bad experience NIP

You'd think I'd be used to it... Rocky is 2yo.
I nursed him in the waiting room at his speech
therapy center. A couple of women said, wow, you
still have milk? And that was fine.

BUT, this one woman started talking to me in
Chinese. She said, "how old is he?" I said "two".
She said, "OOh, looks very ugly" - meaning the
breastfeeding... I was so stunned I just shrugged.
Then, she said, "he ought to be eating food" and
I said, "he eats everything!". And *then*, she
said, "why don't you use formula?" and I lamely
came up with "breastmilk is healthier".

I wish I had the presence of mind to rebut and
say "It's *beautiful*" when she said "ugly" and
that I did a royal horrified shrug and said, "ugh,
formula! Why use formula when I have breastmilk?"

(Not that I condemn formula, I just wish I could
have rebutted her royally!)

-- Anita --

Irrational Number wrote:
You'd think I'd be used to it... Rocky is 2yo.
I nursed him in the waiting room at his speech
therapy center. A couple of women said, wow, you
still have milk? And that was fine.

BUT, this one woman started talking to me in
Chinese. She said, "how old is he?" I said "two".
She said, "OOh, looks very ugly" - meaning the
breastfeeding... I was so stunned I just shrugged.
Then, she said, "he ought to be eating food" and
I said, "he eats everything!". And *then*, she
said, "why don't you use formula?" and I lamely
came up with "breastmilk is healthier".

I wish I had the presence of mind to rebut and
say "It's *beautiful*" when she said "ugly" and
that I did a royal horrified shrug and said, "ugh,
formula! Why use formula when I have breastmilk?"

(Not that I condemn formula, I just wish I could
have rebutted her royally!)

-- Anita --

Yeah, with Sam I actually got told that my still breastfeeding was
causing his speech delay, because "He's still being treated like a
baby." Yeah, sure. But all those kids with bottles stuck in their mouths
at 3 aren't being treated like a baby, because it's a bottle, and
everyone knows babies don't get bottles.. Eh, wait, there's something
wrong with that one...

People *rolls eyes* ;-)

cu
nicole

On Jun 7, 9:31 am, Irrational Number wrote:
You'd think I'd be used to it... Rocky is 2yo.
I nursed him in the waiting room at his speech
therapy center. A couple of women said, wow, you
still have milk? And that was fine.

BUT, this one woman started talking to me in
Chinese. She said, "how old is he?" I said "two".
She said, "OOh, looks very ugly" - meaning the
breastfeeding... I was so stunned I just shrugged.
Then, she said, "he ought to be eating food" and
I said, "he eats everything!". And *then*, she
said, "why don't you use formula?" and I lamely
came up with "breastmilk is healthier".

I wish I had the presence of mind to rebut and
say "It's *beautiful*" when she said "ugly" and
that I did a royal horrified shrug and said, "ugh,
formula! Why use formula when I have breastmilk?"

(Not that I condemn formula, I just wish I could
have rebutted her royally!)

-- Anita --

So sorry. What a frustrating experience. Of course we all wish we have
the snappy comebacks at the right time. Never works that way!

I just don't get the ignorance of some people.

"Irrational Number" wrote in message
nk.net...
You'd think I'd be used to it... Rocky is 2yo.
I nursed him in the waiting room at his speech
therapy center. A couple of women said, wow, you
still have milk? And that was fine.

BUT, this one woman started talking to me in
Chinese. She said, "how old is he?" I said "two".
She said, "OOh, looks very ugly" - meaning the
breastfeeding... I was so stunned I just shrugged.
Then, she said, "he ought to be eating food" and
I said, "he eats everything!". And *then*, she
said, "why don't you use formula?" and I lamely
came up with "breastmilk is healthier".

I wish I had the presence of mind to rebut and
say "It's *beautiful*" when she said "ugly" and
that I did a royal horrified shrug and said, "ugh,
formula! Why use formula when I have breastmilk?"

(Not that I condemn formula, I just wish I could
have rebutted her royally!)

-- Anita --

Grrrr. What possesses strangers to say this crap?
Rudeness just comes easy to some people I guess.

Sorry that you had a bad experience.
Amanda

Irrational Number wrote:
You'd think I'd be used to it... Rocky is 2yo.
I nursed him in the waiting room at his speech
therapy center. A couple of women said, wow, you
still have milk? And that was fine.

BUT, this one woman started talking to me in
Chinese. She said, "how old is he?" I said "two".
She said, "OOh, looks very ugly" - meaning the
breastfeeding... I was so stunned I just shrugged.
Then, she said, "he ought to be eating food" and
I said, "he eats everything!". And *then*, she
said, "why don't you use formula?" and I lamely
came up with "breastmilk is healthier".

I wish I had the presence of mind to rebut and
say "It's *beautiful*" when she said "ugly" and
that I did a royal horrified shrug and said, "ugh,
formula! Why use formula when I have breastmilk?"

(Not that I condemn formula, I just wish I could
have rebutted her royally!)

But if you think about it, it wouldn't have helped, other than making
you feel better. If 'Breastmilk is healthier' isn't enough reason for
her, then getting all horrified about formula won't be either, and would
probably just have alienated any formula-feeders present. Acting like
the archetypal breast fascist can really backfire, because if people
start thinking that that's what nursing mothers are like it can put them
off seeking help with their own nursing because they're afraid they'll
meet with criticism instead of support. 'Breastmilk is healthier' is a
perfectly good response, and staying polite and calm is likely to be
better in the long run in terms of not making anybody else present think
"Oh, God, is that what breastfeeders are like?"

As for the whole ugly vs. beautiful thing, I really wish people wouldn't
even get drawn into it, because it is such an incredibly futile debate.
Finding something ugly or beautiful is a personal decision. If she
finds it ugly she finds it ugly. She's not going to change her mind
just because you feel differently, and you know what? She shouldn't
have to. What she *should* do is stop making other people feel
uncomfortable just because of her personal preferences as to what looks
ugly. Describing someone else's appearance as 'ugly' to their face is
extremely bad manners. *Thinking* it is not, because we're not the
Thought Police. So objecting to what she was thinking would have just
fed into this whole belief that that's what the argument was really
about, and that wouldn't have helped either. (Taking her up on her bad
manners might have done, at least by shaming her, but that sort of thing
is fiddly to do on the spur of the moment without alienating people. I
think shrugging is a perfectly reasonable response.)

So, if it helps - I know people like that are annoying as hell. But
your response was just fine under the circumstances, and having time to
think about it would probably have made things worse rather than better.


All the best,

Sarah

--
http://www.goodenoughmummy.typepad.com

"That which can be destroyed by the truth, should be" - P. C. Hodgell

It's so hard to come up with the right things to say onthe spot. Good for
you for NIP.
"Irrational Number" wrote in message
nk.net...
You'd think I'd be used to it... Rocky is 2yo.
I nursed him in the waiting room at his speech
therapy center. A couple of women said, wow, you
still have milk? And that was fine.

BUT, this one woman started talking to me in
Chinese. She said, "how old is he?" I said "two".
She said, "OOh, looks very ugly" - meaning the
breastfeeding... I was so stunned I just shrugged.
Then, she said, "he ought to be eating food" and
I said, "he eats everything!". And *then*, she
said, "why don't you use formula?" and I lamely
came up with "breastmilk is healthier".

I wish I had the presence of mind to rebut and
say "It's *beautiful*" when she said "ugly" and
that I did a royal horrified shrug and said, "ugh,
formula! Why use formula when I have breastmilk?"

(Not that I condemn formula, I just wish I could
have rebutted her royally!)

-- Anita --