To interfere or not to

"slykitten" wrote in message
...
no, your post isn't making me sorry that I replied... It was the nasty
reply
from that cmedwards creep. I had that person killfiled but the reply came
up.... that's ok though.... I understand that there are many reasons that
we're in the situations we're in.... I'm just no longer afraid of the
reason
I'm in mine. In fact, I advocate mostly for helping victims of DV to
recognize that the situation is either toxic or turning toxic and
dangerous.
I've attended support groups, I've been in counseling, I'm still working
through the nasty emotions that are still coming up. I may never be "over
it" so to speak but I'm certainly no longer afraid of it. In some ways, I
wish that someone was there who saw what I didn't. I wish someone was
willing to point it out to me and help me by reporting what was happening
when I was too afraid to. I've read some of the responses here.... Some
said
don't get involved... if DV wasn't such a horrendous thing, I might even
be
on that bandwagon.... (please don't misinterpret what I'm saying. everyone
thinks and believes differently.) I think that it's a judgement call. I
think you should weigh out how severe the situation is. Have you ever seen
bruises on this woman or the child or both? has she ever been visibly
frightened? Is she withdrawn? Is the child scared to death when this man
is
around? Is everyone "walking on eggshells" when he's around? If the
answers
to any or all of these questions is "yes" then I believe that it would be
important to call the authorities and place a report, even if you ask to
keep yourself anonomyous.... I think that V and Istara hit the nails on
the
head pretty well.... Too many people turn away from violent situations
because they either don't want to get involved or they're afraid to get
involved or they're not sure whether to get involved or not. Then there's
the issue of where you live and the laws there.... Again, I believe it to
be
a judgement call for you. I wish you good luck.... I really do. This is a
tough decision in some ways.


LOL So I posted something she didn't like to see and I'm an auto-creep. Ok
then. It's waaaay too obvious she's not over it, and she relives things
over and over by posting it over and over. I don't think that's healthy so
I said something. Wow I'm such a meanie.

Christine

"CME" wrote in message
news:_QL7d.5907$N%.3644@edtnps84...

"slykitten" wrote in message
...
no, your post isn't making me sorry that I replied... It was the nasty
reply
from that cmedwards creep. I had that person killfiled but the reply came
up.... that's ok though.... I understand that there are many reasons that
we're in the situations we're in.... I'm just no longer afraid of the
reason
I'm in mine. In fact, I advocate mostly for helping victims of DV to
recognize that the situation is either toxic or turning toxic and
dangerous.
I've attended support groups, I've been in counseling, I'm still working
through the nasty emotions that are still coming up. I may never be "over
it" so to speak but I'm certainly no longer afraid of it. In some ways, I
wish that someone was there who saw what I didn't. I wish someone was
willing to point it out to me and help me by reporting what was happening
when I was too afraid to. I've read some of the responses here.... Some
said
don't get involved... if DV wasn't such a horrendous thing, I might even
be
on that bandwagon.... (please don't misinterpret what I'm saying.
everyone
thinks and believes differently.) I think that it's a judgement call. I
think you should weigh out how severe the situation is. Have you ever
seen
bruises on this woman or the child or both? has she ever been visibly
frightened? Is she withdrawn? Is the child scared to death when this man
is
around? Is everyone "walking on eggshells" when he's around? If the
answers
to any or all of these questions is "yes" then I believe that it would be
important to call the authorities and place a report, even if you ask to
keep yourself anonomyous.... I think that V and Istara hit the nails on
the
head pretty well.... Too many people turn away from violent situations
because they either don't want to get involved or they're afraid to get
involved or they're not sure whether to get involved or not. Then there's
the issue of where you live and the laws there.... Again, I believe it to
be
a judgement call for you. I wish you good luck.... I really do. This is
a
tough decision in some ways.


LOL So I posted something she didn't like to see and I'm an auto-creep.
Ok then. It's waaaay too obvious she's not over it, and she relives
things over and over by posting it over and over. I don't think that's
healthy so I said something. Wow I'm such a meanie.

Christine


Yeah Christine, you are SO mean....NOT! I know it took me a long time to
move past my abusive relationship. I also learned that by dredging it up
everytime someone asked, "What happened, why are you divorced," was NOT
healthy. I began to say, it didn't work out, or it was abusive. Now I can
look back on that period of time with more indifference than pain or anger.
It's been 12 years after all. I do remember how I felt during the early
years though. Can't say as I blame her for telling her story, but I do see
your point that dredging it all up over and over does not help, not in the
long run. It keeps the pain fresh, and that doesn't usually help healing.
I took no offense at your post, Christine, and think you made a valid point.
Take Care.

Betsy

Subject: To interfere or not to
From: "Betsy"
Date: 10/3/2004 5:51 AM Eastern Standard Time
Message-id: aYP7d.3799$eq1.2613@trnddc08


"CME" wrote in message
news:_QL7d.5907$N%.3644@edtnps84...

"slykitten" wrote in message
...
no, your post isn't making me sorry that I replied... It was the nasty
reply
from that cmedwards creep. I had that person killfiled but the reply came
up.... that's ok though.... I understand that there are many reasons that
we're in the situations we're in.... I'm just no longer afraid of the
reason
I'm in mine. In fact, I advocate mostly for helping victims of DV to
recognize that the situation is either toxic or turning toxic and
dangerous.
I've attended support groups, I've been in counseling, I'm still working
through the nasty emotions that are still coming up. I may never be "over
it" so to speak but I'm certainly no longer afraid of it. In some ways, I
wish that someone was there who saw what I didn't. I wish someone was
willing to point it out to me and help me by reporting what was happening
when I was too afraid to. I've read some of the responses here.... Some
said
don't get involved... if DV wasn't such a horrendous thing, I might even
be
on that bandwagon.... (please don't misinterpret what I'm saying.
everyone
thinks and believes differently.) I think that it's a judgement call. I
think you should weigh out how severe the situation is. Have you ever
seen
bruises on this woman or the child or both? has she ever been visibly
frightened? Is she withdrawn? Is the child scared to death when this man
is
around? Is everyone "walking on eggshells" when he's around? If the
answers
to any or all of these questions is "yes" then I believe that it would be
important to call the authorities and place a report, even if you ask to
keep yourself anonomyous.... I think that V and Istara hit the nails on
the
head pretty well.... Too many people turn away from violent situations
because they either don't want to get involved or they're afraid to get
involved or they're not sure whether to get involved or not. Then there's
the issue of where you live and the laws there.... Again, I believe it to
be
a judgement call for you. I wish you good luck.... I really do. This is
a
tough decision in some ways.


LOL So I posted something she didn't like to see and I'm an auto-creep.
Ok then. It's waaaay too obvious she's not over it, and she relives
things over and over by posting it over and over. I don't think that's
healthy so I said something. Wow I'm such a meanie.

Christine


Yeah Christine, you are SO mean....NOT! I know it took me a long time to
move past my abusive relationship. I also learned that by dredging it up
everytime someone asked, "What happened, why are you divorced," was NOT
healthy. I began to say, it didn't work out, or it was abusive. Now I can
look back on that period of time with more indifference than pain or anger.
It's been 12 years after all. I do remember how I felt during the early
years though. Can't say as I blame her for telling her story, but I do see
your point that dredging it all up over and over does not help, not in the
long run. It keeps the pain fresh, and that doesn't usually help healing.
I took no offense at your post, Christine, and think you made a valid point.
Take Care.

Betsy


I will agree that dredging up the past and continuosly "going there" is not the
most healthy thing to do. I will say for many years I too had to repeat myself
"my story" so to speak to people involved in my life, because I needed for them
to understand "me" I too come from a very long history of abuses, from my
mother to my ex-husband physical, verbal and sexual abuse, I do not fling it
out there to just anyone, I do though explain
"me" to people I have built a caring relationship with. I know Christine for
what I have gathered so far of her posts means to help and like others here
that mean to help they come off to be judgemental and mean to those of us that
are hurting and broken and come for advice. Some people you just can not teach
the thick skin to and will always be hurt by what you say, I myself can be very
sensitive, something I hate about myself, cause when I am hurt I become a nasty
bitch for protection. I have lost friendships over being hurt when all I could
do was lash out in anger. I did it here, I may do it again one day but it is
something I am working on. Sly kitten try to understand what is said here by
all is meant to help , I know sometimes you just can not see that and yes I am
inclined to put things out in a more compassionate way, but I do understand
that all people are not built that way and that does not mean what they say to
you is an outright attack. Yes I still feel a little insecure with some of the
statements that have been made to me here , but the big picture I see is not so
bad. It is all about survival, it is a dog eat dog world, and mice get eaten by
the lion . We have to move past the past horrors in our lives and lay them to
rest.
Bev

"CME" wrote in message
news:bnf7d.473$MV5.219@clgrps13...

"Lisa" wrote in message
...

"CME" wrote in message
news:9i47d.965$j24.459@clgrps12...

"slykitten" wrote in message
...
I honestly don't know what I would do. See, my exhusband was deaf but
that
didn't stop him from trying to stab me or pull a gun on me... it
didn't
stop him from sexually assaulting me or throwing things at me. My
neighbor
was also kinda in your shoes because she'd hear me scream
hysterically
at
my
ex to put down the knife he was holding or whatever and she would
call
the
cops.... only, she'd remain anonomyous. Since there is a child
involved,
I'd
recommend that you do notify the authorities but ask that you remain
anonomyous. This way that abusive SOB doesn't direct his nastiness
towards
you... it could have come from any one of the other neighbors... but
only
the one who made the call would know who it truly was. does that make
sense?
I hope this helps....

--
"Many have forgotten this truth, but you must not forget it.
You remain responsible, forever, for what you have tamed."
~Antoine de Saint-Exupery

No offence but you frequently bring up your past abuse. We've all been
through tough situations, I just question why you feel the need to let
everyone else know. I'm not talking about the abuse in general but the
specifics you seem to present quite frequently in your posts. I don't
know,
maybe it's just me but I find that odd.

Christine



Oh fer $$$ sakes Christine, can this girl not post without you following
up
with the above nonsense? Just move along to the next post or ignore her
entirely.

Lisa

I've ignored it for a few weeks and slamming her ex for whatever he's done
has no place here. Read the FAQ.

Christine



I beg to differ, but, whatever. I hardly think she was slamming,
furthermore, the things that her husband did are relevant to the discussion.

As for the FAQ comment, don't be so condescending. You may type how you
roll your eyes, well, you've been making me shake my head alot.

Lisa

On Sun, 03 Oct 2004 01:19:18 GMT, "CME"
wrote:


"lm" wrote in message
.. .
On Fri, 01 Oct 2004 16:10:14 GMT, "CME"
wrote:


"lm" wrote in message
...
On Fri, 01 Oct 2004 03:37:41 GMT, "CME"
wrote:


"slykitten" wrote in message
...
I honestly don't know what I would do. See, my exhusband was deaf but
that
didn't stop him from trying to stab me or pull a gun on me... it
didn't
stop him from sexually assaulting me or throwing things at me. My
neighbor
was also kinda in your shoes because she'd hear me scream hysterically
at
my
ex to put down the knife he was holding or whatever and she would call
the
cops.... only, she'd remain anonomyous. Since there is a child
involved,
I'd
recommend that you do notify the authorities but ask that you remain
anonomyous. This way that abusive SOB doesn't direct his nastiness
towards
you... it could have come from any one of the other neighbors... but
only
the one who made the call would know who it truly was. does that make
sense?
I hope this helps....

--
"Many have forgotten this truth, but you must not forget it.
You remain responsible, forever, for what you have tamed."
~Antoine de Saint-Exupery

No offence but you frequently bring up your past abuse. We've all been
through tough situations, I just question why you feel the need to let
everyone else know. I'm not talking about the abuse in general but the
specifics you seem to present quite frequently in your posts. I don't
know,
maybe it's just me but I find that odd.


You've got to be kidding me. Why don't we just skip the actual
sentences and use a multiple-choice format so everyone posts the same
way.

lm

No I'm just asking why she feels the need to revel in victim mode. I find
full disclosure to a bunch of strangers odd, when this isn't an abuse
forum.
It's like sitting on the bus and someone starts telling me their life
story
because I asked them how they were.

It's nothing like that. It was related to the OP, whereas your
comments aren't.


How are the specifics of her abuse relevant? That's my point. Not that she
was abused but the constant "my ex did this to me" post.

Your point was not about the relevancy of her post, but that you think
she ought not post about what her ex did to her. Her ex abused her and
the amount of abuse and the length of time she endured it have
everything to do with what victims of abuse will put up with before
reaching the point where the risks of refusing help are greater than
the risks of accepting it.

I bet there was a hell of a long time when she was afraid to say
anything to anyone, anywhere. If venting on an anonymous newsgroup
helps her work through it in her real-world life, she ought to post
again and again any details she wants until she feels done. It's
healthy if it helps her in the real world, which is the one that
matters. FAQ, schmaq.

lm

"Bebelestrnge0721" wrote in message
...
Subject: To interfere or not to

snip


I will agree that dredging up the past and continuosly "going there" is
not the
most healthy thing to do. I will say for many years I too had to repeat
myself
"my story" so to speak to people involved in my life, because I needed for
them
to understand "me" I too come from a very long history of abuses, from my
mother to my ex-husband physical, verbal and sexual abuse, I do not fling
it
out there to just anyone, I do though explain
"me" to people I have built a caring relationship with.

See that's what I don't get. I have many people who I'm close to, and I've
been through some rough patches in my life but I don't tell them the gory
details about what happened, especially not to a bunch of virtual strangers.
I mean if someone asks me why I'm no longer with my ex, I just say I left
due to some physical and mental abuse. I don't dredge up every last detail
about what happened to me because I don't think it has any bearing on who I
am today as a person. Sure I'm a survivor, but a graphic description isn't
necessary for people to know that.

I know Christine for
what I have gathered so far of her posts means to help and like others
here
that mean to help they come off to be judgemental and mean to those of us
that
are hurting and broken and come for advice. Some people you just can not
teach
the thick skin to and will always be hurt by what you say, I myself can be
very
sensitive, something I hate about myself, cause when I am hurt I become a
nasty
bitch for protection. I have lost friendships over being hurt when all I
could
do was lash out in anger. I did it here, I may do it again one day but it
is
something I am working on.

Yes I understand that, and I too can be sensitive about certain subjects. I
don't know, maybe a part of it is I don't want to hear all the gory details
about what someone went through because one, it's none of my business, two
it's like a "oh I've had it so rough in my life." well what's that got to do
with anything? I'm sure every single person in here has had something awful
happen to them and frankly comparing horror stories isn't why I come here.
I'm probably being really insensitive but this isn't the place for that, and
that's my point.

Christine

Sly kitten try to understand what is said here by
all is meant to help , I know sometimes you just can not see that and yes
I am
inclined to put things out in a more compassionate way, but I do
understand
that all people are not built that way and that does not mean what they
say to
you is an outright attack. Yes I still feel a little insecure with some of
the
statements that have been made to me here , but the big picture I see is
not so
bad. It is all about survival, it is a dog eat dog world, and mice get
eaten by
the lion . We have to move past the past horrors in our lives and lay them
to
rest.
Bev

Well it's obviously way too fresh for her if she's so sensitive that any
criticism has her flinging people into her kill file. She's still
identifying with it and that's not healthy either.

Christine

"Lisa" wrote in message
news

"CME" wrote in message
news:bnf7d.473$MV5.219@clgrps13...

"Lisa" wrote in message
...

"CME" wrote in message
news:9i47d.965$j24.459@clgrps12...

"slykitten" wrote in message
...
I honestly don't know what I would do. See, my exhusband was deaf but
that
didn't stop him from trying to stab me or pull a gun on me... it
didn't
stop him from sexually assaulting me or throwing things at me. My
neighbor
was also kinda in your shoes because she'd hear me scream
hysterically
at
my
ex to put down the knife he was holding or whatever and she would
call
the
cops.... only, she'd remain anonomyous. Since there is a child
involved,
I'd
recommend that you do notify the authorities but ask that you remain
anonomyous. This way that abusive SOB doesn't direct his nastiness
towards
you... it could have come from any one of the other neighbors... but
only
the one who made the call would know who it truly was. does that
make
sense?
I hope this helps....

--
"Many have forgotten this truth, but you must not forget it.
You remain responsible, forever, for what you have tamed."
~Antoine de Saint-Exupery

No offence but you frequently bring up your past abuse. We've all
been
through tough situations, I just question why you feel the need to let
everyone else know. I'm not talking about the abuse in general but
the
specifics you seem to present quite frequently in your posts. I don't
know,
maybe it's just me but I find that odd.

Christine



Oh fer $$$ sakes Christine, can this girl not post without you
following
up
with the above nonsense? Just move along to the next post or ignore
her
entirely.

Lisa

I've ignored it for a few weeks and slamming her ex for whatever he's
done
has no place here. Read the FAQ.

Christine



I beg to differ, but, whatever. I hardly think she was slamming,
furthermore, the things that her husband did are relevant to the
discussion.

As for the FAQ comment, don't be so condescending. You may type how you
roll your eyes, well, you've been making me shake my head alot.

Lisa

Go back and read her posts. Nearly everyone has her telling us about how
horrible her life is/was. Frankly I don't care if you're shaking your head,
I'm intolerant of "woe is me" people lately and I'm entitled to my opinion,
insensitive as it may be. If she wants to relive her horror stories, she
should get a counsellor because posting on a single parents newsgroup isn't
the place for it.

Christine

=) thanks! My reply was the way it was because in a lot of ways, I wish I
had someone who stepped up when I was afraid to. I know that in the end my
decision to leave was the right one and yes, It was terrifying. I can't
remember who said it but I remember a quote that went something along these
lines: "Domestic Violence is Terrorism in the Home." I think it fits.

--
"Many have forgotten this truth, but you must not forget it.
You remain responsible, forever, for what you have tamed."
~Antoine de Saint-Exupery
"lm" wrote in message
...
On Sun, 03 Oct 2004 01:19:18 GMT, "CME"
wrote:


"lm" wrote in message
.. .
On Fri, 01 Oct 2004 16:10:14 GMT, "CME"
wrote:


"lm" wrote in message
...
On Fri, 01 Oct 2004 03:37:41 GMT, "CME"
wrote:


"slykitten" wrote in message
...
I honestly don't know what I would do. See, my exhusband was deaf
but
that
didn't stop him from trying to stab me or pull a gun on me... it
didn't
stop him from sexually assaulting me or throwing things at me. My
neighbor
was also kinda in your shoes because she'd hear me scream
hysterically
at
my
ex to put down the knife he was holding or whatever and she would
call
the
cops.... only, she'd remain anonomyous. Since there is a child
involved,
I'd
recommend that you do notify the authorities but ask that you
remain
anonomyous. This way that abusive SOB doesn't direct his nastiness
towards
you... it could have come from any one of the other neighbors...
but
only
the one who made the call would know who it truly was. does that
make
sense?
I hope this helps....

--
"Many have forgotten this truth, but you must not forget it.
You remain responsible, forever, for what you have tamed."
~Antoine de Saint-Exupery

No offence but you frequently bring up your past abuse. We've all
been
through tough situations, I just question why you feel the need to
let
everyone else know. I'm not talking about the abuse in general but
the
specifics you seem to present quite frequently in your posts. I
don't
know,
maybe it's just me but I find that odd.


You've got to be kidding me. Why don't we just skip the actual
sentences and use a multiple-choice format so everyone posts the same
way.

lm

No I'm just asking why she feels the need to revel in victim mode. I
find
full disclosure to a bunch of strangers odd, when this isn't an abuse
forum.
It's like sitting on the bus and someone starts telling me their life
story
because I asked them how they were.

It's nothing like that. It was related to the OP, whereas your
comments aren't.


How are the specifics of her abuse relevant? That's my point. Not that
she
was abused but the constant "my ex did this to me" post.

Your point was not about the relevancy of her post, but that you think
she ought not post about what her ex did to her. Her ex abused her and
the amount of abuse and the length of time she endured it have
everything to do with what victims of abuse will put up with before
reaching the point where the risks of refusing help are greater than
the risks of accepting it.

I bet there was a hell of a long time when she was afraid to say
anything to anyone, anywhere. If venting on an anonymous newsgroup
helps her work through it in her real-world life, she ought to post
again and again any details she wants until she feels done. It's
healthy if it helps her in the real world, which is the one that
matters. FAQ, schmaq.

lm