Update on the soap opera that is my life...

Dennis Here youreply
wrote in message ...

CME wrote in message ...

Hell yes I am, he involved my children, my
family, my friends in this whole LIE and I will not let him get away with
it.


Correction, YOU involved you children and family.
Now perhaps you will realise why many of us here keep our love lives and
family lives separate.

Dennis



But how long do you do that when you meet someone? When do you know its the
time to involve the kids? NEVER? I mean, you can know someone for years
without knowing the truth sometimes. Do you plan to wait until all your kids
are over 18? I personally think that might just happen. Mine is 12 now, what
is another 6 years to wait until she is off to college or on her own?

T

"Tiffany" wrote in message
...

Dennis Here youreply
wrote in message ...

CME wrote in message ...

Hell yes I am, he involved my children, my
family, my friends in this whole LIE and I will not let him get away
with
it.


Correction, YOU involved you children and family.
Now perhaps you will realise why many of us here keep our love lives and
family lives separate.

Dennis



But how long do you do that when you meet someone? When do you know its
the
time to involve the kids? NEVER? I mean, you can know someone for years
without knowing the truth sometimes. Do you plan to wait until all your
kids
are over 18? I personally think that might just happen. Mine is 12 now,
what
is another 6 years to wait until she is off to college or on her own?

T


I have to admit that I was wondering when the conversation would go this
way. I guess my thoughts have gone this way since the twist thrown
Christine's way was shared.

We've all been down this road before, I know that I have. Which way do you
go,,,,we are a package deal or this is my personal life. Somehow personal
life doesn't seem appropriate anymore so much as family life. I guess that
means that I am of the "package deal" mindset.

So, given that, then, it's leads me to believe that when meeting someone
that we need to consider how we would introduce this person into the family
life mode or lifestyle. The important thing to remember is that whoever we
meet will fit differently into a lifestyle. So, is the first question we
ask ourselves when meeting someone; Can I be romantic with this person? I
don't think so. Or at least I hope not, given that anyone we meet would be
given consideration for ...is this someone that I would introduce to my
family life? This is the defining line between friends and acquaintances.

Before considering romantic interests,,how many people have a congnisant
understanding of how we choose our friends?

Lisa

"Dennis Here" youreply
wrote in message ...

CME wrote in message ...

Hell yes I am, he involved my children, my
family, my friends in this whole LIE and I will not let him get away with
it.


Correction, YOU involved you children and family.
Now perhaps you will realise why many of us here keep our love lives and
family lives separate.

Dennis


I didn't introduce him to my family for months Dennis, was I supposed to
keep him on the sidelines forever? I thought I knew him, even his
bestfriend of 15 years thought he knew him, this has floored us all.

Christine

"Lisa aka Surfer" wrote in message
...

"Tiffany" wrote in message
...

Dennis Here youreply
wrote in message ...

CME wrote in message ...

Hell yes I am, he involved my children, my
family, my friends in this whole LIE and I will not let him get away
with
it.


Correction, YOU involved you children and family.
Now perhaps you will realise why many of us here keep our love lives
and
family lives separate.

Dennis



But how long do you do that when you meet someone? When do you know its
the
time to involve the kids? NEVER? I mean, you can know someone for years
without knowing the truth sometimes. Do you plan to wait until all your
kids
are over 18? I personally think that might just happen. Mine is 12 now,
what
is another 6 years to wait until she is off to college or on her own?

T


I have to admit that I was wondering when the conversation would go this
way. I guess my thoughts have gone this way since the twist thrown
Christine's way was shared.

We've all been down this road before, I know that I have. Which way do
you
go,,,,we are a package deal or this is my personal life. Somehow personal
life doesn't seem appropriate anymore so much as family life. I guess
that
means that I am of the "package deal" mindset.

So, given that, then, it's leads me to believe that when meeting someone
that we need to consider how we would introduce this person into the
family
life mode or lifestyle. The important thing to remember is that whoever
we
meet will fit differently into a lifestyle. So, is the first question we
ask ourselves when meeting someone; Can I be romantic with this person? I
don't think so. Or at least I hope not, given that anyone we meet would
be
given consideration for ...is this someone that I would introduce to my
family life? This is the defining line between friends and acquaintances.

Before considering romantic interests,,how many people have a congnisant
understanding of how we choose our friends?

Lisa


Well not only was Brian my boyfriend, he was my best friend and I think
that, most of all was really hard to stomach. He's been the second man I've
introduce my children AND my family to in 8 years. I think that says alot,
this was not some fly by night romance, we were discussing marriage and the
possibility of us moving back to Toronto... just on Monday no less. *sigh*
What a wake up call.

Christine

'Kate wrote in message ...
On Fri, 7 Nov 2003 14:23:06 -0500, "Tiffany"

Dennis Here youreply
wrote in message ...

CME wrote in message ...

Hell yes I am, he involved my children, my
family, my friends in this whole LIE and I will not let him get away
with
it.


Correction, YOU involved you children and family.
Now perhaps you will realise why many of us here keep our love lives
and
family lives separate.

Dennis



But how long do you do that when you meet someone? When do you know its
the
time to involve the kids? NEVER? I mean, you can know someone for years
without knowing the truth sometimes. Do you plan to wait until all your
kids
are over 18? I personally think that might just happen. Mine is 12 now,
what
is another 6 years to wait until she is off to college or on her own?

T

What's wrong with that? Do you think it's abnormal to be an adult and
single for that amount of time?

'Kate


Did I say something was wrong with it?

'Kate wrote in message ...
On Fri, 7 Nov 2003 15:10:18 -0500, "Lisa aka Surfer"



I'm not considering the "package deal" route. My youngest is 13 and I
haven't found a good reason to include others in our personal lives.

As for friendships, I'm extremely selective of my women friends. They
tend to be strong, accomplished, and of high moral character. A keen
sense of humor is important but not so much that serious topics are
simply a hoot. I don't like people, in general, who gossip or put other
people down. You're right that I would expect those characteristics in
a mate too.

Hypothetically, if I met someone, then the first observation is his
looks, his manner, and his lifestyle... do they fit well enough into my
life? Does he have the qualities that I look for in a life-mate? I'm
not looking for a daddy for the kiddies but next on the list is how he
treats his own children and his general view of the role of a parent in
a child's life. He would have to be able to discuss differences of
opinion without feeling the need to force me to parrot his beliefs. At
first, he's all mine with the exception of a brief introduction to the
kids when he picks me up at the door. Where the relationship goes will
determine how far in he gets.

'Kate

That is a more realistic approach then what occurred a couple of years ago
with me. Showed up at the door to pick this woman up for the first
date....her 5 y.o. came up to me and asked.....Are you going to be my new
daddy? LOL

'Kate wrote in message ...
On Fri, 7 Nov 2003 20:51:05 -0500, "Tiffany"

'Kate wrote in message
...
On Fri, 7 Nov 2003 14:23:06 -0500, "Tiffany"

Dennis Here
youreply
wrote in message ...

CME wrote in message ...

Hell yes I am, he involved my children, my
family, my friends in this whole LIE and I will not let him get
away
with
it.


Correction, YOU involved you children and family.
Now perhaps you will realise why many of us here keep our love lives
and
family lives separate.

Dennis



But how long do you do that when you meet someone? When do you know
its
the
time to involve the kids? NEVER? I mean, you can know someone for
years
without knowing the truth sometimes. Do you plan to wait until all
your
kids
are over 18? I personally think that might just happen. Mine is 12
now,
what
is another 6 years to wait until she is off to college or on her own?

T

What's wrong with that? Do you think it's abnormal to be an adult and
single for that amount of time?

'Kate


Did I say something was wrong with it?

If I knew, I wouldn't have asked.


OK then, I didn't say anything was wrong with it.

Paul Fritz wrote in message
...

'Kate wrote in message
...
On Fri, 7 Nov 2003 15:10:18 -0500, "Lisa aka Surfer"



I'm not considering the "package deal" route. My youngest is 13 and I
haven't found a good reason to include others in our personal lives.

As for friendships, I'm extremely selective of my women friends. They
tend to be strong, accomplished, and of high moral character. A keen
sense of humor is important but not so much that serious topics are
simply a hoot. I don't like people, in general, who gossip or put other
people down. You're right that I would expect those characteristics in
a mate too.

Hypothetically, if I met someone, then the first observation is his
looks, his manner, and his lifestyle... do they fit well enough into my
life? Does he have the qualities that I look for in a life-mate? I'm
not looking for a daddy for the kiddies but next on the list is how he
treats his own children and his general view of the role of a parent in
a child's life. He would have to be able to discuss differences of
opinion without feeling the need to force me to parrot his beliefs. At
first, he's all mine with the exception of a brief introduction to the
kids when he picks me up at the door. Where the relationship goes will
determine how far in he gets.

'Kate

That is a more realistic approach then what occurred a couple of years ago
with me. Showed up at the door to pick this woman up for the first
date....her 5 y.o. came up to me and asked.....Are you going to be my new
daddy? LOL




omg.... bet that was the last date. lol

T

Paul Fritz wrote in message ...

Showed up at the door to pick this woman up for the first
date....her 5 y.o. came up to me and asked.....Are you going to be my new
daddy? LOL


This kind of thing happened to me once only it was the granny who had been
telling the children with the motive of setting them against me.
It worked!

Dennis

Tiffany wrote in message ...

But how long do you do that when you meet someone? When do you know its the
time to involve the kids? NEVER? I mean, you can know someone for years
without knowing the truth sometimes. Do you plan to wait until all your
kids
are over 18?

No, I have been married twice remember so I was as sure enough to get to
that point. Can't expect to introduce the children on the wedding day now
can we?
Just imagine, "Oh, BTW, the bridesmaid is my daughter and the page is my
son, hope you don't mind, I'll introduce you later"

Not wanting to take any moral high ground here but this is the way I have
always dealt with the situation.
I have had plenty of woman friends over the years and my sons have always
been used to meeting them and never seem to have had a problem with it. What
my sons have not had to deal with is finding any of them in bed with me
prior to disappearing. I have never lived with anyone. I confine my love
life to my own time but this does not stop me having days out with a woman
and my/her children. On some occasions, rather than inhibit the odd sign of
affection between us, the children will actively encourage it! I take my
cues from the children as well as how I feel. As to the time involved,
personally it has to be over a year for me to come to any kind of a
conclusion. If this is too long a period for the woman then so be it. If
they are still around and I feel that I could happily spend the rest of my
life with them then things would move up to another level. This is rare for
me however but it is the rare woman I am waiting for!

Dennis