Men don't ask for custody?

Was listening to a radio talk show yesterday and the guests were
Jennifer Baumgardner and Amy Richards, authors of "Grassroots: A Field
Guide to Feminist Activism". When asked about child custody and why
it's routinely awarded to women over men one of them answered "Because
men don't ask for it". They did qualify that with some men, as well
some women, don't get custody because they truly don't deserve it, but
they said (paraphrasing) that most deserving men don't get it because
they "don't ask for it". Curious answer, I thought.

--
Alcohol and Calculus don't mix, so don't drink and derive.

The Dave© wrote:
Was listening to a radio talk show yesterday and the guests were
Jennifer Baumgardner and Amy Richards, authors of "Grassroots: A Field
Guide to Feminist Activism". When asked about child custody and why
it's routinely awarded to women over men one of them answered "Because
men don't ask for it". They did qualify that with some men, as well
some women, don't get custody because they truly don't deserve it, but
they said (paraphrasing) that most deserving men don't get it because
they "don't ask for it". Curious answer, I thought.

Curious, but probably true.

Rambler

"The Dave©" wrote...
... They did qualify that with some men, as well --
some women, don't get custody because they truly don't deserve
it, but they said (paraphrasing) that most deserving men don't get
it because they "don't ask for it". Curious answer, I thought.

Some men don't ask for it becuz they have bought the ol' mindset
that women are better nurturers or think the-system is so biased,
that it would be fruitless to do so. Thus, the throw in the towel w/o
a fight. And some, would rather pay than have to raise a child. -R-

"The Dave©" wrote in message
...
Was listening to a radio talk show yesterday and the guests were
Jennifer Baumgardner and Amy Richards, authors of "Grassroots: A Field
Guide to Feminist Activism". When asked about child custody and why
it's routinely awarded to women over men one of them answered "Because
men don't ask for it". They did qualify that with some men, as well
some women, don't get custody because they truly don't deserve it, but
they said (paraphrasing) that most deserving men don't get it because
they "don't ask for it". Curious answer, I thought.

Yeah. And women don't play football because they don't ask to be on the
football team.

The answer to who gets child custody and who plays football is the same.
There is a reasonable expectation of the outcome from trying and making the
attempt is not worth the effort considering the way things normally turn
out.

Rog' wrote:
"The Dave©" wrote...

... They did qualify that with some men, as well --
some women, don't get custody because they truly don't deserve
it, but they said (paraphrasing) that most deserving men don't get
it because they "don't ask for it". Curious answer, I thought.


Some men don't ask for it becuz they have bought the ol' mindset
that women are better nurturers or think the-system is so biased,
that it would be fruitless to do so. Thus, the throw in the towel w/o
a fight. And some, would rather pay than have to raise a child. -R-

/soap box on

Yes, some men don't. THen again, if everybody's case was like mine,
when you walk into it, you are told point blank by your attorney that it
aint gonna happen so you'd better just pull your pants down, bend over
and accept what is about to happen. If you walk into a situation where
you are told you are going to get f*cked, the desire to fight against it
is really, really low. Especially when it is your own attorney's
telling you that you have no chance in keeping what was the relationship
you had with your kids. Told that you shoudl accept a role where you
are a visitor.

It's real easy to say that "men buy the mindset," but try walking
through it first, Rog. Even if the system isn't biased (and I believe
in my heart of hearts that it is) when you've got everybody, and I mean
*everybody*, from the judges and the lawyers all the way down to the
people in here that believe in "equal" rights, telling you that you've
got no chance, mustering ther strength to push forward is, almost, a
feat of the impossible. I speak from experience.

/soap box off

Rambler

"Rambler" wrote...
If you walk into a situation where you are told you are going
to get f*cked, the desire to fight against it is really, really low.
Especially when it is your own attorney's telling you that you
have no chance in keeping what was the relationship you had
with your kids. Told that you shoudl accept a role where you are a
visitor.

I agree that, generally, men have a much higher mountain to climb
a/k/a burden-of-proof than women because of an inherent bias in
the system that gives women a headstart. I see it in all the time in
domestic violence cases where the woman is usually presumed to
be a helpless victim who would not lie and the guy is usually
presumed to be manipulating SOB. This is necessarily a factor
in deciding how to handle a case. Tilting at windmills has a price.
-R-

"Rambler" wrote in message
...
Rog' wrote:
"The Dave©" wrote...

... They did qualify that with some men, as well --
some women, don't get custody because they truly don't deserve
it, but they said (paraphrasing) that most deserving men don't get
it because they "don't ask for it". Curious answer, I thought.


Some men don't ask for it becuz they have bought the ol' mindset
that women are better nurturers or think the-system is so biased,
that it would be fruitless to do so. Thus, the throw in the towel w/o
a fight. And some, would rather pay than have to raise a child. -R-

/soap box on

Yes, some men don't. THen again, if everybody's case was like mine, when
you walk into it, you are told point blank by your attorney that it aint
gonna happen so you'd better just pull your pants down, bend over and
accept what is about to happen.

That is what the first attorney told me, fortunately I moved on to someone
better.

If you walk into a situation where you are told you are going to get
f*cked, the desire to fight against it is really, really low. Especially
when it is your own attorney's telling you that you have no chance in
keeping what was the relationship you had with your kids. Told that you
shoudl accept a role where you are a visitor.

You can fight it and win...it just take a big bankroll to throw away
fighting the system.




It's real easy to say that "men buy the mindset," but try walking through
it first, Rog. Even if the system isn't biased (and I believe in my heart
of hearts that it is) when you've got everybody, and I mean *everybody*,
from the judges and the lawyers all the way down to the people in here
that believe in "equal" rights, telling you that you've got no chance,
mustering ther strength to push forward is, almost, a feat of the
impossible. I speak from experience.

/soap box off

Rambler

Rog' wrote:
"The Dave©" wrote...
... They did qualify that with some men, as well --
some women, don't get custody because they truly don't deserve
it, but they said (paraphrasing) that most deserving men don't get
it because they "don't ask for it". Curious answer, I thought.

Some men don't ask for it becuz they have bought the ol' mindset
that women are better nurturers or think the-system is so biased,

More often than not, women ARE the better nurturers. Don't be so naive.

that it would be fruitless to do so. Thus, the throw in the towel w/o
a fight. And some, would rather pay than have to raise a child. -R-

Rambler wrote:
Rog' wrote:
"The Dave©" wrote...

... They did qualify that with some men, as well --
some women, don't get custody because they truly don't deserve
it, but they said (paraphrasing) that most deserving men don't get
it because they "don't ask for it". Curious answer, I thought.


Some men don't ask for it becuz they have bought the ol' mindset
that women are better nurturers or think the-system is so biased,
that it would be fruitless to do so. Thus, the throw in the towel
w/o a fight. And some, would rather pay than have to raise a child.
-R-

/soap box on

Yes, some men don't. THen again, if everybody's case was like mine,
when you walk into it, you are told point blank by your attorney that
it aint gonna happen so you'd better just pull your pants down, bend
over and accept what is about to happen. If you walk into a
situation where you are told you are going to get f*cked, the desire
to fight against it is really, really low. Especially when it is
your own attorney's telling you that you have no chance in keeping
what was the relationship you had with your kids. Told that you
shoudl accept a role where you are a visitor.

It's real easy to say that "men buy the mindset," but try walking
through it first, Rog. Even if the system isn't biased (and I believe
in my heart of hearts that it is) when you've got everybody, and I
mean *everybody*, from the judges and the lawyers all the way down to
the people in here that believe in "equal" rights, telling you that
you've got no chance, mustering ther strength to push forward is,
almost, a feat of the impossible. I speak from experience.


The only way this mindset will ever change is if more men start demanding
and fighting for equal custody of their children. If this becomes more of a
norm now, then hopefully, custody issues will be on a more even playing
field for our sons, if and when they may have to face this.

It's dads like you Rambler that will help make the change for the future.

Lori Mc

Women may be better "nurturers," at least as a group; however, children
do not just need "nurture." There are numerous statistical findings on
the importance of a father being in the life of the child. In fact, I
believe, that if both parents are compotent, then older children,
especially boys, should live with their fathers. Do not forget that the
average man is better off financially than the average woman. Note
again that I said average and if anyone takes this to mean all, you
have been warned that you will look like an idiot. Parenting is a skill
that takes two parents, like yin and yang, each part is essential. It
is a very rare woman or man who has both characteristics.