pregnant 17 year old

Circe wrote:

Japan is a notable exception in that it is both democratic and has a very
low divorce rate. It also, however, has a fairly low marriage rate along
with an exceptionally low birth rate (it has negative population growth at
this point) and both are falling. So, while it's possible that Japan will
always have a low divorce rate for cultural reasons, it doesn't look to me
like that's contributing to particularly healthy FAMILIES, at least from a
perspective of maintaining the current social structure.

Actually, there are a lot of things going on in Japan
today. The divorce rate is skyrocketing among retired couples,
largely because once the husband is no longer outside the
home nearly all the time (long work hours plus socializing
away from home and family in the evenings), they come home
and expect to be waited on hand and foot. This has been
driving their wives so crazy that they even have a name
for the medical disorder caused by the stress and frustration
of having them home: Retired Husband Syndrome. There
are now self help books flying off the shelves telling
the wives how to cope and the husbands how to grow up
and change their attitude about how they should behave
at home. There are even "retraining" classes for the
husbands. A system that is so dysfunctional that when
the husbands actually come home, they drive their wives
to serious physical illness doesn't sound particularly
functional to me.

Best wishes,
Ericka

Japan also has a sky-high abortion rate; not an indicator of ideal
marriage and family status in my book.

But Ericka, I don't think you're going to get anywhere with agsf by
quoting negative effects of marriage and husbands' behavior on women.
For him, that's as it should be. The sooner the old bag goes nuts and
jumps off a bridge, the sooner agsf can remarry a younger trophy wife
and start driving her crazy. For agsf, the health and happiness of a
marriage is measured according to the interests of the husband: nobody
else's needs or well-being matter.

alath wrote:
Japan also has a sky-high abortion rate; not an indicator of ideal
marriage and family status in my book.

But didn't they just get the birth control pill? I think Japan had
Viagra before the pill. I don't think I can judge a country where women
are forced to use abortion as a birth control method when denied others.

Jacqueline

"Cuddlefish" wrote in message
news:jXa7f.294701$tl2.290096@pd7tw3no...
alath wrote:
Japan also has a sky-high abortion rate; not an indicator of ideal
marriage and family status in my book.

But didn't they just get the birth control pill? I think Japan had Viagra
before the pill. I don't think I can judge a country where women are
forced to use abortion as a birth control method when denied others.

Looks like the pill was approved for sale and use in Japan in 1999, but as
of 2004, only about 1.3% of women were choosing to use it. OTOH, it doesn't
sound from what I read as though access to birth control is a major problem;
condom use appears to be pretty high and traditionally, prevention of
pregnancy has been seen as more the job of the man than the woman. Despite
low usage of the pill, teen pregnancy rates are low and the abortion rate,
although it has always been high, has dropped by about a quarter since 1990.
--
Be well, Barbara

I dont know about the state you live in but I know in NH 16 is the age of
concent.. does not matter how old either party is as long as they are 16+

Tori

"Chris" wrote in message
news:AJu1f.649$UF4.281@fed1read02...

"V." wrote in message
oups.com...

Chris wrote:
My stepdaughter decided to get pregnant again. The first pregnancy did
not
come to term. She will be 18 next month. Her mother prefers to have
her
continue to live in our home even though I informed both of them the
first
time around that I refused to allow a second family to live here.
Mother
claims that she will not be able to make it financially if she moves
out.
The father claims that he will help out and that they will live
together. He
was dead against the first pregnancy, but now agrees to help with this
one.
(change of heart?)

Although she carries a part time job, her daughter is basically lazy
and
has
no concern for personal/financial responsibility. The reason why I
will
not
allow a second family to live here is because my marriage (first
family)
is
already hanging on a thread. Another family will only add to our
troubles,
not to mention that we cannot afford to support another family.

Any suggestions?

There are independent living programs for teenagers, and even more for
teenage mothers. You can access these either through religious groups
or through private agencies. She will also qualify for WIC and other
welfare type programs (and will get more if she lives apart from you).

Doesn't make sense to me, but at least it's to our advantage.

In my state it's called TANF (temporary aid to needy families), but
your state may differ.

My wife informs me that she is already getting some kind of medical
welfare
assistance and just now told me that she has a WIC appointment today.
However, she also informs me that the waiting list for Section 8 (HUD) is
over THREE years! What good is that for someone who needs it now? Seems to
me that housing assistance is the highest priority since it generally
costs
more than the other necessities. I know absolutely nothing about welfare,
except that I have to pay an awful lot to support such programs. Now you
know why I can not afford to support her daughter and baby.

Google terms like "teen mother program", "independent living program",
"homeless youth outreach" (they'd be able to let you know what options
are available in your area). Check out your state's website for
programs for teen moms.

Will definitely check these out!

She can access these kinds of programs whether she is planning to
parent or considering adoption (although it sounds like she wants to
parent).

Her mother says that she is unable to care for herself. Based on that, I
concluded that since she is unable to care for herself, then she is unable
to care for her baby, thus adoption is the answer. But her child says "no
way"! Am I wrong?

There are communtiy supports available for teen couples who
are parenting and live on their own. I've worked with teen parents
before, and IMHO they stand a better chance of being good parents and
forming a family of their own if they do live on their own with
supports. Often teen parents/couples that live with family end up not
learning how to do the parenting themselves or how to be their own
family.

I agree!

Actually, a good place to access a resource list would be your
local WIC office. http://www.fns.usda.gov/wic/

I briefly looked over the site and noticed the "poor diet" requirement. I
can certainly give testimony to that. Not a big fan of government
handouts,
but at least these benefits appear to be actual food products as opposed
to
cash which is often used to purchase narcotics, alcohol, and lottery
tickets. A step in the right direction. I will review the site in more
detail.

Also, many maternity
units at hospitals have social workers especially for teen moms,
low-income moms, etc.
HTH,
Amy

Thank you Amy. I will pass all this information on to my wife and
stepdaughter.
Just curious, the father was a legal adult at the time of BOTH
conceptions.
Are there statutory rape laws or is that just my imagination?

I'm not trying to judge a country - just pointing out that there are
problems everywhere. People who look at comparative statistics across
countries often point to Japan as being some kind of ideal society
because of low infant mortality, low crime, etc.; in this case it was a
low divorce rate being cited as indicative of marital/family dynamics
in Japanese culture. I was just pointing out that like everywhere, they
have their problems too, and if one is contemplating using another
culture as one's model then one has to take the good with the bad. If
Japan has highly restrictive birth control laws, that could certainly
affect their abortion rates - presumably this also reflects cultural or
social factors there. If policies favoring abortion instead of
contraception do really reflect Japanese cultural values (mind you I am
not asserting that they do, this is an IF), then I think that's another
reason to reconsider whether Japan is the cultural/social model we want
to emulate.

If you ask your wife to choose between her daughter and her "marriage
hanging by a thread" husband, her daughter will win, and rightly so.

To understand you correctly, are you saying that a woman's commitment to
her
daughter ought to trump her commitment to her husband?

In a secound marage.. yes.

Tori

"Tori M" wrote in message
...

If you ask your wife to choose between her daughter and her "marriage
hanging by a thread" husband, her daughter will win, and rightly so.

To understand you correctly, are you saying that a woman's commitment to
her
daughter ought to trump her commitment to her husband?

In a secound marage.. yes.

Then we know who she's REALLY married to.


Tori

"Chris" wrote in message
news:zRz7f.3411$UF4.569@fed1read02...

"Tori M" wrote in message
...

If you ask your wife to choose between her daughter and her
"marriage
hanging by a thread" husband, her daughter will win, and rightly so.

To understand you correctly, are you saying that a woman's commitment
to
her
daughter ought to trump her commitment to her husband?

In a secound marage.. yes.

Then we know who she's REALLY married to.

She had the children first and she chose to bring you into their life.. they
had little to no say.. My mom has always made it clear to me and my
brother that if it was between me and any man we would win. My step dad was
told that before he moved in. And no it isnt Marrage it is parental
responcebility

Tori

Tori,
Don't get into it with this thread...it's been going on way way way too
long, and nothing you say will change his mind.
--

Jamie
Earth Angels:
Taylor Marlys, 1/3/03 -- My Big Girl, who started preschool, and loved it!
Addison Grace, 9/30/04 -- My Little Walker, who wants nothing more than to
go explore the world!

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"Tori M" wrote in message
...

"Chris" wrote in message
news:zRz7f.3411$UF4.569@fed1read02...

"Tori M" wrote in message
...

If you ask your wife to choose between her daughter and her
"marriage
hanging by a thread" husband, her daughter will win, and rightly
so.

To understand you correctly, are you saying that a woman's commitment
to
her
daughter ought to trump her commitment to her husband?

In a secound marage.. yes.

Then we know who she's REALLY married to.

She had the children first and she chose to bring you into their life..
they
had little to no say.. My mom has always made it clear to me and my
brother that if it was between me and any man we would win. My step dad
was
told that before he moved in. And no it isnt Marrage it is parental
responcebility

Tori