Have your concerns changed??

I was just wondering if anyone's concerns have changed as their due date
gets nearer. I know that in the beginning I was worrying, worrying, worrying
about everything under the sun. I was so worried about unwanted houseguests
and labor pain etc. I was also worried about relatives not respecting my
breasfeeding and trying to sneak bottles etc. Things that were silly to
start worrying about so far ahead!

I am no longer worried about the nursery or getting all the things we need,
I feel a lot more confident about knowing what we need and what we don't. I
also feel more able to deal with things, and feel more confident that I am
the mommy and I rule (lol). Meaning, I'm getting a mommy attitude, about
breastfeeding and other care-related things. SO I am not worried about
others anymore, I feel more in control.

I'm still concerned about the cat being happy when the baby comes, and
keeping the baby safe from the cat. I know I can ensure the baby's safety, I
still worry that my cat will feel like her territory has been invaded and
will not be happy no matter what I do to console her.

I am also still concerned that my husband and i will get to enjoy the first
week of baby. He is using a week of his vacation time, and he doesn't HAVE
that much vacation time so this is a big deal to me. He only gets 2 weeks a
year plus some miscellaneous days. So, I am DETERMINED that he is going to
enjoy it. He has no plans other than to stay here around the house with me
and the baby. he gets so little vacation time that normally he tries to use
it productively for vacations and fishing etc because by the time he gets
it, he NEEDS it. So, I don't want ANYone hanging around here interfering
with our time, as I don't get to see him much anyway and it is really
important for him to bond with the baby and for us to bond as a family- we
won't get chances like this often. People STILL don't understand this and my
mom feels entitled to be here "TOO". I don't want anyone here "too"....they
can come at other times, this is my husband's time. I'm not worried about
this, just preparing for this-- I simply am not going to allow people to
park it here and hang around. They need to see the baby when she's born and
then not come back for the week. They can wait until after the week is up to
come back. If they don't repect this I will tell them to leave. if they
don't leave I will find a way for them to leave if I have to push them out.
Lol. I don't want any drama, just my husband and our baby.

So, my concerns have leveled out, and I worry a lot less....I just feel like
I am more in control and can handle things better- it must be hormones,
because sometimes in pregnancy I feel vulnerable,..and that's when I worry.

Other than that my concerns are about breastfeeding success and comfort, and
the baby being healthy, and how my life will change.

"Jill" wrote in message
. com...
I'm still concerned about the cat being happy when the baby comes, and
keeping the baby safe from the cat. I know I can ensure the baby's safety,
I
still worry that my cat will feel like her territory has been invaded and
will not be happy no matter what I do to console her.

I'm dealing with this right now. It was just getting better as DS has
gotten older, but now that we have DD, we're back to square one. The cat
rules our lives. We can't leave any of the kids' things out or she pees on
them. Now that we've removed all her targets, she's aiming for our most
expensive furniture. It's been more than 2 yrs of this. I don't know how
much more of this I can take.

I'm very concerned about having the first week to 10 days or so alone
after we get home with the baby, just DH and I. I haven't mentioned
this to anyone in my or DH's family yet because I haven't quite figured
out how to tell them without anybody getting upset. I figure if I have
any questions or if we need any help, the phone lines are always open.
I just hope they'll respect that and not try to invade because I don't
want to hurt anybody's feelings but I'll boot em out if it comes down to
that. My family doesn't live in this area of Missouri so that may not
be as much of a problem but DH's family lives no more than 10 miles away
and being that this is the 1st grandchild, great-grandchild, nephew,
etc. I'm afraid that they won't be willing to contain themselves. I
guess I'll just have to mention it sometime, probably on Easter sunday
because we'll be expected to attend 2 or 3 dinners (how exhausting!) and
being that I'll be so close to my due date then and some of them haven't
seen me in a while, I know they'll be upset if we don't attend all of
them. *sigh* I understand how you feel exactly Jill.

Angela
EDD with Quinn Alexander 5-13-04




So, I don't want ANYone hanging around here interfering
with our time, as I don't get to see him much anyway and it is really
important for him to bond with the baby and for us to bond as a family- we
won't get chances like this often. People STILL don't understand this and my
mom feels entitled to be here "TOO". I don't want anyone here "too"....they
can come at other times, this is my husband's time. I'm not worried about
this, just preparing for this-- I simply am not going to allow people to
park it here and hang around. They need to see the baby when she's born and
then not come back for the week. They can wait until after the week is up to
come back. If they don't repect this I will tell them to leave. if they
don't leave I will find a way for them to leave if I have to push them out.
Lol. I don't want any drama, just my husband and our baby.

"Jill" wrote in message
. com...
I was just wondering if anyone's concerns have changed as their due date
gets nearer.

I have no concerns about the baby or me post-partum, never had. I know
Dylan will leave 2 months later and I'll be busy and **exhausted**.

My concerns are with the other kids - well #1 and #3.

Charlotte's a bit upset that we're re-arranging rooms. I want the baby in
another room from the get-go. I really didn't enjoy Lewis in our room in
the bassinette. Charlotte shares with Patrick and has for quite a while.
We think she'll be the best one to share with the baby - she'll sleep
through it crying at night, won't try to get it out of the crib or throw
toys in, etc...So we think they're best to share. So we're going to put
Patrick and Lewis in together. I think we've placated her by saying maybe
later she and Patrick can share again. Which isn't untrue, it just won't be
for quite a while.

Patrick's really go with the flow. He's fine with whatever.

Lewis is a tad stressful - lol. He does sleep through now we've stopped
night-time bottles but he's up at the crack of dawn. I've just put
black-out curtains up so hopefully that'll help, well also if Patrick didn't
slam his bedroom door every morning on the way to the bathroom sigh He's
not a great sleeper though so hopefully sharing with Patrick won't keep him
up. They have the same bedtime so we're going to start Patrick off in
Charlotte's bed then move him into his bed when it's Charlotte's bedtime.
Dylan said his parents did that with him when he shared with his little
brother.

It's little things like that, and how to get all that arranged, with Dylan
still going away every month before July. It makes me tired to think about
what I have to do *before* July.

Sophie
#4 due 7/18/04

"Angela Schepers" wrote I know they'll be upset
if we don't attend all of
them. *sigh* I understand how you feel exactly Jill.


I am going to handle it by getting just as mean as they do. Certain people
in my life get so furious and insistent on having their way, so I will deal
with them that way if that's what they need. You would think that any
reasonable person would understand...I don't understand why someone would
demand to be around knowing they aren't welcome...I'd feel too bad to try to
stay, if someone simply told me that they would like to be alone and bond
with their baby. I can't imagine someone feeling "So what?? THIS is my first
grandchild and I am entitled to stay and have my own experience!"....but
unfortunately, that's how a lot of people are. The reason I know it will be
a problem, is that I have told people honestly ahead of time. I have already
asked my parents to respect our wishes. My mom told me to tell HIS parents
not to come up here but of course I am going to need HER to show me
everything. I told her I don't need her to show me anything and that our
wishes include her staying away as well. She just gave me the evil eye and
said I WILL be around and I WILL be at the hospital when you give birth. You
are to call me the MINUTE you are in labor. You are not going to stop me
from coming.

I don't understand the attitude....I told them my wishes, and she gets like
that, like "I WILL force you to let me be there as long as I want to."
Because of this, we aren't telling anyone when I go into labor. I had some
concern about the hospital telling people who call and ask that I am there
but DH feels that they don't ever tell any info about patients. But anyway,
*shrug* I realize that if amy parents are going to force me to deal with it
this way so be it. It used to worry me, but I realize I am the one who is in
charge of it. So, we have told them ahead of time so there will be no
shocked drama scenes and tears, that we aren't telling anyone when we go in
labor, and won't be calling until the baby is safely delivered. I actually
won't be calling until i feel like visitors because they will come right
down there and barge on in, so ... but my mom was demanding to be there
while I was in labor even if it was 48 hours of labor. OMG, I would die. I
couldn't take it. Seriously, I would be a nervous wreck.

She's mad, but I just told her it's not personal, but why do people think
that *I* don't have every right to just want my DH there??

So, she'll get over it. It's not going to be a shock as I have been very
honest about it- NO one will be there except my DH, and that's firm. He's
still irritated with her for calling him and jumping on him and hasn't even
spoken to her. But she told me that she was going to call him and MAKE him
understand that he is to call her and let her attend the labor/delivery.
Pshhh.......she said she is going to call him and make him overrule me, if I
don't agree to what she wants. I hope she doesn't because THAT will not be a
pretty conversation....he will lose his temper with her I am sure. He is not
used to his parents stirring things up like this. She has really started to
get on his nerves here lately because she has been trying to treat him like
she does me.


Sorry so long I just had to vent! i realized a long while ago that things
werent going to change so I am at peace with it being up to me to take care
of myself and my wishes. So, I'm ok with taking care of it myself. That's
the only way I know to handle it, but we just aren't telling anyone when I
go in labor. And, we will let them come see the baby but whatever I have to
do, they will leave after a decent visit, and leave us alone for one week so
my DH can enjoy his vacation with his new daughter without people being
here. That will be such as GREAT week! I can't wait.....my new family....

On Wed, 24 Mar 2004 20:21:11 GMT, "toypup"
wrote:


"Jill" wrote in message
.com...
I'm still concerned about the cat being happy when the baby comes, and
keeping the baby safe from the cat. I know I can ensure the baby's safety,
I
still worry that my cat will feel like her territory has been invaded and
will not be happy no matter what I do to console her.

I'm dealing with this right now. It was just getting better as DS has
gotten older, but now that we have DD, we're back to square one. The cat
rules our lives. We can't leave any of the kids' things out or she pees on
them. Now that we've removed all her targets, she's aiming for our most
expensive furniture. It's been more than 2 yrs of this. I don't know how
much more of this I can take.

Ack. As much as I adore my cat with her horrible habits (usually
surrounding human food), the peeing like that would be my last straw
and I would just have to find her a good home.

Nan

Jill & Angela
I can't say I really understand your position, but it doesn't really matter
if I understand it, now does it? : )

You are likely to encounter resistance if you tell people ahead of time, or
stop them at the door. But, that's just what you are going to have to deal
with. And I do think you should start prepping friends and family now that
you want a week after delivery to recuperate and rest. I wouldn't focus or
mention the "we want to be alone to enjoy our child" aspect. I think you
have a stronger case by only talking about the medical and physical aspect.
I think people's gut reaction will be negative if they think you just don't
want to "share" your baby, rather than if they think you'll be recuperating
and recovering. I'd also tell people that if you change your mind, you'll
be sure to call them.

You're going to have to take your phone off the hook at times during the
day, and when you do answer it, be firm and polite that now isn't a good
time for a visit, but how about next week? Same when people come to the
door unannounced, and they will, especially if the phone is off the hook!
: )

Personally, I had no problems with visitors, not that I had tons. There are
24 hours in a day, so it wasn't like having someone come by for 30 minutes
or an hour really took away from my utter and complete enjoyment and growing
bond of my new baby. For me, it was just more people to share the love, and
I enjoyed watching friends and family hold and love my new baby. I wouldn't
have enjoyed it 12 hours a day, but an hour or two wasn't a problem for me.
Taylor was born out of state, so I was staying with the in-laws for 1.5
weeks before she came, and another 1.5 weeks after she came. So, I didn't
have visitors, Taylor and I were visitors in their home. But I have a good
relationship with these people, so it was fine. I never felt like having the
additional people around interfered in any way with my bonding or enjoyment
of Taylor.

Another option, if you like your family and get a long with them, might be
to compromise and try to allow visitors, but very very limited, just 15-20
minutes at a time, limiting it to a certain number per day. If it's someone
you do enjoy and want to see, obviously they could stay longer. During that
time you could shower, or nap, or enjoy catching up with the visitor. Also,
the other benefit to visitors during the first week or so is that they are
likely to bring a casserole or other food items, which is a serious blessing
when you are up all hours in the middle of the night. Later on, as the
newness of the baby wears off, the casseroles stop coming.

Anyway, just a thought.

I do think much of this is very personality based, plus the fact of it being
a first child for both of you. Before we had Taylor, we had numerous losses
and years of infertility struggles. She was a much wanted child. Not that
any MKP babies aren't, don't get me wrong. But I had a friend who was much
more "clingy" (for lack of a better word) with her child, and she said to
me, "Just wait until you get your baby, you won't want to let go of her for
a second!" Well, that's where personality comes in. I'm much more open and
easy going, and love to pass my baby around, even as a newborn. I just
think of it as sharing the love, which makes the love greater, not less.

Anyway, these are just my thoughts. Take them or leave them! I hope you
are both able to work it out in a way that works for you, and doesn't cause
too much stress.
--

Jamie & Taylor
Earth Angel, 1/3/03

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On Wed, 24 Mar 2004 21:05:18 GMT, "Jill" wrote:

Sorry so long I just had to vent! i realized a long while ago that things
werent going to change so I am at peace with it being up to me to take care
of myself and my wishes. So, I'm ok with taking care of it myself. That's
the only way I know to handle it, but we just aren't telling anyone when I
go in labor. And, we will let them come see the baby but whatever I have to
do, they will leave after a decent visit, and leave us alone for one week so
my DH can enjoy his vacation with his new daughter without people being
here. That will be such as GREAT week! I can't wait.....my new family....

I'm glad you're sticking to your guns. Overbearing parents and
in-laws can be really exhausting.
Do what you need to, to make it a happy, stress-free time.

Nan

On Wed, 24 Mar 2004 21:48:19 GMT, "toypup"
wrote:

Believe me, we're getting there. I called the no-kill animal shelter today,
after I found urine on one of our finest chairs. They want me to talk to
their animal behaviorist first. I'm willing, but this will be her final
chance. I will give it as long as the behaviorist says it might take,
within reason. I mean, it better not take two more years. After that,
she's going to that shelter.

Good luck on that. I hope you don't have to let her go, but I'd
completely understand if you did!

Nan

"Nan" wrote in message
...
On Wed, 24 Mar 2004 20:21:11 GMT, "toypup"
I'm dealing with this right now. It was just getting better as DS has
gotten older, but now that we have DD, we're back to square one. The cat
rules our lives. We can't leave any of the kids' things out or she pees
on
them. Now that we've removed all her targets, she's aiming for our most
expensive furniture. It's been more than 2 yrs of this. I don't know
how
much more of this I can take.

Ack. As much as I adore my cat with her horrible habits (usually
surrounding human food), the peeing like that would be my last straw
and I would just have to find her a good home.

Believe me, we're getting there. I called the no-kill animal shelter today,
after I found urine on one of our finest chairs. They want me to talk to
their animal behaviorist first. I'm willing, but this will be her final
chance. I will give it as long as the behaviorist says it might take,
within reason. I mean, it better not take two more years. After that,
she's going to that shelter.