frustrated with Doctor. Am I rightfullt so? (a bit long, but needhelp!)

"Circe" wrote in message
news:1KOqc.22081$65.13270@lakeread06...
Resending as it doesn't seem to have gone through the first time. My
apologies if it posts twice.)
zolw wrote:

Sorry for the long message, but this is not even enough to satisfy
my frustration.

I'm sorry you're frustrated, Mona. Honestly, though, it sounds to me like
your expectations aren't being met primarily because your expectations
aren't realistic, at least as far as tests go. OTOH, your feelings are
incredibly important, and if your doctor is "irritating the hell out of
you", then I think a change of providers may well be warranted. On the
whole, I think you'd be happier if you were seeing a midwife for routine
prenatal care because you'd get more of the attention and support that is
what I think you're really missing (although it's unlikely that you'd get
any more testing from midwives).

I'll chime in here with everybody else:

My first OB was like yours - in and out in 5 minutes, never smiled at me -
well, he did, but you know it was a generic smile. The man had a dead-fish
handshake and never met my eyes until I got to 37 weeks. He didn't answer
questions, and I wish I had known about this group then! They'd have advised
me to change providers, and maybe I would have, and spared myself the
horrible birth experience I had with #1.

If this guy doesn't do it for you, find somebody else who will. You're not
handcuffed to this guy. You don't have an obligation to him. He is a
CONSULTANT. If he's not meeting your needs, find another.

Now, I went with an OB for my last two pregnancies (was too high-risk for
midwives) and I was very happy with her, despite my general horror of OBs
following birth #1 (a 'created necessity' cesarean). My second OB was not,
obviously, a midwife. She didn't pretend to be a midwife, and she did not
have (quite) a midwife's time to spend with me. But she *listened* to me.
She spent sometimes as much as 45 minutes with me. She didn't dismiss my
questions, brush me off...none of that. She sat with me while I cried. She
worked me through a lot of the trauma I still had from my first birth
experience. And she came in on her night off to attend my birth, by mutual
agreement, so that I could have the continuity of care I desperately needed.
I had my VBAC2 and I attribute much of that to the fact I was not subjected
to her partner who was on call that night. My doctor knew how important it
was to me to try everything for a vaginal birth, to be consulted, to be part
of the decision-making inasmuch as this was possible. I will be grateful to
her forever for this.

An OB can be a good partner to work with. And sometimes, a midwife will not.
But you need what you need, whoever provides it. I wish you luck in finding
the person who is right for you.

--angela

"zolw" wrote in message
news:taOqc.80166$iF6.6803303@attbi_s02...
I did the blood work, then around 16-17 weeks I had the AFP test (came
negative), then around 20 weeks I went for y ultrasound (at a prenatal
place & everything was fine with our little girl). Then we had an
appointment with my dr the next day, we let him know that we're having a
girl. Because I wasn't sure the report would arrive to him so soon, I
had taken an initial copy of the report to show him. A month later was
our next appointment, he acted like we hadn't met after we had the
ultrasound. He asked me if we already know the gender of the baby (I was
annoyed, but tried to convince myself that I am not the only atient he
has & that it might have sliped his mind. Realy all it would have taken
is to write it down on a piece of paper in my file)

It would be nice for him to take a look at the file before he comes into the
room with you, but you are right, he sees a lot of patients and when there
is a month in between your visits, he might forget. I wouldn't make a big
deal out of this.


Anyways, every single visit, we go there he puts that thing on my belly
& we listen to the heartbeat. That is all he does. Then he asks me if I
have any questions and off I go. Sorry, but this is not enough for me, I
want more interaction and more attention (especially that this is my
first child. Everything freaks me out and I am clueless most of the time).

At all of my visits, it was measure belly with tape measure, check urine
sample, weight, blood pressure, listen to heartbeat. There really _isn't_
anything elese for them to do. The only more interaction and attention you
can expect is to have any questions answered and concerns discussed.

Anyway, I had my glucose test and it also came back negative. I realize
that so far, I don't seem to be a high risk patient (my sister wasn't a
high risk patient, until she lost a child in her 9th month, so that is
already freaking me out).

You sound totally normal so far, I don't see any reason for you to be
alarmed :-) But I do understand, we all get worried, even when there isn't
anything to be worried about, its just the way these things work. I
certainly can understand why you might be freaked out because of your
sisters experience, and your doctor should be sympathetic to this too, if
you talk to him about it.


Last visit, he told me that now I will start to visit him every 2 weeks.
I asked him when my next ultrasound is gonna be (I thought one should
have another ultrasound in the 3rd trimester), he said that therewasn't
gonna be another one. I tried to transform my disappointment and my
frustration into a joke, so I asked if it was ok to just do it for fun.
He gave me a 3/4 smile (I actually never had a full smile from him) and
said that it is useless, cause the baby's head is gonna tae up all the
pics I get.

This is pretty normal. There really isn't any purpose to more ultrasounds
unless there is a problem. Some doctors do more ultrasounds than others,
some don't do any at all unless there is a reason to suspect a problem. I
remember when I was pregnant on this board seeing a lot of women post about
ultrasounds at 6 weeks for dating purposes, and I never had one of
those...sometimes it just depends on what the doctor likes to do and how
much your insurance will pay for. But really, don't stress about it. Be
happy that your baby doesn't have a problem that you NEED a lot of
ultrasounds for.


Now I am left to wonder is this all normal? I mean, the baby's heartbeat
is fine and all, but doesn't he need to check if maybe baby is too small
or too large? Am I just being sensitive about all that? What kind of
tests did other people have during their 3rd trimester?

Its all normal :-) Besides, using an ultrasound to check the baby's size
during the third trimester is notoriously inaccurate. Its all just a guess
anyway (you'll see lots of posts from women including me whose doctor
predicted a 10 1/2 lb baby by ultrasound just a few days before the birth
and it turned out to be off by several pounds).

The only other tests that you can probably expect during the 3rd trimester
is maybe some bloodwork (Is that when the rH factor test is done?), maybe a
swab for Group B strep (I didn't have it done during either pregnancy) and
thats about it.

Try to relax :-) It sounds like you and your baby are totally normal. We
all get a little psycho about this :-)
Tracey in CT

Donna Metler wrote:


I don't know if he'd do it, but you might want to try to get a referral to a
high risk OB. While you're not high risk, you do have concerns and worries,
and in my experience, the docs which specialize in high risk are much more
willing to address those.

I'm not sure that would be the greatest idea. While
I agree that it's very important to have someone who's willing
to provide the necessary emotional support, if you go to a
high risk OB when you're not high risk, you really up your
chances of encountering the "when all you've got is a hammer,
everything looks like a nail" syndrome. A high risk OB is
on the lookout for trouble, and when you look hard enough,
you find it even when it's not there. I think it's likely
a setup for increased unnecessary intervention, which, in
turn, increases risk.
Midwives specialize in not only normal, healthy
pregnancies, but also in providing that additional measure
of one-on-one support. I would argue this would go straight
to the problem at hand, rather than trying to come at the
problem sideways and get additional support by upping
the perceived risk level.

Best wishes,
Ericka

Mona,

You are NOT a fruitcake. You are a first time mother with legitimate questions
that you deserve to have answered in a non-patronizing way.

Everyone is different, but I would not put up with a doctor like yours. Yes,
his medical care appears to be correct, but his attitude is not what you are
needing, nor is it typical of all doctors.

The only bad thing about my doctor is that when I go there I have to wait a
long time. And I don't mind that, because I know the reason he gets behind is
that he is talking to his patients, and listening to them as well. He has
spent as long as 45 minutes with me, a lot of the time just shooting the
breeze. He always has answers to my questions, detailed answers, not just,
"This is normal."

I have found that I get better treatment by being very informed myself. When I
walk in armed with information about whatever, doctors know that I am not going
to be satisfied with their stock answer that the "doctor knows best" types are
happy with. OTOH, some doctors find an informed patient irritating.

That your doc didn't even take notes on the family history you shared with him
raises a red flag for me. Even if he thinks your worries are groundless, he
should remember and realize why you might be a little more sensitive and should
be providing you with reassurance.

IMO, there is so much more to the doctor/patient relationship, especially in
pregnancy, than the tests the doctor does. If you are not happy with his
personality, I would change doctors.

Don't feel like a fruitcake! Having questions and concerns is a good thing!
Only you can advocate for yourself, in the end. Your baby is more important to
you than it is to your doctor.

Leslie

Anyways, every single visit, we go there he puts that thing on my belly
& we listen to the heartbeat. That is all he does. Then he asks me if I
have any questions and off I go. Sorry, but this is not enough for me, I
want more interaction and more attention

(especially that this is my
first child. Everything freaks me out and I am clueless most of the time).


Ok. Am I missing something? You say he asks if you have any questions, and
then you leave. But it sounds to me like you DO have a lot of questions. So,
when he asks if you have qustions, say "Yes!" and then ask them! If you just
leave, how is he supposed to know what your concerns are?

Last visit, he told me that now I will start to visit him every 2 weeks.
I asked him when my next ultrasound is gonna be (I thought one should
have another ultrasound in the 3rd trimester), he said that therewasn't
gonna be another one. I tried to transform my disappointment and my

frustration into a joke, so I asked if it was ok to just do it for fun.
He gave me a 3/4 smile (I actually never had a full smile from him) and
said that it is useless, cause the

baby's head is gonna tae up all the
pics I get.

Ultrasound has not been shown to make anydifference in outcome, in the abcence
of symptoms. Why would you want to waste money in doing an ultrasound 'for
fun?' (And if you do, why not just go back to the commercial place and have
another one done.

Now I am left to wonder is this all normal? I mean, the baby's heartbeat
is fine and all, but doesn't he need to check if maybe baby is too small
or too large? Am I just being sensitive about all that?

Ultrasound is extremely unreliable in determining the size of the baby.
Presumably he's checking your fundal height, which gives him a good estimate
that things are going as they should be. (And if, in fact, the baby was 'too
large' or 'too small', what do you think you'd be able to do about it? The most
common result of ultrasound to determine fetal size is probably the
determination that baby is 'too big', resulting in a (almost always unnecessary
and risky) induction or c-section. Why would you want that?

Technology has its place. But it is not a panacea for all problems, and
overusing it is not beneficial for mother, baby or doctor.

What kind of
tests did other people have during their 3rd trimester?


I had one ultrasound at 6 weeks. (To rule out multple pregnancy, since I was on
fertility meds.) Never had another. You can expect to be tested for strep
sometime soon, but I can't think, off hand, of any other necessary tests during
the third trimester, provided that your prenatal exams are all normal. (You
should of course, get your BP checked at every visit, and a urine dip, and
fundal height measurements.) Should a prenatal examine or maternal symptoms
suggest problems, then further tests might be called for.

Naomi

He explained
everything, she had all these little pics of her baby's development,

So... what you are saying then is that you want to have lots of medically
unnecessary ultrasounds so you can have baby pictures? Sorry, but I confess
that I don't quite see the point. Those are VERY expensive baby pictures!

Naomi

"zolw" wrote in message
news:E2Qqc.7387$zw.4579@attbi_s01...
yes, my sister has a condition called placenta insufficiency. Apparently
her placenta ages quickly. At the same time, she does not get
contractions or go into labor, even after induction. I have already told
my doctor about that (the first few appointments I tried to give him as
much family history as possible. I have an aunt who would miscarriage
every single pregnancy at 6 months. Never had a child. My mom menopaused
at the age of 38. So, I thought all that may be real important for him
to know), he just said ok. Didn't even jot it down or anything.

I know a lot of docs jot their notes down after the patient leaves. That
might be what he does.

"zolw" wrote in message
news:taOqc.80166$iF6.6803303@attbi_s02...
Hi;

So, I am due July 31st. My doctor is irritating the hell out of me.

I did the blood work, then around 16-17 weeks I had the AFP test (came
negative), then around 20 weeks I went for y ultrasound (at a prenatal
place & everything was fine with our little girl). Then we had an
appointment with my dr the next day, we let him know that we're having a
girl. Because I wasn't sure the report would arrive to him so soon, I
had taken an initial copy of the report to show him. A month later was
our next appointment, he acted like we hadn't met after we had the
ultrasound. He asked me if we already know the gender of the baby (I was
annoyed, but tried to convince myself that I am not the only atient he
has & that it might have sliped his mind. Realy all it would have taken
is to write it down on a piece of paper in my file)

Anyways, every single visit, we go there he puts that thing on my belly
& we listen to the heartbeat. That is all he does. Then he asks me if I
have any questions and off I go. Sorry, but this is not enough for me, I
want more interaction and more attention (especially that this is my
first child. Everything freaks me out and I am clueless most of the time).

Anyway, I had my glucose test and it also came back negative. I realize
that so far, I don't seem to be a high risk patient (my sister wasn't a
high risk patient, until she lost a child in her 9th month, so that is
already freaking me out).

Last visit, he told me that now I will start to visit him every 2 weeks.
I asked him when my next ultrasound is gonna be (I thought one should
have another ultrasound in the 3rd trimester), he said that therewasn't
gonna be another one. I tried to transform my disappointment and my
frustration into a joke, so I asked if it was ok to just do it for fun.
He gave me a 3/4 smile (I actually never had a full smile from him) and
said that it is useless, cause the baby's head is gonna tae up all the
pics I get.

Hi there!

I hate to say this, but your doctor is doing the standard of care -
perfectly appropriate. I completely understand your wish for more
one-on-one time, and chat, and that he memorize your chart, but that's not a
reasonable thing to expect from an OB. A midwife, maybe, if she has a slow
practice...

I'm due right around the same time you are, and I am noticing that I'm
getting kind of cranky. Is it possible that you're just a little sensitive?
Because your OB is doing exactly what my OBs do - which is the norm.

Not too much longer!

Donna

Now I am left to wonder is this all normal? I mean, the baby's heartbeat
is fine and all, but doesn't he need to check if maybe baby is too small
or too large? Am I just being sensitive about all that? What kind of
tests did other people have during their 3rd trimester?

Sorry for the long message, but this is not even enough to satisfy my
frustration.

Mona
due 07-31-04

"zolw" wrote in message
news:MuOqc.7033$zw.6654@attbi_s01...
I do have a lsit of questions everytime I go to see him. Most of them he
just tells me "that's normal". Maybe I am just a demanding woman (& my
hsuband must be too, cause he feels the same way), but I can read up on
things and discuss stuff in newsgroup, I want him to explain what is
going on. When I push it, he seems ****ed off at me.

Can you give an example of the information you feel you aren't getting?

I wanted to share with him how I feel about the attention I am not
getting & I wanted him to understand that I do trust him medically (not
100% anymore, but he doesn't need to know that), but every time I am
about to open my mouth, I get emotional & feel that if I talk I will cry
or something of the sort. My hsuband is not much help, cause he won't
talk. He just sits there & lets me do all the talking.

I think you're very pregnant, and expecting more from your doctor than you
should. (Like that doesn't happen to all of us smile). He's there to
monitor your medical progress, not to be your husband. As much as we might
want a touchy-feely relationship with our care providers, that kind of thing
is more what a midwife will offer (from what I understand). It's not
unreasonable for a doctor to behave like a doctor.


Just tell me that I am paranoid (if you think I am) Maybe that will
set me straight.

Not paranoid, just a little unrealistic in your expectations, perhaps.

Donna

"Nan" wrote in message
...

But, if you aren't getting your emotional needs met by this doctor,
you could consider switching to a midwife, or another doctor that is
recommended to you.

Nan, I know what you're trying to say, but I can't let this pass -- your OB
isn't there to meet emotional needs. That's what husbands, mothers,
newgroups, doulas and (possibly) midwives are for. The OB is there to
monitor the pregnancy. You cannot expect an emotionally satisfying
relationship. If it happens, great, but that's not what you go to an OB
for.

Donna