Is there an equation ?

"Ian" wrote in message
...

"Sophie" wrote in message
...
Wow, lucky for our kids we're not so selfish or materialistic. Or
clueless
about what it's like to have more than one child.


Why is it selfish to stick with one? I like my free time, more money.
Those
things are important to me. Is it selfish to want to be happy? Usually
when
people start name calling its because they are jealous. And I do come from
a
family of 4 siblings, so I am MORE than aware of what its like.



OMG jealous?? Hardly. 4 children is exactly what my husband and I pictured
for our family and in July we'll have it. I feel sorry for an only child
and I know saying that here will get me in trouble but oh well - lol.

"Ian" wrote in message
...
Why is it selfish to stick with one? I like my free time, more
money. Those things are important to me. Is it selfish to want
to be happy? Usually when people start name calling its
because they are jealous. And I do come from a family of
4 siblings, so I am MORE than aware of what its like.

If you want to stick with one child then just don't have any more. You
don't need to be defensive and you're not going to get most parents of
two or more children to agree with you that one is better, obviously,
since that's not what they chose themselves. They must have had their
reasons for having more, just as you have your reasons for not wanting
more. I haven't read the whole thread but I sincerely doubt anyone is
jealous of you. I will say that I am currently struggling with having
two and if you're not sure you can handle another you're best off
sticking with one. I do look back on my days with one and think how
much easier things were and I didn't even realize how good I had it. So
if that is the answer you were looking for there it is.
--
Cheryl S.
Mom to Julie, 2 yr., 9 mo.
And Jaden, 4 months

Cleaning the house while your children are small is like
shoveling the sidewalk while it's still snowing.

Kari wrote:

I can think
of though that are the big "extras" because everything else big like
housing, cars, utilities, we would be spending the same on with 1 or
3.

Well, we wouldn't. If we had two kids instead of three, we'd be in a smaller
house and very likely a smaller car.

--Helen

I can relate, kinda. We're cramped in
this house with 3 and we plan on 1 more. Our mortage is less than
yours but the houses we're looking at

I wouldn't bet on it but I live in South Dakota so you get a decent house
for your buck ;-)

Looking back on your first post, when you said $1250, I thought that was
your mortgage and I guess that is your sq ft! Lol. But we live in
remote-land USA in upstate NY, cheapo taxes, houses are not much at all,
even buying brand new. The house we're interested in is nearly 3000 sq ft,
having it built + land is about 250K for everything. Here's the link to it
http://www.bardenhomes.com/new%20pla.../hollister.htm Im totally in
love with it!! We're just looking for a good piece of land and saving,
saving, saving!!
Pretty reasonable compared to much of the rest of the country though.

:-) I never agree with my dh on finacial issues.
--
Nikki

Don't even get me *started* on that issue!!!!

Kari

Well, we wouldn't. If we had two kids instead of three, we'd be in a
smaller
house and very likely a smaller car.

--Helen

I hear that a lot, because we didnt do *any* adjusting from #2 to #3. Same
house, same cars. I know that isn't true for a lot of people, probably not
for most actually but for us it was. We were lucky enough to have a 4
bedroom house so the kids still have their own rooms and we will still be
here with #4 probably, and the 2 boys will share. We WILL need a new vehicle
then but right now Im cramming all 3 in my Saturn, not the mid-size one
either, lol

Kari

"Cheryl S." wrote in message
...
"Ian" wrote in message
...
Why is it selfish to stick with one? I like my free time, more
money. Those things are important to me. Is it selfish to want
to be happy? Usually when people start name calling its
because they are jealous. And I do come from a family of
4 siblings, so I am MORE than aware of what its like.

If you want to stick with one child then just don't have any more. You
don't need to be defensive and you're not going to get most parents of
two or more children to agree with you that one is better, obviously,
since that's not what they chose themselves. They must have had their
reasons for having more, just as you have your reasons for not wanting
more. I haven't read the whole thread but I sincerely doubt anyone is
jealous of you. I will say that I am currently struggling with having
two and if you're not sure you can handle another you're best off
sticking with one. I do look back on my days with one and think how
much easier things were and I didn't even realize how good I had it. So
if that is the answer you were looking for there it is.
--

The OP was asking if it was harder with 2 kids than one. I am not here to
start a debate, but logically it is harder. Why do people lie and say
parenting is a breeze? Sometimes it feels like some big secret club, that no
one knows the secret to how bad it is until you are in it!

I have childless friends ask me what its like to be a parent. Damn hard I
say! No point telling them its a bed of roses or they are going to get one
hell of a shock! Would I change my life? Of course not BUT I don't want it
to get any tougher. I am sure another child would be the light of my life
too, but my life is hard enough, I have no wish to make it harder, even if
it means missing out on more kids.

"Sophie" wrote in message
...

"Ian" wrote in message
...

"Sophie" wrote in message
...
Wow, lucky for our kids we're not so selfish or materialistic. Or
clueless
about what it's like to have more than one child.


Why is it selfish to stick with one? I like my free time, more money.
Those
things are important to me. Is it selfish to want to be happy? Usually
when
people start name calling its because they are jealous. And I do come
from
a
family of 4 siblings, so I am MORE than aware of what its like.



OMG jealous?? Hardly. 4 children is exactly what my husband and I
pictured
for our family and in July we'll have it. I feel sorry for an only child
and I know saying that here will get me in trouble but oh well - lol.

I don't feel sorry for my kid at all. I am quite jealous of her childhood.
The times I dreamed of being an only! Even now I am not close to my sibs.
They rub me up the wrong way. I wish as an adult I didn't have to deal with
their crap. But that's families for you.

I hear that a lot, because we didnt do *any* adjusting from #2 to #3. Same
house, same cars. I know that isn't true for a lot of people, probably not
for most actually but for us it was. We were lucky enough to have a 4
bedroom house so the kids still have their own rooms and we will still be
here with #4 probably, and the 2 boys will share. We WILL need a new
vehicle
then but right now Im cramming all 3 in my Saturn, not the mid-size one
either, lol

Kari

We're the same as you - same car, same house. We had this house and car
with only 2 kids and will be fine with 4 (2 kids in each room). We qualify
for a bigger house but I can't be bothered to move.

You said in another post about activities. That's really our only expense
that will increase as the kids get older. But then some things stop. As it
is this year I pay for C's gymnastics ($36 a month) and P's playgroup ($88 a
month). Her gym will stay the same next yr, might add soccer, P will go to
free pre-K, but L will start a playgroup. Then the next yr, P will add an
activity, L will go to free pre-K, but #4 will go to a playgroup. Then
there's my mental asylum fees - lol.

"Ian" wrote in message
...

The OP was asking if it was harder with 2 kids than one. I am not here to
start a debate, but logically it is harder. Why do people lie and say
parenting is a breeze? Sometimes it feels like some big secret club, that
no
one knows the secret to how bad it is until you are in it!

What don't you get? Parenting is not hard for everyone. To some people it
*is* a breeze. Why is that so hard for you to understand??


I have childless friends ask me what its like to be a parent. Damn hard I
say! No point telling them its a bed of roses or they are going to get one
hell of a shock! Would I change my life? Of course not BUT I don't want it
to get any tougher. I am sure another child would be the light of my life
too, but my life is hard enough, I have no wish to make it harder, even if
it means missing out on more kids.

"Ian" wrote:

The OP was asking if it was harder with 2 kids than one. I am not here to
start a debate, but logically it is harder. Why do people lie and say
parenting is a breeze? Sometimes it feels like some big secret club, that
no
one knows the secret to how bad it is until you are in it!

I don't think it's a breeze -- nor do I see where anyone stated
that it is. But I don't think it is, for me, terribly difficult either.
I certainly do not, like you, consider it "bad". I find, frankly,
staying at home with my child to be much easier then how life
was before. I know of some of feel otherwise. And guess what?
None of us is wrong.

I have childless friends ask me what its like to be a parent. Damn hard I
say! No point telling them its a bed of roses or they are going to get one
hell of a shock!

There isn't any reason to think that you parenting
experience is the norm.

Would I change my life? Of course not BUT I don't want it
to get any tougher. I am sure another child would be the light of my life
too, but my life is hard enough, I have no wish to make it harder, even if
it means missing out on more kids.

As I've read this thread, a few things are clear to me:

1. Having one child can be easier than having, say, three.
2. Having one child can be more difficult then having three.

And that's it. There are logical reasons why each can be the
case, depending on the circumstances, and there is *no* reason
to assume that one size fits all.

And I'm still wondering how I'm neglecting safety by
doing the dishes......


P. Tierney