How do I make him think potty training is his idea?

(Robyn Kozierok) wrote in message ...

So, anyhow, other than that, we are just waiting, but not as patiently
as we otherwise would be.

--Robyn

My youngest boy didn't train until 3.5 or thereafter. In fact, I think
I posted as much either here or misc.kids. No bribery, no "big kid"
stuff, didn't care, wasn't gonna do it, nothing appealed to him about
the process.

I'm not the patient sort and though I tried very hard not to put
pressure on, I did keep the potty-training topic in the forefront. I'd
comment here or there on how great using the potty is. I enlisted the
help of older brother (who was 8 at the time and more of a pressure
pot than I am, so I had to make *him* back down a little.) And every
once in a while I asked - as casually as I could - if my youngest was
ready to wear underwear. Sometimes he would. For about an hour. Then
he'd pee in them and refuse to wear them for another month or so.

Then during a competitive streak he was having with his older sister,
he lamented that he couldn't get dressed as fast as she could. I
casually mentioned that his diapers were the hold-up and that
underwear was faster to get on and off. I just thought it was another
of my little comments that he'd ignore.

Not so. He put underwear on that morning and has been wearing them
ever since. (Er, the competitive streak about getting dressed quickly
went away, unfortunately. Now he's as tough to get ready in the
morning as any other 4 year old!)

I'm not sure what I did that really worked, but I do think that
keeping the subject live while not putting on pressure was helpful.
It's hard to strike a balance and when my youngest would start getting
upset about potty training, I immediately backed off. Just as
important was the sheer dumb luck of finding the potty-training
*thing* that made him tick. If I'd have never mentioned underwear as a
"secret weapon" in getting dressed faster, who knows what would have
tipped him towards training!

Good luck and maybe a casual, low-pressure mention of potty training
here and there will help you find the key.

- Bev

In article ,
Iowacookiemom wrote:


Apparently he
told his preschool teachers that he uses the potty at home. LOL.

That actually might be a good sign. He must on some level feel a need to
appear that he's at least making *some* progress.


Good point. I can hope anyhow. ;-)

Thanks to all with suggestions.

--Robyn

(Robyn Kozierok) wrote in message ...
In article ,
Rosalie B. wrote:

fwiw, he claims that he is afraid to pee in the potty, and that he
will miss his diapers.

Thanks,
--Robyn

Is he afraid of the big person potty, or the little guy potty? If it
is one, then I suggest trying the other - If it is the big potty,
put a small potty - or one of the booster seats for the big potty - in
the bathroom. If he is afraid of the little potty, I would remove it
and not mention training, even for one week, to get the pressure off
and give him a chance to make it his idea. I trained a child at
daycare/school to use the booster seat, turns out he was terrified of
falling in the big potty beacuse he had an older brother who used to
threaten to push him in so the booster seat was less scary for him.

Deb

In article ,
teacherDeb wrote:


(Robyn Kozierok) wrote in message
. ..

fwiw, he claims that he is afraid to pee in the potty, and that he
will miss his diapers.

Is he afraid of the big person potty, or the little guy potty? If it
is one, then I suggest trying the other - If it is the big potty,
put a small potty - or one of the booster seats for the big potty - in
the bathroom. If he is afraid of the little potty, I would remove it
and not mention training, even for one week, to get the pressure off
and give him a chance to make it his idea. I trained a child at
daycare/school to use the booster seat, turns out he was terrified of
falling in the big potty beacuse he had an older brother who used to
threaten to push him in so the booster seat was less scary for him.

We have a potty ring on the regular toilet. I have offered to buy him
a little potty, but claims he is not interested. They have both a tiny
toilet and a separate potty seat at school, but he won't even sit on
either one.

I don't think he actually is scared, I think that is just something to
say.

--Robyn

(Robyn Kozierok) wrote in message ...
In article ,
teacherDeb wrote:


(Robyn Kozierok) wrote in message
. ..

fwiw, he claims that he is afraid to pee in the potty, and that he
will miss his diapers.

Is he afraid of the big person potty, or the little guy potty? If it
is one, then I suggest trying the other - If it is the big potty,
put a small potty - or one of the booster seats for the big potty - in
the bathroom. If he is afraid of the little potty, I would remove it
and not mention training, even for one week, to get the pressure off
and give him a chance to make it his idea. I trained a child at
daycare/school to use the booster seat, turns out he was terrified of
falling in the big potty beacuse he had an older brother who used to
threaten to push him in so the booster seat was less scary for him.

We have a potty ring on the regular toilet. I have offered to buy him
a little potty, but claims he is not interested. They have both a tiny
toilet and a separate potty seat at school, but he won't even sit on
either one.

I don't think he actually is scared, I think that is just something to
say.

--Robyn

Then ,honestly, I think the best thing to do would be back off
completely and let him train in his own time. If this issue is
causing health problems then you need to take another look at it.
Children do have the ability to decide these things and will do so
smoothly when left alone to do so.
One of my children refused to train (he is very bright, and also a
control freak) even though I knew he was ready. I asked him when he
thought he would be ready and he said, "when I turn four". (Really
late IMO, but I thought maybe the pressure of other preschoolers would
change his mind). We did not mention it to him, let him get in and
out of his own pullups, did not ask his preschool teacher to change
him or push the issue at all, and on his fourth birthday he pulled the
underwear out of his dresser drawer, put it on, and that was the end
of that.
I had many friends(and teachers) who tried to tell me that I should
take control and not let the boy run the show and all of that other
stuff, but in truth I let him know that I trusted him to run his own
body and he could ask for help if he needed it, and he did it himself.
And i think our relationship is that much better because he now
trusts me to trust him, and fights less overall because I gave him
that control that he needed.
Deb

In article ,
teacherDeb wrote:
One of my children refused to train (he is very bright, and also a
control freak) even though I knew he was ready. I asked him when he
thought he would be ready and he said, "when I turn four". (Really
late IMO, but I thought maybe the pressure of other preschoolers would
change his mind). We did not mention it to him, let him get in and
out of his own pullups, did not ask his preschool teacher to change
him or push the issue at all, and on his fourth birthday he pulled the
underwear out of his dresser drawer, put it on, and that was the end
of that.

Mine does not think he'll be ready when he's 4, nor when he's 8 or even 11.
So, we don't ask him that anymore He is really interested in the
kindergarten room, which he knows is for 5yos. I've been casually
mentioning that it was for 5yos in underwear. He jokes about it
being for 5yos in diapers, but I reply that that's silly, and there are
no diapers in kindergarten. I'd take "when I turn four" in a heartbeat
right now ;-)

I had many friends(and teachers) who tried to tell me that I should
take control and not let the boy run the show and all of that other
stuff

No one can tell us this, because this one has shown that he will take
control himself, in a medically dangerous way. (We weren't trying to
take control, IMO, just "suggesting" more than he liked.)

So, we continue to wait, and continue to fill our son with antibiotics
and acidophilous powder to combat the ill digestive effects...

--Robyn