Bad mommy or cultural difference?

Heh. Shopping. I hate shopping. DH does most of it, but we manage
it so we go shopping at most 2x per week. Until recently DH did it
alone, but now he takes DS. DS understands that getting to go
shopping with Daddy is a special treat. DS knows from experience that
if he acts up with me I will abandon the shopping cart in the middle
of the store and we will GO HOME without goodies. (I get the
perishable items last.)

Both DS and DD have gone through stages where they refused to sit in
the cart seat. Several strategies I have used include going at a time
when the store was empty, and letting the child walk. Wearing the
child in a front pack. Wearing the child in a backpack. Going home
when the child refused to sit in the cart seat.

Pologirl

On Jan 7, 8:49 pm, Marie wrote:

I have been seriously considering my third child theory. In almost
every family I can think of with three children, the baby is so much
more...intense, to use your word. And it's not the same if it's the
baby of a 2 or 4-child family.

I've seen the third child thing too. If the first child is
challenging enough, parents often stop at one child. If the second
child is very challenging, there is unlikely to be a third. Before
the kids outnumber the parents, a challenging child is less likely to
be obvious to the rest of the world.

I approached having a third child with trepidation. My first two have
been quite challenging, each in their own way, though it is getting
easier as they get older. My third child has been by far the easiest
one since birth.

She has not had to be dragged out of places repeatedly like the
others. She is better able to deal with the consequences when she
misbehaves. In most situations, she is able to look to her own best
interests, consider a situation rationally, and decide not to do
things that lead to consequences she won't like.

Even before she was 3 she was more able to sit and play games
according to the rules than my 6 year old. She started preschool as a
2 year old in a 3-5 year old class, but despite being younger than all
the rest, loves it and copes much better than a number of the older
children. She is 3 now, so it seems we have had a bit of time to
judge, though we will soon be a 4 child family and no longer fit your
3 child family category.

--Betsy

On Jan 8, 5:17 am, betsy wrote:
On Jan 7, 8:49 pm, Marie wrote:

I have been seriously considering my third child theory. In almost
every family I can think of with three children, the baby is so much
more...intense, to use your word. And it's not the same if it's the
baby of a 2 or 4-child family.

I've seen the third child thing too. If the first child is
challenging enough, parents often stop at one child. If the second
child is very challenging, there is unlikely to be a third. Before
the kids outnumber the parents, a challenging child is less likely to
be obvious to the rest of the world.

I approached having a third child with trepidation. My first two have
been quite challenging, each in their own way, though it is getting
easier as they get older. My third child has been by far the easiest
one since birth.

Ditto here. I sometimes suspect our third, now 13, deliberately chose
"easygoing and charming" long ago as a strategy to differentiate him
from his more intense older brother!

Lori G.
"

In article
,
Pologirl wrote:

Both DS and DD have gone through stages where they refused to sit in
the cart seat. Several strategies I have used include going at a time
when the store was empty, and letting the child walk. Wearing the
child in a front pack. Wearing the child in a backpack. Going home
when the child refused to sit in the cart seat.

I usually let them choose, but any misbehaviour (running away, attempting to
climb displays, etc) meant incarceration in the seat! I also believe in kids
helping as much as possible so if they could reach an item safely, they got to
pick it up for me. The only time it backfired was when DS1 tried to put a
(glass) jar of honey into the trolley when I was too far away to stop him. He
wasn't quite tall enough to get it over the top, so it went *smash* on the
floor instead. The staff were unfazed, happily.

--
Chookie -- Sydney, Australia
(Replace "foulspambegone" with "optushome" to reply)

http://chookiesbackyard.blogspot.com/

"Marie" wrote in message
What I've used a few times was Skittles(the candy). I'd bring a bag in
my pocket into the store, and give the kids one at a time every couple
of minutes.

I hated shopping with my girls and I really tried to leave them at home as
much as possible. I still don't like to shop with my youngest, but we have
at least begun to understand that she is a buyer and not a shopper and we
try not to take her unless it is a short trip. It is too overwhelming for
her because of all the lights and people. I; however, let them have suckers
or a slurpee while shopping when they were toddler ages. It worked pretty
good. I never would let the younger ones walk either because they get in the
way of the other people too much, but with shopping with three, the oldest
did have to walk on many occasion.
--
Sue (mom to three girls)

In article ,
Marie wrote:

What I can't stand (and I am not saying this was Cjra but it reminds
me)...Parents are in the store or restaurant, letting the kids do
whatever, scream, make a mess, scatter the toys everywhere. The whole
time the mom/dad is nagging in this whiny voice, "No. No. Stop doing
that. You wanna time out? No. No." It drives me nuts. If my children
are misbehaving or being a nuisance, I remove them *quickly* if at all
possible.

Gah! Reminds me of Another Mother at music lessons. The older daughter (8?
9yo?) had a lesson that started 15 mins after ours did, so we had to put up
with the little treasure for that time as well as her younger brother, who was
in our class.

Now AFAIAC a kid of 8 knows that her job is to sit down, shut up, do something
quietly and not inconvenience the teacher/class. This girl would *turn on a
keyboard and fiddle with it* ! Or write on the board! And the teacher would
intervene before the mother did!

Now 5yo boys can be a bit silly late in the afternoon, and can have trouble
following sets of instructions. The boy couldn't sit with his legs crossed
unless the teacher told him three times first -- and Other Mother never once
reinforced that the teacher was there to be listened to. While DS1 isn't a
plaster saint, and can be quite silly on his own, I got pretty tired of having
to tell him off when I KNEW who started it.

If OM did respond to naughtiness, it took the form of bleating "Oh, name,
don't!" I never once heard either child rebuked, let alone punished, in any
way ever. Just the bleating, and of course no preventative action either. I
think I made DS1 apologise to the teacher twice for his behaviour, but he was
told off a few more times than that!

It was irritating was having the class disrupted, but the saddest thing was
that it was perfectly plain that the elder daughter knew exactly how to push
Mum's buttons and had precisely zero compunction about doing it.

--
Chookie -- Sydney, Australia
(Replace "foulspambegone" with "optushome" to reply)

http://chookiesbackyard.blogspot.com/

Marie wrote:

My third child turned 5 in October. When she was a baby I learned what
high needs was and it was such a relief. And it really has gotten
easier as she's gotten older, everyone was right!

I was fortunate in that DD was a relatively easy baby (all mine
were). I think before she could get around on her own and really
manipulate her environment, she was relatively content to hang out
and observe. She ate well and slept well. But when she could get
around...look out! She walked on the early side, and as soon as she
could walk she was pushing things around and climbing up them to get
to the out of reach things she wanted. She is very determined, and
can rarely be distracted. (If she wants something she's not supposed
to have, you might think you've successfully distracted her, but
the minute you turn your attention elsewhere, she'll go straight
back to what she wanted and wasn't supposed to have in the first
place. She'll wait for days for the opportunity, if need be!)
You *have* to explain things to her, because if she understands
and buys in, she'll actually do what she's supposed to do. If
you haven't convinced her, then you'd better be watching her
carefully, because she'll do it as soon as she gets the
opportunity, pretty much regardless of the consequences. She
has started to mature in this regard and will sometimes follow
rules even when she doesn't want to, but it's a slow process.
Needless to say, she's very impulsive.

She wanted her hair cut short a while back, and I asked
her to wait until after Nutcracker (much easier to get hair
up in a bun if you actually have hair). She agreed to wait, and
she did. A couple days after it was over, however, and before
I'd had a chance to get her an appointment, I sent her up to
her room to get her shoes. Less that five minutes later, when
she didn't reappear promptly, you guessed it...I found her in
my bathroom with hair *everywhere* and all the hair towards the
front of her head hacked off at about ear level. Thank goodness
she didn't do the usual thing where they cut themselves 1/8th inch
bangs, or we'd have had some wonky looking Christmas photos! She
was mystified why I was upset with her. After all, I had told
her she could get short hair after Nutcracker (while conveniently
ignoring the rule that she doesn't go in my bathroom or use
a scissors without supervision, not to mention that the hair
cutting scissors were not easy to get to).

Best wishes,
Ericka

On Jan 7, 11:19 pm, Marie wrote:
On Mon, 7 Jan 2008 19:53:07 -0800 (PST), cjra
wrote:

I did remove her, but maybe 10 minutes into it. I waited because 1. it
was cold outside. 2. DH had all her winter gear in the backpack 3. it
takes 20 minutes just to get all her winter gear on and 4. I kept
hoping he'd be done soon...

That is alot of winter gear! Do you have to put it on her to leave the
store each time? I live in South Carolina, the most we need in winter
for a trip to the store is a jacket lol
I kwym about hoping he'd be done soon, I've been there!

I'm perplexed -- what would take 20 minutes to put on for temps 10F?
The preschools here are pretty adamant that if the temps aren't in the
single digits (inclusive of wind chill, which had been a bear), it's
an outside recess....

Caledonia

On Jan 7, 8:15 pm, hedgehog42 wrote:
On Jan 7, 4:14 pm, cjra wrote:

So, would you agree that most people, even if they were smiling and
laughing and saying how 'cute' she was, were probably annoyed at this
little girl in their way? (Altho she wasn't truly in their way, just
making the line move in more fits and starts than it might otherwise
have) btw tho there were many people with kids, none were close to her
age - either they were much younger and asleep in their parents' arms,
or old enough to walk normally, dragging their own little carry-on (3
yrs+).

Myself, I wouldn't, since "holding up the line" in this instance is
only preventing me from shuffling forward a few feet closer to my
ultimate goal.

Two potential exceptions:
1. If I were way back in a line that snaked back and forth, and I
could see across several rows to a new gap in the heads with no
apparent movement behind the gap, I might be a bit irked -- though I'd
have no idea what the holdup was. (and I certainly wouldn't call out!)
But that's a matter of not knowing what's going on, not being irked by
a toddler's dawdling per se.

2.If, at the head of the line, there were multiple stations where
people were being helped, and your daughter was being allowed to
dawdle along in such a way that I couldn't get past her easily when
MY station opened up.

Lori G.

I think I'd be peeved if it meant that I'd pick up my baggage and get
ready to shuffle forward, only to wait a bit and see whether the child
is being picked up or whether I'm just standing there, holding my bags
(I know, everyone but me has roller luggage), 'a waitin' for the child
to make a decision.

When I've done this shuffle with a stroller-aged child, I also had to
have the stroller with me -- we had to claim all of our luggage --
every piece -- and drag it with us so it could be subjected to
superscan.

Caledonia

On Jan 8, 9:17 am, Caledonia wrote:
On Jan 7, 8:15 pm, hedgehog42 wrote:



On Jan 7, 4:14 pm, cjra wrote:

So, would you agree that most people, even if they were smiling and
laughing and saying how 'cute' she was, were probably annoyed at this
little girl in their way? (Altho she wasn't truly in their way, just
making the line move in more fits and starts than it might otherwise
have) btw tho there were many people with kids, none were close to her
age - either they were much younger and asleep in their parents' arms,
or old enough to walk normally, dragging their own little carry-on (3
yrs+).

Myself, I wouldn't, since "holding up the line" in this instance is
only preventing me from shuffling forward a few feet closer to my
ultimate goal.

Two potential exceptions:
1. If I were way back in a line that snaked back and forth, and I
could see across several rows to a new gap in the heads with no
apparent movement behind the gap, I might be a bit irked -- though I'd
have no idea what the holdup was. (and I certainly wouldn't call out!)
But that's a matter of not knowing what's going on, not being irked by
a toddler's dawdling per se.

2.If, at the head of the line, there were multiple stations where
people were being helped, and your daughter was being allowed to
dawdle along in such a way that I couldn't get past her easily when
MY station opened up.

Lori G.

I think I'd be peeved if it meant that I'd pick up my baggage and get
ready to shuffle forward, only to wait a bit and see whether the child
is being picked up or whether I'm just standing there, holding my bags
(I know, everyone but me has roller luggage), 'a waitin' for the child
to make a decision.

When I've done this shuffle with a stroller-aged child, I also had to
have the stroller with me -- we had to claim all of our luggage --
every piece -- and drag it with us so it could be subjected to
superscan.

In every airport I have been in in the world, you go through
immigration *before* you pick up your luggage and go through customs.
So unless you were able to gate-check your stroller, you wouldn't have
an opportunity to pick it up before immigration. (They required us to
check the stroller in Geneva - we could check it at the gate, but from
that point it got checked through to the US with regular luggage, you
couldn't pick it up at the gate)