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Wife Miscarried: Wife Wants Resume Intercourse



 
 
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  #1  
Old May 9th 06, 10:03 PM posted to misc.kids.pregnancy
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Default Wife Miscarried: Wife Wants Resume Intercourse

OK, please do NOT flame me for that title. I am NOT pressuring my wife to
have intercourse right after miscarriage; actually, SHE is the one being
aggressive.

I did post earlier saying that my wife had started spotting last Thursday,
asked on Sunday if there was a point to going to hospital. Well yesterday
the bleeding exploded, and even some blood "clots" came out, in fact one of
them appeared to be a small placenta.

Obviously we went to the hospital and yes, a pap smear showed tissue
"left-overs" and in fact she had miscarried. It's a done deal now.

She has not mourned that much yesterday & today, I don't think it's a case
of "it hasn't set in yet," because she actually mourned quite a lot from
Thursday 'til now as she sort of assumed a miscarriage was happening.

At any rate the nurse practioner (not the doctor) advised waiting 6 weeks
before we have sex again, and said that actually chances of pregnancy are
very high right after miscarried but that she highly does not recommend
this.

Let me stress: if this is what they recommend, and if this is medically the
right thing to do, I am OK with that. It is my WIFE who is pretty much
saying "heck with them, let's have sex now once the bleeding stops if we
feel like it." If it won't be damaging to her psychologically or physically,
fine, but if any damage is inevitable then I'm going to wait.

Let me conclude by saying that I don't THINK she is trying to "rebound make
a baby" as it were, she has stated wanted to name the fetus "Angel" and
honor it as a deceased baby in its own right, separate and unique from any
other babies which may or may not follow. So the "rebound make a baby"
doesn't SEEM to be the motivation."

Tips? Thanks.


  #2  
Old May 9th 06, 10:15 PM posted to misc.kids.pregnancy
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Default Wife Miscarried: Wife Wants Resume Intercourse


"spotting" wrote in message
. com...
OK, please do NOT flame me for that title. I am NOT pressuring my wife to
have intercourse right after miscarriage; actually, SHE is the one being
aggressive.

......
Let me conclude by saying that I don't THINK she is trying to "rebound
make a baby" as it were, she has stated wanted to name the fetus "Angel"
and honor it as a deceased baby in its own right, separate and unique from
any other babies which may or may not follow. So the "rebound make a baby"
doesn't SEEM to be the motivation."

Tips? Thanks.

No flaming going to come from me and I'm very sorry to hear of your loss.
How far along was your wife? I was advised when I miscarried at 6 weeks
that we could start again when we were ready. Medical professionals have
very different opinions on whether to try straight away or not. We did try
that month. I should warn you that the first month trying and failing is
very hard emotionally. I don't know whether it would make a difference
waiting a month or not but for me it was almost like going through a
miscarriage again. The other thing is that sometimes the first cycle post
miscarriage can be very different and this can mess with your head a bit.
As for whether your wife is trying to rebound make a baby, she very possibly
is as a huge number of women I know who have miscarried have tried that.
But is that necessarily a bad thing? When you lose a baby you want nothing
more than to get pregnant as quickly as possible.

Best wishes to you guys in whatever you decide.


  #3  
Old May 9th 06, 10:15 PM posted to misc.kids.pregnancy
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Default Wife Miscarried: Wife Wants Resume Intercourse

you seem generally worried about your wife.
here we wait about 2 weeks or atleast until the bleeding stops
to resume anything after a misscarriage. I'm not sure how far along your
wife was, that can have a factor on why they told you to wait so long

Jennifer
Ariana 8/17/03
Alex 6/4/05

"spotting" wrote in message
. com...
OK, please do NOT flame me for that title. I am NOT pressuring my wife to
have intercourse right after miscarriage; actually, SHE is the one being
aggressive.

I did post earlier saying that my wife had started spotting last Thursday,
asked on Sunday if there was a point to going to hospital. Well yesterday
the bleeding exploded, and even some blood "clots" came out, in fact one
of them appeared to be a small placenta.

Obviously we went to the hospital and yes, a pap smear showed tissue
"left-overs" and in fact she had miscarried. It's a done deal now.

She has not mourned that much yesterday & today, I don't think it's a case
of "it hasn't set in yet," because she actually mourned quite a lot from
Thursday 'til now as she sort of assumed a miscarriage was happening.

At any rate the nurse practioner (not the doctor) advised waiting 6 weeks
before we have sex again, and said that actually chances of pregnancy are
very high right after miscarried but that she highly does not recommend
this.

Let me stress: if this is what they recommend, and if this is medically
the right thing to do, I am OK with that. It is my WIFE who is pretty much
saying "heck with them, let's have sex now once the bleeding stops if we
feel like it." If it won't be damaging to her psychologically or
physically, fine, but if any damage is inevitable then I'm going to wait.

Let me conclude by saying that I don't THINK she is trying to "rebound
make a baby" as it were, she has stated wanted to name the fetus "Angel"
and honor it as a deceased baby in its own right, separate and unique from
any other babies which may or may not follow. So the "rebound make a baby"
doesn't SEEM to be the motivation."

Tips? Thanks.



  #4  
Old May 9th 06, 10:32 PM posted to misc.kids.pregnancy
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Posts: n/a
Default Wife Miscarried: Wife Wants Resume Intercourse

She was 9 weeks along.

Also, she & I were at the hospital last Thursday when the spotting first
started. My post probably made it sound as if we waited until Monday to go
to the hospital first thing. Not so. Monday (last night) was the 2nd
hospital visit, Thursday was the 1st.

"spotting" wrote in message
. com...
OK, please do NOT flame me for that title. I am NOT pressuring my wife to
have intercourse right after miscarriage; actually, SHE is the one being
aggressive.

I did post earlier saying that my wife had started spotting last Thursday,
asked on Sunday if there was a point to going to hospital. Well yesterday
the bleeding exploded, and even some blood "clots" came out, in fact one
of them appeared to be a small placenta.

Obviously we went to the hospital and yes, a pap smear showed tissue
"left-overs" and in fact she had miscarried. It's a done deal now.

She has not mourned that much yesterday & today, I don't think it's a case
of "it hasn't set in yet," because she actually mourned quite a lot from
Thursday 'til now as she sort of assumed a miscarriage was happening.

At any rate the nurse practioner (not the doctor) advised waiting 6 weeks
before we have sex again, and said that actually chances of pregnancy are
very high right after miscarried but that she highly does not recommend
this.

Let me stress: if this is what they recommend, and if this is medically
the right thing to do, I am OK with that. It is my WIFE who is pretty much
saying "heck with them, let's have sex now once the bleeding stops if we
feel like it." If it won't be damaging to her psychologically or
physically, fine, but if any damage is inevitable then I'm going to wait.

Let me conclude by saying that I don't THINK she is trying to "rebound
make a baby" as it were, she has stated wanted to name the fetus "Angel"
and honor it as a deceased baby in its own right, separate and unique from
any other babies which may or may not follow. So the "rebound make a baby"
doesn't SEEM to be the motivation."

Tips? Thanks.



  #5  
Old May 9th 06, 11:09 PM posted to misc.kids.pregnancy
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Posts: n/a
Default Wife Miscarried: Wife Wants Resume Intercourse

sorry you lost the baby, I was crossing my fingers for you

I think you should have intercourse but use protection, if you deny your
wife now when she is mourning (even if she doesn't admit it), she may end up
feeling rejected my you, which is the last thing you want.

If she doesn't want to use protection just repeat to her gently that you've
been advised to wait 6 weeks and that you have her best interests at heart.

Cheers

Anne


  #6  
Old May 9th 06, 11:24 PM posted to misc.kids.pregnancy
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Default Wife Miscarried: Wife Wants Resume Intercourse


Sorry for your loss. I have had 2 early misc. also. I am sure having
sex will not hurt as long as you use protection. Also I have found out
that waiting at least 2 monthly cycles before ttc so your wifes uterus
can builds its lining back up & support a pregnancy better. Also I have
to ask is your wife on at least 400 mcg folic acid ? Reason is I
recently lost my son to a fatal birth defect which may have been
prevented by taking folic acid before conception(cut the chances by up
to 70%).
Good luck with ttc.
Nicole

  #7  
Old May 10th 06, 12:56 AM posted to misc.kids.pregnancy
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Default Wife Miscarried: Wife Wants Resume Intercourse


My condolences to both of you.

I had a MC this time last year, which I posted about. If you or your
wife are interested in stories similar to your own, reading mine in the
google archive of this group might help. Briefly, I knew at about 9
weeks a MC was almost certain, but it didn't happen until 12 weeks. I
loved that baby from its conception and I grieved bitterly all those
weeks we waited for the MC. (I am crying now, remembering my poor lost
baby.) Once the MC came, in a way it was a great relief. Closure. I
wanted to get on with baby making. DH was reluctant, thinking MC
equals illness. It was not! The MC was exactly the healthy outcome of
that pregnancy. I think it is very important to make this distinction.
An MC *may* equal perfect health but bad luck.

My MW told me she used to recommend waiting some months. Then some
weeks. But she learned from long (!) experience that it makes no
difference whatsoever. We started trying again that month; we
conceived my current pregancy 6 months later. I am now at 20 weeks.
Now, in retrospect, I think it might have been emotionally easier for
me if we had waited 6 months to try. We conceived on the lost baby's
due date, and this has been emotionally painful for me. But on the
other hand I am "old": I felt (and still feel) very deeply that we
could not afford to wait before trying again because I might not have
that many months left on my biological clock.

You both can and should start trying to make a baby as soon as you both
feel ready. You both can and should resume intercourse, with or
without contraception, as soon as you both feel ready. If your wife
ovulates this month, it will happen in the next week or two. If you
can, please try to think about sex and conception independently. That
tends to simplify the decision process. Try to focus on why the MC
occurred: was there a maternal problem, or was it the result of a
genetic or developmental error in the fetus? Fetal error is by far the
most common reason for MC. If the former, you might want to delay
making a baby for a time, while investigating the problem. But even in
that case there is no medical reason to avoid sexual activity per se.
A first trimester MC is not much different from a regular period, as
far as the woman's physiology is concerned.

Again, the key is that you both feel ready. Whatever that means,
defining it is entirely up to you.

Good luck!

  #8  
Old May 10th 06, 02:18 AM posted to misc.kids.pregnancy
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Default Wife Miscarried: Wife Wants Resume Intercourse

I also have miscarriaged and you have to do what you are ready to do.
My husband and I tried right away partly bc we found healing in each
other's arms and partly bc we felt ready to strat again, but it was
more making love than times for conception. Just regrouping and
reconnecting at first.

I am sorry for your loss

Kath

 




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