DOes it?

Does it ever go away? The pain, the anger, the confusion at having
been abandoned by the one person in the world whom you most trusted?
I was never sure I wanted children in the first place. I did it
because having children made her happy. I bought her a house. I
bought her a new car. Everything I did for her and now she's gone and
I'm left with 4 girls I'm not fit to care for and bills I cannot pay.
How do so many people survive this??????????????????

--

billy

"Dinky" wrote in message
ink.net...


I'm left with 4 girls I'm not fit to care for

Why are you not fit to care for them? Kids don't come with written
instructions, nor does gender automatically make one a better parent.

and bills I cannot pay.

What type bills........utlitties? credit cards? there are many ways
around most problems, the first thing you have to do is swallow some pride
and make a few phone calls to your creditors.....then look to
charities....if you truely cannot afford to support your kids.

How do so many people survive this??????????????????

--

billy

I'm left with 4 girls I'm not fit to care for

Why are you not fit to care for them? Kids don't come with written
instructions, nor does gender automatically make one a better parent.

Your kids are how you are going to pull yourself out of this depression. You
cannot afford to sit around and contemplate your pain. Your children need you.
You have to be fit for them. Your children need you to see that there is joy
and trust and love and happiness in the world. Do it for their sake. Fake it.
After awhile you will discover it's no longer an act.

Joelle
The world is a book and those who do not travel read only one page - St
Augustine
Joelle

"Joelle" wrote in message
...
I'm left with 4 girls I'm not fit to care for

Why are you not fit to care for them? Kids don't come with written
instructions, nor does gender automatically make one a better parent.

Your kids are how you are going to pull yourself out of this depression.
You
cannot afford to sit around and contemplate your pain. Your children
need you.
You have to be fit for them. Your children need you to see that there
is joy
and trust and love and happiness in the world. Do it for their sake.
Fake it.
After awhile you will discover it's no longer an act.


I would add also to show the kids they are the number one priority in your
life, especially when they are young.......whether not not you have material
things, etc, that will be the biggest factor in their
development.......they have already lost one parent, they cannot afford to
lose another.


Joelle
The world is a book and those who do not travel read only one page - St
Augustine
Joelle

"Dinky" wrote in message
ink.net...
Does it ever go away? The pain, the anger, the confusion at having
been abandoned by the one person in the world whom you most trusted?
I was never sure I wanted children in the first place. I did it
because having children made her happy. I bought her a house. I
bought her a new car. Everything I did for her and now she's gone and
I'm left with 4 girls I'm not fit to care for and bills I cannot pay.
How do so many people survive this??????????????????

--

billy

You may find the people on here a little idealist. Being a single parent is
tough. My advice is, don't neglect your own needs, you need to be happy to
be a good parent. I made all the mistakes and continue to make them. If you
have friends, rely on them. Ditto family. Don't try to be superman, remember
you are human. Don't feel guilty if you don't get it right. Just do your
best. If you want to communicate with someone who isn't superhuman and a
superparent but has a sense of humour and can admit to failing, email me.
Shelley.

"Paul Fritz" wrote in message
...
|
| "Dinky" wrote in message
| ink.net...
|
|
| I'm left with 4 girls I'm not fit to care for
|
| Why are you not fit to care for them?

Sorry, bad night, I have quite a few of those.
I don't feel qualified to raise these kids. I'm not a patient
man, never have been. I'm more fit to be a hermit or something. I'm
uncomfortable in groups, I prefer quiet..... loud, high-pitched
noises cause me pain due to my Sensory Integration Disorder, so I get
angry with them very often, I could easily imagine myself becoming
too punitive with them, my wife was the 'control' like the rods in a
uranium pile. She would see me getting too angry with them, and
intervene. AM classes never seem to address my issues. I just can't
see myself being able to do this for AT LEAST the next 14 years. Jess
will be moving out soon, but that will make it worse since she helps
out when she graces me with her exalted presence...am I rambling?
Guess that happens when the only conversation you get is with 4,5 and
7 year olds...oh god...puberty, proms, boyfriends, sex, cars,
money....people at work tell me I should date. Date!! LMAO!!! I
"work" 19-22 hours a day! (single parents know what I mean) I'm 31
years old, lousy job, heavily in debt, I have 4 kids, and I drive a
damn minivan!!! Heh!

"Dinky" wrote in message
link.net...



"Paul Fritz" wrote in message
...
|
| "Dinky" wrote in message
| ink.net...
|
|
| I'm left with 4 girls I'm not fit to care for
|
| Why are you not fit to care for them?

Sorry, bad night, I have quite a few of those.
I don't feel qualified to raise these kids. I'm not a patient
man, never have been. I'm more fit to be a hermit or something. I'm
uncomfortable in groups, I prefer quiet..... loud, high-pitched
noises cause me pain due to my Sensory Integration Disorder, so I get
angry with them very often, I could easily imagine myself becoming
too punitive with them, my wife was the 'control' like the rods in a
uranium pile. She would see me getting too angry with them, and
intervene. AM classes never seem to address my issues. I just can't
see myself being able to do this for AT LEAST the next 14 years. Jess
will be moving out soon, but that will make it worse since she helps
out when she graces me with her exalted presence...am I rambling?
Guess that happens when the only conversation you get is with 4,5 and
7 year olds...oh god...puberty, proms, boyfriends, sex, cars,
money....people at work tell me I should date. Date!! LMAO!!! I
"work" 19-22 hours a day! (single parents know what I mean) I'm 31
years old, lousy job, heavily in debt, I have 4 kids, and I drive a
damn minivan!!! Heh!

So what, been there done that, and I am dealing with the puberty, 14 y.o.
..
parents are stupid, I don't know anything etc. I get ****ed at the high
pitched whine as well (and not just from the NG.) And what the hell is
wrong with driving a mini van? Did it for years, now I have a full size
one. Forget the disorder...they are your kids, there is NOTHING more
precious in the world. Let me tell you, it is even funnier when you try to
have an adult conversation with a women and one of the kid sandwiches
themselves between you and her to 'protect you' Hell I get to angry with
mine at times, then I realize that I am getting angry for the same things
that I did at that age. You have to play wih the hand you were dealt with,

You may find the people on here a little idealist.

WHat the hell are you talking about? There are no idealists here, there are
real flesh and blood people who have been through this and know what they are
talking about.

My advice is, don't neglect your own needs, you need to be happy to
be a good parent.

No, you don't need to be happy to be a good parent. If you are grieving, you
are not happy and you won't be happy for a long time, but you damn sure as hell
can be a good parent.

Joelle


The world is a book and those who do not travel read only one page - St
Augustine
Joelle

I prefer quiet..... loud, high-pitched
noises cause me pain due to my Sensory Integration Disorder, so I get
angry with them very ofte

That is going to have to stop. Whatever it takes. Is there medication?
Therapy? You have to figure out a way not to get angry with the kids.
They've lost their mom. They may even feel like it's their fault, you being
angry is only going to enforce that.

I just can't
see myself being able to do this for AT LEAST the next 14 years.

Okay, don't make any decisions for awhile...but if you seriously cannot handle
these children without subjecting them to your anger, is there someone else who
can take them for awhile?

people at work tell me I should date.

They are full of ****. You absolutely have no business dating. Even if you
didn't have the kids, you are poor relationship material right now. Do not
date. Your kids need your FULL attention.

I think you can do this. I think you relied on Mom too long but I think you
can decide that you can be a good father. This may be the most heroic,
unselfish, important thing you have ever done in your life - I think you are up
to it.

Joelle
The world is a book and those who do not travel read only one page - St
Augustine
Joelle

"Joelle" wrote in message
...
You may find the people on here a little idealist.

WHat the hell are you talking about? There are no idealists here, there
are
real flesh and blood people who have been through this and know what
they are
talking about.

I was going to comment earlier, but I thought I;d already stirred the pot
enough.......idealists.....hell no.......realists.....different story.
People here don;t put up with the 'woe is me" crap.


My advice is, don't neglect your own needs, you need to be happy to
be a good parent.

No, you don't need to be happy to be a good parent. If you are
grieving, you
are not happy and you won't be happy for a long time, but you damn sure
as hell
can be a good parent.

Joelle


The world is a book and those who do not travel read only one page - St
Augustine
Joelle