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teenager breaking curfew



 
 
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  #1  
Old March 9th 08, 03:53 PM posted to misc.kids
Tony
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Posts: 4
Default teenager breaking curfew

G'morning.

I just joined this group looking for some advice. My ex-wife & I have
joint custody of my teenage daughter who just turned 18 this past
week. Sometime last fall, she broke curfew at my place & I punished
her accordingly. Now she's broken curfew at her mom's. My ex-wife
wants to punish my daughter & wishes that I 'match' the same
punishment at my place. Basically, to be on the same page. I disagree.
I don't have as many problems with my daughter as does my ex-wife.

Advice?
  #2  
Old March 9th 08, 04:04 PM posted to misc.kids
MarieD
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Posts: 10
Default teenager breaking curfew

"Tony" wrote in message
...
G'morning.

I just joined this group looking for some advice. My ex-wife & I have
joint custody of my teenage daughter who just turned 18 this past
week. Sometime last fall, she broke curfew at my place & I punished
her accordingly. Now she's broken curfew at her mom's. My ex-wife
wants to punish my daughter & wishes that I 'match' the same
punishment at my place. Basically, to be on the same page. I disagree.
I don't have as many problems with my daughter as does my ex-wife.


I'm wondering why an 18 year old has a curfew?
Marie


  #3  
Old March 9th 08, 04:34 PM posted to misc.kids
Banty
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Posts: 2,278
Default teenager breaking curfew

In article ,
Tony says...

G'morning.

I just joined this group looking for some advice. My ex-wife & I have
joint custody of my teenage daughter who just turned 18 this past
week. Sometime last fall, she broke curfew at my place & I punished
her accordingly. Now she's broken curfew at her mom's. My ex-wife
wants to punish my daughter & wishes that I 'match' the same
punishment at my place. Basically, to be on the same page. I disagree.
I don't have as many problems with my daughter as does my ex-wife.

Advice?


She's 18 - enough with the curfew.

Banty

  #4  
Old March 9th 08, 04:50 PM posted to misc.kids
Tony
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Posts: 4
Default teenager breaking curfew

On Mar 9, 11:34 am, Banty wrote:
In article ,
Tony says...



G'morning.


I just joined this group looking for some advice. My ex-wife & I have
joint custody of my teenage daughter who just turned 18 this past
week. Sometime last fall, she broke curfew at my place & I punished
her accordingly. Now she's broken curfew at her mom's. My ex-wife
wants to punish my daughter & wishes that I 'match' the same
punishment at my place. Basically, to be on the same page. I disagree.
I don't have as many problems with my daughter as does my ex-wife.


Advice?


She's 18 - enough with the curfew.

Banty


Ok, I get it. No curfew for an 18 yrs old. Thank you.

What about honoring rules in both homes? I have my own set of rules
as does my ex. I don't think I should punish her for something she did
at her mom's/ Let her deal with it.
  #5  
Old March 9th 08, 05:02 PM posted to misc.kids
Banty
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Posts: 2,278
Default teenager breaking curfew

In article ,
Tony says...

On Mar 9, 11:34 am, Banty wrote:
In article ,
Tony says...



G'morning.


I just joined this group looking for some advice. My ex-wife & I have
joint custody of my teenage daughter who just turned 18 this past
week. Sometime last fall, she broke curfew at my place & I punished
her accordingly. Now she's broken curfew at her mom's. My ex-wife
wants to punish my daughter & wishes that I 'match' the same
punishment at my place. Basically, to be on the same page. I disagree.
I don't have as many problems with my daughter as does my ex-wife.


Advice?


She's 18 - enough with the curfew.

Banty


Ok, I get it. No curfew for an 18 yrs old. Thank you.

What about honoring rules in both homes? I have my own set of rules
as does my ex. I don't think I should punish her for something she did
at her mom's/ Let her deal with it.


You want a validation of your argument with your wife - gee I don't know. What
*was* your arrangement as far as handling these things?

I'm afraid you're going to see more 'big picture' responses here - you're not
likely to get a stranger to limit themselves to decide if he or she is going to
pony up for your side, or your ex's side, of your current little squabble. If
you look at the implied conclusion of what has already been unanimously said - I
guess your answer is "you're right". But for a different reason - not because
particulars of what's going on between you and your ex on this squabble, but
because of the relationship that you should not be building with your *now adult
daughter*.

(Gosh, it strikes me again and again how this post-divorce stuff so often
focusses on the failed relationship between the two adults, in guise of concern
for the kids.)

I'm even wondering if you still actually by your state's rules have a joint
custody arrangement. Do you?

Banty

  #6  
Old March 9th 08, 05:06 PM posted to misc.kids
Banty
external usenet poster
 
Posts: 2,278
Default teenager breaking curfew

In article , Banty says...

In article ,
Tony says...

On Mar 9, 11:34 am, Banty wrote:
In article ,
Tony says...



G'morning.

I just joined this group looking for some advice. My ex-wife & I have
joint custody of my teenage daughter who just turned 18 this past
week. Sometime last fall, she broke curfew at my place & I punished
her accordingly. Now she's broken curfew at her mom's. My ex-wife
wants to punish my daughter & wishes that I 'match' the same
punishment at my place. Basically, to be on the same page. I disagree.
I don't have as many problems with my daughter as does my ex-wife.

Advice?

She's 18 - enough with the curfew.

Banty


Ok, I get it. No curfew for an 18 yrs old. Thank you.

What about honoring rules in both homes? I have my own set of rules
as does my ex. I don't think I should punish her for something she did
at her mom's/ Let her deal with it.


You want a validation of your argument with your wife - gee I don't know. What
*was* your arrangement as far as handling these things?

I'm afraid you're going to see more 'big picture' responses here - you're not
likely to get a stranger to limit themselves to decide if he or she is going to
pony up for your side, or your ex's side, of your current little squabble. If
you look at the implied conclusion of what has already been unanimously said - I
guess your answer is "you're right". But for a different reason - not because
particulars of what's going on between you and your ex on this squabble, but
because of the relationship that you should not be building with your *now adult
daughter*.


That's a finger fumble I must correct:

Your focus should be on the relationship you should *now* (correcting my 'not')
be building with your now adult daughter.

Banty

Your

  #7  
Old March 9th 08, 11:38 PM posted to misc.kids
Michelle J. Haines
external usenet poster
 
Posts: 66
Default teenager breaking curfew

Banty wrote:

I'm even wondering if you still actually by your state's rules have a joint
custody arrangement. Do you?


In some states the age of majority is not until 19, so if he lives in
one of those, then the girl isn't an adult and they probably do still
have custody. Take it down a notch there, Banty.

Michelle
Flutist
  #8  
Old March 9th 08, 11:59 PM posted to misc.kids
Banty
external usenet poster
 
Posts: 2,278
Default teenager breaking curfew

In article , Michelle J. Haines says...

Banty wrote:

I'm even wondering if you still actually by your state's rules have a joint
custody arrangement. Do you?


In some states the age of majority is not until 19, so if he lives in
one of those, then the girl isn't an adult and they probably do still
have custody. Take it down a notch there, Banty.


Let's notch down together then, Michelle. I was *asking*. See - -

? -- that's a question mark

Banty

  #9  
Old March 10th 08, 01:43 AM posted to misc.kids
deja.blues
external usenet poster
 
Posts: 242
Default teenager breaking curfew


"Michelle J. Haines" wrote in message
...
Banty wrote:

I'm even wondering if you still actually by your state's rules have a
joint
custody arrangement. Do you?


In some states the age of majority is not until 19, so if he lives in one
of those, then the girl isn't an adult and they probably do still have
custody. Take it down a notch there, Banty.


The OP is from Canada.


  #10  
Old March 9th 08, 05:19 PM posted to misc.kids
enigma
external usenet poster
 
Posts: 447
Default teenager breaking curfew

Tony wrote in

oups.com:

Ok, I get it. No curfew for an 18 yrs old. Thank you.


you do, however, have the right to know where she is going &
with whom as long as she's under your roof.

What about honoring rules in both homes? I have my own set
of rules as does my ex. I don't think I should punish her
for something she did at her mom's/ Let her deal with it.


you are correct. she should be following the house rules, as
long as they are sensible ones. it is not helpful to
micromanage a young adult.
and no, you should *not* be punishing her for breaking a rule
that isn't yours. if her mother is micromanaging, then
daughter will likely soon get fed up & move out, thereby
limiting mom's influence. you don't need (or want) to get
involved enough to also alienate your daughter... especially
not over *this* issue!
there might be things (drugs/alcohol) where you would want to
team up with mom. choose your battles though.
lee
--
Last night while sitting in my chair
I pinged a host that wasn't there
It wasn't there again today
The host resolved to NSA.
 




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