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Our father figure?



 
 
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  #1  
Old June 18th 07, 03:52 PM posted to soc.men,misc.kids,alt.parenting.solutions
Fred Goodwin, CMA
external usenet poster
 
Posts: 227
Default Our father figure?

Our father figure?

http://www.dallasnews.com/sharedcont...oints/stories/
DN-jacobs_17edi.ART.State.Edition1.43822cd.html
http://tinyurl.com/2up8xh

Think about what that tells boys about the kind of men they can aspire
to be

Mary Jacobs:
03:31 PM CDT on Sunday, June 17, 2007

If you believe popular culture, the man we're honoring today is a
complete idiot.

A recent survey by FathersAndHusbands.org reports that, far more often
than women, men in prime-time television are shown as inadequate
parents, as sources of marital discontent or as "corrupt" and
"stupid."

You don't have to watch much TV to believe that. The dads who populate
the small screen are mostly dorks, dunderheads or dimwits. Recent ads
show dad as the ineffective homework coach (who only gets in the way,
to his daughter's utter contempt), as the immature moron who gloats
when he beats his small daughter at pingpong, or as the klutz who
falls down the stairs.

And wise, gently authoritarian dads like Howard Cunningham (Happy
Days ) and Cliff Huxtable (The Cosby Show) are nowhere to be seen in
today's TV lineup. Father Knows Best has been replaced by the Father
Who Knows Nothing, Homer Simpson.

Even children's books resort to this well-worn cliche. One otherwise
well-done series occasionally lapses into the same weary plot: Papa
Bear gets a stupid idea in his head and runs with it. Chaos ensues.
Papa finally learns his lesson.

On Father's Day, I'm tempted to plead to the media: Please, be a
little nicer to dads. But what worries me more is how all these images
might affect eventual fathers-to-be - young men and boys.

When we portray fathers as doofuses so relentlessly, what is that
telling boys about the kind of men they can aspire to be?

Granted, in our current cultural wasteland, a few fathers playing the
fools are pretty small potatoes. But there's a reason why the dumb dad
joke works. It fills a gap in our collective imagination. In America
today, we no longer have a clear sense of the distinctive role of
fathers.

Kathleen Fischer, a Dallas parenting educator, believes that fathers
do have a distinctive role and that it's essential. That's why she
teaches a class called "Fathers are Not Assistant Mothers." And she's
unearthed some fascinating research.

Up until the 1700s, she says, parenting information was directed
primarily at fathers. In the 1800s and 1900s, that began to change,
and fathers were increasingly marginalized. By the 1900s, for the
first time in modern history, boys no longer went to work with their
fathers when they reached early adolescence. They spent their days in
school or at home - usually, with women.

Feminism brought even more changes - many of them good. Men were no
longer necessarily the sole providers, for example. The myth of the
"Superwoman" said that women could do it all. But it never really
pictured where Superwoman's husband might come in.

Yet study after study confirms that children are better off when a
father is actively involved in his or her upbringing.

"It's politically incorrect to even suggest that there's something
about fatherhood that women cannot reproduce," says Paul Nathanson, a
researcher on the religious studies faculty at McGill University. "And
yet we know that communities in which fathers are largely absent have
all sorts of problems."

In a recent book, Spreading Misandry: The Teaching of Contempt for Men
in Popular Culture, Mr. Nathanson and co-author Katherine Young say
that "profoundly disturbing stereotypes" about men are hurting boys,
too.

"Our basic theory is that, unless someone can make a distinctive,
necessary and publicly valued contribution, there is no such thing as
a healthy identity," he says. "The implication for boys is - if they
can't have a healthy identity, they can turn to an anti-social
identity."

When dads like Ward Cleaver (Leave it to Beaver) and the Steve Douglas
(My Three Sons) dominated TV, we all knew what dads were for. They
earned the money, and they were the disciplinarians. Mr. Nathanson
argues that some aspects of traditional fatherhood, now rendered
disreputable, were actually useful, perhaps especially to boys. Dad's
tendency to maintain emotional distance - usually deemed a bad thing -
might actually serve a purpose.

"Children need somebody who can lead them into the larger world and
help them take risks," he said. "To do that, you have to have some
emotional distance."

Ms. Fischer agrees. In her experience, "dads worry if the kids will be
successful; Dad's love is more qualified." And that may not be as
awful as it sounds. Young children may need unconditional nurturing,
but older kids need a dose of reality.

"As children move into the world, performance is a reality," she said.
"To have to stand and deliver [for Dad] helps them prepare for the
outside world."

We lost an appreciation for Dad's essential role, Mr. Nathanson says,
thanks to decades of conditioning in Oprahthink. "We've come to
believe that the only really significant factor is emotion, and it's
all about how we feel," he said.

Instinctively, we all know that dads are not just assistant mothers.
(Maybe that's why, while Mother's Day is the biggest day for phone
calls, Father's Day is the biggest day for collect calls.)

Dads know that, too. They can laugh off the dopey dads on TV. They can
take a joke - they've got that emotional distance.

But if you're lucky enough to have a dad in your life who wasn't
entirely useless, please, mute those silly ads and give him a call -
on your own dime.

Mary Jacobs is a Dallas freelance writer.

  #2  
Old June 18th 07, 04:04 PM posted to soc.men,misc.kids,alt.parenting.solutions
R. Steve Walz
external usenet poster
 
Posts: 2,954
Default Our father figure?

Fred Goodwin, CMA wrote:

Our father figure?

http://www.dallasnews.com/sharedcont...oints/stories/
DN-jacobs_17edi.ART.State.Edition1.43822cd.html
http://tinyurl.com/2up8xh

Think about what that tells boys about the kind of men they can aspire
to be

---------------
What sap-ridden CRAP!!
That's NOT what causes kids to be who they become!!
Steve
  #3  
Old June 18th 07, 04:32 PM posted to soc.men,misc.kids,alt.parenting.solutions
John Larkin
external usenet poster
 
Posts: 14
Default Our father figure?

On Mon, 18 Jun 2007 07:52:45 -0700, "Fred Goodwin, CMA"
wrote:

Our father figure?

http://www.dallasnews.com/sharedcont...oints/stories/
DN-jacobs_17edi.ART.State.Edition1.43822cd.html
http://tinyurl.com/2up8xh

Think about what that tells boys about the kind of men they can aspire
to be

Mary Jacobs:
03:31 PM CDT on Sunday, June 17, 2007

If you believe popular culture, the man we're honoring today is a
complete idiot.

A recent survey by FathersAndHusbands.org reports that, far more often
than women, men in prime-time television are shown as inadequate
parents, as sources of marital discontent or as "corrupt" and
"stupid."

You don't have to watch much TV to believe that.


If you watch much TV, you are stupid enough to believe anything.

John


 




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