Seeing the forest through the trees

Okay, you know when you're in the thick of something and you feel as if
it's so thick that you are incapable of being creative? Well, here
goes.

My dd 11 is in a bad habit of putting her stick of lip gloss or
chapstick or whatever it is, in her jeans pocket. Can I tell you how
many tubes I have washed and dried? It never really bothered me
because it mostly impacted her; she'd end up with little to none left
and she'd have to use her money to buy new ones. Recently she
complained that her jeans had some marks on them. Calmly I stated that
lip gloss isn't great for jeans (logical consequence, eh?)

Well, today I got angry (she doesn't know). My husband showed me two
shirts with her lip gloss residue that are now ruined. When it boils
down to me having to spend money on shirts; that's where I draw the
line. I don't want to react to her, I do want there to be logical
consequences and my brain has frozen. Obviously, I'm not buying her
lip stuff anymore. And, she hasn't been getting allowance so I can't
tell her she has to pay for new shirts for him.

Any suggestions how I can extinguish the behavior? Sure, I can check
her pockets, but I see that as babysitting and one more thing for me to
have to do as the laundress. I've thought about having her do her own
laundry and just not wash her clothes with ours. How does that sound?
Any other ideas would be greatly appreciated.

In article .com, MsLiz
says...

Okay, you know when you're in the thick of something and you feel as if
it's so thick that you are incapable of being creative? Well, here
goes.

My dd 11 is in a bad habit of putting her stick of lip gloss or
chapstick or whatever it is, in her jeans pocket. Can I tell you how
many tubes I have washed and dried? It never really bothered me
because it mostly impacted her; she'd end up with little to none left
and she'd have to use her money to buy new ones. Recently she
complained that her jeans had some marks on them. Calmly I stated that
lip gloss isn't great for jeans (logical consequence, eh?)

Well, today I got angry (she doesn't know). My husband showed me two
shirts with her lip gloss residue that are now ruined. When it boils
down to me having to spend money on shirts; that's where I draw the
line. I don't want to react to her, I do want there to be logical
consequences and my brain has frozen. Obviously, I'm not buying her
lip stuff anymore. And, she hasn't been getting allowance so I can't
tell her she has to pay for new shirts for him.

Any suggestions how I can extinguish the behavior? Sure, I can check
her pockets, but I see that as babysitting and one more thing for me to
have to do as the laundress. I've thought about having her do her own
laundry and just not wash her clothes with ours.

Yep.

How does that sound?

Like a bingo.

Any other ideas would be greatly appreciated.


So with girls it's lip gloss!

With my boy, when he was 11, it was pens and other stuff stuck in his cargo
pants. Ruined some of my clothes.

So now Kid does own laundry.

Fixes the problem and accomplishes some of the job of parenting to boot.

When I told my son he was doing his own laundry and why, instead of being angry,
he seemed kind of glad. I think he was ready for the independance of it. It's
been 18 months and it's worked fine. It means a few more loads of laundry run,
water, and soap I know. But there's a lot of benefit I think to balance off
forfeiting some laundry efficiency.

Banty

MsLiz wrote:

I've thought about having her do her
own laundry and just not wash her clothes with ours. How does that
sound? Any other ideas would be greatly appreciated.

I don't have any kids this old but I think this sounds like the best plan.
I'm pretty sure I was doing some laundry by 11yo.


--
Nikki
Hunter 4/99
Luke 4/01
EDD 4/06

MsLiz wrote:
Okay, you know when you're in the thick of something and you feel as if
it's so thick that you are incapable of being creative? Well, here
goes.

My dd 11 is in a bad habit of putting her stick of lip gloss or
chapstick or whatever it is, in her jeans pocket. Can I tell you how
many tubes I have washed and dried? It never really bothered me
because it mostly impacted her; she'd end up with little to none left
and she'd have to use her money to buy new ones. Recently she
complained that her jeans had some marks on them. Calmly I stated that
lip gloss isn't great for jeans (logical consequence, eh?)

Well, today I got angry (she doesn't know). My husband showed me two
shirts with her lip gloss residue that are now ruined. When it boils
down to me having to spend money on shirts; that's where I draw the
line. I don't want to react to her, I do want there to be logical
consequences and my brain has frozen. Obviously, I'm not buying her
lip stuff anymore. And, she hasn't been getting allowance so I can't
tell her she has to pay for new shirts for him.


Why no allowance, may I ask?

Any suggestions how I can extinguish the behavior? Sure, I can check
her pockets, but I see that as babysitting and one more thing for me to
have to do as the laundress. I've thought about having her do her own
laundry and just not wash her clothes with ours. How does that sound?
Any other ideas would be greatly appreciated.


I haven't a clue how to extinguish such behavior - I need help with that
myself. But having her do her own laundry would be a great idea. Show
her how to divide her clothes, put them in the washer, add detergent,
etc. That way, if she gets any more lip gloss and she's responsible for
her own clothes.


Jeanne

MsLiz wrote:
Okay, you know when you're in the thick of something and you feel as if
it's so thick that you are incapable of being creative? Well, here
goes.

My dd 11 is in a bad habit of putting her stick of lip gloss or
chapstick or whatever it is, in her jeans pocket. Can I tell you how
many tubes I have washed and dried? It never really bothered me
because it mostly impacted her; she'd end up with little to none left
and she'd have to use her money to buy new ones. Recently she
complained that her jeans had some marks on them. Calmly I stated that
lip gloss isn't great for jeans (logical consequence, eh?)

Well, today I got angry (she doesn't know). My husband showed me two
shirts with her lip gloss residue that are now ruined. When it boils
down to me having to spend money on shirts; that's where I draw the
line. I don't want to react to her, I do want there to be logical
consequences and my brain has frozen. Obviously, I'm not buying her
lip stuff anymore. And, she hasn't been getting allowance so I can't
tell her she has to pay for new shirts for him.

Any suggestions how I can extinguish the behavior? Sure, I can check
her pockets, but I see that as babysitting and one more thing for me to
have to do as the laundress. I've thought about having her do her own
laundry and just not wash her clothes with ours. How does that sound?
Any other ideas would be greatly appreciated.

My kids are very small but i have similar issue with coins etc left in
the pockets. It's just second nature to me to ask the owner of the
clothes (DH), "did you check all your pockets?" before loading them in
the dishwasher. If he says no, then I'll either check them for him or
he'll do it. If you feel that your kid is not ready to do her own
laundry atleast you can ask her to check all pockets, button up all
shirts before bringing the clothes for a wash.

MsLiz wrote:
Okay, you know when you're in the thick of something and you feel as if
it's so thick that you are incapable of being creative? Well, here
goes.

My dd 11 is in a bad habit of putting her stick of lip gloss or
chapstick or whatever it is, in her jeans pocket. Can I tell you how
many tubes I have washed and dried? It never really bothered me
because it mostly impacted her; she'd end up with little to none left
and she'd have to use her money to buy new ones. Recently she
complained that her jeans had some marks on them. Calmly I stated that
lip gloss isn't great for jeans (logical consequence, eh?)

Well, today I got angry (she doesn't know). My husband showed me two
shirts with her lip gloss residue that are now ruined. When it boils
down to me having to spend money on shirts; that's where I draw the
line. I don't want to react to her, I do want there to be logical
consequences and my brain has frozen. Obviously, I'm not buying her
lip stuff anymore. And, she hasn't been getting allowance so I can't
tell her she has to pay for new shirts for him.


Well, she must have SOME money, or what is she using to buy the
lipgloss (as you indicate that she has bought some with her own money)?
I would not insist that an 11 year old make full restitution for the
value of the shirts, but I would insist that she make some contribution
-- perhaps out of holiday or birthday money. Could she do extra chores
around the house to pay off part of the cost?


Any suggestions how I can extinguish the behavior? Sure, I can check
her pockets, but I see that as babysitting and one more thing for me to
have to do as the laundress. I've thought about having her do her own
laundry and just not wash her clothes with ours. How does that sound?
Any other ideas would be greatly appreciated.

Sounds like a great idea!

BTW, be sure to check the inside of your washer and dryer, to make sure
there's not gunk stuck in there that could impact another load.

Barbara

wrote:

My kids are very small but i have similar issue with coins etc left in
the pockets. It's just second nature to me to ask the owner of the
clothes (DH), "did you check all your pockets?" before loading them in
the dishwasher. If he says no, then I'll either check them for him or
he'll do it. If you feel that your kid is not ready to do her own
laundry atleast you can ask her to check all pockets, button up all
shirts before bringing the clothes for a wash.

Ah yes. Tissue paper. Red crayon. On one memorable occasion, the red
wax from a Babybel cheese (I think that was the "don't litter"
prohibition preceding the forgetting of the "check your pockets"
requirement.)

When mine were little, it was just easier for me to check the pockets.
Ask them to check, of course, and then check myself...

Nowadays, they're grown and do their own laundry. Having said that, the
other day I helped one of my kids out. And rescued two sopping wet
20-dollar bills from going down the drain.

It really helps to do each person's laundry separately. It also saves
the guys from having to wear pink underwear when the red shirt that
shouldn't run color, does.

In article .com,
says...



Nowadays, they're grown and do their own laundry. Having said that, the
other day I helped one of my kids out. And rescued two sopping wet
20-dollar bills from going down the drain.

Oh yeah - this reminds me of another rule we have in our house:

What Mom finds, Mom gets to keep.

It serves as an incentive to putting things away.

Banty

Banty wrote:
In article .com,
says...



Nowadays, they're grown and do their own laundry. Having said that, the
other day I helped one of my kids out. And rescued two sopping wet
20-dollar bills from going down the drain.

Oh yeah - this reminds me of another rule we have in our house:

What Mom finds, Mom gets to keep.

It serves as an incentive to putting things away.

Banty

Of only laundered lip gloss were worth something!*!*!*!

On 21 Nov 2005 12:19:05 -0800, Banty wrote:

In article .com,
says...



Nowadays, they're grown and do their own laundry. Having said that, the
other day I helped one of my kids out. And rescued two sopping wet
20-dollar bills from going down the drain.

Oh yeah - this reminds me of another rule we have in our house:

What Mom finds, Mom gets to keep.

It serves as an incentive to putting things away.

Banty

Oh yeah, my ds was always leaving money in his pockets. He learned
quickly.

Nan