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Trick-or-treating -- how old is too old?



 
 
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  #11  
Old September 18th 06, 06:18 PM posted to misc.kids.moderated
Barbara
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Posts: 271
Default Trick-or-treating -- how old is too old?

beeswing wrote:
My daughter will be 12 in December and is in 6th grade, which in her
school is the second year of middle school. I let her trick-or-treat
last year but feel like this year she has crossed into the "too old"
zone. She's accused me of trying to take away her childhood (!), so I
thought I'd raise the question here.

What do parents here think? How old is too old to trick-or-treat? When
I was growing up, 6th grade was my last year, but junior high started
in 7th. Am I being reasonable stopping her at this age, do I give her
one last year, or do folks here think trick or treating should continue
into the teens?

We don't *do* Halloween, but we did when I was a kid, so I feel I'm
still qualified to respond. ;-

IMHO, I can't see the harm in allowing her to trick-or-treat if she
wants to. Twelve is such an in-between age; some kids are
12-going-on-9, and others are 12-going-on-24 (and some go back and
forth between the extremes several times a day). She'll be rolling her
eyes at *kid stuff* far too soon; let her enjoy it as long as she
wants.

Barbara

  #12  
Old September 19th 06, 12:36 PM posted to misc.kids.moderated
Paula
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Posts: 14
Default Trick-or-treating -- how old is too old?

On Sat, 16 Sep 2006 20:53:07 EDT, "beeswing" wrote:

But actually trick or treat wasn't that big a deal for us.


For some reason, it's really important to her this year.


Then let her go. You are picking an age to stop arbitrarily, anyway.
There are no hard and fast rules on it and, as you said, you went
until you were in seventh grade. 11 isn't even a teenager yet. Tell
her that her years are numbered but that because it is so important to
her (not because she will be a child until 18), she can go this year.
Use the goodwill engendered by noticing and responding to what seems
to be really important to her whether or not you can understand why to
bolster up your relationship for the oncoming teen years. That will
be much more important to you than what year she stopped trick or
treating, when all is said and done.

--
Paula
"Anyway, other people are weird, but sometimes they have candy,
so it's best to try to get along with them." Joe Bay

  #13  
Old September 20th 06, 04:43 AM posted to misc.kids.moderated
Kevin Karplus
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Posts: 3
Default Trick-or-treating -- how old is too old?

On 2006-09-17, Dawn wrote:
Come to think of it, why not think of it that way? Wouldn't you
*prefer* she still wanted to trick-or-treat as opposed to the other
things teens do on Halloween?


In Santa Cruz, CA, Halloween is probably the biggest party night of
the year, with 25,000 people crowding into a few blocks downtown (the
city population is about 55,000 and the county about 250,000). Last
year the party got out of hand with 7 gang-related stabbings, with all
6 of the county's ambulances in use, plus the 2 LifeFlight
helicopters.

I'd much rather see the teens asking for handouts of candy, costumes
or not.

------------------------------------------------------------
Kevin Karplus http://www.soe.ucsc.edu/~karplus
Professor of Biomolecular Engineering, University of California, Santa Cruz
Undergraduate and Graduate Director, Bioinformatics
(Senior member, IEEE) (Board of Directors & Chair of Education Committee, ISCB)
life member (LAB, Adventure Cycling, American Youth Hostels)
Effective Cycling Instructor #218-ck (lapsed)
Affiliations for identification only.

  #14  
Old September 20th 06, 06:56 PM posted to misc.kids.moderated
Louise
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Posts: 19
Default Trick-or-treating -- how old is too old?

On Sun, 17 Sep 2006 14:19:58 EDT, "beeswing" wrote:

She wants to design costumes in conjunction with a friend of hers. The
friend is 13...maybe 14. Plus she thinks it's fun. She doesn't have any
secret evil plans, at least as far as I can sense.


One of the young teenagers who came to our house last year was dressed
as a cat, and was also carrying a well-behaved real cat in a basket. I
was impressed with the cat, and also with the costume that was chosen
for impressiveness rather than cargo-carrying ability.

Perhaps you could offer to host the group of friends after the
trick-or-treating and drive them home or have them sleep over, so they
could socialize, eat candy together, enjoy each other's costumes,
watch scary movies ... which are all pastimes that could become part
of their tradition in later years as the trick-or-treating becomes
less central.

Louise

  #15  
Old September 20th 06, 06:58 PM posted to misc.kids.moderated
Louise
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Posts: 19
Default Trick-or-treating -- how old is too old?

On Sat, 16 Sep 2006 19:31:04 EDT, "beeswing" wrote:

My daughter will be 12 in December and is in 6th grade, which in her
school is the second year of middle school. I let her trick-or-treat
last year but feel like this year she has crossed into the "too old"
zone. She's accused me of trying to take away her childhood (!), so I
thought I'd raise the question here.

What do parents here think? How old is too old to trick-or-treat? When
I was growing up, 6th grade was my last year, but junior high started
in 7th. Am I being reasonable stopping her at this age, do I give her
one last year, or do folks here think trick or treating should continue
into the teens?


I think it's fine for trick or treating to continue into the young
teenage years. We started talking about future choices when our kids
were eleven or twelve, reminding them that they wouldn't want to
trick-or-treat forever, but as they became older they could hand out
the candy at home or have a costume party at home or at a friend's
house. Oh, and we certainly demonstrated that at our house, we bought
enough candy that the non-trick-or-treating adults got to eat some.

After that, they made different choices in different years - one made
a conscious choice to stay home handing out candy one year to try that
out, knowing that another year of trick-or-treating would still be
appropriate after that. We certainly made it clear that although we
weren't rushing them out of childhood, some families weren't going to
approve, and reminded them that as they got taller, it was even more
important to be courteous to the hosts and to the smaller children and
parents who were out, and it was also a good idea to do their
trick-or-treating either with younger children or in groups no bigger
than two or three, rather than risk being perceived as a danger by
families or by the police. I think they each chose to stop
trick-or-treating after about grade 9, but have both still continued
to celebrate with costumes and friends into young adulthood.

I definitely wouldn't penalize her for being able to express her
feelings in a mature articulate way. At her age, I certainly
remember feeling anxious about anything that felt like being forced to
give up childhood pleasures before I was ready. Part of me wanted a
summer job and unrestricted privileges in the adult section of the
library and a driver's licence and and a brassiere (probably in that
order of priority!), but part of me wanted to savour the familiar
pleasures of childhood and have some control into how and when I laid
them aside.

Louise


  #16  
Old September 21st 06, 08:22 PM posted to misc.kids.moderated
beeswing
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Posts: 16
Default Trick-or-treating -- how old is too old?

Louise wrote:

Perhaps you could offer to host the group of friends after the
trick-or-treating and drive them home or have them sleep over, so they
could socialize, eat candy together, enjoy each other's costumes,
watch scary movies ... which are all pastimes that could become part
of their tradition in later years as the trick-or-treating becomes
less central.

Louise


Good idea; looks like a school friend may already be planning something
along thosee lines. Of course, it's early and the details haven't been
ironed out yet.

Thanks for writing.

beeswing

  #17  
Old September 21st 06, 08:24 PM posted to misc.kids.moderated
beeswing
external usenet poster
 
Posts: 16
Default Trick-or-treating -- how old is too old?

Beth Kevles wrote:
Hi --

In our neighborhood, kids go even into high school. However, they stop
asking for candy and instead tote a Unicef box at some point. (They
take the candy if offered :-)

I honestly think that if she wants to go, she should go. Once she's
embarassed about going, she'll stop. Or she'll find an excuse that has
her looking mature but lets her go around the neighborhood anyway (such
as collecting for Unicef or chaperoning some younger kid(s).)

My two cents,
--Beth Kevles


Thanks, Beth. I've decided to let her go this year, but leave it on the
table whether or not she will next year. I appreciate all the advice
I've gotten here -- and so does my daughter!

beeswing

  #18  
Old September 21st 06, 08:30 PM posted to misc.kids.moderated
beeswing
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Posts: 16
Default Trick-or-treating -- how old is too old?

Paula wrote:
On Sat, 16 Sep 2006 20:53:07 EDT, "beeswing" wrote:

But actually trick or treat wasn't that big a deal for us.


For some reason, it's really important to her this year.


Then let her go. You are picking an age to stop arbitrarily, anyway.
There are no hard and fast rules on it and, as you said, you went
until you were in seventh grade.


No, the last year I was allowed to go was 6th grade, my final year of
elementary school. It hasn't been as easy for me to decide by school
attended because she started middle school in 5th grade...obviously
young.


11 isn't even a teenager yet. Tell
her that her years are numbered but that because it is so important to
her (not because she will be a child until 18), she can go this year.
Use the goodwill engendered by noticing and responding to what seems
to be really important to her whether or not you can understand why to
bolster up your relationship for the oncoming teen years. That will
be much more important to you than what year she stopped trick or
treating, when all is said and done.

--
Paula


I told her that I considered her viewpoint and asked the question in a
newsgroup I respected...and that I was willing to change my mind.

I hope what she learns from this is that I *will* listen to her and her
reasons (but not necessarily in every case agree with her) and that I'm
open to taking advice and suggestions from people whose viewpoints I
respect...and finally, that I'm open to changing my mind if the
evidence weighs that way.

I think those are good lessons for a kid to have no matter what his or
her age.

Thanks for writing.

beeswing

  #19  
Old September 21st 06, 08:35 PM posted to misc.kids.moderated
beeswing
external usenet poster
 
Posts: 16
Default Trick-or-treating -- how old is too old?

Banty wrote:

What defines "too old"?


I don't know. That's why I asked the question.

Since in my area I see teens trick or treating all the
time, I'd say she's not too old yet. The teens do some of the cutest getups.
They tend to knock later than the younger set - something around nine o'clock.
It's clearly a social thing for them.


I guess part of what bothers me is that when I lived alone, I simply
wouldn't open my door that late. Didn't want to deal with the teens,
myself.

Last year when he was 13, my son went. I lent him my cell phone for him to call
in.


Good idea. I'll have her pack the (pay as you go) cell phone we just
got her.

I recall trick or treating at 12 - I went around dressed in black with my black
cat on my shoulder. It was a hit.


I bet it was. It sounds great.


Banty


Thanks, Banty!

beeswing

  #20  
Old September 21st 06, 08:54 PM posted to misc.kids.moderated
beeswing
external usenet poster
 
Posts: 16
Default Trick-or-treating -- how old is too old?

Louise wrote:

I think it's fine for trick or treating to continue into the young
teenage years. We started talking about future choices when our kids
were eleven or twelve, reminding them that they wouldn't want to
trick-or-treat forever, but as they became older they could hand out
the candy at home or have a costume party at home or at a friend's
house. Oh, and we certainly demonstrated that at our house, we bought
enough candy that the non-trick-or-treating adults got to eat some.

After that, they made different choices in different years - one made
a conscious choice to stay home handing out candy one year to try that
out, knowing that another year of trick-or-treating would still be
appropriate after that. We certainly made it clear that although we
weren't rushing them out of childhood, some families weren't going to
approve, and reminded them that as they got taller, it was even more
important to be courteous to the hosts and to the smaller children and
parents who were out, and it was also a good idea to do their
trick-or-treating either with younger children or in groups no bigger
than two or three, rather than risk being perceived as a danger by
families or by the police. I think they each chose to stop
trick-or-treating after about grade 9, but have both still continued
to celebrate with costumes and friends into young adulthood.

I definitely wouldn't penalize her for being able to express her
feelings in a mature articulate way.


No, I would never do that. A big part of the reason she's being allowed
to go trick-or-treating this year is because she was able to calmly and
articulately explain the reasons why it was important to her. It's
important *to me* that I give her considerations proper weight and show
that, given good reason, I am willing to revisit an issue.

At her age, I certainly
remember feeling anxious about anything that felt like being forced to
give up childhood pleasures before I was ready. Part of me wanted a
summer job and unrestricted privileges in the adult section of the
library and a driver's licence and and a brassiere (probably in that
order of priority!), but part of me wanted to savour the familiar
pleasures of childhood and have some control into how and when I laid
them aside.

Louise


Thanks so much for your response. Lots of great stuff to think about.

She *is* going trick-or-treating this year, by the way. Assuming she
gets her outfit put together in time. She wanted to design and create
her own.

beeswing

 




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