20 Weeks Appointment with Midwife

Hello,

I had my 20 weeks apointment with my midwife (well, more like 21, it's
20+6). I only gained 4 pounds since mid-December, urine sample is good. The
baby wiggles like crazy, the heartbeat is loud, clear and regular, and my
uterus is positionned at the "standard" height. Whatever that means, I am
weary of standards since that nuchal fold measurement.

And well, that's what we discussed the most. I am so glad to be with a
midwife who takes the time to discuss these things with me. I am now quite
all right with the whole experience. If anything, it has transformed this
second pregnancy: while I didn't "feel" it, and didn't get "into it", until
last week, now it's all different. I feel like with Mlle C, only a bit
later. It's as if, having feared so much for my baby, knowing he's going to
be all right has made me pregnant anew. I am now showing off my belly, I
enjoy the constant kicking, even when it wakes me up at night, and I am
already planning of what clothes I'll be buying and what his bedroom will
look like. I don't think I would have got into that if everything had just
gone normally. Some say you always get something out of a bad experience.
For me, this is it.

The only worry I now have is with DH. He held up very well during the whole
amnio-waiting drama, but now I feel he is somewhat at a loss. While he was
protecting me, comforting me, and helping me live through my nightmare, I
didn't do the same for him (nor did he ever ask me to, last week no more
than today). I don't feel guilty, that's not it. I'm just worried. The
strain of it shows in his face, he is tired, he doesn't sleep well, and
worries over trivial things. That's not like him. I suppose everyone reacts
differently, and that he will heal in time, but he refuses to talk to me
about it. I know he talked a bit with his dad, but Mr. Professor is not very
good with empathy. I wish he'd go see someone whom he could trust and in
whom he could confide, but he tells me there's no need, and that he doesn't
want to talk about it anymore. Anyway. I'm by his side, and he knows he can
reach out to me if need be. I'll be there.

Tomorrow is the echocardiogram. I'm not worried, but I know I'll be glad
when it is all over and done with.

Isabelle

Zaz wrote:
It's as if, having feared so much for my baby, knowing he's going to
be all right has made me pregnant anew. I am now showing off my
belly, I enjoy the constant kicking, even when it wakes me up at
night, and I am already planning of what clothes I'll be buying and
what his bedroom will look like.

Isabelle, I'm so happy for you that you are embracing your pregnancy.
Due to sort of similar circumstances, I'm just now getting to this
point with my pregnancy, too. It's much more pleasant and enjoyable to
give oneself permission to plan and be excited.

Anyway. I'm by his side, and he knows he can
reach out to me if need be. I'll be there.

I think this is all you can do. When we had our scare with Butterball,
compounded by DH's sister's loss of her baby, DH spent a lot of effort
and time reassuring me, and yet I know it was as hard or harder on him.
Now he is facing unemployment, and it's the same deal -- he's helping
*me* cope instead of doing it himself. I know it's taking a toll -- he
is not THAT strong. But all we can really do is let them know we're
here, right?

Anyway, I sympathize and can relate. Our due dates are mere days
apart, and we've both had some sh*tty stuff to deal with. Hugs. Take
care.

-Carlye
DD 9-29-04
Baby boy "Butterball" EDD 6-2-06