Is there an equation ?

In article ,
"Ian" wrote:

"Jenn" wrote in message
...
In article ,
"Ian" wrote:

"Sophie" wrote in message
...

"Ian" wrote in message
...

The OP was asking if it was harder with 2 kids than one. I am not
here
to
start a debate, but logically it is harder. Why do people lie and
say
parenting is a breeze? Sometimes it feels like some big secret club,
that
no
one knows the secret to how bad it is until you are in it!

What don't you get? Parenting is not hard for everyone. To some
people
it
*is* a breeze. Why is that so hard for you to understand??

How do you make it a breeze Sophie? Id love to know. Like I said we have
one
aged 8. Both my and my wife are shattered by 10pm. I work full time she
is a
SAHM. If we stay up till midnight its an event!





time for some introspection if living life is this hard -- a full time
SAHM and a school aged child AND you are both 'shattered by 10 pm] That
seems really really odd

I don't know. We get almost zero help from family, maybe that's the
difference. It is very rare we get a night out alone. Have to book grandma
about 6 weeks in advance! We are both up at 7am everyday including weekends.
Maybe when he is older and sleeping in at the weekends it will get easier.



That's more help than some of us get: grandma lives over 2000 miles
away. (My closest relatives are more than a 10 hour drive.)

Is your son in school during the day, or is your wife home schooling?
At 8, he's certainly old enough to leave with a babysitter, if it is
time alone you need. And most 8 year olds are old enough to get up by
themselves on weekends, so you can sleep in. Heck, even when all of our
kids were young, DH and I took turns sleeping in.

I just can't imagine finding it this hard with one 8 year old, unless
the 8 yo has some special needs.

meh
--
Children won't care how much you know until they know how much you care

Its not dangerous, we just cant really sleep properly when he is up. And
he
is too short to reach the counter to get cereal.

Step stool?


You have no friends who can babysit?

Yes, but I really don't want to be returning the favor so I don't ask.
Most
of my friends have little kids, or more than one.


Yeah and you don't want to watch more than one, right? Nice.

How does your 5 year old get their own cereal? Do they have a stool for
the
counter or something? Does it not end up all over the place. I am sure it
would be that way if my 8 yr old tried it!


You mean he never has? It's about time he tried then. It's not as if he's
using hot water or something. dd#1 serves her own cereal, gets the milk from
the fridge, pours it over the cereal and puts the milk and cereal away. If
she wants a drink then she gets fruit juice out from the fridge and pours it
herself. She has a 2 step ladder to reach the surface/fridge, and can't get
the bowl or glass out, but does the rest herself. We're there to supervise,
but she doesn't want us to help. The messiest bit is her feeding herself the
end of the milk in the bowl.
If a 3 year old (and she's been doing this since we had the kitchen
refitted-which was just after she was 2, when she needed help moving the
steps to get into the fridge) can do this then I'm sure your 8 year old can.
She was messy at first, but now is much better. It gets better with
practice.
Debbie

"dragonlady"

I just can't imagine finding it this hard with one 8 year old, unless
the 8 yo has some special needs.



I don't know if I could find it this hard *with* special needs. My 3 1/2
year old with special needs doesn't sound nearly as tiring as his 8 year
old.

Here's your problem. You have some trust issues or something equally Dr.
Phil-ish. I trust my daughter to do what is right based on what I've
taught
her. I keep the cereal, and almost anything else she might ever want, at
her level. I put milk in a smaller container and put it in the fridge.
She
can get bowls out of the dish rack for her sisters and herself. Sure, its
not always neat, but nothing major's ever happened. She can also make
toast
and today I learned she can make microwave popcorn too. 8 year old
children
need independence. They need to know they can entertain themselves, feed
themselves, bathe themselves.. so on and so forth. When my 9 year old
stepdaughter is here its not any harder than my own 3.



My 5 yr old has been microwaving her own popcorn and warm chocolate milk for
at least the last 6 months. I think Ian is not giving his 8 yr old enough
credit, or space and opportunity, to try these things. Wow, talk about
having everything done for you. Can I move in - lol?

"Denise Anderson" wrote in message news:1FARb.12131


The SGLI always looks mighty fine right around 6 months into one of DH's
deployments. BG



LOL! So glad to know someone else jokes about that!

In article ,
"Ian" wrote:

"Sophie" wrote in message
...

time for some introspection if living life is this hard -- a full time
SAHM and a school aged child AND you are both 'shattered by 10 pm]
That
seems really really odd

I don't know. We get almost zero help from family, maybe that's the
difference. It is very rare we get a night out alone. Have to book
grandma
about 6 weeks in advance! We are both up at 7am everyday including
weekends.
Maybe when he is older and sleeping in at the weekends it will get
easier.



Lol. I'm just shocked. Maybe I have a screwed up view of 8 yr olds, or
my
friends have weird 8 yr olds. There's no reason why an 8 yr old can't get
up
alone on a Saturday, put cartoons on, and get a bowl of cereal or
something,
letting you sleep in. Unless that's *dangerous* - lol.

Its not dangerous, we just cant really sleep properly when he is up. And he
is too short to reach the counter to get cereal.

An 8 yo who hasn't figured out how to pull a chair over to get the
cereal out of the cupboard?

Actually, on Friday nights when my kids were considerably younger, I'd
leave the cereal, bowls and spoons on the table, and make sure the milk
was low enough for them to reach on Saturday mornings, so they COULD
take care of their own needs in the morning -- and threatened to kill
them if they woke us up before some specific hour. And I learned to
sleep through a certain amount of noise.

You have no friends who can babysit?

Yes, but I really don't want to be returning the favor so I don't ask. Most
of my friends have little kids, or more than one.

How about a high school kid you pay to sit? For that matter, 8 is old
enough to start sleepovers -- and having one of his friends sleep over
in exchange for him spending the night at someone else's house the
following weekend gives you both a night out AND a morning to sleep in.

meh
--
Children won't care how much you know until they know how much you care

In article ,
"Ian" wrote:

"Sophie" wrote in message
...

time for some introspection if living life is this hard -- a full time
SAHM and a school aged child AND you are both 'shattered by 10 pm]
That
seems really really odd

I don't know. We get almost zero help from family, maybe that's the
difference. It is very rare we get a night out alone. Have to book
grandma
about 6 weeks in advance! We are both up at 7am everyday including
weekends.
Maybe when he is older and sleeping in at the weekends it will get
easier.



Lol. I'm just shocked. Maybe I have a screwed up view of 8 yr olds, or
my
friends have weird 8 yr olds. There's no reason why an 8 yr old can't get
up
alone on a Saturday, put cartoons on, and get a bowl of cereal or
something,
letting you sleep in. Unless that's *dangerous* - lol.

Its not dangerous, we just cant really sleep properly when he is up. And he
is too short to reach the counter to get cereal.

here is your clue -- you are caught up in 'yes but' i.e. not solution
focused by whining about life focus -- what could be a simpler thing to
solve than this? -- you put the cereal out the night before where he can
reach it -- you have a special place in the refrigerator with things he
can help himself to like yogurt or fruit or whatever --

You have no friends who can babysit?

Yes, but I really don't want to be returning the favor so I don't ask. Most
of my friends have little kids, or more than one.


so hire a sitter -- I can understand the reluctance to have a sitter for
a newborn -- but an 8 year old? it is important for a couple to have a
life together as well as parents -- and it is not that big a deal to
arrange it

[if there is a baby sitting coop in your area, your wife might be able
to sit occasionally during the day and you use your hours during the
evening] instead of viewing friends as a burden look at way to create
some community that can substitute for family --

"Ian" wrote:

I don't know. We get almost zero help from family, maybe
that's the difference. It is very rare we get a night out
alone. Have to book grandma about 6 weeks in advance! We
are both up at 7am everyday including weekends. Maybe when
he is older and sleeping in at the weekends it will get
easier.

I have always worked (full-time home based business since kids
were born) with a short time off for each child's arrival (2),
was married to a man that did not help at all with the
children or the house, and did not use babysitters until my
girls were about 5 & 6. Zero help from family, as my set was
out of state and my in-laws were out of the country. My day
generally starts between 5:30 & 6:00 a.m. I gotta tell ya,
one 8 year old and being a stay at home Mom sounds like a
flippin' vacation!



Ruth B

In article ,
"Ian" wrote:

"Denise Anderson" wrote in message
...

"Ian" wrote in message
...

"Jenn" wrote in message
...
In article ,
"Ian" wrote:

"Sophie" wrote in message
...

"Ian" wrote in message
...

The OP was asking if it was harder with 2 kids than one. I am
not
here
to
start a debate, but logically it is harder. Why do people lie
and
say
parenting is a breeze? Sometimes it feels like some big secret
club,
that
no
one knows the secret to how bad it is until you are in it!

What don't you get? Parenting is not hard for everyone. To some
people
it
*is* a breeze. Why is that so hard for you to understand??

How do you make it a breeze Sophie? Id love to know. Like I said we
have
one
aged 8. Both my and my wife are shattered by 10pm. I work full time
she
is a
SAHM. If we stay up till midnight its an event!





time for some introspection if living life is this hard -- a full time
SAHM and a school aged child AND you are both 'shattered by 10 pm]
That
seems really really odd

I don't know. We get almost zero help from family, maybe that's the
difference. It is very rare we get a night out alone. Have to book
grandma
about 6 weeks in advance! We are both up at 7am everyday including
weekends.
Maybe when he is older and sleeping in at the weekends it will get
easier.



So get a babysitter. He's 8, hire a teenager. Its not like he needs mass
amounts of supervision. I live 2500+ miles away from my closest relative.
Make friends with your neighbors and swap babysitting for a couple hours.

Whats the point of hiring a babysitter for the evening when you still have
to be up at 7am? I am also not comforable with the idea of some teen being
in my house alone. I was a teen babysitter once...

And why do you still need to wake up on the weekends? My 5 year old is
perfectly capable of getting her own cereal and turning cartoons on
Saturday
mornings.

I am not comfortable with my child being up alone. He gets up, so one of us
gets up. Besides its hard to sleep with the TV blaring anyway. Ive tried it.
You cant have a proper rest when they are up.

How does your 5 year old get their own cereal? Do they have a stool for the
counter or something? Does it not end up all over the place. I am sure it
would be that way if my 8 yr old tried it!



Are you still pouring your 8 yo's cereal and milk? Unless he has some
sort of disability, you may be doing too much. Most kids manage to
learn how to pour this stuff by the time they are 6 or 7 -- or even much
younger.

Maybe one of the reasons you are exhausted is that you are doing too
many of the things he ought to be doing himself.
--
Children won't care how much you know until they know how much you care