  
Old April 5th 04, 01:50 AM
Nevermind
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Default Sad

"zeldabee" wrote in message .. .
Nevermind was all, like:
"zeldabee" wrote...
was all, like:


http://story.news.yahoo.com/news?tmp...s_health_sleep
[...]

[snip]
[...] My schedule is brutal for me, and I'm scraped
about as
thin as I could be, but I worry more about how it's affecting his
development.


Alternatively, maybe you could go down to sleep with him early but
then get up before him to get your stuff done?


This is basically what I do anyway--I get up at 5:15 am to pump, eat, make
lunch, wash bottles for daycare, do the catbox, etc. Get him up at 6:30 to
change him and dress him, then leave at 6:50. (As it is he sometimes wakes
when I get up.)

I'm racking my brains trying to figure out how to change the
situation, and
the only thing I can come up with is that I have to make a major life
change...like, quit my job and freelance or start my own business.
But
that's scary, because I've got a good job with benefits, and a stable
child-care situation with which I'm happy. My son's father
contributes very
little, so for all intents and purposes, I'm the sole breadwinner.


What is causing the crushingly full schedule? Are you expected to work
long hours at your job? Do you commute far?


I basically work 9-5, but I do pump, which adds maybe a half hour to my work
day right now, since I have to make up the time it takes to pump. Yes, the
commute is long-ish. That's what makes the biggest difference.

Is it possible to make changes *at* your job? Could you work from home
a couple or a few days per week? This would be very helpful if
commuting time is part of your problem. Could you leave at a decent
hour but take work home to do after the baby's asleep? (I know lots of
people who do that -- not fun, and can be stressful, but allows the
kids a better schedule.)


No, my job is service-oriented (graphics service bureau). I can't do any of
my job from home. My skill-set is such that I could do a similar type of
work at home, but I don't know whether I could make a living at it or not,
and I'd still have to make some arrangement for childcare.

How about the dad? Does he live nearby? If so, could he take over
either taking the baby in or picking him up from childcare?


Well...this is sort of an ongoing issue...he lives with me, but is just not
very helpful either financially or otherwise. He does pick up Sprogly from
daycare one day a week, which makes a big difference to *me*, but it's like
pulling teeth to get him to do it.


Pulling teeth? I say, *knock* 'em out! (metaphorically) Is Bloke a
scary guy? If not, then I cannot imagine letting him get away with not
being a major help. (And if he is a scary guy, you need to leave.)

You need major help, and the child's father is apparently available.
Does he give a **** that, in your opinion, the baby's development may
be compromised by your schedule? He can make the difference. What's he
doing during the day?! Is he available (and I do mean available, not
"interested in") to either drop the baby off or pick him up from
daycare? If so, have him do so. Maybe he could pick the baby up from
daycare and drive him around to get an hour's nap (if the baby'd sleep
in the car)? That would make his bedtime pretty OK, I think. He could
also drop the baby off, so the baby could sleep in. Or one of those
two?

They're all clamoring for me to move out, and I'd imagine they'd be some
help. More help than I have now, anyway. I doubt Bloke would move out there
if I did, but he might. I'm hesitant to move away from Sprogly's
father...but as it stands now, we're barely a couple, and he's a financial
liability.

That sounds really cold, and at the same time, I do get some help from him
in small ways (I'm talking 10 minutes at a time here and there), and if I
lived alone with Sprogly, I wouldn't even have that. I've known since I
discovered that I was pregnant with him, that I'd likely end up a single
mom, but the reality of that is a little scary.


You must be a far better women that I am. I would be a walking piece
of molten rage if my kid's father had to be cajoled into picking him
up from daycare once per week and could only help out in 10-minute
slots while I worked my ass off and pumped and did the catbox and etc
etc etc. Is there no way to light a fire under his ass?!
 




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