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#1
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snotty 6 year old
I need some help, if anyone can help me. My daughter is in grade one,
and has become a monster. Not at school, apparently, but at home. I had a baby a year ago, and I know that caused some anxiety in her, but I have continually tried to be supportive and give her the love she needs, just as her sister. We have weekly "dates" without a baby, and I don't feel she suffers in the love and attention department whatsoever. Is this normal for a child, or is there something else I should be doing? |
#2
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snotty 6 year old
Deanna wrote: I need some help, if anyone can help me. My daughter is in grade one, and has become a monster. Not at school, apparently, but at home. I had a baby a year ago, and I know that caused some anxiety in her, but I have continually tried to be supportive and give her the love she needs, just as her sister. We have weekly "dates" without a baby, and I don't feel she suffers in the love and attention department whatsoever. Is this normal for a child, or is there something else I should be doing? What exactly is she doing? Clisby |
#3
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snotty 6 year old
Clisby wrote in message ...
Deanna wrote: I need some help, if anyone can help me. My daughter is in grade one, and has become a monster. Not at school, apparently, but at home. I had a baby a year ago, and I know that caused some anxiety in her, but I have continually tried to be supportive and give her the love she needs, just as her sister. We have weekly "dates" without a baby, and I don't feel she suffers in the love and attention department whatsoever. Is this normal for a child, or is there something else I should be doing? What exactly is she doing? Clisby Well, she's started lying, she hits the baby once in awhile, she lips me and her father off, and she purposely just outright defies us. Don't get me wrong, she's not demon spawn or anything, but these are all things I simply just do not tolerate-especially the lying and the hitting. And apparently, at school, she's an angel, according to her teacher. Jekyll and Hyde, I guess. Any ideas? Deanna |
#4
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snotty 6 year old
"Deanna" wrote in message om... Clisby wrote in message ... Deanna wrote: I need some help, if anyone can help me. My daughter is in grade one, and has become a monster. Not at school, apparently, but at home. I had a baby a year ago, and I know that caused some anxiety in her, but I have continually tried to be supportive and give her the love she needs, just as her sister. We have weekly "dates" without a baby, and I don't feel she suffers in the love and attention department whatsoever. Is this normal for a child, or is there something else I should be doing? What exactly is she doing? Clisby Well, she's started lying, she hits the baby once in awhile, she lips me and her father off, and she purposely just outright defies us. Don't get me wrong, she's not demon spawn or anything, but these are all things I simply just do not tolerate-especially the lying and the hitting. And apparently, at school, she's an angel, according to her teacher. Jekyll and Hyde, I guess. Any ideas? Deanna no idea's really but she will grow out of it. My mum says I used to be like jekyll and hyde, I was the nicest freind some children in school but to other children I was nothing but a pain. The teacher noticed it and asked my parents if I was like that at home. I wasn't like that at home just school. They worked it out eventually that I had no where to vent my problems and therefore I was taking out on children at school. I outgrow it within the year. (and have never done it since) Nic |
#5
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snotty 6 year old
On 7 May 2004 15:41:21 -0700, (Deanna) wrote:
Well, she's started lying, Can you give examples? Children of 6 actually still have problems distinguishing fact from fiction especially if they are trying to stay out of trouble. For 5 and 6 year olds, if *you* believe them, it's actually true even if they know things didn't happen that way. If you are punishing her for lying, that is probably the wrong way to go since it will motivate her not to communicate with you when she is older. This is a good article with suggestions on how to deal with lying in children of this age. http://www.parentsoup.com/elementary...225704,00.html The major points a Make it clear to children that the truth is important to you. Model honesty. Avoid labeling children as "liars." Confront children gently but truthfully. Talk about what makes telling the truth difficult. Discuss the moral questions. Offer children opportunities to make amends. she hits the baby once in awhile, This, of course, is unacceptable. Prevention is best. How old is the baby? If the baby is very young, then you need to stay close and supervise and prevent her from hitting. When she tries to hit, you need to stop her before she can do this. If the baby is crawling or walking, things are a bit harder because the baby is getting into *her* stuff and while supervision is still necessary, it may be harder. Is she getting enough one on one time with you? Sometimes, the problem is that you are so taken up with caring for the baby that the older child feels neglected. A very good book on siblings is: Siblings Without Rivalry by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish. she lips me and her father off, Ignore, ignore, ignore. Don't react *at all.* and she purposely just outright defies us. In what way? Six year olds need to have a lot of choices and control of their lives. Perhaps she needs to feel powerful. To empower her, give her lots of things she can do for herself and choose. Encourage her to experiment with open ended activities where there is no one right answer. School often suppresses this and wants kids to get *the* answer they are trying to teach, so at home, things need to be much more open ended. Use humor to lighten the mood at home. Listen and accept her emotions. Reflect them back in statements that don't judge her for having them. I hear..... I think you are saying.... I see.... etc. How to Talk So Children Will Listen and Listen So Children Will Talk by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish has many good scenarios that can help you to empower her to think of herself as competent. Don't get me wrong, she's not demon spawn or anything, but these are all things I simply just do not tolerate-especially the lying and the hitting. Obviously, you cannot tolerate the hitting. For the lying, you need to understand the emotional motivation and address that as well as the *moral* values. And apparently, at school, she's an angel, according to her teacher. Jekyll and Hyde, I guess. Any ideas? You should be pleased that she feels *safe* at home and can let go. It is a given that kids need to vent and to release some of the things they hold in when they are being *good* elsewhere. She knows she can do this safely at home because you love her and will keep her safe from harm. Deanna Good luck! -- Dorothy There is no sound, no cry in all the world that can be heard unless someone listens .. The Outer Limits |
#6
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snotty 6 year old
"Deanna" wrote in message om... (...) Well, she's started lying, she hits the baby once in awhile, she lips me and her father off, and she purposely just outright defies us. Don't get me wrong, she's not demon spawn or anything, but these are all things I simply just do not tolerate-especially the lying and the hitting. And apparently, at school, she's an angel, according to her teacher. Jekyll and Hyde, I guess. Any ideas? When you discussed this with her, what did she say? My sense is that she still feels left out and doesn't feel like she is getting enough positive attention. I do see she knows how to get attention, however. Jeff |
#7
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snotty 6 year old
My advice is not to spoil-rotten your daughter. A very big problem in
human society is that little girls are spoiled-to-stench while poor little boys are cold-heartedely roughhoused. (Deanna) wrote in message . com... I need some help, if anyone can help me. My daughter is in grade one, and has become a monster. Not at school, apparently, but at home. I had a baby a year ago, and I know that caused some anxiety in her, but I have continually tried to be supportive and give her the love she needs, just as her sister. We have weekly "dates" without a baby, and I don't feel she suffers in the love and attention department whatsoever. Is this normal for a child, or is there something else I should be doing? |
#8
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snotty 6 year old
toto wrote in message . ..
On 7 May 2004 15:41:21 -0700, (Deanna) wrote: Well, she's started lying, Can you give examples? Children of 6 actually still have problems distinguishing fact from fiction especially if they are trying to stay out of trouble. For 5 and 6 year olds, if *you* believe them, it's actually true even if they know things didn't happen that way. If you are punishing her for lying, that is probably the wrong way to go since it will motivate her not to communicate with you when she is older. This is a good article with suggestions on how to deal with lying in children of this age. http://www.parentsoup.com/elementary...225704,00.html The major points a Make it clear to children that the truth is important to you. Model honesty. Avoid labeling children as "liars." Confront children gently but truthfully. Talk about what makes telling the truth difficult. Discuss the moral questions. Offer children opportunities to make amends. she hits the baby once in awhile, This, of course, is unacceptable. Prevention is best. How old is the baby? If the baby is very young, then you need to stay close and supervise and prevent her from hitting. When she tries to hit, you need to stop her before she can do this. If the baby is crawling or walking, things are a bit harder because the baby is getting into *her* stuff and while supervision is still necessary, it may be harder. Is she getting enough one on one time with you? Sometimes, the problem is that you are so taken up with caring for the baby that the older child feels neglected. A very good book on siblings is: Siblings Without Rivalry by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish. she lips me and her father off, Ignore, ignore, ignore. Don't react *at all.* and she purposely just outright defies us. In what way? Six year olds need to have a lot of choices and control of their lives. Perhaps she needs to feel powerful. To empower her, give her lots of things she can do for herself and choose. Encourage her to experiment with open ended activities where there is no one right answer. School often suppresses this and wants kids to get *the* answer they are trying to teach, so at home, things need to be much more open ended. Use humor to lighten the mood at home. Listen and accept her emotions. Reflect them back in statements that don't judge her for having them. I hear..... I think you are saying.... I see.... etc. How to Talk So Children Will Listen and Listen So Children Will Talk by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish has many good scenarios that can help you to empower her to think of herself as competent. Don't get me wrong, she's not demon spawn or anything, but these are all things I simply just do not tolerate-especially the lying and the hitting. Obviously, you cannot tolerate the hitting. For the lying, you need to understand the emotional motivation and address that as well as the *moral* values. And apparently, at school, she's an angel, according to her teacher. Jekyll and Hyde, I guess. Any ideas? You should be pleased that she feels *safe* at home and can let go. It is a given that kids need to vent and to release some of the things they hold in when they are being *good* elsewhere. She knows she can do this safely at home because you love her and will keep her safe from harm. Deanna Good luck! Thanks so much, Dorothy. I really appreciate the help. Deanna |
#9
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snotty 6 year old
"Nic" wrote in message . au...
"Deanna" wrote in message om... Clisby wrote in message ... Deanna wrote: I need some help, if anyone can help me. My daughter is in grade one, and has become a monster. Not at school, apparently, but at home. I had a baby a year ago, and I know that caused some anxiety in her, but I have continually tried to be supportive and give her the love she needs, just as her sister. We have weekly "dates" without a baby, and I don't feel she suffers in the love and attention department whatsoever. Is this normal for a child, or is there something else I should be doing? What exactly is she doing? Clisby Well, she's started lying, she hits the baby once in awhile, she lips me and her father off, and she purposely just outright defies us. Don't get me wrong, she's not demon spawn or anything, but these are all things I simply just do not tolerate-especially the lying and the hitting. And apparently, at school, she's an angel, according to her teacher. Jekyll and Hyde, I guess. Any ideas? Deanna no idea's really but she will grow out of it. My mum says I used to be like jekyll and hyde, I was the nicest freind some children in school but to other children I was nothing but a pain. The teacher noticed it and asked my parents if I was like that at home. I wasn't like that at home just school. They worked it out eventually that I had no where to vent my problems and therefore I was taking out on children at school. I outgrow it within the year. (and have never done it since) Nic thank you, Nic. Deanna |
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