Good Newsweek article

I thought this one and the other links on mothering were good.

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/6959880/...week/?GT1=6190

--
Sue (mom to three girls)

Sue wrote:
I thought this one and the other links on mothering were good.

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/6959880/...week/?GT1=6190

What a pessimistic view of motherhood!!

I have no sympathy for women who sign their 9 kids up for 4 different
after school activities each, and then complain that they spend all
their time in the car. Duh. No one is holding a gun to her head
forcing her to have each kid in an art class, a music class, a physical
activity, and a club. It's not necessary to do that every week to be a
good or well rounded person.

When I was a kid I took piano lessons for several years, then switched
to cello. I had after school activities, and I rode the late bus or my
bike home. If I wanted to join something, I was responsible for making
it work - not my mom. One year I wanted to take PE during summer
school (you got to wear your own swim suit instead of the nasty ones
that the school provided during the year). I rode my bike to school,
ran and swam for the entire morning, then rode home. I was in the best
shape of my life that summer.

My husband and I have already decided that our kids will be allowed to
choose one activity per semester - one lesson, one club, one class
outside of school. If they are able to do so in a way that doesn't
inconvenience the rest of the family, they can choose to pick up Scouts
or something too. We are not going to be one of those families who
never has dinner together because the kids are always at practice or
lessons or whatnot. It's a choice, not a requirement.

Another thing that annoys me about that article is the idea that
"society" makes us all behave like Martha Stewart. That's crap. As if
the kids give a damn if their paper plates are color coordinated with
the napkins and cups. Kids are far more practical than that. Sure,
it's nice for everything to look lovely, and if that's what you're
into, fine. But if you're already frazzled, driving all over town to
find streamers in that *perfect* shade of pink is self-imposed torture.
Society doesn't give a crap about your streamers.

It's like fashion - men don't give a rip about fashion - we say we're
dressing up for our S.O.s but we're really doing it to try to impress
or outdo other women. Kids don't give a crap about being in the BEST
pre-school, they just want to finger paint. We do it to increase our
status with other women.

If women want relief from the stress of parenting, they need to let go
of this ridiculous competitiveness we have with each other. They need
to let go of the idea that there's no such thing as good enough - and
it doesn't start with tax breaks, the government, or "society" - it
starts with the self.

It's all a matter of choices and priorities, and I don't feel that the
government needs to change anything to make me a better (future)
parent. In fact, the less the government is involved with my home and
my family, the better.

Amy

wrote in message
ups.com...
Sue wrote:
I thought this one and the other links on mothering were good.

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/6959880/...week/?GT1=6190

What a pessimistic view of motherhood!!

I have no sympathy for women who sign their 9 kids up for 4 different
after school activities each, and then complain that they spend all
their time in the car. Duh. No one is holding a gun to her head
forcing her to have each kid in an art class, a music class, a physical
activity, and a club. It's not necessary to do that every week to be a
good or well rounded person.

When I was a kid I took piano lessons for several years, then switched
to cello. I had after school activities, and I rode the late bus or my
bike home. If I wanted to join something, I was responsible for making
it work - not my mom. One year I wanted to take PE during summer
school (you got to wear your own swim suit instead of the nasty ones
that the school provided during the year). I rode my bike to school,
ran and swam for the entire morning, then rode home. I was in the best
shape of my life that summer.

My husband and I have already decided that our kids will be allowed to
choose one activity per semester - one lesson, one club, one class
outside of school. If they are able to do so in a way that doesn't
inconvenience the rest of the family, they can choose to pick up Scouts
or something too. We are not going to be one of those families who
never has dinner together because the kids are always at practice or
lessons or whatnot. It's a choice, not a requirement.

Another thing that annoys me about that article is the idea that
"society" makes us all behave like Martha Stewart. That's crap. As if
the kids give a damn if their paper plates are color coordinated with
the napkins and cups. Kids are far more practical than that. Sure,
it's nice for everything to look lovely, and if that's what you're
into, fine. But if you're already frazzled, driving all over town to
find streamers in that *perfect* shade of pink is self-imposed torture.
Society doesn't give a crap about your streamers.

It's like fashion - men don't give a rip about fashion - we say we're
dressing up for our S.O.s but we're really doing it to try to impress
or outdo other women. Kids don't give a crap about being in the BEST
pre-school, they just want to finger paint. We do it to increase our
status with other women.

If women want relief from the stress of parenting, they need to let go
of this ridiculous competitiveness we have with each other. They need
to let go of the idea that there's no such thing as good enough - and
it doesn't start with tax breaks, the government, or "society" - it
starts with the self.

It's all a matter of choices and priorities, and I don't feel that the
government needs to change anything to make me a better (future)
parent. In fact, the less the government is involved with my home and
my family, the better.

Oh, Amy, you rock! I couldn't have said it better myself.

I have to admit, I am well aware that I have many advantages that other
mothers don't: I am able to work at home, I can afford a nanny/housekeeper,
and my husband is very involved in our kids' lives and activities. I'm truly
one of the lucky few who don't *have* to try to do it all.

Still, I agree with your basic assessment: much of these women's complaints
seem to be purely self-imposed and is largely done by women who want to
impress other women with their ability to be Martha Stewart and do it all.
When did motherhood become a competition? If you're trying to do so much
that you're that stressed out, you need to take a long look at whose
interests you're *really* serving. Chances are pretty good that it's *not*
your kids'!
--
Be well, Barbara
Mom to Mr. Congeniality (7), the Diva (5) and the Race Car Fanatic (almost
3)

I have PMS and ESP...I'm the bitch who knows everything! (T-shirt slogan)

Circe wrote:
wrote in message

Oh, Amy, you rock! I couldn't have said it better myself.

Yay! After I posted that I was worried that I was about to get
lambasted...

One other thing that struck me after I posted - you don't hear men
complaining about their lack of choices. By and large, men are
expected to get jobs and support their families. Most of them never
get the option to stay home, even though many of them would probably
like to, and yet there aren't articles about how the poor, poor men
need help from the government to do what they're supposed to do - they
just suck it up and do it.

Women could take a page out of their play book, don't you think?

Amy

In article .com,
says...


Circe wrote:
wrote in message

Oh, Amy, you rock! I couldn't have said it better myself.

Yay! After I posted that I was worried that I was about to get
lambasted...

One other thing that struck me after I posted - you don't hear men
complaining about their lack of choices. By and large, men are
expected to get jobs and support their families. Most of them never
get the option to stay home, even though many of them would probably
like to, and yet there aren't articles about how the poor, poor men
need help from the government to do what they're supposed to do - they
just suck it up and do it.

Women could take a page out of their play book, don't you think?

Well, I dunno. At least it could go both ways.

Men DO have the *choice* to stay home, and live on their wife's income. Which,
while it may be small at first, will increase as her her salary and salary
potential increases with job experience and training, just has been true all
along for male breadwinners.

But, very often they don't, because they've bought into society's idea that
they're not 'really men' if they do so, and have to put up with guff from the
men, and some of the women, they know.

Well, they can take a page out of OUR book! The one where getting a physics
degree in the early '70s meant I'm not 'really a woman', and how I put up with a
lot of guff from both men and women. So - let's let THEM be the pioneers for
once!

At least the men who stay home to take care of their kids won't be fondled by
coworkers, or laid off because someone else is supposed to 'need the work more'.

So how about it? No more excuses from men as to why they don't exercise their
choice to stay home.

Banty (we broke into the boardrooms of America - they can break into the
kitchens and playrooms of America)

Banty wrote:
Well, I dunno. At least it could go both ways.

Men DO have the *choice* to stay home, and live on their wife's
income. Which,
while it may be small at first, will increase as her her salary and
salary
potential increases with job experience and training, just has been
true all
along for male breadwinners.

But, very often they don't, because they've bought into society's
idea that
they're not 'really men' if they do so, and have to put up with guff
from the
men, and some of the women, they know.


My dh was a SAHD for our oldest dd for the first 3 years of her life,
and we both hated it. He did initially want it, but the multitasking
of being a SAHP really stressed him out. He got very thin and
unhealthy looking. I was miserable (in a physically uncomfortable way)
that I couldn't be with my baby and had to work. By the time I got pg
with my second dd, we knew we had to fix it before we went insane. Now
I am mostly a SAHM, but we work our own business, so I do other
business too. For us, having our natural roles is much better. Plus,
I think it is better for the babies too as I was able to be with my
second dd, and cosleep and nurse her and be with her almost 100%
through her babyhood while with my first dd I was never able to make
enough milk for her and had to give up trying because I did have a job
to work on, and I didn't sleep with her because I needed my rest for
work. I am sure some will disagree, but I think it is much better and
easier on everyone if we do what has been done for zillions of years
and let moms stay with their babies rather than dads.

KC

Still, I agree with your basic assessment: much of these women's complaints
seem to be purely self-imposed and is largely done by women who want to
impress other women with their ability to be Martha Stewart and do it all.
When did motherhood become a competition? If you're trying to do so much
that you're that stressed out, you need to take a long look at whose
interests you're *really* serving. Chances are pretty good that it's *not*
your kids'!

Martha Stewart's also divorced and, from what I've heard, doesn't have the best
relationship with her daughter.

Laura

In article , Laura Faussone says...



Still, I agree with your basic assessment: much of these women's complaints
seem to be purely self-imposed and is largely done by women who want to
impress other women with their ability to be Martha Stewart and do it all.
When did motherhood become a competition? If you're trying to do so much
that you're that stressed out, you need to take a long look at whose
interests you're *really* serving. Chances are pretty good that it's *not*
your kids'!

Martha Stewart's also divorced and, from what I've heard, doesn't have the best
relationship with her daughter.

Laura


I also heard this little rumor about her going to jail....

On 16 Feb 2005 11:34:07 -0800, Banty
scribbled:

In article , Laura Faussone says...



Still, I agree with your basic assessment: much of these women's complaints
seem to be purely self-imposed and is largely done by women who want to
impress other women with their ability to be Martha Stewart and do it all.
When did motherhood become a competition? If you're trying to do so much
that you're that stressed out, you need to take a long look at whose
interests you're *really* serving. Chances are pretty good that it's *not*
your kids'!

Martha Stewart's also divorced and, from what I've heard, doesn't have the best
relationship with her daughter.

Laura


I also heard this little rumor about her going to jail....

*snort*
Don't we all wanna be like Maaaaartha??

Nan

On Wed, 16 Feb 2005 10:24:17 -0800, Circe wrote:

I have to admit, I am well aware that I have many advantages that other
mothers don't: I am able to work at home, I can afford a nanny/housekeeper,
and my husband is very involved in our kids' lives and activities. I'm truly
one of the lucky few who don't *have* to try to do it all.

Ditto. But that is not because I can work at home or afford a nanny, it's
because I have made the very concious choice that whatever happens:
-my job starts not before 8.30am and ends at 5.30pm
-we have breakfast and dinner as a family every day
-in conflict situations, my family always comes first

This was discussed and agreed upon with DH, who takes his share of chores
around the house. We both learned an awful lot from switching roles. Yes,
it implies that we are living on about half the salary we used to have,
but we get around and have all we need. And we are all very happy with it.

--
-- I
mommy to DS (July '02)
mommy to four tiny angels (28 Oct'03, 17 Feb'04, 20 May'04 & 28 Oct'04)
preggers with twins EDD August'05
guardian of DH (33)