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#1
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I'm back in the loop?
Well, it's been a while... I finally have made the decision that I want to
move on with MY life. Norm was last 'welcome' to live in the house almost 3 weeks ago - the 27th of July, I believe it was. He will be welcome back in the house and family if and when there's some MAJOR changes. I'm not putting up with BS anymore, and I also see it as unfair to the kids, as well as unfair to me. I've had it with immature, selfish behavior from him, and I fianally put my foot down. I'm hoping I have made the right decision. I'm not wanting or willing to talk with him - that's gone nowhere for waaay too long. Actions speak volumes, and that goes for both positive and negative actions. No more lies and promises from him, it's going to have to be the actions that I see. His sister had the nerve to accuse me of keeping the kids away from him. I nearly lost it on her. HE is the one keeping himself from the kids, not me keeping him from them/them from him. The door has ALWAYS been open to him, phone lines have always been free. He knows where we are and how to get a hold of me. At this point, I'm sick and tired of lying to myself. I've always thought that he was a good dad - when he's around - but AFAIC, that's NOT a good dad. His actions have shown that he cares more about himself than the rest of the family, and that's not being a good, responsible, loving parent by any stretch of my imagination. Maybe with this kick in the a$$, it might be what he needs? I really don't know. I'm not hoping either way. I do love him, and I do know he loves me, and the kids, but I just cannot swallow the drug issue, or the problem of blowing ALL the money on... ?? I don't know. I don't even want to know. I'm now racking my brain as to where to go from here... Norm's been unreliable the last 2 months for anything - bills, rent, food, whatever - and a while back, I swallowed my pride and hauled us all down to get some assistance. Now I'm being forced to go to family maintenance to go after him for child support. Honestly, this is not something I want to do, as I know how he's going to react when it comes down to it. He'll go nutso Last week, though, I had left a message with his mom telling her straight up that I have an appointment with family maintenance and have no choice but to go. I asked her to pass on the message that if he wants, I'd much rather settle this on our own, one on on, rather than dealing with any form of maintenance. I said I'd rather walk into this appointment with something in my hand to go with - an agreement between him and I that we both agree to and can deal with. I'm not sure if she passed the message on or not (although I do assume she did) or if he just made the choice to ignore it all together. Well, now it's out of my hands. I'd much rather he come around and see the kids than have it like this, but oh well... I'm kind of grasping at straws finding a way to survive. I also know that this will all pass, and as it normally is, it's when HE feels like it, but this time I'm going to call the shots. He's more than welcome to stop by any time to visit, have supper, hang out, whatever, and he's always had the option to call and even ask me to drop by, meet him somewhere or whatever (he doesn't drive, still) But, anyways, I'm back in the single crowd (no, I'm not single and looking lol) we're just taking a break and letting things cool. Maybe he needs to see that we don't *need* him to survive. I've been on my own before, so now that I have to do it again, I will. I'm less stressed out lately as things seem to be going alright as far as everything else goes. B is off to go camping until Friday with my aunt and uncle, and I'm waiting to hear if picking him up tonight or tomorrow morning works better for them. A's been walking for probably over a month now, and she's been off running like there's no tomorrow for a few weeks! I feel like I'm so exhausted, but I also think that this week I can take it easy with just the baby and B out of my hair for a few days! I'll use this time to do some more around the house. I did a MAJOR cleaning a couple weeks ago and was so proud of myself, then a disaster happend, and I call that disaster 'My Dear Children' The upstairs (my bedroom excluded) are doing fantastic, and so is the main floor, although kitchen could use a mopping real soon... I plan to use this week for relaxing, doing ANYTHING with that darn basement which is a disaster and maybe redoing the bedroom and reorganizing and doing major cleaning in there. I was given an extra crib the other day so now I have a total of 3 and only need 2. I'm keeping A's crib as I just bought it and it also converts into a toddler bed, and I'm keeping the newest of the free cribs as I think I really like white cribs - the brown one I offered to our friends who are expecting yet another baby in January (these are our friends who had the little boy 5 weeks after A was born) so they definitely need a second crib, and they're welcome to this one if they want it and like it!. Sorted through all of A's clothes and gave away whatever is going to be obviously and clearly out of season for this baby (there might be some concerns with a baby wearing a light summer dress in the dead of winter!) and I gave away all of B's infant clothes to another person, and sorted through and gave all the other bigger clothes to my friend who's baby was born the same day as A... I even went so far as to clear out B's closet of stuff he's grown out of and gave them all to a young single mom with a little boy just a bit younger than B and a little girl a bit younger than A. I'm on a roll for getting things in order and making room... Which there's very little of... I've also decided that, eventually, I will change rooms with A and put the 2 babies in the biggest room, as that seems to make the most sense, unless some major miracle happens and we can all move - Ha. As if that's happening any time soon! Now, since my aunt and uncle are taking B tonight in about an hour, I should get off to go pack his stuff and have him ready (for once!) |
#2
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I'm back in the loop?
"'Kate" wrote in message ... I'm sorry to hear that Norm isn't straightening his life out. It sounds like you are though... so good. I just can't keep dealing with the immaturity, to start with, not to mention all the other stuff. He is a good person, deep down, and I do care and know he does, but at this point, and for quite some time, he's shown he just doesn't care about anyone but himself. This, I know, will take time and effort - on his part, not mine. You'll be ok. You have a family that cares about you and is willing to help. And you have time to make plans for what to do after the baby's born and you're back on your feet. I think now that things are the way they are, my family would be more willing to help and only because I want to help myself (finally). For now, I'll let things go as they go. Just kind of go with the flow and take whatever help I can get and find. I hope it doesn't have to be for very long, just as long as it has to be... Have you given any thought to a career for yourself? Maybe put some of that time you use to spend trying to keep Norm straight into working on something for the future for yourself? Yes. I was actually planning on getting back in school this September, but obviously that's been put on hold. The original plan was that Norm was going to work, B would be in school and I'd put A in daycare to go to school for a couple years, then I would have an actual job I want and Norm would go to school. Pardon me, but screw him, I will wait until next September (by that time, B will be in school full time, A will be 2 and this baby will be 11ish months old or so. I want to get back into school and work towards something. For the time being, I might pick up small jobs here and there - find a way to go weekly to my dad's work to do a bit of cleaning that he sorta 'hired' me for - about 2 hours worth of cleaning for $20 a week isn't too bad, considering it's better than nothing for sure. I might also take a friend up on his offer to help him out with fixing computers... This is, mind you, something I absolutely dispise (a total waste of school and effort, as far as I see it) but he's willing to pay me $60 per computer, which is pretty good. I'm not so sure I'm with the idea of getting paid under the table, but then again, it wouldn't be very often, just every once in a while, and I'm sure there's a way you can claim income for taxes or something with a job like this... This offer is for a small, small company that he runs, and something I might bend and look into until *next* year... Gives me some time to look into school and get things ready for that. I really do want to go back and have something to go with as far as a life goes! I'm sick of feeling like I have to depend on everyone (Norm, my parents, friends, random people, the taxpayers...) I really do want a life, and one that pays the bills and then some and gives the kids everything I had growing up and more. |
#3
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I'm back in the loop?
xkatx wrote: Well, it's been a while... I finally have made the decision that I want to move on with MY life. Norm was last 'welcome' to live in the house almost 3 weeks ago - the 27th of July, I believe it was. He will be welcome back in the house and family if and when there's some MAJOR changes. I'm not putting up with BS anymore, and I also see it as unfair to the kids, as well as unfair to me. I've had it with immature, selfish behavior from him, and I fianally put my foot down. I'm hoping I have made the right decision. I'm not wanting or willing to talk with him - that's gone nowhere for waaay too long. Actions speak volumes, and that goes for both positive and negative actions. No more lies and promises from him, it's going to have to be the actions that I see. His sister had the nerve to accuse me of keeping the kids away from him. I nearly lost it on her. HE is the one keeping himself from the kids, not me keeping him from them/them from him. The door has ALWAYS been open to him, phone lines have always been free. He knows where we are and how to get a hold of me. At this point, I'm sick and tired of lying to myself. I've always thought that he was a good dad - when he's around - but AFAIC, that's NOT a good dad. His actions have shown that he cares more about himself than the rest of the family, and that's not being a good, responsible, loving parent by any stretch of my imagination. Maybe with this kick in the a$$, it might be what he needs? I really don't know. I'm not hoping either way. I do love him, and I do know he loves me, and the kids, but I just cannot swallow the drug issue, or the problem of blowing ALL the money on... ?? I don't know. I don't even want to know. I'm now racking my brain as to where to go from here... Norm's been unreliable the last 2 months for anything - bills, rent, food, whatever - and a while back, I swallowed my pride and hauled us all down to get some assistance. Now I'm being forced to go to family maintenance to go after him for child support. Honestly, this is not something I want to do, as I know how he's going to react when it comes down to it. He'll go nutso Last week, though, I had left a message with his mom telling her straight up that I have an appointment with family maintenance and have no choice but to go. I asked her to pass on the message that if he wants, I'd much rather settle this on our own, one on on, rather than dealing with any form of maintenance. I said I'd rather walk into this appointment with something in my hand to go with - an agreement between him and I that we both agree to and can deal with. I'm not sure if she passed the message on or not (although I do assume she did) or if he just made the choice to ignore it all together. Well, now it's out of my hands. I'd much rather he come around and see the kids than have it like this, but oh well... I'm kind of grasping at straws finding a way to survive. I also know that this will all pass, and as it normally is, it's when HE feels like it, but this time I'm going to call the shots. He's more than welcome to stop by any time to visit, have supper, hang out, whatever, and he's always had the option to call and even ask me to drop by, meet him somewhere or whatever (he doesn't drive, still) But, anyways, I'm back in the single crowd (no, I'm not single and looking lol) we're just taking a break and letting things cool. Maybe he needs to see that we don't *need* him to survive. I've been on my own before, so now that I have to do it again, I will. I'm less stressed out lately as things seem to be going alright as far as everything else goes. B is off to go camping until Friday with my aunt and uncle, and I'm waiting to hear if picking him up tonight or tomorrow morning works better for them. A's been walking for probably over a month now, and she's been off running like there's no tomorrow for a few weeks! I feel like I'm so exhausted, but I also think that this week I can take it easy with just the baby and B out of my hair for a few days! I'll use this time to do some more around the house. I did a MAJOR cleaning a couple weeks ago and was so proud of myself, then a disaster happend, and I call that disaster 'My Dear Children' The upstairs (my bedroom excluded) are doing fantastic, and so is the main floor, although kitchen could use a mopping real soon... I plan to use this week for relaxing, doing ANYTHING with that darn basement which is a disaster and maybe redoing the bedroom and reorganizing and doing major cleaning in there. I was given an extra crib the other day so now I have a total of 3 and only need 2. I'm keeping A's crib as I just bought it and it also converts into a toddler bed, and I'm keeping the newest of the free cribs as I think I really like white cribs - the brown one I offered to our friends who are expecting yet another baby in January (these are our friends who had the little boy 5 weeks after A was born) so they definitely need a second crib, and they're welcome to this one if they want it and like it!. Sorted through all of A's clothes and gave away whatever is going to be obviously and clearly out of season for this baby (there might be some concerns with a baby wearing a light summer dress in the dead of winter!) and I gave away all of B's infant clothes to another person, and sorted through and gave all the other bigger clothes to my friend who's baby was born the same day as A... I even went so far as to clear out B's closet of stuff he's grown out of and gave them all to a young single mom with a little boy just a bit younger than B and a little girl a bit younger than A. I'm on a roll for getting things in order and making room... Which there's very little of... I've also decided that, eventually, I will change rooms with A and put the 2 babies in the biggest room, as that seems to make the most sense, unless some major miracle happens and we can all move - Ha. As if that's happening any time soon! Now, since my aunt and uncle are taking B tonight in about an hour, I should get off to go pack his stuff and have him ready (for once!) Kat, Sorry that your troubles with Norm have not improved. It is very difficult when you love and care for someone that is an addict. I wish you luck and I hope he gets the help he needs to be able to be a part of your childrens lives. Bev |
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