Ferber method the right thing?

We decided to "Ferberize" our 5 months old son but after 3 days we are questioning our choice.

Our baby had some issues going to sleep before which is why we decided to do the method - I realized I was essentially nursing him to sleep or one of us had to sing or rock him to sleep most of the time. However, after 3 days of "the Ferber" the situation has gotten much worse - he screams at the top of his lungs (the red-in-the-face-not-gonna-breath kind of screaming) when we leave the room and doesn't stop when we come to "check on him." I noticed he also started to do the same with his day-time napping.

Have we started too early? Has anyone had similar experience? ...

Nickysmom

Nickysmom wrote:
We decided to "Ferberize" our 5 months old son but after 3 days we
are questioning our choice.


Personally, I'd never, ever use that method, but if you're set on it, Ferber
states that it's only for babies 6 months and older. Are you using his book?
I'd think the book would make that clear.

--
tristyn
www.tristyn.net
"i have heard the mermaids singing, each to each.
i do not think that they will sing to me."

On Sat, 6 Dec 2003 20:59:58 -0600, "Nickysmom"
wrote:

We decided to "Ferberize" our 5 months old
son but after 3 days we are questioning our choice.

Our baby had some issues going to sleep before
which is why we decided to do the method - I realized
I was essentially nursing him to sleep or one of us had
to sing or rock him to sleep most of the time.

With an infant, why is there anything wrong with this?
Do you really believe that if you do this, he will never
sleep on his own?

I admit to a prejudice about this method. I would not
ever use it. Both my children were rocked and sung
to sleep for quite some time and they still learned to
go to sleep on their own by the time they were 3 or 4
at least most of the time.

However, after 3 days of "the Ferber" the situation has
gotten much worse - he screams at the top of his
lungs (the red-in-the-face-not-gonna-breath kind of
screaming) when we leave the room and doesn't stop
when we come to "check on him." I noticed he also
started to do the same with his day-time napping.

Have we started too early?

Yes. Even Ferber doesn't recommend beginning until
the baby is 6 months old.

http://www.babycenter.com/refcap/7755.html

Ferber recommends using his method if your baby is
6 months or older. Like most sleep experts, he says
that by the time most normal, full-term infants are 3
months old, they no longer need a nighttime feeding.
And at 6 months, none do. If you're still nursing or
giving a bottle at bedtime at this age, the feedings
themselves may be behind your baby's wakings. She
has become used to them, and her tummy tells her
she needs them. Ferber says.

Has anyone had similar experience? ...

You might ask at the bulletin board in the URL

Nickysmom



--
Dorothy

There is no sound, no cry in all the world
that can be heard unless someone listens ..

The Outer Limits

Personally, I would never use that method on my son. It would be to
painful for me to listen to him cry inconsolably.

iphigenia wrote:
Nickysmom wrote:

We decided to "Ferberize" our 5 months old son but after 3 days we
are questioning our choice.



Personally, I'd never, ever use that method, but if you're set on it, Ferber
states that it's only for babies 6 months and older. Are you using his book?
I'd think the book would make that clear.

--
tristyn
www.tristyn.net
"i have heard the mermaids singing, each to each.
i do not think that they will sing to me."

Nickysmom wrote:

We decided to "Ferberize" our 5 months old son but after 3 days we are questioning our choice.

Our baby had some issues going to sleep before which is why we decided to do the method - I realized I was essentially nursing him to sleep or one of us had to sing or rock him to sleep most of the time. However, after 3 days of "the Ferber" the situation has gotten much worse - he screams at the top of his lungs (the red-in-the-face-not-gonna-breath kind of screaming) when we leave the room and doesn't stop when we come to "check on him." I noticed he also started to do the same with his day-time napping.

Have we started too early? Has anyone had similar experience? ...


IIRC, even Ferber himself would say you started too
early. Hopefully some others will suggest some alternatives
that might work for you. I have a 5mo. More often than
not she gets nursed to sleep, or is at least nursed before
I put her down (since I don't turn on lights or anything
for nighttime feedings, I don't really know if she's asleep
when I put her back down). I did the same with my two older
children who are now 8yo and 6yo, and neither have ever
had any sleep problems, ever. I don't think it's any sort
of problem that she's still nursing before bedtime, and
I really doubt it will cause any sleep problems in the
future. I rather suspect that if I let her scream at
night, however, that I'd have a rather long haul repairing
the issues that created.

Best wishes,
Ericka

On Sat, 6 Dec 2003, Nickysmom wrote:

I realized I was essentially nursing him to sleep or one of us had to
sing or rock him to sleep most of the time.

You say this as if it were a bad thing.

"iphigenia" wrote in message
...
Nickysmom wrote:
We decided to "Ferberize" our 5 months old son but after 3 days we
are questioning our choice.


Personally, I'd never, ever use that method, but if you're set on it,
Ferber
states that it's only for babies 6 months and older. Are you using his
book?
I'd think the book would make that clear.

I would also never, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever do it. That
said, the last point above is worth pursuing. It's been pointed
out that with Ferber (and likely many other "methods" regarding
this or that) that people think that they are following a method,
but are only following the method second or third hand, which
may or may not accurately reflect the nuances of how it should
be done.

I'd stop doing it -- today. But if you are going to insist upon
doing it, for whatever reason, then you might want take the reading
time to make sure that you are doing it correctly.



P.
Tierney

Nickysmom wrote:
We decided to "Ferberize" our 5 months old son but after 3 days we are questioning our choice.

Our baby had some issues going to sleep before which is why we decided to do the method - I realized

I was essentially nursing him to sleep or one of us had to sing or
rock him to sleep most of the time.


I'm not sure why you think these are "issues". It sounds perfectly
normal to me.

In any case, as some others have said, even Ferber doesn't recommend
starting his method before 6 months.

Clisby

"Nickysmom" wrote in message alkaboutparenting.com...
We decided to "Ferberize" our 5 months old son but after 3 days we are questioning our choice.

Our baby had some issues going to sleep before which is why we
decided to do the method - I realized I was essentially nursing him to
sleep or one of us had to sing or rock him to sleep most of the time.
However, after 3 days of "the Ferber" the situation has gotten much
worse - he screams at the top of his lungs (the
red-in-the-face-not-gonna-breath kind of screaming) when we leave the
room and doesn't stop when we come to "check on him." I noticed he
also started to do the same with his day-time napping.

Have we started too early? Has anyone had similar experience? ...

I used it with good results, but yes, you started too early, and
it's not clear to me why you did it at all. If you just had to
sing or rock him to sleep, what's the harm in that? Was it causing
lots of night waking? That's why we did it, not just because
we didn't think his bedtime routine was right. I'd love it if
I could rock him to sleep, it's just that it doesn't work.

Also, although I really do believe that in our case it was the
right thing, it was obvious that it was the right thing from the
very start - he only cried about 20 minutes the first night,
about 10 the second night, and after that it was very rare for
him to cry for even five minutes. If it's clear that your
son is being scared by the routine, I'd stop doing it.

Beth

Nickysmom wrote:

We decided to "Ferberize" our 5 months old son but after 3 days we are
questioning our choice.

Our baby had some issues going to sleep before which is why we decided
to do the method - I realized I was essentially nursing him to sleep or
one of us had to sing or rock him to sleep most of the time. However,
after 3 days of "the Ferber" the situation has gotten much worse - he
screams at the top of his lungs (the red-in-the-face-not-gonna-breath
kind of screaming) when we leave the room and doesn't stop when we come
to "check on him." I noticed he also started to do the same with his
day-time napping.

Have we started too early? Has anyone had similar experience? ...

Nickysmom


Yes, you started too early.

I nursed DS to sleep (6 months old). On really bad nights when he
doesn't seem to want to sleep after 45 minutes or an hour of nursing, DH
will rock him (for 5 minutes!) to sleep.

I'm wondering what issues you have. Is he waking up during the night?
Or do you just not want to nurse him to sleep? They require slightly
different methods. Did you read the book, or decide to just leave the
baby alone in his room (which is NOT the Ferber method)?

Jeanne