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#81
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Birth Control
Hillary Israeli wrote: That's how mine was - the tip of the string was flush with the cervical os. You couldn't trim it any shorter - he TRIED, but it just wasn't possible. My poor husband said it felt like a razor poking him. It's much better now with the length about 2 cm past the os. Neither of us is bothered by it at all. Hmmmm... I wonder if Chris does decide against a V, if we can find a better length for the strings? And why couldn't the strings be removed entirely? Like before the thing is even inserted? If there's no string, then there's nothing to poke, right? Cathy Weeks |
#82
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Poll: Birth Control
Amy wrote: Circe wrote: so as long as the IDEA doesn't bother you (it bothers some people) You mean, the idea of having something in there all the time? It can't be to big, right? It's not like you can feel it, is it? They are really tiny - maybe an inch long, and the cross part of the T is shorter than that. I can't feel mine at all, ever. Cathy Weeks |
#83
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Birth Control
Amy writes:
Catherine Woodgold wrote: Nobody's being forced into anything. There's always abstinence. ...which is probably a thousand times worse for a marriage than being coerced (because I'm not actually planning on getting him drunk and taking him to the clinic to get a V against his will, in spite of how I, apparently, sound) into having a V. Hmm. I've been thinking about this a lot though not posting this far, and I think it really is a question of who controls what (as Circe I think said). I think you have a right to refuse to modify your body by drugs or insertions or whatever - and I *completely* see your point that what with being in charge of contraception for years and having children you'll have done your bit anyway! I think you have a right to refuse to have sex. I don't think you have a right to tell someone else to modify his body. So I think one way to present it would be: "I'm not willing to handle contraception any more. I'm not willing to have unprotected sex." (Optional: "And I don't think the reliability of condoms is high enough, so I'm not willing to have sex protected only by a condom, either.") "So unless you handle contraception, the natural consequence will be no [vaginal!] sex. Your choice." The difference between this and "you have to have the snip, because *I*'ve analysed the alternatives and none of them is good enough" may be subtle, but I think it's important. In the unlikely worst case that it turns out that your DH's squick factor is high enough that he'd prefer no sex to getting the snip, *and* you find you can't have a happy marriage without vaginal sex, then you have a problem that you have to talk some more about - but at least it isn't a "she's telling me what to do and I don't want to do it" problem. Sidheag DS Colin Oct 27 2003 |
#84
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Birth Control
Circe wrote: IUDs have something like a 0.1 failure rate. That seems like someone one can feel reasonably confident about, at least from an efficacy POV! and I personally wouldn't have wanted anything foreign inside me. Ah, but that's just it. YOU don't like the idea of an IUD and you presumably wouldn't be at all happy if your husband had insisted you get one against your wishes. I don't see why it's more acceptable or okay for a woman to insist that her husband get a vasectomy against his wishes. Your desire not to have anything foregn inside you doesn't seem to me a whole lot more rational than a man's desire not to have surgical instruments mucking about with his privates. They seem to me to be equally subjective ideas. I believe vasectomy and tubal ligation are considered 99.5% effective. IUD 98-99% effective. So IUD is less reliable. I don't know for sure about relative complication rates, but if I were a woman, I'd be spooked by what I have heard. In general no bc method is good for a relationship if it is imposed by one partner on another. This may be especially true in the case of vasectomy, as some men really get hung up (so to speak) on their balls. Usually, of course, it is women who are in the position of having to accept the man's preference bc. If men have doubts about vasectomy they should check out alt.support.vasectomy or its associated website www.vasectomy-information.com. There are links there to medical research on complications, alternative procedures, after effects etc., different vasectomy procedures, aftercare; also stories submitted by men who have been through it; pictures and video; even a humor page. trifold www.vasectomy-information.com www.vasectomy-faq.org |
#85
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Birth Control
"Catherine Woodgold" wrote in message
... "Circe" ) writes: I think you should at least try an IUD before you decide that surgically altering your husband against his wishes is your preferred method of birth control. I disagree. I don't think she's under any more obligation to modify her body (with IUD, pills, or whatever) than is her husband. And she has a right to have a preference, whether or not he agrees or chooses it. But they are not READY for permanent birth control right NOW, so she and her husband apparently feel the need for SOME method of birth control for the time being. We'd already been discussing IUDs as an alternative to the pills that are giving her problems, and she seems to be leaning towards trying one because the other alternatives aren't acceptable. So, she might decide the IUD works well enough and is hassle-free enough that she doesn't really feel quite so adamant about her husband's having a vasectomy any more. -- Be well, Barbara |
#86
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Birth Control
"Catherine Woodgold" wrote in message
... "Circe" ) writes: I'm not opposed to vasectomies; I'm just opposed to forcing anybody to undergo a surgical procedure (or have an IUD or take BCPs or anything else) against their will. There are nearly always other alternatives. Nobody's being forced into anything. There's always abstinence. Well, there's "force" and there's "force". Telling your spouse you're not going to have sex with him/her any more until he/she does X is a form of coercion, and anyone who thinks otherwise is fooling herself. -- Be well, Barbara |
#87
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Birth Control
"Catherine Woodgold" wrote in message
... "Circe" ) writes: I agree. But the decision DOES have to be mutual, which is all I've been trying to say. If her husband can't get over being bothered by having his testicles surgically altered but she somehow manages to bully him into doing it, it wasn't a mutual decision. And if she gets bullied into taking pills or getting a tubal, Why do people keep acting like BC pills or surgery are the only contraceptive options here? They're not. it wasn't a mutual decision either and not good for the marriage either. At the moment, the mutual decision has apparently been for BC pills, with a possible switch to an IUD. They have mutually decided that they are not done having children, so neither one of them should be surgically sterilized at this point. And they have apparently mutually decided that condoms are not practical for them. I don't know why you imply that I'm saying Amy should be bullied into anything she doesn't want to do any more than her husband should be. For the thousandth time, it's all in the presentation and the tone. There's a dogmatism and even a hostility in the attitude presented here that hardly seems likely to be conducive to a open, meaningful dialog between spouses. -- Be well, Barbara |
#88
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Birth Control
"Catherine Woodgold" wrote in message
... "Circe" ) writes: "Amy" wrote in message oups.com... ...but I should "suck it up" and continue to take the pill, or get an IUD, or get sterilized myself, or ....? In a word, yes. No, I'm sorry, we both have sex, we both have responsiblities, and when the time comes to make the decision that we're done reproducing, the responsiblity is going to be his, because up until then the responsiblity is mine. That's just biology. It's not fair, and I don't have to like it, and neither does he. Sorry, but biology says that his body is not your body. The law says you don't own his body. I don't get it. Sure, she doesn't own his body; but aren't you talking above as if you own her body? What gives you the right to say she should just suck it up? Um, no. I'm saying that a mutual decision has to be made on contraception and that one or the other of them is going to have to be the one to "do the deed". Whether it's Amy or her husband, I can't say. But it's up to the two of THEM to decide between THEM what to do. It's not for Amy to say to her husband "Suck it up and get a vasectomy whether you want one or not" any more than it's up to her husband to say "Suck it up and keep taking care of this yourself". Neither one is a respectful attitude to have towards one's spouse. Really, Catherine, I'm stunned. You're usually so good at recognizing when people are being disrespectful to one another that I'm shocked you don't see the problem here. -- Be well, Barbara |
#89
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Birth Control
wrote in message
oups.com... I believe vasectomy and tubal ligation are considered 99.5% effective. IUD 98-99% effective. The Copper-T (which I have) is 99.2% effective in actual use. The Mirena is closer to 98% effective. (I didn't know there was that significant a difference until I looked it up just now. I wonder why the Mirena is so much less effective?) I don't know for sure about relative complication rates, but if I were a woman, I'd be spooked by what I have heard. What have you heard? IUDs got a really bad reputation back in the 1970s due to a bad product called the Dalkon shield. There is a small risk of infection immediately following insertion, but that seems to be quite rare. Other than that, I think that IUDs generally cause fewer health problems for women than BC pills. -- Be well, Barbara |
#90
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Birth Control
Cathy Weeks wrote:
And all of us feel that one partner requiring a certain action - regardless of the other partners feelings to the contrary - out of the other is unfair. The thing is if the man stead fastly refuses to get a v then they are just as guilty of requiring a certain action from their partner as you all are saying Amy is. It is apparently the woman who carries the burden just because she has more options to choose from!? I guess I have more tolerance for Amy's position because while our attitudes are not exactly the same I do expect more from my dh then most of you think is appopriate. -- Nikki Hunter 4/99 Luke 4/01 Thing One and Thing Two :-) EDD 4/06 |
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