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Help for Friend with Post Partum Depression
Hi everyone,
A very close friend is having a rough time with what seems to be post- partum depression/anxiety. I'm looking for ways to help long distance. She gave birth to her third child, a girl, in September, bringing that baby home the same day her oldest daughter started Kindergarten. She also has a 3 year old boy. Between these pregnancies she had several miscarriages. She's basically been pregnant, trying to get pregnant, or recovering from a birth or miscarriage for the last 7 years straight. Recently, she very reluctantly chose to wean her youngest earlier than she had hoped due to some severely clogged ducts and infections in her breasts. It's always been her goal to have three children (she is the third in her family). Now that she has achieved that against some stiff odds (she's over 40 and as I mentioned had several miscarriages), she describes feeling trapped and completely dissatisfied with her life. She has had episodes of near-paralysis, waking up and feeling unable to get up out of bed. She has also had bouts of uncontrollable crying. She is afraid to be alone with her children. She doesn't report feeling she would hurt them, but rather that she just won't be able to handle it all. She says they are "so needy at this age, so whine- y." She doesn't feel bonded to the new baby ("I know I love her, but I don't feel connected"). She's taken some excellent steps. She has been up front with her husband, nearby family and friends. She has more than once reached out to one of them when she felt out of control and seems very willing to do so when she needs to. She has seen a counselor and is on a schedule of weekly appointments. She has tried one anti-anxiety medication prescribed by her OB/GYN but felt the side effects (dizziness) were too unpleasant. She is open to anti-depressant medication and when I spoke with her Monday she was going to call and ask for a prescription. I've been in touch via phone, offered to fly to see her and sent tulips when she mentioned that if she can just make it to spring, she thinks she'll be ok. That seems so woefully inadequate for someone I love so much. Ideas? -Dawn |
#2
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Help for Friend with Post Partum Depression
In article .com, Dawn says...
Hi everyone, A very close friend is having a rough time with what seems to be post- partum depression/anxiety. I'm looking for ways to help long distance. She gave birth to her third child, a girl, in September, bringing that baby home the same day her oldest daughter started Kindergarten. She also has a 3 year old boy. Between these pregnancies she had several miscarriages. She's basically been pregnant, trying to get pregnant, or recovering from a birth or miscarriage for the last 7 years straight. Recently, she very reluctantly chose to wean her youngest earlier than she had hoped due to some severely clogged ducts and infections in her breasts. She's getting the right medical and counselling help. What she needs is the practical day to day help with three kids five (or six or so) and under. It would overwhelm a lot of people, especially when they're not in their 20's and 30's anymore, even without the depression. It may be a plain-vanilla clinical depression, which may have happened under any hugely stressful situation. Of course, long distance it's not something you can jump over and do. But it strikes me that whatever is done would be along that line. Is there some way you can ease her path to getting daily in-home help? Banty |
#3
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Help for Friend with Post Partum Depression
I'm not sure there is so much you can do to actually "help", or at least not
in the way you mean, depression takes time, sometimes medication and a lot of support to recover from, you can ease that path, but you can't solve the problem. I have a dear friend with severe, recurrent depression that meds to not always manage to control, over the years, we've learnt that there is nothing we can do to prevent each episode happening, we can usually spot it earlier than her and get her to the doctors, we can slow the onset a little, we can support through it, but we can't do much more, the rest has to come from the doctors, counsellors etc. Unfortunately stopping breastfeeding is known to have an effect on postnatal depression, rates are higher in mothers that don't breastfeed and a low patch even if it's isn't depression is commonly reported after weaning, you probably don't want to tell her this right now! But if she has unresolved issues in this area, they are important to talk through and if she mentions trying to start breastfeeding again (you don't mention how long since she stopped), then I would encourage her. Cheers Anne |
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