15 mo old sleeping problems and hitting

getting my 15 month old daughter to sleep at night is very hard! she
sleeps with us in bed that is a mattress on the floor. by husband and
i go in the room and turn off the lights and lay down. we give her a
bottle and turn on some calm music. she crawls around the room wining
and crying for about 1-2 hours before she crawls on the bed between us
and goes to sleep.

it has never been this hard before. we have been putting her to sleep
like this since she was born. before we use to move her to her crib
after she fell asleep. we moved and for a few months did not have a
crib so she would sleep with us and now hates the crib so she sleeps
with us, which we don't mind at all.

when we moved into our new house she stayed with my parents for a few
months while we fixed and painted this house. they way they put her to
bed was either put her in the play room with a mattress on the floor
and stay there until she feel asleep or put her in the crib that was
next to the bed and she would wine a little bit and go to sleep.

now that she is here with us all of the time the problem is getting
worse. each night it take more crying to get her to sleep. her wine is
more of "i dont was to sleep i want to play" then anything else. she
also bangs her head against the floor and walls and puts her head on
the floor and crawls for a few feet (which gives her rug burn on her
forehead). she use to fall asleep around 9pm not its around 12am. she
takes a 2 hour nap around 2:30pm. at night she wakes up at 3am for a
bottle and goes to sleep. we tried to substitute the milk for water
but does not work, she still seems hungry.

I don't know what to do. I feel bad leaving her in the room and
letting her cry it out. I have tried giving her a bath and not giving
her a bath, makes no difference. Feeding her more heavy foods and
lighter foods. Having music on and off. We can't use the crib as a
bed any more since we are afraid that she will crawl out plus she
bangs her head on the wood.

Oh and she is starting to hit more now. She will come up to you and
hit your face really hard. She does this randomly. When she is playing
and everything is fine she will hit you and think it's funny, or if
you tell her no or if she doesn't like something she will hit you and
then if you say no that is bad to turn away she will cry and try to
give you a hug then hit you again.

We have tried to slap her hand back and say no, just say no, walk
away, act like nothing happened and none of those worked.

She is becoming a big brat and I don't know how to stop it.

Please help. How can we get her to start going to sleep within 30min
with out these tamper tantrums and stop hitting everyone?

On 21 Feb 2004 12:07:28 -0800, (kate) wrote:

Oh and she is starting to hit more now. She will come up to you and
hit your face really hard. She does this randomly. When she is playing
and everything is fine she will hit you and think it's funny, or if
you tell her no or if she doesn't like something she will hit you and
then if you say no that is bad to turn away she will cry and try to
give you a hug then hit you again.

Do you spank? If so, stop.

Supervise carefully. Stop her *before* she can hit by reaching out and
holding her hand when she attempts to hit. Next, say: "we use gentle
hands to touch people." Show her how to use gentle hands to stroke
your face or whereever she was about to hit you.

Also, catch her when she is playing nicely and notice this. Don't
overpraise, but say "I like seeing you use gentle hands with your
doll (or your friend)." or "You had fun playing with Susie today
and taking turns on the swing (or with the toy)."

She's 15 months old, she is not being deliberately mean, she just
doesn't yet understand that other people have the same feelings
that she has. She needs to *learn* empathy. It's taught by example,
so you should be sure to be empathetic to other children who get
hurt or to animals, etc., when she can see you doing so.


--
Dorothy

There is no sound, no cry in all the world
that can be heard unless someone listens ..

The Outer Limits

On 21 Feb 2004 12:07:28 -0800, (kate) wrote:

she use to fall asleep around 9pm not its around 12am. she
takes a 2 hour nap around 2:30pm. at night she wakes up at 3am for a
bottle and goes to sleep.

Try adjusting her sleep schedule gradually by seeing if you can get
her to nap 5 minutes earlier each day (you may want to try waking her
earlier by a few minutes if she doesn't wake up earlier on her own).

Two hours is a good nap, but try waking her after 1 1/2 hours perhaps?
Or getting that nap to happen right after lunch time - at 1 PM instead
of at 2:30 PM.

You do have to adjust this gradually. You may be able to do it 15
minutes at a time, but if 15 minutes doesn't work, try 10 minutes
or 5 minutes each day until you have her routine established for an
earlier nap.


--
Dorothy

There is no sound, no cry in all the world
that can be heard unless someone listens ..

The Outer Limits

(kate) wrote in message . com...
getting my 15 month old daughter to sleep at night is very hard! she
sleeps with us in bed that is a mattress on the floor. by husband and
i go in the room and turn off the lights and lay down. we give her a
bottle and turn on some calm music. she crawls around the room wining
and crying for about 1-2 hours before she crawls on the bed between us
and goes to sleep.
[ snipped details]
I don't know what to do. I feel bad leaving her in the room and
letting her cry it out. I have tried giving her a bath and not giving
her a bath, makes no difference. Feeding her more heavy foods and
lighter foods. Having music on and off. We can't use the crib as a
bed any more since we are afraid that she will crawl out plus she
bangs her head on the wood.

I think you have to get this under control. She needs to get to sleep
in some reasonable way. Plus, don't you and/or your husband have
anything else to do than spend hours every evening waiting for your
baby to go to sleep? I'd go NUTS.

Here's how I'd approach it: First, start watching for signs of
tirednes and see when in the evening they come. You want to put her
down when she is tired, but not overtired. That can make kids very
punchy. (The head-banging and head-rubbing sound like punchy overtired
behavior to me.)

Second, set up a bedtime routine that seems reasonable to you and
stick with it. The details are largely irrelevant, as long as they
involve increasing calm and quiet. If she's getting a bottle at
bedtime, then you don't need to worry about what else she is or isn't
eating. Bath or no-bath ... makes no real difference, as long as
you're consistent.

Is the room dark enough?

You also need to make a decision about where you want her to sleep:
your bed or a crib. If you decide to have her sleep in your bed, do
the routine (at the right time of night), get the room as dark as
possible, then get her all sleepy, perhaps by rocking her in your arms
while singing or playing a musical toy or by giving her the bottle in
your arms while singing or playing a musical toy, and then lie down
with her. Then, do NOT allow her to crawl away. Tell her, "no, it's
sleepy time" (or whatever), and when she starts to crawl away anyway,
pick her up and lay her back down again and tell her, "No, it's sleepy
time" (or whatever). Repeat until she gives up. As she gets sleepier,
you can try firmly holding her down next to you to prevent her from
even getting into crawling position. This may take a while and it may
get ugly (on her part -- you must of course remain 100% calm), but
keep telling yourself that for all of your sakes, she has to learn to
get to sleep in some reasonable way.

This kind of thing takes enormous patience, but anyone who can stand
to have a baby wander around their bedroom whining and playing for 2
hours after 9 p.m. must have the patience of a saint! I doubt this
will take as long as the 2 hours she is currently taking to give up on
her own, even the first night. Keep not allowing her to get out of the
bed after bedtime EVER, and I bet that within a few days, she will
give up entirely.

Do similarly if you decide to go back to the crib (do routine, make
sleepy, put her down. As needed: pick back up, soothe again, put dow
again. Eventually she will get so sleepy she will give up).

Oh and she is starting to hit more now. She will come up to you and
hit your face really hard. She does this randomly. When she is playing
and everything is fine she will hit you and think it's funny, or if
you tell her no or if she doesn't like something she will hit you and
then if you say no that is bad to turn away she will cry and try to
give you a hug then hit you again.

We have tried to slap her hand back and say no, just say no, walk
away, act like nothing happened and none of those worked.

She is becoming a big brat and I don't know how to stop it.

No no no! She is just a toddler, and they're wild things. Again, be
consistent but patient. Make sure that everyone she comes in contact
with reacts negatively to the hitting. (I have an 8 YO and a 5 YO who
think it's hilarious when our 13 MO smacks them and pulls their hair,
so they provide regular positive reinforcement, which I'm trying to
convince them to stop doing.) I'd act all hurt and sad whenever she
hits, and demonstrate nice touching, like, "Oh, no hitting! Hitting
hurts mommy. [taking her hand and patting your face with it] Be nice
to mommy!" If she hits again, whisk her away to an unfun place (a
nearby chair, couch, whatever), say, "no hitting!" and walk away. She
won't like being suddenly whisked away from the fun and left. But it
won't make an immediate difference either. Just keep on doing it, and
eventually she'll learn and stop. How long it will take depends on the
kid.

Good luck!

i don't spank, no will i ever! what in the world made you think that?

i think she is understanding that others feel similar to her. about a
month ago she bit me and i say ouch! that hurts, don't bit mommy. so
then she bit her self on the same spot as she bit me and then bit me
again (lighter this time). i guess it didn't hurt to her so she showed
me that it doesn't hurt.

every time she hits we act all hurt and that makes her come up to us
and hug us then hit us again.

i will try the not happy place and tell my parents to do the same. she
hits them more then she hit me. she hardly ever hits my husband, but
he only spends a few hours with her a day.
__________________________________________________ __________

my mom told me that she went to sleep at 9:30 the night before she
came back. so we started to put her to bed around 9:30 and try the "no
crawl away". (when she was younger we would hold her down and she
would fall asleep in 5 minutes, but as she got older that stopped
working.) we got some ear plugs, got her clam and ready for bed, and
as soon i closed the door she started crying. i turned on the monitor
that has the music and projects moons and stars onto the ceiling and
that seemed to work for a few minutes. then i tried to get her to lay
down, and all hell broke loose! she started to hyperventilate so i
picked her up to calm her down after she stopped hiccupping she put
her head on my shoulder and fell right asleep. It took her about 20
minutes to calm down. But now we are back are rocking her to sleep.
(she weighs 35lb. Rocking her for 20-30 minutes makes my arm go numb!)

We are going to have to take this a lot slower then I thought; I think
it will take about a month to get her to fall asleep with out fighting
and in 10-15minutes.

I don't want to shorten her sleep because if she doesn't get enough
she gets really cranky for the whole day. Plus the longer she sleeps
in the morning and afternoon the better it is for me. I can get some
work done and catch up on my sleep.

Thank you for all of your help