I need serious help w/ problem child

"Catherine Woodgold" wrote in message
...

"Stephanie Stowe" ) writes:
I did not see that part of hte post.

OP. My sincerest apologies. I misread this badly.

Just a suggestion: there may still be time to
cancel the post before the OP sees it, if you want to. I believe most
newsreaders have some way to cancel your own posts.
A "cancel" message then goes out around the world,
with higher priority than the posts.
--



Thbnaks

Cathy

Nolte009 wrote in
outparenting.com:
[snip]
A*typical*day*for*my*child*is*constantly*bothering *the*cat,(usually
pulling hair, tail, sitting or squeezing it hard). ALso he calls anyone
and everyone names (about 300 times a day). After telling him NOT to do
these things, why he shouldn't, removing him from the situation, time
outs, soap in the mouth for the name calling at last resort, he still
wakes up the next morning and does it all over again.
[snip]

How much positive attention do you pay your son? Do you ever spend nice
time together, when you are doing nice things together?

I was just thinking that sometimes people who are depressed just want
"EVERYONE TO GO AWAY AND LEAVE ME ALONE". Your son wants you to pay
attention to him - and 4yos are notoriously demanding of attention. But
your depression might be making you push him away, so you can be left alone.
He gets attention for bad behaviour, so he behaves badly. Being shouted
at is better, when you are this age, then being ignored.

I don't know hoe applicable this is to your situation, but maybe you could
work out when you are feeling most sociable, and then concentrate on
spending positive time with your son. Because he is getting good attention,
he won't need bad attention so much, and hopefully over a few weeks, his
behaviour will start to improve.

--
Penny Gaines
UK mum to three

On 3 Jan 2005 19:10:17 GMT, Catherine Woodgold wrote:

"Stephanie Stowe" ) writes:
I did not see that part of hte post.

OP. My sincerest apologies. I misread this badly.

Just a suggestion: there may still be time to
cancel the post before the OP sees it, if you want to. I believe most
newsreaders have some way to cancel your own posts.
A "cancel" message then goes out around the world,
with higher priority than the posts.

It doesn't really help to send out a cancel message.
The vast majority of ISP's stopped honoring cancel messages years
ago, due to the flood of cancel-bots that were being employed to
remove legitimate posts.

- Rich

Here to there ) writes:
It doesn't really help to send out a cancel message.
The vast majority of ISP's stopped honoring cancel messages years
ago, due to the flood of cancel-bots that were being employed to
remove legitimate posts.

I'm not sure about that. I've cancelled posts and then they
didn't show up on Google (I think). I think there are lots
of cancel-messages being honoured all the time or else there
would be lots and lots of spam on newsgroups -- but I don't
really know much about the subject.
--
Cathy

toto ) writes:
Cancels do not work unless sent within a few minutes of
the original, because the post gets to servers that don't
honor cancels (altopia is one) and people answer the
post so even if the OPs server does honor cancels, it is
likely that she will see someone's answer with the quote
in it.

I already answered the post and haven't cancelled my
answer (though I still might...) but I'm not too worried
about that. I think seeing a reply would be much
less emotionally hard to take than seeing the original post.
Besides, maybe nobody on altopia would happen to answer it.
--
Cathy

I think I've gathered some good info here, as well as some bad.

I don't "resent" my ex. I kicked him out because he had a choice - drugs
or family. The ultimatum was on the table, and he chose. He was someone
who couldn't go without smoking pot for more than a few hours. That's not
father material in my mind! I resent myself for getting involved with him
in the first place, and having my son as the outcome was never on my list
of things to do. I don't resent my son for being here either - I got
pregnant, and when I realized my family would've adopted him over seeing
me get an abortion - I then knew what I had to do. Just because I had an
"oops" baby, did not make abortion the right answer. So here I am, 27
years old, with a 4 year old son that I never wanted. Don't get me wrong
though, he's brought happiness to my life plenty of times.... it's just
been rough now that he has a mind of his own. He's a stubborn kid, to say
the least. (Just like his mom and his dad)...... GO FIGURE!!! lol

Anyway, Shiny - I think most of what you said was true, and I appreciate
the kind words. However, I don't believe blaming the outcome of my life on
my parents. They raised me fine. Depression and anxiety are hereditary, my
whole family has it, and no one wanted to admit until a few years ago.
They did nothing wrong to me as a child, and were quite supportive of me
(until that teenage rebellion hit!!) In my own words, depression is not
only anger turned inward, but anger turned inward mixed with heartbreak.
I'm one of those people who bad things happen to constantly. Seems like
every time I get ahead in life, the bad comes back threefold. The way some
people replied to me, it seems like you guys think depression is like the
black plague. It's just a little chemical imbalance!

I have to go for now, but appreciate the ones trying to give food for
thought here. Please feel free to write again, and thanks.

I think I've gathered some good info here, as well as some bad.

I don't "resent" my ex. I kicked him out because he had a choice - drugs
or family. The ultimatum was on the table, and he chose. He was someone
who couldn't go without smoking pot for more than a few hours. That's not
father material in my mind! I resent myself for getting involved with him
in the first place, and having my son as the outcome was never on my list
of things to do. I don't resent my son for being here either - I got
pregnant, and when I realized my family would've adopted him over seeing
me get an abortion - I then knew what I had to do. Just because I had an
"oops" baby, did not make abortion the right answer. So here I am, 27
years old, with a 4 year old son that I never wanted. Don't get me wrong
though, he's brought happiness to my life plenty of times.... it's just
been rough now that he has a mind of his own. He's a stubborn kid, to say
the least. (Just like his mom and his dad)...... GO FIGURE!!! lol

Anyway, Shiny - I think most of what you said was true, and I appreciate
the kind words. However, I don't believe blaming the outcome of my life on
my parents. They raised me fine. Depression and anxiety are hereditary, my
whole family has it, and no one wanted to admit until a few years ago.
They did nothing wrong to me as a child, and were quite supportive of me
(until that teenage rebellion hit!!) In my own words, depression is not
only anger turned inward, but anger turned inward mixed with heartbreak.
I'm one of those people who bad things happen to constantly. Seems like
every time I get ahead in life, the bad comes back threefold. The way some
people replied to me, it seems like you guys think depression is like the
black plague. It's just a little chemical imbalance!

I have to go for now, but appreciate the ones trying to give food for
thought here. Please feel free to write again, and thanks.

I indeed said the same thing to them as you've heard "hope
you have better luck with him than I do". I had told them about the
previous daycare situation, and to watch him extra close! But also that
had issues listening, and hurting others - without thinking twice of what
he's doing. It's funny, for the first approximately 2 months, they said I
had such a well behaved child, so of course I asked what they did to him!!
After another month or so, he felt comfortable with his teachers, and
starting raising hell. He was constantly in trouble. The worst thing had
to be the time I picked him up and was told he took scissors to another
students back and cut him.


It seems to me he acts exactly as you expect him to. Maybe you should change
your expectations.

When your son went to a new daycare, it was an opportunity for him to start
with a clean slate, but you planted the seed in the daycare workers' heads that
your son was naughty. I hope your son wasn't right there when you did it.



Maryilee

You've let this child take over, simple as that. He clearly has no concept of
right, wrong, or discipline.

Bottom line -- TAKE CHARGE! This brat needs to know that NO means NO and that
unacceptable behavior will no longer be tolerated. If that means dropping his
pants and whapping his butt red in the middle of the grocery store -- so be it.

The key here is CONSISTENCY as well as developing a pattern for his life that
is appropriate for a child his age. That means he sleeps ON HIS OWN and with a
more reasonable bedtime.

And, respectfully, get some counseling for both of you.