Frustrated about nursing toddler (VENT)

Nancy P wrote:
"Stephanie" wrote in message

Are you trying to use nursing as a panacea to not have to deal with
other issues? This is not a good idea. I am not sure what the
relationship is between nursing and a child's desire to explore their
world, but personally I would not try to have nursing placate the
child from tantrums.


I"m not using nursing as a comfort tool, my DD is. When she's upset she
approaches me to nurse. I thought this was pretty common.

It was with my two children. Nursing helped them feel centered, and
when we were away from home, it was something familiar.

What's wrong with childproofing? It was cool with DS, who is now 2y
and 9m, to see gradually how he ceased needing it and being willing to
leave dangerous things alone. Until then, it was a constant battle.


Nothing's wrong with childproofing. My house is childproofed. But each and
every place I go is not (nor do I expect it to be).

Of course not. I think it is stressful to be in a non-childproofed
place, particularly for a long visit, for both you and your child. You
want to be able to sit back, relax, and chat, and you can't let your
guard down for a second. There were so many times where I'd be walking
around after a toddler, distracting and redirecting, while dh chatted it
up with friends and family. It sucked. My kids are three and five, and
I still do a lot of preparing, shadowing, and reinforcing when we're in
a a place with a lot of breakables, tempting things, pets, or uptight
people. I also don't put myself into that situation unless I have to
with young toddlers, because it isn't much fun for anyone.

I think, to make a long story short, is that for us, nursing on demand
hasn't diminished. I'm not always thrilled about this. I have been kind of
waiting for it to diminish gradually, as her choice. As today marks the
first time ever she has had 3 meals of real food (as opposed to baby mush &
yogurt), I expect that process will begin.

I forget how old your daughter is, but my kids went through phases of
more intense nursing needs, and then it would receed for awhile. Even
when it ramped back up, it never reached that previous level. I always
told myself, "this too shall pass" and it did.


Emily

iphigenia wrote:
Emily Roysdon wrote:

Of course not. I think it is stressful to be in a non-childproofed
place, particularly for a long visit, for both you and your child.


Oh, vastly stressful. I do not in the least think it's fun to go to
someone's house who doesn't have small children with DS. I spend the entire
time tense and running around after him.

Add to that the additional stress of trying to diplomatically refuse other
people's attempts at being helpful. Things like, "Oh, don't worry, it's OK
if he does X." Then I'm trying to redirect Gabe from doing X and
simultaneously explaining that at home he's not allowed to do X and I don't
want to let him get the idea that sometimes X is indeed OK.

(Or am I the only one who runs into that?)

That happens a lot for us, in a slightly different setting. My parents
live really far away, so we don't go to visit them, but when they come
here (individually, never together), they don't set enough boundaries
with the kids and they get so hyped up and confused. My MIL was like
that when Noah was younger, but she has a very small apartment now so
she tends to have more rules to keep the place from getting destroyed.
She still tolerates more than I would like in terms of climbing and
wrestling-type behavior. And then there's all the inappropriate and
unnecessary toys! We deal with the after-effects of any grandparent
contact for days, if not weeks :-P


Emily

"Nancy P" wrote in message ...
"Stephanie" wrote in message
om...
"Nancy P" wrote in message
...
Am I the only one who sometimes wishes she wasn't still nursing?




I do not understand this. I am sure to get completely slammed. And I
do not mean to be critical of you. But what is it about the perception
of a child's need to nurse that supercedes your need to be able to set
your own body's boundaries? If this is a one day thing, and you are
feeling bummed out and want to vent for now and tomorrow you will be
fine, that is one thing. But if you are really dreading the next trip,
it may be time to evaluate your own needs.


I don't think you should get slammed. We're all entitled to our own
opinions.


Thanks! I sometimes say things in "tones" that come across meaner than
I mean.



Are you trying to use nursing as a panacea to not have to deal with
other issues? This is not a good idea. I am not sure what the
relationship is between nursing and a child's desire to explore their
world, but personally I would not try to have nursing placate the
child from tantrums.

I"m not using nursing as a comfort tool, my DD is. When she's upset she
approaches me to nurse. I thought this was pretty common.


Distraction is a lovely tool too, I find. Would it work / help to
reduce the demand by trying to distract with interest?


What's wrong with childproofing? It was cool with DS, who is now 2y
and 9m, to see gradually how he ceased needing it and being willing to
leave dangerous things alone. Until then, it was a constant battle.

Nothing's wrong with childproofing. My house is childproofed. But each and
every place I go is not (nor do I expect it to be).



Yeah. I did not like visiting my Mom's house that much when DS was
small. There were so many things to get into. It made me nuts.

I think, to make a long story short, is that for us, nursing on demand
hasn't diminished. I'm not always thrilled about this. I have been kind of
waiting for it to diminish gradually, as her choice. As today marks the
first time ever she has had 3 meals of real food (as opposed to baby mush &
yogurt), I expect that process will begin.

Nancy

It seems reasonable to me to set some limits on breastfeeding a
toddler if it is not comfortable for *both* of you. That's my only
thought.

Stephanie

Emily Roysdon wrote:
iphigenia wrote:
Emily Roysdon wrote:

Of course not. I think it is stressful to be in a non-childproofed
place, particularly for a long visit, for both you and your child.


Oh, vastly stressful. I do not in the least think it's fun to go to
someone's house who doesn't have small children with DS. I spend the
entire time tense and running around after him.

Add to that the additional stress of trying to diplomatically refuse
other people's attempts at being helpful. Things like, "Oh, don't
worry, it's OK if he does X." Then I'm trying to redirect Gabe from
doing X and simultaneously explaining that at home he's not allowed
to do X and I don't want to let him get the idea that sometimes X is
indeed OK.

(Or am I the only one who runs into that?)

That happens a lot for us, in a slightly different setting. My
parents live really far away, so we don't go to visit them, but when
they come here (individually, never together), they don't set enough
boundaries with the kids and they get so hyped up and confused. My
MIL was like that when Noah was younger, but she has a very small
apartment now so she tends to have more rules to keep the place from
getting destroyed. She still tolerates more than I would like in
terms of climbing and wrestling-type behavior. And then there's all
the inappropriate and unnecessary toys! We deal with the
after-effects of any grandparent contact for days, if not weeks :-P

No kidding. I'm the first to say that visiting non-child proof places is a
drag. No fun for anyone and I try to avoid it. However, I've never had a
problem with different rules different places thing. Things are back to
normal at my house in a day - even after extended visits. Maybe there isn't
as big a gap between acceptable behavior in the two places? Food is one of
the biggest as my aunt just brings out the goodies :-) I don't care as they
are not there often enough to get sick from it. If they were there weekly
or something, she probably wouldn't do that either.

Must be a kid thing as my brother always complained at how hard his kids
were to handle after they came back from visits at the same house.
--
Nikki
Mama to Hunter (4) and Luke (2)

badgirl wrote:
Slightly kidnapping the thread...

I'm haviong a *really* rough morning with Nicolas ;(

When he isn't in my lap he is throwing a tantrum. Screaming and
pulling on me and trying to climb up.

Arg. I know what you mean as Luke can get like this (only without the
nursing so I don't have that added thing anymore.) Some days he is just a
mess. Hunter was never like this as much. My advice is go outside if you
can. Walk him in the stroller or something. One other thing is to get
down on the floor and just wrestle around and play with him (very phsyical
play - lots of rubbing and throwing him around ;-) for about an hour.
Sometimes that gets Luke over it as well.

Luke is older so I want him to start sitting on his own to eat breakfast in
the morning instead of me lugging him around or sitting with him on my lap.
It was a *loooooong* morning yesterday, a bit better today.

--
Nikki
Mama to Hunter (4.5) and Luke (2.5)

"iphigenia" on wrote,

Then I'm trying to redirect Gabe from doing X and
simultaneously explaining that at home he's not allowed to do X and I don't
want to let him get the idea that sometimes X is indeed OK.

(Or am I the only one who runs into that?)

You're not the only one.

Typical scenario: Margaret finds a toy or book at someone else's house that
she is absolutely entranced by. In preparation for leaving I tell Margaret
that she needs to put fascinating item back, it is not hers. "Say goodbye to
the (toy/book/whatever), Margaret." Margaret, predictably, begins to cry and
work into a tantrum. Helpful host says, "It's OK with me if she keeps that."
AAAARRRRGH. I do NOT want my child learning that if she wants something, it is
hers. So now I have tantruming toddler on my hands *plus* I am explaining to
helpful host that Margaret must learn respect for other people's stuff.

Drives me crazy. Same thing in a store if she wants a balloon or something, I
say no, and helpful employee says, "It's OK. Here, I'll get it for you."

Mary Ellen
William (8)
Matthew (6)
Margaret (2)