If this is your first visit, be sure to check out the FAQ by clicking the link above. You may have to register before you can post: click the register link above to proceed. To start viewing messages, select the forum that you want to visit from the selection below. |
|
|
Thread Tools | Display Modes |
#21
|
|||
|
|||
your opinion please ( baby traveling away from mom)
"Amy" wrote in message
Absolutely not. I think the very suggestion is hideous. If they are so hot to see the baby, they can come visit YOU for a week, and see their only grandchild in her home, where she's with her mother and won't be traumatized by being separated from you for that long. The grandparents did not make the suggestion. Hubby did and in the last post, hubby didn't realize what a traumatic experience it could be. Or, if you want to travel, you can go with her and stay with her at his parents for a week, but there is NO way that I would allow my daughter to go anywhere for that long without me. None. Not under any circumstances in the world. Not even if I were in the hospital or something. Good God... Sometimes life gets in the way. I am glad that you don't have any circumstances in your life to ever be away. I hope it stays that way. I had to be away from my kids during some points of their lives because of DD1 special needs and being in the hospital for months at a time. Middle daugher was around 8 months when DD1 had to be in the hospital. I had to have strangers/family/friends/husband keep her. It wasn't the end of the earth for her because I have made sure that my kids are exposed to other people for this very reason. Then I had to be away when DD3 was 4 and DD2 was 5 for three months, again for a hospitalization. It was harder because they were older, but again since I have exposed them to other people, they did fine. And of course dad was with them as much as he could. I think your untrusting of people is really OTT. Sometimes a person just cannot help situations. The OP situation is of course optional, but still I have left my girls with my mom so hubby and I could go on a trip. I trust my family and I trust the people that cared for my kids when I couldn't be there. -- Sue (mom to three girls) |
#22
|
|||
|
|||
your opinion please ( baby traveling away from mom)
Betsy,
I think it would be traumatic for the baby, not to mention to you! One day, when she is ten or eleven or twelve, and SHE wants to go, it will be a great adventure for her. Leslie |
#23
|
|||
|
|||
your opinion please ( baby traveling away from mom)
Mum of Two wrote: "oregonchick" wrote in message . .. Well, I guess I didn't include enough details. It was my husband's idea, not the grandparents. I don't even think they know that he had considered it. And he only brought it up to see how I felt about it - he has never had children before, and is kind of naive to what would really be involved in doing this. But he does now! Oh, well that makes more sense! Most new fathers wouldn't understand the effect something like that could have on a child, unless they'd had a lot of contact with young children. For that matter, I don't think a lot of new mothers would either; I was very naive about that while pregnant. Me too. Dp and I talked a bit before he was born about going abroad without ds . As soon as he arrived we both realised practically and emotionally this wouldn't work and we wouldn't want to do it even if it would. In the early days it took a while for dp to 'get' things. Like why I was upset when one family member suggested I wasn't doing the right thing to get ds to nap - (turns out I was!). It wasn't until he spent more than a couple of days with ds over Christmas (excluding his 2 weeks paternity leave) that he really understood why it was so important ds nap and how a change of environment and routine upset that. I did an awful lot of reading when trying to sort his sleeping and so am aware earlier of things like separation anxiety. Dp only saw it first hand the first time when we picked ds from his grans and he cried. I knew instantly what the problem was and how to deal with it. But sometimes I forget that things that seem obvious to me simpy might not occur to dp. Being at work he just doesn't spend nearly the same amount of time with ds or much of that thinking about ds. I guess it's the same for many working dad's (or mum's for SAH dad's) so as Amy said, most might have thought it ok too. Jeni |
#24
|
|||
|
|||
your opinion please ( baby traveling away from mom)
"Jan Moes" wrote in message l.nl... "Workingmom" schreef in bericht ... Their view can be influenced by the fact that most mothers work in Europe, so most kids of age 8 mos is in some kind of daycare all day. Not in Germany. Germany is as old-fashioned as The Netherlands in these. Jan that's my impression too |
#25
|
|||
|
|||
your opinion please ( baby traveling away from mom)
Sue wrote: "Amy" wrote in message Absolutely not. I think the very suggestion is hideous. If they are so hot to see the baby, they can come visit YOU for a week, and see their only grandchild in her home, where she's with her mother and won't be traumatized by being separated from you for that long. The grandparents did not make the suggestion. Hubby did and in the last post, hubby didn't realize what a traumatic experience it could be. I use google groups - it didn't show up right away that it was her husband's idea. Or, if you want to travel, you can go with her and stay with her at his parents for a week, but there is NO way that I would allow my daughter to go anywhere for that long without me. None. Not under any circumstances in the world. Not even if I were in the hospital or something. Good God... Sometimes life gets in the way. I am glad that you don't have any circumstances in your life to ever be away. I hope it stays that way. I had to be away from my kids during some points of their lives because of DD1 special needs and being in the hospital for months at a time. Middle daugher was around 8 months when DD1 had to be in the hospital. I had to have strangers/family/friends/husband keep her. It wasn't the end of the earth for her because I have made sure that my kids are exposed to other people for this very reason. Then I had to be away when DD3 was 4 and DD2 was 5 for three months, again for a hospitalization. There is a gigantic difference between leaving your child in the care of people who are known to her because another child is in the hospital (especially when they are 4 and 5 and able to understand what's going on) and sending an infant to a foreign country to be cared for for a long period of time by people she has never met. To compare the two is absurd. It was harder because they were older, but again since I have exposed them to other people, they did fine. You imply that my daughter isn't exposed to other people - like the two of us are holed up in the house all day with the curtains drawn - which is complete and utter bull****. She goes to WORK with me every single day, and is exposed to a wide variety of people - from other people who work in our building, to the UPS man, to the servers at restaurants, etc. She goes out among people more than any other baby I know! And of course dad was with them as much as he could. I think your untrusting of people is really OTT. Well, Sue, I think we've proven in other threads that our parenting philosophies differ, and since you have three kids to my one, you've decided that you're the lord high poobah of child rearing, and I know nothing, but we'll see in 20 years whose kids are happier, ok? I think your judgmentalism and superiority are OTT, so I guess we're even. Sometimes a person just cannot help situations. The OP situation is of course optional, ....and so vastly different from the situation you describe that the two are practically incomparable... but still I have left my girls with my mom so hubby and I could go on a trip. As infants? I think that's wrong. I'm not afraid to say it. I trust my family and I trust the people that cared for my kids when I couldn't be there. I trust my family. But they're not her mother. There is nothing I have to be and nowhere I have to be that is more important than being with her right now. When she's 4 or 5, I will gladly ship her off to my hometown (90 minutes away) for overnights with her grandparents, but right now she's a baby, and she deserves to be treated like one. Amy |
#26
|
|||
|
|||
your opinion please ( baby traveling away from mom)
"Amy" wrote in message
There is a gigantic difference between leaving your child in the care of people who are known to her because another child is in the hospital (especially when they are 4 and 5 and able to understand what's going on) and sending an infant to a foreign country to be cared for for a long period of time by people she has never met. To compare the two is absurd. It was a reaction to you saying that you wouldn't even if you were in the hospital. That was in correlation with my response about DD1 being in the hospital and me having to have other caregivers. It had nothing to do with the OP and her trip. You imply that my daughter isn't exposed to other people - like the two of us are holed up in the house all day with the curtains drawn - which is complete and utter bull****. She goes to WORK with me every single day, and is exposed to a wide variety of people - from other people who work in our building, to the UPS man, to the servers at restaurants, etc. She goes out among people more than any other baby I know! Nope, I wasn't implying anything. You are reading too much into what I was saying. I did imply that you don't use sitters like I did though and that you won't leave her with anyone. I get from your messages that you don't trust too many people and that was what I am responding to. I find your mistrust kind of worrisome, but maybe I am too trusting. Who knows. I did leave my kids and/or babies with sitters to people I have come to trust and know. I compare my three kids because two were left with my mom when I needed her to or even if I just needed a break and my third child was not left with anyone because my mom died and I didn't have anyone else. DD3 is definitely more reluctant to stay with caregivers or other people. So I concluded in my own little study that I did the other two girls a favor by exposing them more to other people. That's it. Nothing more. Well, Sue, I think we've proven in other threads that our parenting philosophies differ, and since you have three kids to my one, you've decided that you're the lord high poobah of child rearing, and I know nothing, but we'll see in 20 years whose kids are happier, ok? Sounds like you are the one on the high horse. I have never professed to have this parenting thing down. But, I definitely believe that children (or at least mine) do better when they are exposed to others (my little study again). I do have more experience than you do though and I am more relaxed with parenting than when I was a new mother. So maybe that's what you are picking up on. Sue wrote: but still I have left my girls with my mom so hubby and I could go on a trip. Amy wrote: As infants? I think that's wrong. I'm not afraid to say it. Yep as infants. And no it wasn't horrible. The kids and my mom had a blast together and I got a much needed break. There was another time my best freind kept the kids (I think DD3 was about a year old). It's hard caring for a special needs child and when you do it day in and day out with no breaks, it grinds on a person. So having a trip here and there or a night out, was a much needed break. I trust my family. But they're not her mother. There is nothing I have to be and nowhere I have to be that is more important than being with her right now. I guess that's where we differ, because I carried on with my life and went back to work when I could because it didn't bother me to have the girls in the care of people who loved her too. -- Sue (mom to three girls) |
#27
|
|||
|
|||
your opinion please ( baby traveling away from mom)
"Sue" wrote in message ... Amy wrote: As infants? I think that's wrong. I'm not afraid to say it. Yep as infants. And no it wasn't horrible. The kids and my mom had a blast together and I got a much needed break. There was another time my best freind kept the kids (I think DD3 was about a year old). It's hard caring for a special needs child and when you do it day in and day out with no breaks, it grinds on a person. So having a trip here and there or a night out, was a much needed break. I have been leaving Emily with a close friend since she was about 6 wks old to go skiing. I do NOT regret this, and credit my breaks away with pulling me out of ppd. I took alot of flack for it here, but still feel it was best for me. People get so damned opinionated... |
#28
|
|||
|
|||
your opinion please ( baby traveling away from mom)
"Workingmom" wrote in message ... Their view can be influenced by the fact that most mothers work in Europe, so most kids of age 8 mos is in some kind of daycare all day. I work part-time, and my kids are in daycare the whole day I'm gone. I would never let them go spend time with grandparents they don't know in Europe, and they are 4 & 2 yo. |
#29
|
|||
|
|||
your opinion please ( baby traveling away from mom)
On 2006-04-29 22:53:51 +0800, "oregonchick" said:
My husband is from Germany. All his family is still there (We're in the US). He travels back there for business trips about once a year, and this year it will probably be in August. He wants to take the baby with him to drop off at his parents while he is there on business for a whole week. Emily will be 8 months at that time. My husband will not be staying at the house for that time period. He assures me that his mother will take perfect care of Emily, but I feel sooo uncomfortable with this on so many levels. Regardless of whether or not she takes perfect care, I can't imagine her being gone for a whole week, being so far away, etc. Of course his parents will have very limited opportunities to see their ONLY grandchild, so I feel a little guilty. Opinions? Betsy hmm, it's making me feel sick in the stomach just thinking about it. It's stressing me out! Don't do it. That's my pretty strong gut instinct. Jo -- Woman, Wife, Mother, Midwife |
#30
|
|||
|
|||
your opinion please ( baby traveling away from mom)
Sue wrote: "Amy" wrote in message There is a gigantic difference between leaving your child in the care of people who are known to her because another child is in the hospital (especially when they are 4 and 5 and able to understand what's going on) and sending an infant to a foreign country to be cared for for a long period of time by people she has never met. To compare the two is absurd. It was a reaction to you saying that you wouldn't even if you were in the hospital. That was in correlation with my response about DD1 being in the hospital and me having to have other caregivers. It had nothing to do with the OP and her trip. She's nursing. I'm pump resistant. She won't take bottles. Until she's a year old, if I have to be hospitalized, she would come with me. In fact, I already spoke to the doctor about this, back when I had bronchitis and I was afraid I might be hospitalized, and he agreed with me. Even if those factors weren't an issue, though, it would still require something more dire than hospitalization to keep me away from her for more than an hour or two. Over the course of her entire life, I have spent 20 hours away from her - cumulative. I don't feel that anything else is responsible mothering - unless a family's financial situation truly won't allow a mother to be at home for the first year. YMMV. You imply that my daughter isn't exposed to other people - like the two of us are holed up in the house all day with the curtains drawn - which is complete and utter bull****. She goes to WORK with me every single day, and is exposed to a wide variety of people - from other people who work in our building, to the UPS man, to the servers at restaurants, etc. She goes out among people more than any other baby I know! Nope, I wasn't implying anything. You are reading too much into what I was saying. I did imply that you don't use sitters like I did though and that you won't leave her with anyone. She has stayed at home with a friend of mine and with my mother while DH and I went out - each time we were gone for less than two hours (in other words, we were home in time for the next nurse). I think you're ****ed that your daughter can't find babysitting jobs, and you've decided that every mother everywhere is overprotective as a result, which just isn't true. I get from your messages that you don't trust too many people and that was what I am responding to. I find your mistrust kind of worrisome, but maybe I am too trusting. Who knows. I trust others just fine, but they are not her MOTHER. I think it's sad that you think that your role in your children's life is so mundane that you can be replaced by any paid substitute. I'm not sure if that reflects low self-esteem or what, but it's sad. I did leave my kids and/or babies with sitters to people I have come to trust and know. I compare my three kids because two were left with my mom when I needed her to or even if I just needed a break and my third child was not left with anyone because my mom died and I didn't have anyone else. DD3 is definitely more reluctant to stay with caregivers or other people. So I concluded in my own little study that I did the other two girls a favor by exposing them more to other people. That's it. Nothing more. I find it interesting that you think that "able to be left with others" is a skill that needs to be developed at 8.5 months old. I don't think so. In fact, I probably won't really leave her with anyone until she's 2, at which time she'll start pre-school 4 hours a day (because studies have shown that up to 20 hours of pre-school/daycare per week is actually beneficial for social development). I believe that my availability and consistency in her early two years will cause her to be MORE confident and independant later on. Read Sears - I'm not going to rewrite his whole philosophy. I believe in attachment parenting. It's the way I was raised (although they didn't call it that, then), and my mom and I are close, and I am successful and independant. That's what I want for my daughter. Well, Sue, I think we've proven in other threads that our parenting philosophies differ, and since you have three kids to my one, you've decided that you're the lord high poobah of child rearing, and I know nothing, but we'll see in 20 years whose kids are happier, ok? Sounds like you are the one on the high horse. Now who's reading what in? I am saying that NO ONE knows whether or not their parenting style works until 20 years later. You do what you can live with, and I'll do what I can live with. If I want to sit here and be appalled that you think it's ok for oregonchick to let her husband take their child out of the country and leave her with strangers for a week while he's running all over Europe, it doesn't hurt you any. She asked for opinions, and I gave mine. I have never professed to have this parenting thing down. But, I definitely believe that children (or at least mine) do better when they are exposed to others (my little study again). My daughter is exposed to "others" every single day. I do have more experience than you do though and I am more relaxed with parenting than when I was a new mother. So maybe that's what you are picking up on. No, I think I'm picking up on your superior attitude, in general. Sue wrote: but still I have left my girls with my mom so hubby and I could go on a trip. Amy wrote: As infants? I think that's wrong. I'm not afraid to say it. Yep as infants. And no it wasn't horrible. My mileage varies. The kids and my mom had a blast together and I got a much needed break. There was another time my best freind kept the kids (I think DD3 was about a year old). It's hard caring for a special needs child and when you do it day in and day out with no breaks, it grinds on a person. So having a trip here and there or a night out, was a much needed break. In that situation, I would have left the older two and taken the baby with me. I trust my family. But they're not her mother. There is nothing I have to be and nowhere I have to be that is more important than being with her right now. I guess that's where we differ, because I carried on with my life and went back to work when I could because it didn't bother me to have the girls in the care of people who loved her too. I just LOVE it when mothers say "my life went on," or talk about their "me" time... This IS my life. I want it this way. Nothing makes me happier or more fulfilled than raising my little girl. It is the single most important thing I have ever done, or will ever do. I had 30 years of "me time" before I had her, and I'll have plenty when she's running around with her friends, or when she leaves home. These first two years, though, when she needs me so much, when I am the center of her little world - they don't last, and I am going to enjoy it and be present for it and make sure that I am there for her in every way that I can be. I am going to be responsive to her needs, and I am not going to let her cry. The days when I can fix all of her problems with a cuddle and a nurse don't last - why would I want to push her out of my arms? I have a very balanced life - I work. I have friends. I do things that I enjoy. But I do them with her around - she comes to work with me. She comes out with me. Yeah, I've missed a few late parties and meetings, but so what? It is infinitely more important that I be here to tuck her into bed than it is that I go to a stupid party. There will be plenty of time for parties when she's bigger. I do not have a bucket baby - the kind who are in their car seat 24/7 - with a bottle propped up on a blanket and plugged into their mouth. My daughter is, and has been since day one, up in my arms or in the Baby Bjorn and looking at people in the eye. She is engaged in the world around her. She is signing already, and talking, and she's going to walk any minute. Everyone who sees her comments on how intelligent she looks, and how she seems more "plugged in" to the world than other babies - and indeed, we spent time with 5 other babies over the weekend, and the difference between my kid and the others was remarkable. A friend of mine asked why she doesn't have a flat spot on the back of her head like my friend's daughter has - I replied, "Because I don't put her down." My friend's daughter spends the bulk of her time in the stroller, the car seat, the pack and play - my kid won't stand for that. It's exhausting keeping her busy. It is tiring to keep her entertained 24/7, and it would be INFINITELY easier if I could just stick her in her carseat, leave her with a sitter, and go out and play. But I didn't sign up for motherhood because the brochure said it was easy. Again, I think it's really sad that you think you're so easily replaced in your babies' lives. I don't know what kind of relationship you have with your mother, but I know how I was raised and what kind of relationship I have with mine, and I know that I want the same for my daughter and me. As a parent, I am doing what works for my child and me and our family. That's the bottom line. Amy |
Thread Tools | |
Display Modes | |
|
|
Similar Threads | ||||
Thread | Thread Starter | Forum | Replies | Last Post |
misc.kids FAQ on Nursing Strikes | [email protected] | Info and FAQ's | 0 | July 31st 05 05:24 AM |
misc.kids FAQ on Nursing Strikes | [email protected] | Info and FAQ's | 0 | May 30th 05 05:28 AM |
misc.kids FAQ on Nursing Strikes | [email protected] | Info and FAQ's | 0 | April 30th 05 05:24 AM |
misc.kids FAQ on Nursing Strikes | [email protected] | Info and FAQ's | 0 | March 30th 05 06:34 AM |
misc.kids FAQ on Nursing Strikes | [email protected] | Info and FAQ's | 0 | February 16th 04 09:59 AM |