a nice question to have

my second born turns two next week. personally, i think she hung the
moon, along with her big brother, but i'm her ima - i'm supposed to.
while my parents were visiting over mother's day though, my mom
couldn't stop exclaiming about how incredibly smart my little ladybug
is.

indeed, she speaks a lot, she uses fairly complete sentences, she
knows her colors, she can count to, umm, maybe 12 or 13?, she has some
songs memorized, and her memory seems very good to me. if i teach her
a new animal in a new book, for example, the next time we read that
book she will almost certainly remember the animal's name.

compared to her big brother, who has a speech delay and is in
preschool for it, she's light years ahead of where he was at 2. but i
had figured that was because she's 1) a girl and 2) not speech
delayed. it hadn't really occured to me that she might be a little
genius, or whatever. ;-)

so, what the heck is my actual question? i have three so far:

1) is she really that far ahead of her peers in the first place?

2) should i try to shut people up when they start exclaiming how smart
she is where she can hear them? i neither want a stuck-up kid or a
child who thinks intelligence is more important than, say,
flexibility, kindness, stick-to-it-iveness, being a good Jew, etc.. i
also don't want a rude child who thinks it is ok to tell strangers, or
grammy, what to think and say!

3) should i strive to enhance her learning, or continue to raise her
as i am - lots of books and outings and conversations; and also lots
of videos and ima is too tired and pregnant to play right now. she's
doing so "great" as is that complete strangers are surprised to learn
her age, but am i doing her a disservice by not pushing her? i doubt
it, but i'd like other opinions.

--
-- Vicki
Married DH May 21, 1995. Ima shel Sullen, born 11/16/99;
Chatty, born at home 5/19/02, and Expected, "due" September 4, 2004.

Vicki S wrote in message
m...
my second born turns two next week. personally, i think she hung the
moon, along with her big brother, but i'm her ima - i'm supposed to.
while my parents were visiting over mother's day though, my mom
couldn't stop exclaiming about how incredibly smart my little ladybug
is.

indeed, she speaks a lot, she uses fairly complete sentences, she
knows her colors, she can count to, umm, maybe 12 or 13?, she has some
songs memorized, and her memory seems very good to me. if i teach her
a new animal in a new book, for example, the next time we read that
book she will almost certainly remember the animal's name.

compared to her big brother, who has a speech delay and is in
preschool for it, she's light years ahead of where he was at 2. but i
had figured that was because she's 1) a girl and 2) not speech
delayed. it hadn't really occured to me that she might be a little
genius, or whatever. ;-)

so, what the heck is my actual question? i have three so far:

1) is she really that far ahead of her peers in the first place?

Looking back at my diary when #1 was that age, I noticed that she had a
spurt between 23-24 months. She had just over 450 words at 2 years. I
remember the hv asking her to build a tower at the 2 yr check and #1 saying
"Can you build one first, please, then it's my turn?" The hv proceded to ask
me whether she could use 50 words!
She could count accurately (ie getting the right number when counting
objects) only up to 9, but recite up to 17, for some reason she always
missed out 18 and 20. Why those, I've no idea!!!
She did get interested in words and letters at that time, and learnt all her
letters, lower and upper case by typing on the computer in that month. I
have her down reading 6 words by age 2.
That's what interested her though-she didn't know her colours until she was
2.5 for example.
Pre-school have said she's "able", but she doesn't seem ahead of the other
girls from what I've seen.
I always thought her apparent good memory at that time wasjust that she
could express what she remembered not necessarily better that those who
couldn't say as much.
Hit the why stage shortly after 2! Seems finally to be growing out of it.
Thank goodness!

2) should i try to shut people up when they start exclaiming how smart
she is where she can hear them? i neither want a stuck-up kid or a
child who thinks intelligence is more important than, say,
flexibility, kindness, stick-to-it-iveness, being a good Jew, etc.. i
also don't want a rude child who thinks it is ok to tell strangers, or
grammy, what to think and say!
I hate this too. I either say "thank you" and change the subject, or
something like "she's very keen on counting/words whatever they're talking
about". I change the subject quickly in any case.


3) should i strive to enhance her learning, or continue to raise her
as i am - lots of books and outings and conversations; and also lots
of videos and ima is too tired and pregnant to play right now. she's
doing so "great" as is that complete strangers are surprised to learn
her age, but am i doing her a disservice by not pushing her? i doubt
it, but i'd like other opinions.

What #1 has learnt I've always let her decide. If she's keen to do something
then I'll help her, but not initiate it. At the moment she's into writing. I
find notes all round the house "To mummy (small sentence like "love you, or
thank you, usually") Love Rachel and Anna."
I give her paper, and spell anything she asks for, but don't do anything
else. She'll only learn if she's enjoying it imo, so there's no point in
pushing.
Debbie

Vicki S wrote:

my second born turns two next week. personally, i think she hung the
moon, along with her big brother, but i'm her ima - i'm supposed to.
while my parents were visiting over mother's day though, my mom
couldn't stop exclaiming about how incredibly smart my little ladybug
is.

indeed, she speaks a lot, she uses fairly complete sentences, she
knows her colors, she can count to, umm, maybe 12 or 13?, she has some
songs memorized, and her memory seems very good to me. if i teach her
a new animal in a new book, for example, the next time we read that
book she will almost certainly remember the animal's name.

compared to her big brother, who has a speech delay and is in
preschool for it, she's light years ahead of where he was at 2. but i
had figured that was because she's 1) a girl and 2) not speech
delayed. it hadn't really occured to me that she might be a little
genius, or whatever. ;-)

so, what the heck is my actual question? i have three so far:

1) is she really that far ahead of her peers in the first place?

It's *so* hard to compare them. I don't think that
she's outside the bounds of normal, but she's certainly moving
along well.

2) should i try to shut people up when they start exclaiming how smart
she is where she can hear them? i neither want a stuck-up kid or a
child who thinks intelligence is more important than, say,
flexibility, kindness, stick-to-it-iveness, being a good Jew, etc.. i
also don't want a rude child who thinks it is ok to tell strangers, or
grammy, what to think and say!

Of course you don't have to shut them up. I just
beam and say we're so blessed to have such wonderful children.
I don't think kids get stuck up from this sort of thing,
and their priorities won't be askew from what others say.
They'll be looking to the day-to-day constants you provide
for that.

3) should i strive to enhance her learning, or continue to raise her
as i am - lots of books and outings and conversations; and also lots
of videos and ima is too tired and pregnant to play right now. she's
doing so "great" as is that complete strangers are surprised to learn
her age, but am i doing her a disservice by not pushing her? i doubt
it, but i'd like other opinions.

Don't push her. Just let her lead the way and all
will be well and she will learn and grow at the right pace
for her.

Best wishes,
Ericka

(Vicki S) wrote in message om...


so, what the heck is my actual question? i have three so far:

1) is she really that far ahead of her peers in the first place?


It sounds like she's doing great! I think two is a hard age to
compare, and you're in a unique situation, your older child having
been so different developmentally. [My second daughter was a 'slow
starter' verbally, and I was sure she had some sort of problem
(hearing or something) when she could only say a few words as she
turned one, because her older sister was speaking in long, complete
sentences by a year. The pediatrician thought I was nuts for even
asking!]

The reason I think age two is hard to compare is because some parents,
like you, it sounds, are involved in a different way than others. You
seem interested in what your daughter does on her own, and you sound
like you allow her to show you what she can do. Many people I've run
into, possibly because of family influences, just don't think that
kids this age are capable of speaking well, or learning colors, or
whatever, and they -- with the best of intentions -- speak over the
child while 'helping' them, or don't speak to the child directly. As
much as I try to engage my children, they even surprise me sometimes.
My almost three year old showed me last week that she can point to the
number I say to her -- I had no idea she recognized her numbers, and I
don't know how she picked it up, but she did.

A nurse when my older daughter was almost 2, told me to stop
explaining what they were going to do to her (blood tests, breathing
treatment) because she was too young to understand anything anyway.

So, I think you're noticing that your daughter *is* ahead of many of
her peers. And a lot of it might be that you allow her to be; I think
this is the case with some of my daughter's milestones lately. [I'm
not saying that either way of dealing with kids is wrong, (though I
thought that nurse was rude to me and my daughter), I just definitely
notice a difference. Not trying to start a fight, and I'm trying to
proofread carefully]

2) should i try to shut people up when they start exclaiming how smart
she is where she can hear them? i neither want a stuck-up kid or a
child who thinks intelligence is more important than, say,
flexibility, kindness, stick-to-it-iveness, being a good Jew, etc.. i
also don't want a rude child who thinks it is ok to tell strangers, or
grammy, what to think and say!


I don't think these kind of compliments lead a child down that path.
And it's a lot better, in my opinion, than exclamations of beauty! I
much prefer the 'Isn't she smart, how old is she?' to the 'what a
lovely baby! Where did mommy get you that dress?'etc... My little
one said to an older man a few weeks ago (when he said something about
how pretty she was) 'But I'm not even wearing makeup!'

3) should i strive to enhance her learning, or continue to raise her
as i am - lots of books and outings and conversations; and also lots
of videos and ima is too tired and pregnant to play right now. she's
doing so "great" as is that complete strangers are surprised to learn
her age, but am i doing her a disservice by not pushing her? i doubt
it, but i'd like other opinions.

I asked myself the same thing, and decided, like you're leaning, to
not push. As long as learning materials (books, pencils or crayons,
outings) and engaged adults are available, which I'm sure they are in
your home, I think kids will learn, and if they feel they need more,
they'll ask!

That's one of the benefits of an early talker -- that they can tell
you what they need, and how they feel, much more easily than many
others their age. As for the being rude and telling adults what to
think or say that you mentioned above, the testing of those limits
comes earlier, too, in my experience, but it can also be stopped
quickly a lot of times, too.


Tina.

In article ,
(Vicki S) wrote:

my second born turns two next week. [...]
indeed, she speaks a lot, she uses fairly complete sentences, she
knows her colors, she can count to, umm, maybe 12 or 13?, she has some
songs memorized, and her memory seems very good to me. if i teach her
a new animal in a new book, for example, the next time we read that
book she will almost certainly remember the animal's name.

snip

1) is she really that far ahead of her peers in the first place?

Try this:
http://www.austega.com/gifted/preschoolers.htm

2) should i try to shut people up when they start exclaiming how smart
she is where she can hear them? i neither want a stuck-up kid or a
child who thinks intelligence is more important than, say,
flexibility, kindness, stick-to-it-iveness, being a good Jew, etc.. i
also don't want a rude child who thinks it is ok to tell strangers, or
grammy, what to think and say!

There is a difference, I think, between being aware of your gifts and being
too big for your boots. We're all good at some things and less good at other
things. Intelligence doesn't exempt you from being kind (though it seems that
intelligence and high ethical standards do go together).

3) should i strive to enhance her learning, or continue to raise her
as i am - lots of books and outings and conversations; and also lots
of videos and ima is too tired and pregnant to play right now. she's
doing so "great" as is that complete strangers are surprised to learn
her age, but am i doing her a disservice by not pushing her? i doubt
it, but i'd like other opinions.

I don't believe we should push children, but i think we should follow where
they lead. If she's keen on letters and numbers, get her some magnetic ones
for the fridge, show her calendars, etc. OTOH you want to encourage broad
interests, not a narrow specialisation. I'm walking the same tightrope. More
later.

--
Chookie -- Sydney, Australia
(Replace "foulspambegone" with "optushome" to reply)

"Life is like a cigarette -- smoke it to the butt." -- Harvie Krumpet

It doesn't really matter how she compares to average.
Just enjoy her as she is, and help her continue learning
at her own pace. I think what you're doing is fine.

If you feel like it, you can start teaching her the
sounds of the letters. There are some suggestions on
how to do this on my web page:

http://www.ncf.ca/~an588/par_home.html (my parenting page)
follow the link to the stuff on phonics

.... but I'm certainly not saying you "should" teach her
the sounds of the letters at this age. You just can if
you feel like it. Gradually and in a fun way. Just
reading her stories so she learns to enjoy books is
probably more important at this stage.
--
Cathy