Dealing with bully behavior

"Cele" wrote in message

, if he's ever had tubes, CAPD is definitely
something to check.

Somethnig makes me think that I know what this response is going to be.

Dennis

"Istara" wrote in message


He's on his third set of tubes - he has what are called "T-tubes"

Why am I not surprised.


Maybe Dennis is right and I'm overreacting but, then again, maybe he's
not. I'll feel better having my son screened and knowing for sure,

But you still don't know for sure.

it
won't hurt him a bit,

Yes it will

It would have made MY life a lot easier to know about it early
on, that there was a physical cause for my always misunderstanding what
people said and/or meant, instead of spending so many years thinking
there was just "something wrong with me" in a psychological or emotional
sense. It plays hell with a person's self-esteem.

So what do you think it may be doing to a nine year old to be hauled in
front of one so called "expert" after another all of whom, by your own
admission, have come up with differing diagnosis?

What do YOU yourself think?
Did you start the whole proceedure off yourself because of his behaviour or
did the suggestion come from school? Your family doctor? family? friends?
Go back to the begining for me please.

Dennis

"Joelle" wrote in message

You sound like the hypacondriac who wanted his epitaph to be "I told you
so"

Wow. A couple of posts and not only can you diagnose her son better than
her
doctors, you can diagnose her.

I did not diagnose anything.
I said "You sound like"

Please read more carefully.

Dennis

"Joelle" wrote in message

Dennis, ......... has a particular world view and anything that
doesn't fit his world view, well it doesn't exist.

Better a world view than a blinkered view :-p

Dennis

I still keep cayenne pepper in
the kitchen, and use it as often for behavior modification (most
recently with the dog)

Oh my gosh. I missed this? You use cayenne pepper for BEHAVIOR
MODIFICATION???

This is wrong. I'm sorry . It is wrong wrong wrong. It's wrong for the dog,
nevermind a kid.

I had a babysitter that abused me and hot sauce was only one of the ways she
did it.

It's wrong wrong wrong and you can't convince me otherwise.

OMG

Horrified...

Joelle
The world is a book and those who do not travel read only one page - St
Augustine
Joelle

denanson wrote:
"Istara" wrote in message

Some snipped


I've heard of true ADHD kids describe the medication as 'making my
engine stop revving," and similar analogies. It seems to be that

They were evaluated daily for conduct, on a color scale. Green for a
good day, no problems; Yellow for a day when they got reprimanded once
for something but were otherwise okay; Red for two reprimands and they
lost recess time; black for major infractions that warranted being sent
to the principal's office. The way he put it, that first day, was, "Mom,
this Green Day medicine is GREAT! I had green all day, I got all my
class work done, and the teacher said she thought I was glued to my
chair 'cause I didn't fidget much all day!"


Are you seriously trying to say that a school teacher had major input into
what and how much medication should be taken?

His school teacher, the school nurse, the school counselor, and others
who dealt with him at school, had input in that they kept a log of daily
behavioral observations on him and forwarded the information to his
pediatrician, who correlated it with daily observation logs kept by
myself, my son's father, and other family members and non-family members
who came in contact with him on a regular basis, along with data gleaned
from a pretty extensive physical exam, lab work ups and HER observations
of his medical and behavioral history, and the observations and
considered opinions of a child psychologist and a family counselor who
had several meetings with my son alone and with my son, my self, and my
son's father as a family unit, before deciding on probably diagnosis and
proposed course of treatment.

I won't ask what kind of irresponsible twit you think I am, as it's
pretty obvious by your responses.

Who decides what is "good" behavior and on what basis is it judged?
What warrents a reprimand?

Unfortunately, the school teachers and administrators, in the school
setting.

Sheesh! A crap inificient teacher who has no control over a class of normal,
active 9 year olds gets to increase their medication?

Nope, fortunately not. All they can do is call home, write letters to
the parents, and suggest that we may want to have him re-evaluated.
Which re-evaluation is something his pediatrician insists on at least
every six months, to make certain that the Rx is neither over- or
under-strengthed for the need.



This is still the way it is. The pediatrician said the diagnosis would
be considered tentative until we saw how he reacted to the meds, but
that it would be obvious within a day or two whether it was right or
wrong, by his behavior.


********! If the child is drugged up their behaviour is bound to change.

You're right, behavior is bound to change. With the medications in use,
at least in the U.S., at this time, a child with a true Dx of ADHD will
be visibly calmer and more in control of their emotional responses when
taking Adderall and/or similar drugs, while a child without ADHD will be
visibly more agitated and out of control.



They may be misdiagnosed, but they do look different to the
experienced eye. Kids with ADHD have tremendous difficulty attending,
even when they want to. They might, for example, find a particular
book very interesting, yet they can't stay with it. THey might be
enjoying a TV show but get up six times to change the lights, get a
snack, walk around the room, etc.

This is my son to a T.


Not what you said before. You said he sits in front of a computer game for
hours.

No, I said "he'd LIVE by the video game system, if allowed to do so, and
his time is already restricted on school days due to homework, time
constraints, and me insisting we spend at least a LITTLE bit of family
time together every day." If you'll check the original post, you'll see
this is a direct quote. If you'll check one of the other responses I
made to comments, you'll also note that he usually has at least the
radio/cd player going as well, and sometimes a TV show on top of it.

The video game may run all evening, if allowed, but he certainly doesn't
sit with it the whole time - he's up every few minutes to go to the
bathroom, play in the sink, play with the dog, ask what's for supper,
check out the fridge, look for a snack, find out when the next trip to
the video store will be, etc, ad infinitum. And yet he's always zipping
back to the video game to play for a few more minutes, every second or
third orbit through the house. I'm sorry, I didn't realize that you
needed that much detail to justify a diagnosis made by competent medical
personnel 3 years past.

I think that you may be changing your story to suit the "diagnosis"


they were both
telling each other "I don't like you anymore. Leave me alone or I'll
punch you." And a teacher walked into the boys' bathroom just in time to
hear my son say this to the other boy,


Was it the same teacher who wants to drug your child?

I'm not sure how you got the impression that the teacher wants to drug
my child. She doesn't, that I'm aware of, and if what I've written in
earlier posts gave that impression, then I apologize for misleading
anyone. I don't know which teacher came in on the tail end of their
argument - the school official that called me about the incident didn't
say which teacher it was, and it didn't occur to me to ask.



I still keep cayenne pepper in
the kitchen, and use it as often for behavior modification (most
recently with the dog)


And someone thinks your son is a bully?
I wonder where he might have learnt it.


Ever have a dog tip the trash, repeatedly, when you're out of the house
and can't catch them at it? Mix a little cayenne pepper in water, spritz
it on top of the trash, and leave it where the animal can get to it.
After a time or two of their nose getting stung, they stop getting into
the trash. It's harmless to the dog (at least, our veterinarian claims
it is, but who is he to know, he's just an animal doctor?), inexpensive,
and very effective. We used a similar method to break my 14 year old
step brother from stealing cigarettes out of people's open packs and
smoking them in the bathroom, then denying he'd had anything to do with
it. Mixed up cayenne water, dipped the end of a couple of cigarettes in
it, let them dry, and then slipped them into an open pack in a position
where they'd be the most accessible, and left it lying about unguarded.
Next morning, dear step-brother was heard to be coughing, gagging and
running a LOT of water in the bathroom sink. And cigarettes stopped
disappearing out of open packs.

Interstingly, cayenne is also good for cold feet. Sprinkle a little in
your socks or slippers on a cold morning and it will help your feet to
keep warm - capsicum, the active chemical that gives cayenne it's spicy
heat, encourages blood circulation.


At home, though... You'd never know the same person lived in
my house as worked in my work area. As efficient and organized as I am
at work, I am that much inefficient and disorganized at home,


and then


I've finally gotten my son into the habit of putting his schoolbag and
shoes right next to the front door every evening, so it's right there
where it can't be missed in the morning. He gets "reward points" for
doing it without having to be reminded, then can trade points in for
things like renting a video or getting McDonald's for supper,


Why should he when, in your own words, you live in a "disorganised" and
"inefficient" home environment.
Why not lead by example then you can just ask your son to keep his school
bag and shoes in a particular place.
Again, who is the bully here?

Dennis


Go back and read again, Dennis. I've made note that I have been working
on improving my organization and efficiency skills at home. It's a long
haul, but I am getting there.

As far as who the bully is, you've been displaying more "bully" behavior
than I have, on this. Have I done something to you specifically that's
gotten you so honked off, or are you just having a bad week? I don't
expect everyone in the world to like me or to be nice to me, but you
don't appear to have even bothered to read what I've posted completely,
just picked out the bits that you wanted to see, decided I was a worthy
target for aggression, and started firing away. What's the deal with that?

~ Dor

ixed up cayenne water, dipped the end of a couple of cigarettes in
it, let them dry, and then slipped them into an open pack in a position
where they'd be the most accessible, and left it lying about unguarded.

Okay, maybe I overreacted. I still think it's a little harsh for the dog. And
maybe you shouldn't be advocating pepepr for "behavior modification" on a
parenting ng, might give people the wrong idea, not just about you, but they
may think, "well she does it so I guess it's okay."

It's not.

Joelle
The world is a book and those who do not travel read only one page - St
Augustine
Joelle

denanson wrote:

"Istara" wrote in message


He's on his third set of tubes - he has what are called "T-tubes"


Why am I not surprised.
Maybe because you appear to have pre-judged everything I've posted so
far without bothering to read all of it or ask questions for further
information prior to the end of this current response?



Maybe Dennis is right and I'm overreacting but, then again, maybe he's
not. I'll feel better having my son screened and knowing for sure,


But you still don't know for sure.

Don't yet. May not, even after having him screened. Can't possibly if
it's never checked out.


it
won't hurt him a bit,


Yes it will

How do you figure? Screening for CAPD isn't a lot different from the
normal, annual hearing screening most kids get, and can be done as part
of the normal screening (for which he'll be due in another month or so).

It would have made MY life a lot easier to know about it early

on, that there was a physical cause for my always misunderstanding what
people said and/or meant, instead of spending so many years thinking
there was just "something wrong with me" in a psychological or emotional
sense. It plays hell with a person's self-esteem.


So what do you think it may be doing to a nine year old to be hauled in
front of one so called "expert" after another all of whom, by your own
admission, have come up with differing diagnosis?

I don't recall stating that he'd been "hauled in front of one so called
"expert" after another", nor admitting that they've all come up with
different diagnoses. In fact, as I DO recall stating, the pediatrician
coordinated the ADHD study and diagnosis, using information gleaned from
daily observation over a period of time by people who were in regular
contact with my son - his teachers, family members, friends of the
family, etc. - and from a behavioral evaluation with a child
psychologist (who was presented simply as one of her associates) and a
family counselor, to rule out psychologically based emotional problems,
and from her own observations of him and the results of a pretty
thorough check-up and lab work-up to rule out other potential organic
causes.

What do YOU yourself think?
Did you start the whole proceedure off yourself because of his behaviour or
did the suggestion come from school? Your family doctor? family? friends?
Go back to the begining formeplease.

Dennis


Back to the beginning... "In the beginning, the world was without form
and void..." (sigh) I'm not going into detailed response, here. I
started to, then realized that it really doesn't matter what I say to
you, you've already set your mind on the subject and nothing I say will
change your opinions.

I appreciate the fact that you have an opinion and are willing to state
it, I don't appreciate the manner in which you *have* stated it, as it
has seemed rather personally aggressive rather than directed at what's
been said, and I'm not going to argue with you over it on a newsgroup.
If you want to discuss it further, please read the *whole* post instead
of picking out the bits and pieces that inflame your anger and ignoring
the rest, direct a response at the post instead of the poster, and I'll
be glad to respond further.

~ Dor

On Fri, 24 Sep 2004 19:41:07 +0100, "denanson" Dennis@Large .ie
wrote:


"Joelle" wrote in message

You sound like the hypacondriac who wanted his epitaph to be "I told you
so"

Wow. A couple of posts and not only can you diagnose her son better than
her
doctors, you can diagnose her.

I did not diagnose anything.
I said "You sound like"

Please read more carefully.

Dennis

Well, Dennis, at the risk of ****ing you off, you're sounding pretty
snotty and judgemental.

I'm sure you're *not*....you just *sound like* it.

JMO,OC

Cele

On Fri, 24 Sep 2004 19:27:38 +0100, "denanson" Dennis@Large .ie
wrote:


"Cele" wrote in message

Why would that warrant an insult?

You call that an insult?

Dennis

Was I in some way vague?

Cele