Help Wanted! for Unruly 3yo & more

she won't wear her seat belt...
That's not an option - ever.

I respectfully disagree. If you buy a car made in 1967 or earlier,
chances are that it didn't have any seat belts at all. The law here in
the U.S.A. didn't require them until 1968.

Today, if I go out and buy an older model car from 1967 or earlier,
it would have no seat belts. As a historic car, you can not be
required to install seat belts in it, since they were not originally
installed. This also means that you legally are not required to use
child car seats, or to wear a seat belt, even in states where this is
supposedly required by law. They can pull you over when they see you
don't have one on, but then they can not issue you a ticket.

Driving today is no more dangerous than it was in the 1960's. If you
don't want to put up with all of the safety stuff, then just get
yourself an older model car.

-L. wrote:

Then you don't stop the car, let her scream and if she continues, tell
her that if she doesn't stop screaming she loses a privledge when you
get home - no TV, no toy, no dessert, no candy - whatever.

I agreed with much of your advice, but not this one. Toddlers rarely
connect an effect with the cause, if they are separated in time. She
needs to come up with something more immediate.

I would say "scream all you want, I'm not stopping." And let her
scream. Honestly, screaming without reward is likely to be punishment
in itself.

Cathy Weeks

runninarnd3 wrote:
Is it just me, or am I losing it? I have 3 kids, 8, 6, & 3. My 3yo is
unusually (IMO) well, naughty. I am at my wits end and any advice
would be appreciated.

Hi Runninarnd3,

I think much of the advice you got is pretty good. I would recommend
reading the book 1-2-3 Magic by Thomas Phelan. It saved our life, with
*our* three-year-old! (She's 4.5 now)

When she was 2.5 years old, she started screaming -
ear-splitting-banshee screeches - whenever she didn't get her way. It
reached it's peak at about 2.75, when we decided that enough was
enough. We were scared to take her in public, and she'd do it in the
middle of target (nothing like splitting the ear drums of the other
shoppers).

We never *gave in* to her screams. But we also never made it worth her
while to *stop*, either.

We started the 1-2-3 Magic, and with screaming, she didn't even get
counted to a time out. It was a straight-to-time-out for that. We put
her in her room for 2 minutes, door closed. Each and every time. And
if she did something like that in public, we went to the car, strapped
her into her car seat, and did a time out in the car. (Just putting
her in the car would have reinforced her bad behavior - she LOVED
playing unrestrained in the back seat of the car when I loaded or
unloaded groceries). We then went back in.

Once we put our foot down, the screaming had tapered off dramatically
within 2 weeks, and stopped entirely within a couple of months (by her
third birthday, we realized she hadn't be screaming in quite some time.

She also refused to put things away. Sometimes, we'd hold her hands and
pick up the toys with her hands, and take care of it that way. Not very
pleasant. And sometimes we'd give her a time out, and when it was
finished, we'd offer her the opportunity to pick up again, and she'd
literally do time out after time out, until she changed her mind.
Sometimes now, she'll just play quietly in her room, and say, not yet,
Mommy, I'm not ready to do it yet. But she understands that she'll
need to pick up before doing anything outside her room, and when that's
the case, she usually comes out and picks up nicely. Mostly now, she's
pretty good about helping pick up.

Anyway, good luck.

Cathy Weeks

"Cathy Weeks" wrote:


-L. wrote:

Then you don't stop the car, let her scream and if she continues, tell
her that if she doesn't stop screaming she loses a privledge when you
get home - no TV, no toy, no dessert, no candy - whatever.

I agreed with much of your advice, but not this one. Toddlers rarely
connect an effect with the cause, if they are separated in time. She
needs to come up with something more immediate.

I agree with this - I didn't agree with the taking away of privileges
either.

I would say "scream all you want, I'm not stopping." And let her
scream. Honestly, screaming without reward is likely to be punishment
in itself.

Take ear plugs. Use them.

"Cathy Weeks" wrote in message
ups.com...

-L. wrote:

Then you don't stop the car, let her scream and if she continues, tell
her that if she doesn't stop screaming she loses a privledge when you
get home - no TV, no toy, no dessert, no candy - whatever.

I agreed with much of your advice, but not this one. Toddlers rarely
connect an effect with the cause, if they are separated in time. She
needs to come up with something more immediate.


While I agree with you, I would not call a 3yo a toddler.

I would say "scream all you want, I'm not stopping." And let her
scream. Honestly, screaming without reward is likely to be punishment
in itself.

Cathy Weeks

"Rosalie B." wrote in message
...
"Cathy Weeks" wrote:


-L. wrote:

Then you don't stop the car, let her scream and if she continues, tell
her that if she doesn't stop screaming she loses a privledge when you
get home - no TV, no toy, no dessert, no candy - whatever.

I agreed with much of your advice, but not this one. Toddlers rarely
connect an effect with the cause, if they are separated in time. She
needs to come up with something more immediate.

I agree with this - I didn't agree with the taking away of privileges
either.

I would say "scream all you want, I'm not stopping." And let her
scream. Honestly, screaming without reward is likely to be punishment
in itself.

Take ear plugs. Use them.


Not in a car. You won't be able to hear emergency vehicles.

On Thu, 12 Oct 2006 20:20:07 GMT, "Stephanie"
wrote:


"Cathy Weeks" wrote in message
oups.com...

-L. wrote:

Then you don't stop the car, let her scream and if she continues, tell
her that if she doesn't stop screaming she loses a privledge when you
get home - no TV, no toy, no dessert, no candy - whatever.

I agreed with much of your advice, but not this one. Toddlers rarely
connect an effect with the cause, if they are separated in time. She
needs to come up with something more immediate.


While I agree with you, I would not call a 3yo a toddler.

What would you call a 3 yo then? I consider a 4 yo to be a
Preschooler.

Nan

Cathy Weeks wrote:
-L. wrote:

Then you don't stop the car, let her scream and if she continues, tell
her that if she doesn't stop screaming she loses a privledge when you
get home - no TV, no toy, no dessert, no candy - whatever.

I agreed with much of your advice, but not this one. Toddlers rarely
connect an effect with the cause, if they are separated in time. She
needs to come up with something more immediate.

Yes, you are right - I suppose it depends on the child, though. I have
met 3 year olds who *do* get it - very quickly.



I would say "scream all you want, I'm not stopping." And let her
scream. Honestly, screaming without reward is likely to be punishment
in itself.

That's what I did with DS today after we left the park due to his bad
behavior. He was mad and upset and screamed all the way home. I just
let him - explained to him that he has to listen to me, and needs to
stop when I say "stop". He was tired and crashed as soon as we got
home. I am hoping he wakes in a better mood...

It's exhausting sometimes - I have sympathy with the OP.

-L.

"Stephanie" wrote:


"Rosalie B." wrote in message
.. .
"Cathy Weeks" wrote:


-L. wrote:

Then you don't stop the car, let her scream and if she continues, tell
her that if she doesn't stop screaming she loses a privledge when you
get home - no TV, no toy, no dessert, no candy - whatever.

I agreed with much of your advice, but not this one. Toddlers rarely
connect an effect with the cause, if they are separated in time. She
needs to come up with something more immediate.

I agree with this - I didn't agree with the taking away of privileges
either.

I would say "scream all you want, I'm not stopping." And let her
scream. Honestly, screaming without reward is likely to be punishment
in itself.

Take ear plugs. Use them.


Not in a car. You won't be able to hear emergency vehicles.

Depending on where you live, deaf people can drive. It is not illegal. That's
why they have the flashing lights. And if the kid is screaming, you won't be
able to hear the emergency vehicles anyway.

In the U.S., there are few restrictions on the deaf obtaining a license to drive. In certain states, deaf drivers may be required to have special licenses to indicate that the driver is deaf. Not all countries permit deaf people to drive, however; according to statistics from the World Federation of the Deaf (WFD), at least 26 countries do not allow deaf citizens to hold a driver's license.

In response to all of the above:

Well, it is now 10 pm and though I am exhausted and look like a brunette carrot top (ooo, not so happy with the haircut!) tonight was a better night than most. It was 29 degrees when I picked her up. I watched her put her coat in her backpack, I told her "It is very cold outside" she said "I don't cares Mom" so I let it go. So far so good. Opening the heavy door to the daycare, I asked her how about we do it together, worked great. I told her how great she was behaving and that it was awesome. NO FITS. At all from daycare to home!

I did have to put her in her room after bathtime, she refused to let me rinse the soap out of her hair, so I had to dump water over her head. She was not happy. I got her out of the bathtub and about 30 minutes of 3 minute interval time out & screaming, she finally settled down. I did have to give in to letting her pick out her pjs (not the warm fuzzies I would like for a night like tonight, but ...) once she settled down, I asked her to get the jammies, so I guess I asked for that! So far she has only had 1 juice and some crackers and is laying down very well. Abeit in the playroom and not her bed. But one hurdle at a time right? At first I tended to agree with not putting all the restrictions in place at once, but it was rather easy when I reacted more positively to good behaviors and wasn't soooo type A. She even helped me make dinner, though she ate most of the cheese before it made it into dinner.

On another note, as if we didn't have enough excitment last night, after I made my first post, one of our dogs had puppies! So I got about three hours of sleep...but I was so excited and then sad as a couple were stillborn. Things like that didn't used to effect me but since I have my own births, I think the poor mom was sad. Anyway. I think this might work, I just have to breath, breath breath and pick my battles. How true that is!