If this is your first visit, be sure to check out the FAQ by clicking the link above. You may have to register before you can post: click the register link above to proceed. To start viewing messages, select the forum that you want to visit from the selection below. |
|
|
Thread Tools | Display Modes |
#51
|
|||
|
|||
Etiquette Question - wedding invites
"Anne Rogers" wrote in message
I suppose it depends on what you do with your time, I don't know what would have happened if a close friends had not liked children, because I haven't had to cross that bridge. I've kept several friends from high school and early working jobs. Some of them don't have children and don't want any, but that doesn't mean that they didn't like my kids. We've managed to stay friends for 11 years and have weathered many differences, but we still remain close. Granted while I was in the middle of having babies, I didn't see them much, but did keep in contact. But as a SAHM I haven't had chance to meet anyone who doesn't have children! If I worked, then I could definitely imagine having friends who weren't into children, as I presume my husband does, but myself I have limited opportunities to meet people, other than those who also have children. I was the same too. Being a SAHM can be isolating, but like I said, I have kept friends from when I was younger. And I do have more friends that are parents than those who don't. I just found your statement of if they didn't have children then I can't be friends with them kind of narrow minded. I just don't like this prevailing attitude that once you become a mom, the rest of your life has to stop. -- Sue (mom to three girls) |
#52
|
|||
|
|||
Etiquette Question - wedding invites
"Cheri Stryker" wrote in message ... The ironic thing is, breastfed babies (provided mom's wardrobe is cooperative) tend to be quieter/more easy to soothe (well, infants, anyway) than bottlefed. At least that's been my experience comparing mine to other babes. Hmmm... I would have gone nutso comparing my oldest, breastfed to other babies in terms of temperament. She was one of the fussiest, screamiest, noisiest, unhappiest little things. I've gone on to have three more, and I breastfed them all. IMO, it's more about personality than how I fed my baby. Each of them have been different in terms of how to sooth. None of them have been quieter than the bottle fed babies. Except for my last one. #4 is the mellowest, smiliest, happiest, quietest little baby I've ever seen, but I don't take any credit. LOL Well, I guess I do meet his needs, but it's just so easy. People STILL remember #1, so it wasn't just my perception. Joy |
#53
|
|||
|
|||
Etiquette Question - wedding invites
"Sue" wrote in message news:6qOdnZJe0teVGCLZnZ2dnUVZ_sSdnZ2d@wideopenwest .com... "Cheri Stryker" wrote in message The ironic thing is, breastfed babies (provided mom's wardrobe is cooperative) tend to be quieter/more easy to soothe (well, infants, anyway) than bottlefed. At least that's been my experience comparing mine to other babes. ?? hmm, I've never known the difference and is usually because of the temperment of the child. And definitely not so in my family. And ya know, it doesn't really matter. It's a formal wedding, which probably means the couple is paying a per-head premium for the hall/church/locale and that there's only so much space anyways. It's also the couples' wedding day, and they've decided they don't want children there. I'm sure they didn't roll out of bed one morning and go "oh, look, let's invite a breastfeeding mother and exlude her child and see how much that ****es her off." They just don't want children at their wedding and there's *nothing inherently wrong* with that. If it's genuinenly not at all practical for whatever reason to leave the peanut with a sitter for four hours, then a simple one line response to the invitation is all that's warranted; something along the lines of "It is with sincerest regret that I am unable to attend your wedding celebration" and make sure to follow up with a card or a gift card/present from off their registry. That's it. Don't go into long, extended explanations that might or might not be read by the maid/matron of honor and might or might not cause hard feelings. Just a one line response gracefully declining the invite, and if one's specifically asked later, then gracefully answer "I couldn't make arrangements for my newborn for that period of time" and leave it there. There's no reason to turn this into a major "they're deliberately excluding my family and I'm a breastfeeding mother and how dare they" type of debate. Jess |
#54
|
|||
|
|||
Etiquette Question - wedding invites
Sue wrote:
I've kept several friends from high school and early working jobs. Some of them don't have children and don't want any, but that doesn't mean that they didn't like my kids. We've managed to stay friends for 11 years and have weathered many differences, but we still remain close. Granted while I was in the middle of having babies, I didn't see them much, but did keep in contact. I'm not really in touch with school friends, shame in someways, but in others fine, I'm just turned out like my parents in that I've not kept in touch with school friends but are in very close contact with university friends, none of whom have children. But as a SAHM I haven't had chance to meet anyone who doesn't have children! If I worked, then I could definitely imagine having friends who weren't into children, as I presume my husband does, but myself I have limited opportunities to meet people, other than those who also have children. I was the same too. Being a SAHM can be isolating, but like I said, I have kept friends from when I was younger. And I do have more friends that are parents than those who don't. I just found your statement of if they didn't have children then I can't be friends with them kind of narrow minded. I just don't like this prevailing attitude that once you become a mom, the rest of your life has to stop. and it doesn't, but it often does temporarily, I'm in quite a different place in motherhood to you, with children 1 and 3, this term I have gone to an evening class which was great, I went to the pub with them, but it was only a term of classes, we are not on wedding invite terms yet and with us moving we never will be! So I can imagine making new friends who have no interest in children. I just haven't had to test out friendships from before children, those that I've drifted away from, I can trace back the drifting away to well before we had children. I think there are different styles of who you invite to a wedding, I've been to weddings that have varied from about 50 people to 200+ because some people only ask close friends and others ask everyone they've ever known! Coming from closer to the 50 end (I think we had 80), when I think about the type of friendship I have with those people then this issue would not have occured, there would be no question that they invited the children, whereas had we received invites from people who had very large weddings I can imagine it cropping up. Anne |
#55
|
|||
|
|||
Etiquette Question - wedding invites
If it's genuinenly not at all practical for whatever reason to leave the
peanut with a sitter for four hours, then a simple one line response to the invitation is all that's warranted; something along the lines of "It is with sincerest regret that I am unable to attend your wedding celebration" and make sure to follow up with a card or a gift card/present from off their registry. is that etiquette in the US? I don't think it is here, at least not for friends, family maybe, the usual thing is for them to send a card for the best man to read out during the speeches and again that would be only a small number of people, I think we had 4. Anne |
#56
|
|||
|
|||
Etiquette Question - wedding invites
"Anne Rogers" wrote in message ... is that etiquette in the US? I don't think it is here, at least not for friends, family maybe, the usual thing is for them to send a card for the best man to read out during the speeches and again that would be only a small number of people, I think we had 4. It depends on what the friendship is like. It's certainly considered appropriate to send a card. Jess |
#57
|
|||
|
|||
Etiquette Question - wedding invites
Anne Rogers wrote: If it's genuinenly not at all practical for whatever reason to leave the peanut with a sitter for four hours, then a simple one line response to the invitation is all that's warranted; something along the lines of "It is with sincerest regret that I am unable to attend your wedding celebration" and make sure to follow up with a card or a gift card/present from off their registry. is that etiquette in the US? I don't think it is here, at least not for friends, family maybe, the usual thing is for them to send a card for the best man to read out during the speeches and again that would be only a small number of people, I think we had 4. Our friends in the UK all sent us gifts, even though they couldn't attend our wedding. A gift is never required, esp if invitees do not attend, but I do think it's common practice, even in the UK ('from the registry is certainly *not* official etiquette). |
#58
|
|||
|
|||
Etiquette Question - wedding invites
Sue wrote: "Anne Rogers" wrote in message I suppose it depends on what you do with your time, I don't know what would have happened if a close friends had not liked children, because I haven't had to cross that bridge. I've kept several friends from high school and early working jobs. Some of them don't have children and don't want any, but that doesn't mean that they didn't like my kids. We've managed to stay friends for 11 years and have weathered many differences, but we still remain close. Granted while I was in the middle of having babies, I didn't see them much, but did keep in contact. But as a SAHM I haven't had chance to meet anyone who doesn't have children! If I worked, then I could definitely imagine having friends who weren't into children, as I presume my husband does, but myself I have limited opportunities to meet people, other than those who also have children. I was the same too. Being a SAHM can be isolating, but like I said, I have kept friends from when I was younger. And I do have more friends that are parents than those who don't. I just found your statement of if they didn't have children then I can't be friends with them kind of narrow minded. I just don't like this prevailing attitude that once you become a mom, the rest of your life has to stop. -- Though our lives for the past 17 days have stopped as they've revolved around our new little one, most of our local friends do not have children, and I am certain they will not disappear now that we do. In fact, they've been as excited as we have about our daughter. Life will change, but it won't stop. I can't imagine ending friendships because they don't have kids, nor did we skip out on our single friends when we got married. |
#59
|
|||
|
|||
Etiquette Question - wedding invites
Since I had to pay for my own wedding, I had to put "adult-only
reception" on the invitation because I couldn't afford to feed everyone's kids. It wasn't that I did not want them, and a ton of people brought them anyway. (I even had one relative with seven kids write on the RSVP 'Just count the kids as three since the baby won't eat anything and the other six can share'") I thought - sheesh thanks. If it were me, I would not mind a baby coming, but I don't know the specifics of why they say adult-only reception in your case - adult entertainment maybe? space limitations? kwim? I would find out why through the grapevine if you could and if it is an issue of them being able to afford the extra expense involved in feeding the kids, then I wouldn't even hesitate to take the baby since he won't count. Heck, I don't think I would hesitate for a baby for any reason since the baby is so young. It isn't like he is going to take up much room or remember any crazy behavior he may witness. lol. Really though, I would have never expected my out-of-state guests to not bring their kids - that is an unreasonable expectation really. KD wrote: Greetings folks: Just wanting to get some opinions from out there. We've been invited to a wedding, which it will cost a fair bit for us to go to; car rental, gas, clothing for me, wedding gift, etc. Anyhow, we just learned that our five month old isn't welcome at the reception, not even for just the dinner portion. The baby is exclusively breastfed, not like I could just leave him with someone. Even if he weren't, everyone I know in the area will be at the wedding, there's no one to leave him with. Question is, is this the norm for weddings? When I got married this didn't even cross my mind, and I confess it didn't even occur to me that DS wouldn't be welcome when we got the invite. I always thought that weddings were a family celebration, and families do include children. I can't see us spending all this cash to go, when the most important member of my family isn't welcome. What do you all think? KD & G |
#60
|
|||
|
|||
Etiquette Question - wedding invites
wrote in message oups.com... I would find out why through the grapevine if you could and if it is an issue of them being able to afford the extra expense involved in feeding the kids, then I wouldn't even hesitate to take the baby since he won't count. Wow. That's just incredibly rude. Those invites are issued for a *reason* and you'd go so far as to tell the couple "oh, I decided it didn't matter since he's so small, he's not eating tablefood and won't take up a seat, so it's not like it's going to cost you"? Wow. Jess |
Thread Tools | |
Display Modes | |
|
|
Similar Threads | ||||
Thread | Thread Starter | Forum | Replies | Last Post |
Quick question... about a wedding... | xkatx | Single Parents | 6 | June 15th 06 12:14 PM |
Wedding shower etiquette question | dragonlady | General | 27 | June 19th 05 11:27 PM |
etiquette question - graduation party | [email protected] | General | 56 | June 15th 05 06:55 PM |
Question #2 for Dr. Sarah Vaughan (should women have to ASK?) | Todd Gastaldo | Pregnancy | 9 | November 7th 04 11:03 PM |
Another child killed in kincare | Kane | Spanking | 26 | February 17th 04 05:30 PM |