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#11
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Last names in kids'
"toypup" wrote in message ... On Mon, 03 Dec 2007 18:36:00 GMT, sfilo7 wrote: Does anyone know or have any publications, articles, books, etc. about children having identity issues with growing up with a different last name than their parent? I am a single mother who has a two year old, and I was divorced when I had my son. I wanted to keep my maiden name, but the attorney said that the child should have the same name as me....so I kept it. I want to go to my maiden name and the father is refusing....I want my son to have my same last name....and feel that since we were divorced it was my right to put/give my son whatever last name I wanted...anyone have information on how different names can effect children in school? My mom never took my dad's name, so her name was always different from mine. I just thought that was how it was until someone questioned if they were married once. I never changed my name. I never bother to correct anyone who assumes I have DH's name. In fact, I use it as my alias, but my kids know I don't have his name. If he were older, I'd say there would be damage in changing his name, as it is his identity. If he was older, he could cabitz. But the comment "as it is his identity" makes no sense to me. Many of us change our names when we marry with no change of identity. I would still be myself even if named Shirly. As a 2yo, he may not know the difference. Maybe it would affect him when he's older having no connection with his biological father. I think there might be security sharing his name, however obscure. I agree with the others. I don't see what your attorney is talking about WRT having the same names. It's never caused me any problems. |
#12
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Last names in kids'
In article , Stephanie says...
"toypup" wrote in message .. . On Mon, 03 Dec 2007 18:36:00 GMT, sfilo7 wrote: Does anyone know or have any publications, articles, books, etc. about children having identity issues with growing up with a different last name than their parent? I am a single mother who has a two year old, and I was divorced when I had my son. I wanted to keep my maiden name, but the attorney said that the child should have the same name as me....so I kept it. I want to go to my maiden name and the father is refusing....I want my son to have my same last name....and feel that since we were divorced it was my right to put/give my son whatever last name I wanted...anyone have information on how different names can effect children in school? My mom never took my dad's name, so her name was always different from mine. I just thought that was how it was until someone questioned if they were married once. I never changed my name. I never bother to correct anyone who assumes I have DH's name. In fact, I use it as my alias, but my kids know I don't have his name. If he were older, I'd say there would be damage in changing his name, as it is his identity. If he was older, he could cabitz. But the comment "as it is his identity" makes no sense to me. Many of us change our names when we marry with no change of identity. I would still be myself even if named Shirly. I don't think most people take quite such a sanguine approach to it, though. Don't get me wrong - a *lot* do, there's nothing *wrong* with regarding names in the way you do. But last names especially evoke origin, evoke ancestry, and have a lot of meaning for a lot of people. In a situation of divorce (or whatever this situation is) it can be even more meaningful. Indeed I suspect may be a motive for the O.P. to want to change her son's name back, and the father *not* wanting it changed. I'm with Beliavski a bit on this one - let the boy have his father's last name as a connection. Banty |
#13
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Last names in kids'
"Banty" wrote in message ... In article , Stephanie says... "toypup" wrote in message . .. On Mon, 03 Dec 2007 18:36:00 GMT, sfilo7 wrote: Does anyone know or have any publications, articles, books, etc. about children having identity issues with growing up with a different last name than their parent? I am a single mother who has a two year old, and I was divorced when I had my son. I wanted to keep my maiden name, but the attorney said that the child should have the same name as me....so I kept it. I want to go to my maiden name and the father is refusing....I want my son to have my same last name....and feel that since we were divorced it was my right to put/give my son whatever last name I wanted...anyone have information on how different names can effect children in school? My mom never took my dad's name, so her name was always different from mine. I just thought that was how it was until someone questioned if they were married once. I never changed my name. I never bother to correct anyone who assumes I have DH's name. In fact, I use it as my alias, but my kids know I don't have his name. If he were older, I'd say there would be damage in changing his name, as it is his identity. If he was older, he could cabitz. But the comment "as it is his identity" makes no sense to me. Many of us change our names when we marry with no change of identity. I would still be myself even if named Shirly. I don't think most people take quite such a sanguine approach to it, though. Don't get me wrong - a *lot* do, there's nothing *wrong* with regarding names in the way you do. But last names especially evoke origin, evoke ancestry, and have a lot of meaning for a lot of people. In a situation of divorce (or whatever this situation is) it can be even more meaningful. Indeed I suspect may be a motive for the O.P. to want to change her son's name back, and the father *not* wanting it changed. I'm with Beliavski a bit on this one - let the boy have his father's last name as a connection. Banty I hear you. |
#14
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Last names in kids'
My oldest son, Joe, is from my first marriage. I changed my name back when I
divorced my first husband, then took my second husband's name when I remarried. So Joe's last name is different from the rest of the family but it has been no big deal. He is also named after his father but as II instead of Jr. CTTS: When he was about 4, we came into the preschool class during a discussion. teacher: "Good morning Joe. We're talking about first and last names. Can you tell the class your last name?" Joe: "Second." |
#15
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Last names in kids'
On Dec 4, 10:49 am, "Stephanie" wrote:
If he was older, he could cabitz. "cabitz"? Did you mean kibitz? -- Zip |
#16
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Last names in kids'
"Zipadee" wrote in message ... On Dec 4, 10:49 am, "Stephanie" wrote: If he was older, he could cabitz. "cabitz"? Did you mean kibitz? -- Zip Yes! Thanks! |
#17
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Last names in kids'
"sfilo7" u39582@uwe wrote in message news:7c2558b8ec704@uwe... Does anyone know or have any publications, articles, books, etc. about children having identity issues with growing up with a different last name than their parent? I am a single mother who has a two year old, and I was divorced when I had my son. I wanted to keep my maiden name, but the attorney said that the child should have the same name as me....so I kept it. I want to go to my maiden name and the father is refusing....I want my son to have my same last name....and feel that since we were divorced it was my right to put/give my son whatever last name I wanted...anyone have information on how different names can effect children in school? I never changed my last name when I married my husband. Our children have his last name. So their name does not match their mother's even though their parents are still married. This is not unusual. A perusal of the kids' school directory show a large percentage don't have the same last name as their mothers. Sometimes due to divorce, sometimes just because. And no one bats an eye. |
#18
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Last names in kids'
"sfilo7" u39582@uwe wrote in message news:7c2558b8ec704@uwe... Does anyone know or have any publications, articles, books, etc. about children having identity issues with growing up with a different last name than their parent? I am a single mother who has a two year old, and I was divorced when I had my son. I wanted to keep my maiden name, but the attorney said that the child should have the same name as me....so I kept it. I want to go to my maiden name and the father is refusing....I want my son to have my same last name....and feel that since we were divorced it was my right to put/give my son whatever last name I wanted...anyone have information on how different names can effect children in school? What's the difference? DS has my last name. DDs both have my last name, hyphenated with their dad's last name. Originally, when DD1 was born, we had put just her dad's last name on the live birth registration, I think it's called, at the hospital. We thought about it, and I also talked to my mom, then N and I talked again about it and we decided to change DD1's last name to mine with his. I decided to do this (we decided, whatever) partly because of school. With one similar last name between the kids, then there would be no mistaking siblings, and for my own possible sanity, with no mistakes as far as siblings go at first glance of a list of students, I won't be getting 2 or 3 identical calls from the school or 3 identical letters from school. Here, anyways, for some news letters or info sheets, it's the oldest or only child in the school that gets the letter and then it's one letter per family, rather than per child. I don't know if this would make sense, but if you have 2 children, both with different last names, one possibility could be to change YOUR last name to be Child 1's last name hyphenated with Child 2's last name. But, quite frankly, I don't see how it matters. I simply did what I did to, hopefully, save my brain a little with some possible confusion, although I doubt it would happen anyways. I think you'll probably do more damage to your own self by stressing over something so trivial like this! |
#19
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Last names in kids'
In article , Banty
wrote: I don't think most people take quite such a sanguine approach to it, though. Don't get me wrong - a *lot* do, there's nothing *wrong* with regarding names in the way you do. But last names especially evoke origin, evoke ancestry, and have a lot of meaning for a lot of people. In a situation of divorce (or whatever this situation is) it can be even more meaningful. Indeed I suspect may be a motive for the O.P. to want to change her son's name back, and the father *not* wanting it changed. I went to school with a boy whose father died when he was a baby. His mother later remarried, and the boy, being very young and having no memory of his father, was given his new father's name (the issue of illegitimacy may have been another factor; it's the reason my Mum stayed a Mrs after her divorce). Yes, new father -- the stepfather loved him dearly and definitely treated him as a son. Nonetheless, the boy changed his name back to his birth-father's surname once he was legally able to do so -- no doubt hurting his parents quite a lot. Remember that ultimately, your child's name is not *yours*! -- Chookie -- Sydney, Australia (Replace "foulspambegone" with "optushome" to reply) http://chookiesbackyard.blogspot.com/ |
#20
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Last names in kids'
On Dec 5, 1:23 pm, "xkatx" wrote:
What's the difference? DS has my last name. DDs both have my last name, hyphenated with their dad's last name. My niece did not taken her husband's last name when she married. She's not Mrs. Elwood H. She's Ms. Susan B. (She basically said that marriage was just a photo-op, but he did manage to talk her into it). Their children have both their names as a hyphenated name (B-H). I think this is becoming increasingly common. There are MANY children in school now who don't have the same last name as one of their parental units. It isn't really going to be a problem unless you make it one. So go back to your married name, and don't make a big fight with your ex about it. On the Jr or II issue - usually II (2nd) is used when the child is named after someone OTHER THAN their father. Like a grandfather or an uncle. Incidentally I also believe that you can change your name to whatever you want it to be without any court procedure as long as the change is not for the purpose of fraud. I, for instance, changed my first name to something completely different when I registered in a new HS. My mom was p***ed but by the time she found out it was too late. I also merged my original first and middle name into one name when I got married, and took my maiden name as my middle name. All the documents that I sign now have the merged name on them including my passport, even though I don't have that name (joined like that) on my birth certificate. |
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