poll: How do you feel about threads being cross-posted between m.k and alt.childfree.bridgebuilding?

On Wed, 06 Aug 2003 08:30:33 -0400, Bruce and Jeanne wrote:
toypup wrote:


"Jayne Kulikauskas" wrote in message
...
So how do people feel about us cross-posting a few threads between m.k and
a.c.b? We can put X-post in the subject line so they are easily avoided
by
those who don't wish to read them. Are there any other suggestions about
how to clearly mark these?

I'm not interested. I don't feel I have much in common with my parentless
friends ATM. In fact, I'm hoping they have some kids so we could all be on
the same page.


I don't get this. Surely you have interests outside your child? My
best friend from grad school is single and childless. She got her Phd
and is now moving up the academic ladder. I didn't finish, got married
and now have two kids. We still have (much to DD's dismay) two-hour
phone conversations - talking about our lives and just stuff.

I know this is going to sound troll-ish, but I have to say that
a lot, if not the majority, of people I know who have kids end up being
so centered around their kids that they no longer have interests in
other things, whether because of time, money, or both.

And that's something I simply don't understand. My kids enhance
my life, but they don't replace everything else in it. Granted,
when they're young, they take up huge amounts of time, but there's
*always* still some left over when you can read about something
that interests you, build a model airplane, cook a gourmet meal,
lounge on a beach, etc. We have friends who simply refuse to let
ANYONE babysit their kids, because they're afraid that the kids will be
permanently traumatized by someone else putting them to bed.
Others who had more kids than they can afford, and don't have
$20.00 to spend for a babysitter, on top of the cost of a movie,
and so on. So of course they can never go out, and their
lives become more and more insular, until their only interests
are the kids.

Personally, I've found that having kids has expanded the
fun things I do. I take them out hiking almost every weekend -
and I never did that before. We've started going on geocache
hunts - kind of like a high-tech treasure hunt. We go to
zoos, the local museums, etc, and any number of other things
that make life more interesting. My son loves airplanes,
and so that helped induced me to get into radio controlled
aircraft, and modeling, and so on.

I love talking about my kids, and I love listening to
my friends about what their kids are doing, but, sadly,
in too many cases, the conversations stop there, and so
the friendships start to wither.

- Rich

In article , Bruce and Jeanne says...

toypup wrote:


"Jayne Kulikauskas" wrote in message
...
So how do people feel about us cross-posting a few threads between m.k and
a.c.b? We can put X-post in the subject line so they are easily avoided
by
those who don't wish to read them. Are there any other suggestions about
how to clearly mark these?

I'm not interested. I don't feel I have much in common with my parentless
friends ATM. In fact, I'm hoping they have some kids so we could all be on
the same page.


I don't get this. Surely you have interests outside your child? My
best friend from grad school is single and childless. She got her Phd
and is now moving up the academic ladder. I didn't finish, got married
and now have two kids. We still have (much to DD's dismay) two-hour
phone conversations - talking about our lives and just stuff.

Jeanne


When I had my son, I found that some friends dropped out of sight, because I
wasn't immediately available for plans; others remained friends. Just as I had
remained friends with many people for some years already through when *they* had
kids and I hadn't yet (I didn't have my son until I was 37.) I've watched their
children grow up and go out into the world.

So it's a matter of depth of the friendship. I pretty much wrote off those who
didn't find me availvable enough to them when my son was an infant for the
friendship to survive. If that's what that relationship would be called. My
take on it is that therefore it wasn't a friendship - if one is looking for
activity-buddies, one can always join a club.

Banty

"Banty" wrote in message
...
(snip)... If that's what that relationship would be called. My
take on it is that therefore it wasn't a friendship - if one is looking
for
activity-buddies, one can always join a club.

A club like USENET perhaps? e.g.

--
sharon, momma to savannah and willow (11/11/94)

In article , lizzard woman
says...


"Banty" wrote in message
...
(snip)... If that's what that relationship would be called. My
take on it is that therefore it wasn't a friendship - if one is looking
for
activity-buddies, one can always join a club.

A club like USENET perhaps? e.g.

Ah, but on USENET you don't have to register...

(tee heee heee.....)

On Wed, 06 Aug 2003 10:36:16 -0500, Mamasamba wrote:
On Wed, 06 Aug 2003 14:07:26 GMT, user wrote:

I love talking about my kids, and I love listening to
my friends about what their kids are doing, but, sadly,
in too many cases, the conversations stop there, and so
the friendships start to wither.

These parents you're talking about are the ones that have problems
when their nest is empty because they've invested everything in their
children not leaving anything for themselves. It's a two way street
and there is nothing wrong with having or doing things without the
children in my opinion. Same goes for the marriage.

It's not simply that there's nothing wrong with it - you HAVE
to do things without the children, or you start to lose whatever
made you interesting in the first place. There are times and
places where children can, and should be involved. There are
also times when you just need to go out, even just for a couple
of hours, and have conversations or do things that have nothing
to do with the kids. I can't imagine not doing that. In regards
to marriage, you're correct - it works the same way. Some people
think my wife and I are strange because we don't need to be
joined at the hip and go out with different friends, on occasion.
Personally, I like having some variety in our social experiences.

"Bruce and Jeanne" wrote in message
...
toypup wrote:


"Jayne Kulikauskas" wrote in message
...
So how do people feel about us cross-posting a few threads between m.k
and
a.c.b? We can put X-post in the subject line so they are easily
avoided
by
those who don't wish to read them. Are there any other suggestions
about
how to clearly mark these?

I'm not interested. I don't feel I have much in common with my
parentless
friends ATM. In fact, I'm hoping they have some kids so we could all be
on
the same page.


I don't get this. Surely you have interests outside your child?

Surely I do. But they have interests I'm completely not interested in, like
scouting for cute guys. When we're in a restaurant, that's what they're
doing. When we travel, that's what they're doing. When we're at the gym,
that's what they're doing. They go clubbing, I'm not into that anymore.
It's not like I don't have any hobbies outside my child. I knit, crochet,
upgrade my computer and surf the internet. I also work part-time, travel,
go to the movies and eat out alot. DH and I take a day off for ourselves at
least once a month, but we try for every other week. We are not hermits who
revolve around our child, but I've grown up and my friends are still
scouting for guys. Why does growing apart from friends necessarily mean
that I don't have interests outside of my child?

"Banty" wrote in message
...
In article , lizzard
woman
says...


"Banty" wrote in message
...
(snip)... If that's what that relationship would be called. My
take on it is that therefore it wasn't a friendship - if one is looking
for
activity-buddies, one can always join a club.

A club like USENET perhaps? e.g.

Ah, but on USENET you don't have to register...

(tee heee heee.....)

Nor contribute.

And your comment about only "lurking" in "rodents as pets" group(s) is
ridiculous on its face. Who was the will power to resist jumping in to a
forum such as that??????????????

Love,
Momma

ps. check out http://www.geocities.com/ratfarm2002/tyler.html to see a very
cute little boyish boy in his cuddly with his toy mouse. I do guinea pigs
but rats are very compelling I must say.

-m

lizzard woman wrote:

ps. check out http://www.geocities.com/ratfarm2002/tyler.html to see a very
cute little boyish boy in his cuddly with his toy mouse. I do guinea pigs
but rats are very compelling I must say.

I had pet rats as a teenager. :-)

--
Brigitte aa #2145
edd #3 February 15, 2004
http://www.babiesonline.com/babies/j/joshuaandkaterina/

"Readers are plentiful; thinkers are rare."
~ Harriet Martineau

wrote:

I don't get this. Surely you have interests outside your child?

and responded:

Surely I do. But they have interests I'm completely not interested in, like
scouting for cute guys. When we're in a restaurant, that's what they're
doing. When we travel, that's what they're doing. When we're at the gym,
that's what they're doing. They go clubbing, I'm not into that anymore.

Sounds to me as though you're better off without them!

--Helen

"Truffles" wrote in message
...
lizzard woman wrote:

ps. check out http://www.geocities.com/ratfarm2002/tyler.html to see a
very
cute little boyish boy in his cuddly with his toy mouse. I do guinea
pigs
but rats are very compelling I must say.

I had pet rats as a teenager. :-)

I bet that was fun! I recently learned they only live ~1,000 days. So
short!

--
sharon, momma to savannah and willow (11/11/94)