Constant fighting among young brothers

I have 4 children, ages 2,4,6 and 8. The two oldest are girls and the two
youngest are boys. My two girls are in school and I run a very busy
cleaning business from home. My issue is (besides the fact that I
probably have way too much on my plate and far too high expectations of
myself) that my boys fight constantly. They both seem to do whatever they
can to provoke each other, bug each other, you know what I mean. It's
endless reprimanding and redirecting on my part.

You'd think by child number four I'd have it together, but my boys are so
different from my girls and from me, and I find myself getting angry at
them for my lack of control over their behavior. My husband doesn't
understand because they listen to him. My mother-in-law doesn't
understand for the same reason, and relishes in the fact. They only seem
to be this difficult with me.

I could use some suggestions about what to do to help entertain them while
I have to work in my home office during the day--besides TV, which has
been the norm a lot and it leaves me feeling guilty. Also, about what to
do about the constant fighting and screaming at all times. I've tried
disciplining, taking away TV or computer privileges, yelling (which is so
not my nature), time-out, but I'm at a loss.

You all seem like a great group. Perhaps someone out there can help me
regain some control and at the same time my identity.

Thank you!

On Thu, 10 Jun 2004 18:43:24 -0400, "MayflowerMomOf4"
wrote:


I could use some suggestions about what to do to help entertain them while
I have to work in my home office during the day--besides TV, which has
been the norm a lot and it leaves me feeling guilty. Also, about what to
do about the constant fighting and screaming at all times. I've tried
disciplining, taking away TV or computer privileges, yelling (which is so
not my nature), time-out, but I'm at a loss.

Get and read Siblings Without Rivalry by Adele Faber and Elaine
Mazlish.

That said, at 2 and 4, it's a bit harder to do as much as you can with
older children in terms of letting them settle things themselves.
Still you must allow them to settle things. Much of what they are
doing is probably exactly to get your attention. Give them each
lots of positive attention and you will have less of the negative.

Since you work from home, hire a nanny or babysitter to watch
them for at least part of the day while you are working. Talk to
Circe about that part of the equation.


--
Dorothy

There is no sound, no cry in all the world
that can be heard unless someone listens ..

The Outer Limits

On Thu, 10 Jun 2004 18:43:24 -0400, "MayflowerMomOf4"
wrote:

I could use some suggestions about what to do to
help entertain them while I have to work in my home
office during the day--besides TV, which has
been the norm a lot and it leaves me feeling guilty.

At 2, you cannot usually expect a child to entertain
himself for a long period of time. Most two year olds
need supervision and need lots of different *short*
activities.

I would suggest sending them to a part day preschool
program which would get them in separate classes
with friends of their own and also give them lots of
different things they can do without *you* having to
supervise or hiring a parttime babysitter at your home
to entertain them for part of the day.

Activities:
Contact paper taped upside down to a table with
magazines to tear up and put the pictures on the
contact paper collage (you can cut up pictures yourself
and your 4 year old can probably use scissors, but the
2 year old cannot cut without supervision so I would
suggest old comics from the newspaper to tear up
would work for him).

Playdough with plastic knives and spoons and forks
is another possibility. You can make your own playdough
with flour, salt, water and food coloring if you don't want
to buy it.

Paper taped to the walls to color on with crayon or
chalk. (and to paint on with supervision)

Duplos (larger legos, suitable for the younger child
as well as the older one).

A sensory table (can be a dishpan on the floor or a
table). Fill with raw rice, raw pasta, raw beans, large
beads, scraps of torn paper, etc. Anything with a new
texture is fun. Give them small cups and spoons and
let them pour things from one container into another.
This might be messy with rice, but less so with beans
or paper scraps. Water or sand is good too but needs
more supervision.

Set up small buckets and soft balls for them to play
*basketball* in. Or find some small plastic bottles
they can set up as bowling pins to roll a ball at.

Have them collect something outside they can sort
into a collection for inside (rocks comes to mind). Kids
love collecting and often will sort their collections by
size, color or some other characteristic and take quite
a lot of time looking at the *treasures.*

Hide things around the house and see if they can find
them from clues (for the older child, you can draw a
*map* of where they are hidden) Use different small
toys for each child - appropriate to what each likes.

Put on music that they can dance to.

Good luck.


--
Dorothy

There is no sound, no cry in all the world
that can be heard unless someone listens ..

The Outer Limits

toto wrote:

Get and read Siblings Without Rivalry by Adele Faber and Elaine
Mazlish.

I'm lucky in that mine don't fight to much. They are at an age where they
get naughty together though which is frustrating. I liked this book too.

Since you work from home, hire a nanny or babysitter to watch
them for at least part of the day while you are working.

I work from home. No way can I get anything done with out someone to watch
them. When dh isn't home I either take them to daycare or this summer I
have a teen come to watch them.

To the OP:

You might also find that less TV will equal less fighting. Mine are always
grouchier if they watch to much TV. We also spend as much time as possible
outside. Not only do they not fight much out there but they get fresh air
and exercise. Fresh air leads to better eating and better eating equals
less grouchiness, especially for Luke.

You might also work on getting them to play separately for a portion of the
day. Hunter does that when Luke naps. If Luke doesn't nap then we have
more problems. Partly because he is tired, but partly because Hunter hasn't
taken any down time away from Luke or us.

And finally sleep. I'm sure you are well aware that lack of sleep leads to
fighting. Hunter won't nap and we don't get to bed early enough in the
summer. He has a lot more problems when he is tired. Luke still naps so it
isn't as much of a problem for him.

I'd bet 3/4 your problems would disappear though if you found someone to
watch them while you worked. Kids will fight for your attention and if I'm
here alone with them.....they are constantly looking for attention if I am
in the office. Not so much when I'm not working but when I am.

--
Nikki
Mama to Hunter (5) and Luke (3)

"MayflowerMomOf4" wrote in message
lkaboutparenting.com...
I have 4 children, ages 2,4,6 and 8. The two oldest are girls and the two
youngest are boys. My two girls are in school and I run a very busy
cleaning business from home. My issue is (besides the fact that I
probably have way too much on my plate and far too high expectations of
myself) that my boys fight constantly. They both seem to do whatever they
can to provoke each other, bug each other, you know what I mean. It's
endless reprimanding and redirecting on my part.

You'd think by child number four I'd have it together, but my boys are so
different from my girls and from me, and I find myself getting angry at
them for my lack of control over their behavior. My husband doesn't
understand because they listen to him. My mother-in-law doesn't
understand for the same reason, and relishes in the fact. They only seem
to be this difficult with me.

I could use some suggestions about what to do to help entertain them while
I have to work in my home office during the day--besides TV, which has
been the norm a lot and it leaves me feeling guilty. Also, about what to
do about the constant fighting and screaming at all times. I've tried
disciplining, taking away TV or computer privileges, yelling (which is so
not my nature), time-out, but I'm at a loss.

You all seem like a great group. Perhaps someone out there can help me
regain some control and at the same time my identity.

There is no problem with control. You have it. All they are asking for is
your attention. You just have to give it to them.

Jeff

Thank you!

"MayflowerMomOf4" wrote in message
lkaboutparenting.com...


I could use some suggestions about what to do to help entertain them while
I have to work in my home office during the day--besides TV, which has
been the norm a lot and it leaves me feeling guilty. Also, about what to
do about the constant fighting and screaming at all times. I've tried
disciplining, taking away TV or computer privileges, yelling (which is so
not my nature), time-out, but I'm at a loss.


I can't imagine working without some childcare help even if I work at home
(which I did part-time).
At 2 and 4, the boys are simply too young to entertain themselves for long.
They need attention. The fighting is probably their way of telling you to
pay attention. They listen to their father and grandmother most likely
because they are interacting with the boys.

Jeanne

I think the suggestion of a baby sitter and pre-school (at least for the 4yo)
is good. If one of them went, the other one would have to fight with himself
:-)

If you don't feel that you can run to that, what about employing one or more of
your own employees to 'clean' your house and take them for walks. Surely not
every one of them is booked for all the hours they can work. You could use it
as a possible monitoring situation for people you were thinking of employing
and see how they worked out. You'd be right there, so they couldn't get into
much mischief. (the employee that is)