DOes it?

interspersed and stuff


"Joelle" wrote in message
...

|
| That is going to have to stop. Whatever it takes. Is there
medication?
| Therapy? You have to figure out a way not to get angry with the
kids.
| They've lost their mom. They may even feel like it's their fault,
you being
| angry is only going to enforce that.

Aye, I know. I haven't the money for my meds, I was on Paxil for a
while early last year, and it HELPED. Big. I got my ex to sign off on
the house, and I'm refinancing, which will take some pressure off
financially. One of my priorities should be to get back on it, eh?g



|
| Okay, don't make any decisions for awhile...but if you seriously
cannot handle
| these children without subjecting them to your anger, is there
someone else who
| can take them for awhile?

My (ex) MIL lives next door, and watches the kids when I'm working.
She'd take them any time, but HER mother lives with her, and the
woman is harsh beyond words. I avoid leaving them there unless i have
no choice, but you're right, at any rate. I need to explore my
options in this area.

|
| people at work tell me I should date.
|
| They are full of ****. You absolutely have no business dating.
Even if you
| didn't have the kids, you are poor relationship material right now.
Do not
| date. Your kids need your FULL attention.

Hmm....no, really, tell me how you feel about this, I want to know!
eg

Thanks for your time. I really think I've got a pretty good grip on
this, but the anger and hurt and frustration just comes boiling out
of nowhere some days.

billy

On Tue, 27 Apr 2004 23:52:38 -0400, "Paul Fritz"
wrote:


"Joelle" wrote in message
...
You may find the people on here a little idealist.

WHat the hell are you talking about? There are no idealists here, there
are
real flesh and blood people who have been through this and know what
they are
talking about.

I was going to comment earlier, but I thought I;d already stirred the pot
enough.......idealists.....hell no.......realists.....different story.
People here don;t put up with the 'woe is me" crap.

Actually I do put up with the woe is me crap. I think people need to
purge a goodly amount of woe is me to get on track and this is a good
place to do it. When woe is me is someone's overall outlook on life
and they suck everyone around them under while they're at it, such as
in Bebelestrenge's (sp) situation, then I say something.

lm

"Dinky" wrote in message
ink.net...
Does it ever go away? The pain, the anger, the confusion at having
been abandoned by the one person in the world whom you most trusted?
I was never sure I wanted children in the first place. I did it
because having children made her happy. I bought her a house. I
bought her a new car. Everything I did for her and now she's gone and
I'm left with 4 girls I'm not fit to care for and bills I cannot pay.
How do so many people survive this??????????????????

--

billy



One day at a time. Don't even think about the next few years, just think
about today.

If you can't afford the meds you need, talk to a state program and see what
they can do. If your finances are that bad off, you might get help with your
meds.

Dating? What the hell makes you think you should be dating? If you don't
want to date, why date? Society makes us think we need to have a partner in
order to be normal or some ****. Dating is the last thing you should do to
the kids. Bring strange women around the kids won't help at all. Going out
without the kids every weekend won't help either.

T

"Dinky" wrote in message
link.net...
interspersed and stuff


"Joelle" wrote in message
...

|
| That is going to have to stop. Whatever it takes. Is there
medication?
| Therapy? You have to figure out a way not to get angry with the
kids.
| They've lost their mom. They may even feel like it's their fault,
you being
| angry is only going to enforce that.

Aye, I know. I haven't the money for my meds, I was on Paxil for a
while early last year, and it HELPED. Big. I got my ex to sign off on
the house, and I'm refinancing, which will take some pressure off
financially. One of my priorities should be to get back on it, eh?g



|
| Okay, don't make any decisions for awhile...but if you seriously
cannot handle
| these children without subjecting them to your anger, is there
someone else who
| can take them for awhile?

My (ex) MIL lives next door, and watches the kids when I'm working.
She'd take them any time, but HER mother lives with her, and the
woman is harsh beyond words. I avoid leaving them there unless i have
no choice, but you're right, at any rate. I need to explore my
options in this area.

|
| people at work tell me I should date.
|
| They are full of ****. You absolutely have no business dating.
Even if you
| didn't have the kids, you are poor relationship material right now.
Do not
| date. Your kids need your FULL attention.

Hmm....no, really, tell me how you feel about this, I want to know!
eg

Thanks for your time. I really think I've got a pretty good grip on
this, but the anger and hurt and frustration just comes boiling out
of nowhere some days.

billy


The thing to is the moment you start thinking about the ex or the problems,
focus on something else, if you dwell on it, it just makes it worse. If a
song on the radio triggers a memory, change the channel. In time, the pain
will be less and less to the point where it won't bother you. Be
positive......it is her loss, not yours.

Subject: DOes it?
From: lm
Date: 4/28/2004 7:02 AM Eastern Standard Time
Message-id:

On Tue, 27 Apr 2004 23:52:38 -0400, "Paul Fritz"
wrote:


"Joelle" wrote in message
...
You may find the people on here a little idealist.

WHat the hell are you talking about? There are no idealists here, there
are
real flesh and blood people who have been through this and know what
they are
talking about.

I was going to comment earlier, but I thought I;d already stirred the pot
enough.......idealists.....hell no.......realists.....different story.
People here don;t put up with the 'woe is me" crap.



lm wrote:
Actually I do put up with the woe is me crap. I think people need to
purge a goodly amount of woe is me to get on track and this is a good
place to do it.

I agree that a support group is a good place to get it out on the table. Look
at it from others point of view, yes absolutely, but to have people you don't
know and really do not know you tell you you are a piece of **** parent because
of your past mistakes that you have made for what ever reason, has permanently
damaged your child and that what you are doing to change the hurts and make a
difference in both your own life and your childs life is selfish and "all about
you" really blows me away. I didn't have to open my at one time crappy
existence to anyone? I chose to share what I did to be understood better. I
failed yes, I do not want to fail anymore , I have worked hard to fill in the
cracks that happened in my emotional fall. I am not the same person today . I
am proud of what we have as a family, how we support one another and work
together to be happy and healthy today. It is working for us , I am grateful
for the help we have been given through the medical profession. When things go
atray for families as it did for us, there is all kinds of caring , helpful
organisations , therapists , and people that truelly care about the family
surviving tragic events that create mental health situations. I just don't
understand what happened here and am very sorry I can not participate in this
group as my family and I continue to try to do what is right for us. I wish
this turned out differently.


When woe is me is someone's overall outlook on life
and they suck everyone around them under while they're at it, such as
in Bebelestrenge's (sp) situation, then I say something.


This is such a bunch of crap...... where do I have such an outlook on life? I
don't and this is just so far from what is true . I have a great outlook on the
future for myself and family. There is no one being hurt by the situation in
our home. Our houshold runs well, organised and with much love and concern for
the children in it. We are doing the right thing and that is all.
B

lm

WHOOOOOSH

"Bebelestrnge0721" wrote in message
...
Subject: DOes it?
From: lm
Date: 4/28/2004 7:02 AM Eastern Standard Time
Message-id:

On Tue, 27 Apr 2004 23:52:38 -0400, "Paul Fritz"
wrote:


"Joelle" wrote in message
...
You may find the people on here a little idealist.

WHat the hell are you talking about? There are no idealists here,
there
are
real flesh and blood people who have been through this and know what
they are
talking about.

I was going to comment earlier, but I thought I;d already stirred the
pot
enough.......idealists.....hell no.......realists.....different story.
People here don;t put up with the 'woe is me" crap.



lm wrote:
Actually I do put up with the woe is me crap. I think people need to
purge a goodly amount of woe is me to get on track and this is a good
place to do it.

I agree that a support group is a good place to get it out on the table.
Look
at it from others point of view, yes absolutely, but to have people you
don't
know and really do not know you tell you you are a piece of **** parent
because
of your past mistakes that you have made for what ever reason, has
permanently
damaged your child and that what you are doing to change the hurts and
make a
difference in both your own life and your childs life is selfish and "all
about
you" really blows me away. I didn't have to open my at one time crappy
existence to anyone? I chose to share what I did to be understood better.
I
failed yes, I do not want to fail anymore , I have worked hard to fill in
the
cracks that happened in my emotional fall. I am not the same person today
.. I
am proud of what we have as a family, how we support one another and work
together to be happy and healthy today. It is working for us , I am
grateful
for the help we have been given through the medical profession. When
things go
atray for families as it did for us, there is all kinds of caring ,
helpful
organisations , therapists , and people that truelly care about the family
surviving tragic events that create mental health situations. I just don't
understand what happened here and am very sorry I can not participate in
this
group as my family and I continue to try to do what is right for us. I
wish
this turned out differently.


When woe is me is someone's overall outlook on life
and they suck everyone around them under while they're at it, such as
in Bebelestrenge's (sp) situation, then I say something.


This is such a bunch of crap...... where do I have such an outlook on
life? I
don't and this is just so far from what is true . I have a great outlook
on the
future for myself and family. There is no one being hurt by the situation
in
our home. Our houshold runs well, organised and with much love and concern
for
the children in it. We are doing the right thing and that is all.
B

lm

Dating? What the hell makes you think you should be dating? If you don't
want to date, why date? Society makes us think we need to have a partner
in
order to be normal or some ****. Dating is the last thing you should do to
the kids. Bring strange women around the kids won't help at all. Going out
without the kids every weekend won't help either.

T

Says who? We all need a break. We can't all be devoted earth
mothers/fathers. Dating isn't compulsory but eventually he will want to.
Going out without the kids should be compulsory.

Dating is the last thing you should do to
the kids

Says who?

People who know what they are talking about.l

We all need a break.

That's not the same as devoting energy that needs to be directed at the kids.
There's only so much energy to allocate. Right now, the kids need all he can
muster.

We can't all be devoted earth
mothers/fathers.

I don't know what earth has to do with it, but I don't know why you can't be a
devoted mother or father.

but eventually he will want to.

Sure, and after awhile, it will be right. But just because you want to do
something doens't mean it's a good thing to do.

Going out without the kids should be compulsory.

Taking a break once in awhile to be with other adults, adult conversation,
socializing, yes. Getting involved in a romantic relationship right now will
take time, resources and energy from the kids - and they need it more.

Joelle
The world is a book and those who do not travel read only one page - St
Augustine
Joelle

"Joelle" wrote in message
...
Dating is the last thing you should do to
the kids

Says who?

People who know what they are talking about.l

We all need a break.

That's not the same as devoting energy that needs to be directed at the
kids.
There's only so much energy to allocate. Right now, the kids need all he
can
muster.

We can't all be devoted earth
mothers/fathers.

I don't know what earth has to do with it, but I don't know why you can't
be a
devoted mother or father.

but eventually he will want to.

Sure, and after awhile, it will be right. But just because you want to do
something doens't mean it's a good thing to do.

Going out without the kids should be compulsory.

Taking a break once in awhile to be with other adults, adult conversation,
socializing, yes. Getting involved in a romantic relationship right now
will
take time, resources and energy from the kids - and they need it more.

Joelle


Yeah, what she said. Thanks Joelle.... you saved me some energy.

T

"P.Fritz" wrote in message
...
|
| The thing to is the moment you start thinking about the ex or the
problems,
| focus on something else, if you dwell on it, it just makes it
worse. If a


Easier said than done, but true enough.



aside Wonderful. Bottom posting is annoying enough, couple that
with the apparent "no snipping" rule in this group...wow..eg

/me ducks


billy