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#271
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"Banty" wrote in message ... In article , dragonlady says... In article , Banty wrote: In article , bizby40 says... wrote in message roups.com... Taxi fare deducted from daughter's allowance/money when she's taken to school? Cheers, Ross-c Don't think she has enough money to pay for it. It happens several times/week. Bizby Then it would work quickly. Banty On the contrary -- it wouldn't work at all. You can't get blood out of a turnup, and if she doesn't have enough money to pay for it and you start docking her FUTURE allowance to pay for it, she's more likely to just give up all together. At least, that was my experience with trying to use allowance money this way. Good point if it's just overwhelming. But it's a bascially good idea. How about her paying for some of the gas and some dollar value of her father's time, coming up to some painfully significant part of her allowance. Banty I asked about the allowance issue and was told that while she is supposed to get an allowance, it rarely happens due to her behavior problems. Bizby |
#272
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"bizby40" wrote:
"Banty" wrote in message ... In article , dragonlady says... In article , Banty wrote: In article , bizby40 says... wrote in message roups.com... Taxi fare deducted from daughter's allowance/money when she's taken to school? Don't think she has enough money to pay for it. It happens several times/week. Then it would work quickly. On the contrary -- it wouldn't work at all. You can't get blood out of a turnup, and if she doesn't have enough money to pay for it and you start docking her FUTURE allowance to pay for it, she's more likely to just give up all together. At least, that was my experience with trying to use allowance money this way. Good point if it's just overwhelming. But it's a bascially good idea. How about her paying for some of the gas and some dollar value of her father's time, coming up to some painfully significant part of her allowance. I asked about the allowance issue and was told that while she is supposed to get an allowance, it rarely happens due to her behavior problems. Bizby Well here's something that they can do now. Actually give her the allowance, and have it NOT dependant on her behavior. It sounds like she has nothing to lose whatever by behaving badly. If she has nothing to lose, then why behave well? They have to make it so she has something to gain by doing well. I'd say give her enough money so that she could actually do something with it, and then dock her an appropriate amount for having to have a ride to school. If say, a taxi to school would cost $8.00, then give her $25 a week, and then if she is too late to get the bus, give her the option of calling a taxi (and tipping the driver) or giving the money to her dad. That gives her some control, which she apparently lacks, with a reward for behaving well. grandma Rosalie |
#273
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"Rosalie B." wrote in message ... "bizby40" wrote: I asked about the allowance issue and was told that while she is supposed to get an allowance, it rarely happens due to her behavior problems. Bizby Well here's something that they can do now. Actually give her the allowance, and have it NOT dependant on her behavior. It sounds like she has nothing to lose whatever by behaving badly. If she has nothing to lose, then why behave well? They have to make it so she has something to gain by doing well. I'd say give her enough money so that she could actually do something with it, and then dock her an appropriate amount for having to have a ride to school. If say, a taxi to school would cost $8.00, then give her $25 a week, and then if she is too late to get the bus, give her the option of calling a taxi (and tipping the driver) or giving the money to her dad. That gives her some control, which she apparently lacks, with a reward for behaving well. grandma Rosalie But by making her pay for missing the bus, you are making the allowance dependant on the behavior. And the bus isn't the only thing that it's valid to make her pay for. Apparently she has at some point poked or punched holes in her walls. She broke her brother's walkman. She's not careful about things and ends up causing a lot of damage. So, she still owes more than she gets, and she ends up back where she is now. I get the feeling from my friend that the problems are so completely pervasive and deeply entrenched, that most any simplistic solution is not likely to work. And to be truthful, I am quite frustrated with my friend. She is worried about her daughter but unwilling to make the kinds of drastic changes she would need to make in order to affect any real change. Over and over again she'll tell me about how frustrated she is about what her child has done, and then in the next breath she'll tell me why she didn't or "couldn't" do anything about it. Bizby |
#274
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On Fri, 11 Mar 2005 17:11:06 -0500, "bizby40"
wrote: And to be truthful, I am quite frustrated with my friend. She is worried about her daughter but unwilling to make the kinds of drastic changes she would need to make in order to affect any real change. Over and over again she'll tell me about how frustrated she is about what her child has done, and then in the next breath she'll tell me why she didn't or "couldn't" do anything about it. This teen will probably keep going until she finds something her mom and dad will react to. By then, she may be in much bigger trouble too. This friend of yours really needs to stop making excuses for not doing what she should do as a parent. Her husband isn't making it any easier and needs to be involved in massive change too. -- Dorothy There is no sound, no cry in all the world that can be heard unless someone listens .. The Outer Limits |
#275
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"bizby40" wrote in message ... I get the feeling from my friend that the problems are so completely pervasive and deeply entrenched, that most any simplistic solution is not likely to work. And to be truthful, I am quite frustrated with my friend. She is worried about her daughter but unwilling to make the kinds of drastic changes she would need to make in order to affect any real change. Over and over again she'll tell me about how frustrated she is about what her child has done, and then in the next breath she'll tell me why she didn't or "couldn't" do anything about it. I haven't followed this thread closely, but from the bits and pieces I've seen, it seems to me that this family could benefit from some therapy/counseling sessions to help them communicate better, set goals and rules, etc. |
#276
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In article ,
"bizby40" wrote: And to be truthful, I am quite frustrated with my friend. She is worried about her daughter but unwilling to make the kinds of drastic changes she would need to make in order to affect any real change. Over and over again she'll tell me about how frustrated she is about what her child has done, and then in the next breath she'll tell me why she didn't or "couldn't" do anything about it. LOL, I don't think anyone reading the thread would be surprised to read this! It's interesting the way the mother is just as big a loser as the daughter (to be blunt). How would she respond if you said, "Well, if you don't, who will?" -- Chookie -- Sydney, Australia (Replace "foulspambegone" with "optushome" to reply) "In Melbourne there is plenty of vigour and eagerness, but there is nothing worth being eager or vigorous about." Francis Adams, The Australians, 1893. |
#277
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"Chookie" wrote in message ... In article , "bizby40" wrote: And to be truthful, I am quite frustrated with my friend. She is worried about her daughter but unwilling to make the kinds of drastic changes she would need to make in order to affect any real change. Over and over again she'll tell me about how frustrated she is about what her child has done, and then in the next breath she'll tell me why she didn't or "couldn't" do anything about it. LOL, I don't think anyone reading the thread would be surprised to read this! It's interesting the way the mother is just as big a loser as the daughter (to be blunt). How would she respond if you said, "Well, if you don't, who will?" Her kids are older than mine, so she falls back on, "Just wait until your kids are this age. You'll see." a lot. And she could be right too. My 9YO scares me sometimes. She's quite mouthy and rebellious even at this age. I don't tolerate the behavior. I don't give in. But each year she gets a little harder to control. Bizby -- Chookie -- Sydney, Australia (Replace "foulspambegone" with "optushome" to reply) "In Melbourne there is plenty of vigour and eagerness, but there is nothing worth being eager or vigorous about." Francis Adams, The Australians, 1893. |
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