If this is your first visit, be sure to check out the FAQ by clicking the link above. You may have to register before you can post: click the register link above to proceed. To start viewing messages, select the forum that you want to visit from the selection below. |
|
|
Thread Tools | Display Modes |
#1
|
|||
|
|||
Very serious question about child "abuse"
I am seriously considering reporting this couple to cps.
I will discuss it with friends and family, but I have gotten good advice here in the past, and want to run it by you too. Let me relate a story I heard this week. Friends of mine (an older husband and wife couple) were visited by their nephew. He brought his wife and her child (by another man) who is 3. (no, he has not adopted the baby, and the bio father will have nothing to do with any of them) They showed up at 7:00 p.m. The baby climbed out of the back seat, no car seat, no seat belt. My friends cooked them dinner. When it came to the baby, the "father" said, "do you have any cereal". My friends produced a box of cereal and the baby ate. They parents never offered the baby any table food. (the baby has no dietary restrictions). During dinner, the baby began to recite a nursery rhyme. To my friends shock and horror, it went like this. "Little miss muffet, sat on a tuffet, eating her curds and whey. along came a spider and sat down beside her and said what's in the bowl bitch!" at which the parents were reduced the gales of laughter. My friend told them they should not teach the child (3 years old remember) such things. and the "father" replied, "it's ok, he knows when to say it and when not to". At nine the baby fell asleep in the floor. At 10 my friends said it was too late for the family to drive home and offered to let them spend the night. They accepted, and continued to visit. My friends finally asked, "don't you want to bathe the baby and put him to bed?" The answer was, "no, he's used to sleeping on the floor." (this was hard tile, no blanket..nothing.) Finally at 11:30 after many hints of going to bed, they took the baby and went to bed. (they slept on the bed, and put the baby on the floor, (this room had carpet)even though there was a baby bed in the room. The next morning one of my friends went to work and the other stayed home with the "company". At 10:30 am, the bedroom door opened and the baby was shoved out and the door closed. Neither parent appeared. My friend was in total shock as the baby wandered the house for a bit, said hello and sat down beside him. after waiting a few moments for a parent to appear, my friend changed the baby's diaper (he was soaked) and fed him breakfast. The first parent finally emerged from the bedroom at 1:30. He walked into the kitchen, took out a box of cereal, poured some in a bowl (no milk) and told the baby, "come eat your lunch". My friend explained that the baby already had cereal (and milk) for breakfast and could cook him a lunch. The parent said, "no, he can eat this, he is used to it". The parent made no effort to check the baby, change the baby or anything, just went outside to smoke. When he came back in, he said he had to run errands and left. No, he did not acknowledge the baby or even ask my friend to watch him. At 3:30 (yes, in the afternoon) the mother emerged from the bedroom. She stopped and talked to the baby, hugging him, then put him down. (she did not ask if he had been fed or changed and did not check his diaper) She did not ask where her husband was. She went back to her room, packed, and the father showed up and they left by 4:30. During the whole time the parents were away in the bedroom, the baby played quietly or watched TV, paying little or no attention to my friend unless he was prompted. He never cried and rarely spoke. It really seemed that the little kid had learned to fend for himself. Now, this kid was neither starved nor beaten, but in my mind, he is a victim of abuse. jo |
#2
|
|||
|
|||
Very serious question about child "abuse"
On Thu, 15 Apr 2004 20:09:13 GMT, "jojo"
wrote: snip Now, this kid was neither starved nor beaten, but in my mind, he is a victim of abuse. jo I don't think he's a victim of abuse, but a victim of parents that need some parenting classes. Some of what you report isn't appropriate, and some I wouldn't have a question with.... such as the bedtime and sleeping on the floor. I don't see much wrong with that. However, it does sound like the parents do need some help being better parents. Nan |
#3
|
|||
|
|||
Very serious question about child "abuse"
In article , Nan says...
On Thu, 15 Apr 2004 20:09:13 GMT, "jojo" wrote: snip Now, this kid was neither starved nor beaten, but in my mind, he is a victim of abuse. jo I don't think he's a victim of abuse, but a victim of parents that need some parenting classes. Some of what you report isn't appropriate, and some I wouldn't have a question with.... such as the bedtime and sleeping on the floor. I don't see much wrong with that. However, it does sound like the parents do need some help being better parents. Nan Right. Some of the stuff isn't great (like diet), but not neglect of such magnitude that it's not within parental perogative or at least not of magnitude to make calling CPS an appropriate action IMO. A three-year old is not a "baby", first of all. Not all kids need a very interactive parenting style, although these parents seem to be on the inactive side of the scale. It may look very extreme to someone who is used to seeing and expects a lot of parental involvement with things like bathing and other night-time rituals. The parents' hours might look strange to an early-riser. I'd say this description has some things which are just different from the kind of life the poster is used to (like, so what if someone's day starts in - yes - the afternoon), and some things which are a little neglectful. Banty |
#4
|
|||
|
|||
Very serious question about child "abuse"
Cut Now, this kid was neither starved nor beaten, but in my mind, he is a victim of abuse. jo Yes I have to agree. Fact : In a step family postion, step fathers are more likely to abuse a child then a step mother. Anyway I would be reporting it, Or at least trying to seek help for them to raise the child a little different. Parenting class or something else of the like. Or maybe talking to the parents to see what they say and think about it. I can understand if the child was old enough to ask for cereal. My kids have gone though phases where they only wanted to eat cereal every time but it was usually out grown within a few days and I still offered normal other food that I eat with every meal. And with sleeping on the floor, Sometimes my kids have done that but I usually put a pillow under there head and a blanket on them. Sometimes I pick them up and put them into bed. I wonder how both parents (natural and step involvement) were raised ? They say you learn from your parents. Gee, My 3 year old was toilet trained and talked the head off anyone whom cared to listen. I think neglect, Nic |
#5
|
|||
|
|||
Very serious question about child "abuse"
"Nan" wrote in message ... On Thu, 15 Apr 2004 20:09:13 GMT, "jojo" wrote: snip Now, this kid was neither starved nor beaten, but in my mind, he is a victim of abuse. jo I don't think he's a victim of abuse, but a victim of parents that need some parenting classes. Some of what you report isn't appropriate, and some I wouldn't have a question with.... such as the bedtime and sleeping on the floor. I don't see much wrong with that. None of it is abusive taken on its own, poor parenting maybe, but when looking at the big picture, it appears very neglectful. |
#6
|
|||
|
|||
Very serious question about child "abuse"
"Nic" nospam@nospam wrote in message . .. Cut Now, this kid was neither starved nor beaten, but in my mind, he is a victim of abuse. jo Yes I have to agree. Fact : In a step family postion, step fathers are more likely to abuse a child then a step mother. The sad thing is when the bio mom is so afraid of being single that she'll ignore or go along with the abuse just to keep the guy. |
#7
|
|||
|
|||
Very serious question about child "abuse"
"jojo" wrote in message om... (...) Now, this kid was neither starved nor beaten, but in my mind, he is a victim of abuse. jo Neglect, but probably not actionable. He eats and occaisonally gets his diaper changed. And, apparently, the parents found a babysitter for the day (the old adage can only be taken advantage of with your permission). I am particularly concerned by the lack of contact between parents and child. Perhaps these people can visit your friend more often and your friend can raise the kid. the parents aren't. Jeff |
#8
|
|||
|
|||
Very serious question about child "abuse"
On Thu, 15 Apr 2004 20:09:13 GMT, "jojo"
wrote: I am seriously considering reporting this couple to cps. I will discuss it with friends and family, but I have gotten good advice here in the past, and want to run it by you too. Let me relate a story I heard this week. Friends of mine (an older husband and wife couple) were visited by their nephew. He brought his wife and her child (by another man) who is 3. (no, he has not adopted the baby, and the bio father will have nothing to do with any of them) They showed up at 7:00 p.m. The baby climbed out of the back seat, no car seat, no seat belt. My friends cooked them dinner. When it came to the baby, the "father" said, "do you have any cereal". My friends produced a box of cereal and the baby ate. The parents never offered the baby any table food. (the baby has no dietary restrictions). During dinner, the baby began to recite a nursery rhyme. To my friends shock and horror, it went like this. "Little miss muffet, sat on a tuffet, eating her curds and whey. along came a spider and sat down beside her and said what's in the bowl bitch!" at which the parents were reduced to gales of laughter. My friend told them they should not teach the child (3 years old remember) such things. and the "father" replied, "it's ok, he knows when to say it and when not to". At nine the baby fell asleep in the floor. At 10 my friends said it was too late for the family to drive home and offered to let them spend the night. They accepted, and continued to visit. My friends finally asked, "don't you want to bathe the baby and put him to bed?" The answer was, "no, he's used to sleeping on the floor." (this was hard tile, no blanket..nothing.) Finally at 11:30 after many hints of going to bed, they took the baby and went to bed. (they slept on the bed, and put the baby on the floor, (this room had carpet)even though there was a baby bed in the room. The next morning one of my friends went to work and the other stayed home with the "company". At 10:30 am, the bedroom door opened and the baby was shoved out and the door closed. Neither parent appeared. My friend was in total shock as the baby wandered the house for a bit, said hello and sat down beside him. after waiting a few moments for a parent to appear, my friend changed the baby's diaper (he was soaked) and fed him breakfast. The first parent finally emerged from the bedroom at 1:30. He walked into the kitchen, took out a box of cereal, poured some in a bowl (no milk) and told the baby, "come eat your lunch". My friend explained that the baby already had cereal (and milk) for breakfast and could cook him a lunch. The parent said, "no, he can eat this, he is used to it". The parent made no effort to check the baby, change the baby or anything, just went outside to smoke. When he came back in, he said he had to run errands and left. No, he did not acknowledge the baby or even ask my friend to watch him. At 3:30 (yes, in the afternoon) the mother emerged from the bedroom. She stopped and talked to the baby, hugging him, then put him down. (she did not ask if he had been fed or changed and did not check his diaper) She did not ask where her husband was. She went back to her room, packed, and the father showed up and they left by 4:30. During the whole time the parents were away in the bedroom, the baby played quietly or watched TV, paying little or no attention to my friend unless he was prompted. He never cried and rarely spoke. It really seemed that the little kid had learned to fend for himself. Now, this kid was neither starved nor beaten, but in my mind, he is a victim of abuse. jo Sounds more like neglect than abuse, but you are right to *think* about reporting them. Still I would want to know if there was a way to talk to them about what was going on first. Perhaps the husband resents the boy because he is the child of another man, but that is no excuse for neglecting him and his mother ought to be responsible for taking real care of him not just leaving him alone. CPS involvement it not always helpful, however. Since this is your friend's nephew, I would say that they might be able to talk to him about his parenting and to suggest that he and his wife take some parenting classes. If his wife was neglected, she is simply passing on the same behavior. Now, btw, I don't think it is awful for a 3 year old to sleep on the floor *if* he is comfortable. But the description of the boy as not being very interactive with people does suggest problems with his development and that can be caused partly by his parents neglecting to interact with him. I do hope that this couple gets some help. -- Dorothy There is no sound, no cry in all the world that can be heard unless someone listens .. The Outer Limits |
#9
|
|||
|
|||
Very serious question about child "abuse"
As far as I am concencered this child is not getting a proper diet, and
should by now be starting to be toilet trained. As far as sleeping on the floor... if he wakes easily I can see leaving him on the floor..you did say he was moved to another room so IMO he should have been put into the bed. If youknow that this is a continuous behaviour by the parents and that they are not going through something with the child right now, just neglect, then I would say to phone the authorities and have them check into it. You are only thinking of the child, and should be. as far as not bathing him before going to sleep... I don't feel a child needs a bath every night..as long as they get one every other night ( 3-4 times a week) that is fine. IMO pushing him out the door and closing it behind him at 10:30 and staying in bed until 1:30 or 3:30 is not acceptable...he's 3 and his needs should come first...the parents should be taking care of him, in the morning his diaper should be checked by them and he should be given breakfast by them, had they gotten up within an hour ( by 11:30 ) that would be acceptable, but they didn't check on him until 1:30. Not lunch at 3:30 in the afternoon as his only meal !! ( which would have been the case had your firend they were staying with not stepped in and fed him. Karen "jojo" wrote in message om... I am seriously considering reporting this couple to cps. I will discuss it with friends and family, but I have gotten good advice here in the past, and want to run it by you too. Let me relate a story I heard this week. Friends of mine (an older husband and wife couple) were visited by their nephew. He brought his wife and her child (by another man) who is 3. (no, he has not adopted the baby, and the bio father will have nothing to do with any of them) They showed up at 7:00 p.m. The baby climbed out of the back seat, no car seat, no seat belt. My friends cooked them dinner. When it came to the baby, the "father" said, "do you have any cereal". My friends produced a box of cereal and the baby ate. They parents never offered the baby any table food. (the baby has no dietary restrictions). During dinner, the baby began to recite a nursery rhyme. To my friends shock and horror, it went like this. "Little miss muffet, sat on a tuffet, eating her curds and whey. along came a spider and sat down beside her and said what's in the bowl bitch!" at which the parents were reduced the gales of laughter. My friend told them they should not teach the child (3 years old remember) such things. and the "father" replied, "it's ok, he knows when to say it and when not to". At nine the baby fell asleep in the floor. At 10 my friends said it was too late for the family to drive home and offered to let them spend the night. They accepted, and continued to visit. My friends finally asked, "don't you want to bathe the baby and put him to bed?" The answer was, "no, he's used to sleeping on the floor." (this was hard tile, no blanket..nothing.) Finally at 11:30 after many hints of going to bed, they took the baby and went to bed. (they slept on the bed, and put the baby on the floor, (this room had carpet)even though there was a baby bed in the room. The next morning one of my friends went to work and the other stayed home with the "company". At 10:30 am, the bedroom door opened and the baby was shoved out and the door closed. Neither parent appeared. My friend was in total shock as the baby wandered the house for a bit, said hello and sat down beside him. after waiting a few moments for a parent to appear, my friend changed the baby's diaper (he was soaked) and fed him breakfast. The first parent finally emerged from the bedroom at 1:30. He walked into the kitchen, took out a box of cereal, poured some in a bowl (no milk) and told the baby, "come eat your lunch". My friend explained that the baby already had cereal (and milk) for breakfast and could cook him a lunch. The parent said, "no, he can eat this, he is used to it". The parent made no effort to check the baby, change the baby or anything, just went outside to smoke. When he came back in, he said he had to run errands and left. No, he did not acknowledge the baby or even ask my friend to watch him. At 3:30 (yes, in the afternoon) the mother emerged from the bedroom. She stopped and talked to the baby, hugging him, then put him down. (she did not ask if he had been fed or changed and did not check his diaper) She did not ask where her husband was. She went back to her room, packed, and the father showed up and they left by 4:30. During the whole time the parents were away in the bedroom, the baby played quietly or watched TV, paying little or no attention to my friend unless he was prompted. He never cried and rarely spoke. It really seemed that the little kid had learned to fend for himself. Now, this kid was neither starved nor beaten, but in my mind, he is a victim of abuse. jo |
#10
|
|||
|
|||
Very serious question about child "abuse"
toto wrote
Sounds more like neglect than abuse, but you are right to *think* about reporting them. Still I would want to know if there was a way to talk to them about what was going on first. CPS involvement it not always helpful, however. Since this is your friend's nephew, I would say that they might be able to talk to him about his parenting and to suggest that he and his wife take some parenting classes. If his wife was neglected, she is simply passing on the same behavior. I totally agree. It does sound like neglect, and it could, I think, get worse as the child grows older. However, I am not at all sure that CPS intervention would be positive. At best, they might come in and investigate, and make the parents resent the child all the more. At worst, the child could be removed to a foster family or a series of foster families, which could make the situation much worse. I wonder, are there other family members who could intervene? It sounds as though maybe the parents need to be talked to by people they care about and will not feel threatened by. And if they are neglecting him through lack of knowledge, rather than indifference to the child, then referrals to parenting classes might well help. If they really don't want to handle raising the kid, they might even consider relinquishing him for adoption while he's still young enough to place fairly easily. Rupa |
Thread Tools | |
Display Modes | |
|
|
Similar Threads | ||||
Thread | Thread Starter | Forum | Replies | Last Post |
Parent Stress Index another idiotic indicator list | Greg Hanson | General | 11 | March 22nd 04 12:40 AM |
| | Kids should work... | Kane | General | 13 | December 10th 03 02:30 AM |
Kids should work. | LaVonne Carlson | General | 22 | December 7th 03 04:27 AM |
And again he strikes........ Doan strikes ...... again! was Kids should work... | Kane | General | 2 | December 6th 03 03:28 AM |