I need a bit of Help...

My husband and I are getting a divorce. We have split on good terms
and all, I need to find out if any one has ever had shared custody
where Mom had the kids 6 months out of the year and Dad had them the
other 6. I would like to find out what the out come was of this also
Thanks,
Joni

"Joni" wrote in message
om...
My husband and I are getting a divorce. We have split on good terms
and all, I need to find out if any one has ever had shared custody
where Mom had the kids 6 months out of the year and Dad had them the
other 6. I would like to find out what the out come was of this also

I have not heard of this arrangement. It seems that it is a bad arrangement.
I could see maybe switching weeks (If the parents live near each other),
but not 6 month periods. It seems that every time there is a switch in
parent, it will be really traumatic for the kid.

Usually, the kid(s) lives with one parent, and the parents alternate
weekends and holidays, and one of the parents gets the kids for a few weeks
or even a month or two over the summer. If the parents live far apart, this
is harder, with school and stuff.

It seems like this is a question that you need to discuss with your lawyers,
too.

Jeff

Thanks,
Joni

Joni wrote:

My husband and I are getting a divorce. We have split on good terms
and all, I need to find out if any one has ever had shared custody
where Mom had the kids 6 months out of the year and Dad had them the
other 6. I would like to find out what the out come was of this also

How near each other will you live? I think it's
much more likely to be workable if you live so near each
other that the kids wouldn't be uprooted from their
community every six months. On the other hand, if you
lived that close anyway, I would probably be more
inclined to swap more frequently just because if I
were going to be a custodial parent half time and
a non-custodial parent half time, I'd rather have
my chunks of custodial time in smaller bits. I'd
rather not save up all the things that are more
convenient to do without kids for six months, and
I'd rather not do without my kids for that long.
Is there an impediment to switching more frequently,
say, every month or even every fortnight?
(Or did you just mean a situation where
Mom and Dad each have equal time, rather than
switching every six months?)

Best wishes,
Ericka

"Joni" wrote in message
om...
My husband and I are getting a divorce. We have split on good terms
and all, I need to find out if any one has ever had shared custody
where Mom had the kids 6 months out of the year and Dad had them the
other 6. I would like to find out what the out come was of this also
Thanks,

Not a good idea. It's too unstable for the kids. How old are they? What
do they think? As a child of divorce, I say they need a place to call home.
Spending 6 mos. here, 6 mos. there would make them feel like visitors and
not like they belong. If they are old enough, ask for their input. It
would make them feel like their feelings matter. The convenience of the
parents always seem to trump the kids in custody decisions. No one seems to
care if the kid wants to spend some weekends with a friend or just hanging
out but now has to spend them all with non-custodial parent or maybe they
are in a team sport and have to leave mid-season to spend the other 6 months
at dad's, etc. I was older, so it didn't affect me so much, but I could see
a problem for my brother. Stability is important, so is respect for the
child's time.

In article , Joni says...

My husband and I are getting a divorce. We have split on good terms
and all, I need to find out if any one has ever had shared custody
where Mom had the kids 6 months out of the year and Dad had them the
other 6. I would like to find out what the out come was of this also
Thanks,
Joni

I've known a couple of cases where this was done for a couple of years. You
know of course, this scheme falls apart once a child reaches school age unless
they're homeschooled.

The biggest concern in my mind is - when I've seen this happening, it's because
one or both parents aren't putting the child(ren)'s well-being in the proper
place in their lives - that is - one or even both parents are living wherever
suits them, leading to the two being so far apart such an arrangement would be
considered. So's it was this evident lack of committment, rather than the 6/6
arrangement, that became pretty manifest as a problem.

Banty

Banty wrote:


I've known a couple of cases where this was done for a couple of years. You
know of course, this scheme falls apart once a child reaches school age unless
they're homeschooled.

Why does everyone assume that the divorced parents
will not live near each other? I know a couple sets of
divorced parents who live very near each other--same
school district, still near all the kids' friends, still
able to participate in all the same activities. The kids
have their own rooms at both homes and move back and forth
quite freely. None of them rotate on a six month basis,
though. They all swap more frequently.
I agree that if the parents live further apart,
then the situation is rather untenable. If they're
nearby, though, why not?

Best wishes,
Ericka

"Ericka Kammerer" wrote in message
news
will not live near each other? I know a couple sets of
divorced parents who live very near each other--same
school district, still near all the kids' friends, still
able to participate in all the same activities. The kids
have their own rooms at both homes and move back and forth
quite freely. None of them rotate on a six month basis,
though. They all swap more frequently.
I agree that if the parents live further apart,
then the situation is rather untenable. If they're
nearby, though, why not?

Because the kids need to feel they belong somewhere. It's fine if the kids
go back and forth freely, but they need to feel they have a home base, not
living out of a suitcase, not everything always temporary.

On 2 May 2004 16:36:16 -0700, (Joni) wrote:

My husband and I are getting a divorce. We have split on good terms
and all, I need to find out if any one has ever had shared custody
where Mom had the kids 6 months out of the year and Dad had them the
other 6. I would like to find out what the out come was of this also
Thanks,
Joni

I have a friend who has a 'week with mom, week with dad' arrangement.
It seems to work pretty well for the kids because the parents live
fairly close, so the kids attend the same school and activities
whichever parent they are with. Mom does say she misses the kids the
week they are with dad, however. I can't imagine kids swapping home
only every six months though. Not sure that's what you meant.

--Lisa bell
Mom to Gabriella (5.5) and Michaela (4)

In article , Ericka Kammerer says...

Banty wrote:


I've known a couple of cases where this was done for a couple of years. You
know of course, this scheme falls apart once a child reaches school age unless
they're homeschooled.

Why does everyone assume that the divorced parents
will not live near each other? I know a couple sets of
divorced parents who live very near each other--same
school district, still near all the kids' friends, still
able to participate in all the same activities. The kids
have their own rooms at both homes and move back and forth
quite freely. None of them rotate on a six month basis,
though. They all swap more frequently.
I agree that if the parents live further apart,
then the situation is rather untenable. If they're
nearby, though, why not?

??

Did you read my whole post before you posted? Or am I missing something.

Banty

toypup wrotem in part:

As a child of divorce, I say they need a place to call home.
Spending 6 mos. here, 6 mos. there would make them feel like visitors and
not like they belong.

I remember once reading about a divorce where the judge ordered an
interesting set-up. The kids lived in the house full-time, and the
parents were the ones who were forced to come and go. Brilliant!

--
Sara, accompanied by the baby barnacle