snappy comeback needed (venting, too)

One of the many issues I'm dealing with right now, as we try to figure
out why my three-year-old has ADHD-type behavior, is other parents. I'm
really, really, really tired of disapproving glares and unsolicited
advice from strangers. I try to let it roll off my back, but sometimes
-- especially if they're people I see often, e.g. at the playground -- I
feel the need to say something.

What I want to say is "**** off, we're doing the best we can," but that
isn't really modeling calm behavior, is it? Instead I find myself saying
"thank you" and walking away (screaming child in my arms).

Is there a polite way to say "please don't judge my child by the way
your placid lump of a child behaves"? Or "not all disabilities are
visible, as you should know, you idiot"? Or "I spend every waking moment
dealing with this, please don't act like I'm the worst parent you've
ever seen"?

On second thought, I think I'll just start slapping people when my son
isn't looking. It would make _me_ feel lots better...
--
Sara
accompanied by TK, number two, due in April of 2006

When you figure it all out, please let me know! A clinical psychologist has
just diagnosed my six year old with ADHD, and I've felt so many times all
the things you are feeling. We've lost a lifelong friend of my husband's
because the guy constantly judged us about our son's behavior and made
insensitive remarks about our son.

When I am in a public place and I see another parent dealing with a
difficult child, I never judge them or try to make them feel bad. I usually
try offer a kind word or smile. Or I say, "Don't worry, I know exactly what
you are dealing with" -- or something like that. Hang in there.



"Anonymama" wrote in message
...
One of the many issues I'm dealing with right now, as we try to figure
out why my three-year-old has ADHD-type behavior, is other parents. I'm
really, really, really tired of disapproving glares and unsolicited
advice from strangers. I try to let it roll off my back, but sometimes
-- especially if they're people I see often, e.g. at the playground -- I
feel the need to say something.

What I want to say is "**** off, we're doing the best we can," but that
isn't really modeling calm behavior, is it? Instead I find myself saying
"thank you" and walking away (screaming child in my arms).

Is there a polite way to say "please don't judge my child by the way
your placid lump of a child behaves"? Or "not all disabilities are
visible, as you should know, you idiot"? Or "I spend every waking moment
dealing with this, please don't act like I'm the worst parent you've
ever seen"?

On second thought, I think I'll just start slapping people when my son
isn't looking. It would make _me_ feel lots better...
--
Sara
accompanied by TK, number two, due in April of 2006

In article ,
"Linda Diane" wrote:

When I am in a public place and I see another parent dealing with a
difficult child, I never judge them or try to make them feel bad. I usually
try offer a kind word or smile. Or I say, "Don't worry, I know exactly what
you are dealing with" -- or something like that. Hang in there.

A woman said something like that to me in a store last week, as I was
trying to pay the cashier while fending off the mean women telling me
what to do with the screaming child under my foot. All she said "my son
was just like that," but I could've kissed her.

You hang in there, too. Congratulations on getting an official diagnosis!
--
Sara
accompanied by TK, number two, due in April of 2006

I don't have any real answers Sara, but I have experienced it too. I will
never forget the icy glare this new mom gave to me as my very exuberent dd3
had a tantrum in Meijers. DD3 is in the process of being tested for ADD also
and she is definitely your "spirited" child. It is heartbreaking that other
parents are not supportive of one another. All I can say is hang in there.
--
Sue (mom to three girls)

"Anonymama" wrote in message
...
One of the many issues I'm dealing with right now, as we try to figure
out why my three-year-old has ADHD-type behavior, is other parents. I'm
really, really, really tired of disapproving glares and unsolicited
advice from strangers. I try to let it roll off my back, but sometimes
-- especially if they're people I see often, e.g. at the playground -- I
feel the need to say something.

What I want to say is "**** off, we're doing the best we can," but that
isn't really modeling calm behavior, is it? Instead I find myself saying
"thank you" and walking away (screaming child in my arms).

Is there a polite way to say "please don't judge my child by the way
your placid lump of a child behaves"? Or "not all disabilities are
visible, as you should know, you idiot"? Or "I spend every waking moment
dealing with this, please don't act like I'm the worst parent you've
ever seen"?

On second thought, I think I'll just start slapping people when my son
isn't looking. It would make _me_ feel lots better...
--
Sara
accompanied by TK, number two, due in April of 2006

"Anonymama" wrote in message
...
One of the many issues I'm dealing with right now, as we try to figure
out why my three-year-old has ADHD-type behavior, is other parents. I'm
really, really, really tired of disapproving glares and unsolicited
advice from strangers. I try to let it roll off my back, but sometimes
-- especially if they're people I see often, e.g. at the playground -- I
feel the need to say something.

What I want to say is "**** off, we're doing the best we can," but that
isn't really modeling calm behavior, is it? Instead I find myself saying
"thank you" and walking away (screaming child in my arms).

Is there a polite way to say "please don't judge my child by the way
your placid lump of a child behaves"? Or "not all disabilities are
visible, as you should know, you idiot"? Or "I spend every waking moment
dealing with this, please don't act like I'm the worst parent you've
ever seen"?

On second thought, I think I'll just start slapping people when my son
isn't looking. It would make _me_ feel lots better...
--
Sara
accompanied by TK, number two, due in April of 2006

Honestly, I am not sure why we work so hard to be nice to people who are not
nice to us. I might say something like, well thank you for judging what you
don't understand. That was very helpful. Of course, glares I would ignore.
And someone who was genuinely trying to be helpful I would smile and nod.

In article , Stephanie says...


"Anonymama" wrote in message
...
One of the many issues I'm dealing with right now, as we try to figure
out why my three-year-old has ADHD-type behavior, is other parents. I'm
really, really, really tired of disapproving glares and unsolicited
advice from strangers. I try to let it roll off my back, but sometimes
-- especially if they're people I see often, e.g. at the playground -- I
feel the need to say something.

What I want to say is "**** off, we're doing the best we can," but that
isn't really modeling calm behavior, is it? Instead I find myself saying
"thank you" and walking away (screaming child in my arms).

Is there a polite way to say "please don't judge my child by the way
your placid lump of a child behaves"? Or "not all disabilities are
visible, as you should know, you idiot"? Or "I spend every waking moment
dealing with this, please don't act like I'm the worst parent you've
ever seen"?

On second thought, I think I'll just start slapping people when my son
isn't looking. It would make _me_ feel lots better...
--
Sara
accompanied by TK, number two, due in April of 2006

Honestly, I am not sure why we work so hard to be nice to people who are not
nice to us. I might say something like, well thank you for judging what you
don't understand. That was very helpful. Of course, glares I would ignore.
And someone who was genuinely trying to be helpful I would smile and nod.



Because, put simply, returning rudeness with rudeness goes in the direction of
making the world suck a little more.

Not that I'm perfect about it either..

Saying "thank you" really does work. Woudln't you think the irony of it has an
effect? You could say something like "is there any way I can help you?",
emphasizing the inappropriateness of the comment. But that may lead to further
interaction.

It's like bad drivers on the road. What you want, in the end, is not to 'teach
them a lesson', it's to create as much space between you and them as one can as
soon as one can. Which means minimal interaction.

I thought you had a good idea with just saying "thank you". Then you can go
home and write a letter to the editor

Banty

Stephanie wrote:
"Anonymama" wrote in message
...
One of the many issues I'm dealing with right now, as we try to figure
out why my three-year-old has ADHD-type behavior, is other parents. I'm
really, really, really tired of disapproving glares and unsolicited
advice from strangers. I try to let it roll off my back, but sometimes
-- especially if they're people I see often, e.g. at the playground -- I
feel the need to say something.

What I want to say is "**** off, we're doing the best we can," but that
isn't really modeling calm behavior, is it? Instead I find myself saying
"thank you" and walking away (screaming child in my arms).

Is there a polite way to say "please don't judge my child by the way
your placid lump of a child behaves"? Or "not all disabilities are
visible, as you should know, you idiot"? Or "I spend every waking moment
dealing with this, please don't act like I'm the worst parent you've
ever seen"?

On second thought, I think I'll just start slapping people when my son
isn't looking. It would make _me_ feel lots better...
--
Sara
accompanied by TK, number two, due in April of 2006

Honestly, I am not sure why we work so hard to be nice to people who are not
nice to us.

Amen! I often wonder the same thing.

I might say something like, well thank you for judging what you
don't understand. That was very helpful. Of course, glares I would ignore.
And someone who was genuinely trying to be helpful I would smile and nod.

A friend was sitting at a light one day and when it turned green, her
car stalled. She was doing all she could to be patient and start the
car and get going but the car simply would not start. In the meantime,
the driver behind her kept honking, raising his arms up in the air and
was yelling (she could see him mouth moving nonstop). Suddenly, she
got so ****ed off at the jerk behind her that she got out of her car,
slammed the door and went up to his car (mind you, this was many years
ago so I don't highly recommend it today!) and looked at him and said,
"I'll tell you what....I'll trade places with you, you sit in my car
and get it started and I'll sit in your car and honk the horn and yell
at you." That shut him the hell up.

Perhaps the OP can say something similar (in a very calm tone and
manner)...perhaps if you hold the baby while I stand by and judge you:
let's see how that feels.

Personally I have found that it often kills a mean person when you're
really, really nice to them :-) My not so nice mother taught me that.
Kill em with kindness. I have a YOUNG neighbor (she's like late 20's,
my son's age). She hates that our honeysuckle touches her fence and
once a year or so, she has her little rant session about how she has to
cut them and blah blah blah. Anytime I see her (which is rare) I give
her a big smile and a bit overly cheerful
HELLO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

In article , Banty says...

In article , Stephanie says...


"Anonymama" wrote in message
...
One of the many issues I'm dealing with right now, as we try to figure
out why my three-year-old has ADHD-type behavior, is other parents. I'm
really, really, really tired of disapproving glares and unsolicited
advice from strangers. I try to let it roll off my back, but sometimes
-- especially if they're people I see often, e.g. at the playground -- I
feel the need to say something.

What I want to say is "**** off, we're doing the best we can," but that
isn't really modeling calm behavior, is it? Instead I find myself saying
"thank you" and walking away (screaming child in my arms).

Is there a polite way to say "please don't judge my child by the way
your placid lump of a child behaves"? Or "not all disabilities are
visible, as you should know, you idiot"? Or "I spend every waking moment
dealing with this, please don't act like I'm the worst parent you've
ever seen"?

On second thought, I think I'll just start slapping people when my son
isn't looking. It would make _me_ feel lots better...
--
Sara
accompanied by TK, number two, due in April of 2006

Honestly, I am not sure why we work so hard to be nice to people who are not
nice to us. I might say something like, well thank you for judging what you
don't understand. That was very helpful. Of course, glares I would ignore.
And someone who was genuinely trying to be helpful I would smile and nod.



Because, put simply, returning rudeness with rudeness goes in the direction of
making the world suck a little more.

What - ME putting anything simply?? Hah.

How about:
Because returning rudeness with rudeness makes the world suck a little more.


Not that I'm perfect about it either..

Saying "thank you" really does work. Woudln't you think the irony of it has an
effect? You could say something like "is there any way I can help you?",
emphasizing the inappropriateness of the comment. But that may lead to further
interaction.

It's like bad drivers on the road. What you want, in the end, is not to 'teach
them a lesson', it's to create as much space between you and them as one can as
soon as one can. Which means minimal interaction.

I thought you had a good idea with just saying "thank you". Then you can go
home and write a letter to the editor

That was the O.P. not you, sorry.

Still a good idea..

Banty

"Anonymama" wrote
One of the many issues I'm dealing with right now, as we try to
figure
out why my three-year-old has ADHD-type behavior, is other
parents. I'm
really, really, really tired of disapproving glares and
unsolicited
advice from strangers. I try to let it roll off my back, but
sometimes
-- especially if they're people I see often, e.g. at the
playground -- I
feel the need to say something.

Sorry you are going through that. As for a comeback, how about
something along the lines of:

"He's only 3 now, and we're raising him the best we can. We're
hoping by the time he's your age he'll have learned how to avoid
rude behavior such as staring at people and butting in to give
unwanted advice."

-kim


What I want to say is "**** off, we're doing the best we can,"
but that
isn't really modeling calm behavior, is it? Instead I find myself
saying
"thank you" and walking away (screaming child in my arms).

Is there a polite way to say "please don't judge my child by the
way
your placid lump of a child behaves"? Or "not all disabilities
are
visible, as you should know, you idiot"? Or "I spend every waking
moment
dealing with this, please don't act like I'm the worst parent
you've
ever seen"?

On second thought, I think I'll just start slapping people when
my son
isn't looking. It would make _me_ feel lots better...
--
Sara
accompanied by TK, number two, due in April of 2006

In article ,
"Stephanie" wrote:

Honestly, I am not sure why we work so hard to be nice to people who are not
nice to us. I might say something like, well thank you for judging what you
don't understand. That was very helpful. Of course, glares I would ignore.
And someone who was genuinely trying to be helpful I would smile and nod.

For me, I try to keep it civil because I'm desperately controlling my
temper.
--
Sara
accompanied by TK, number two, due in April of 2006