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#1
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Suggestions for parents in need of advice-
In the absence of any regular advice --here is some that doesn't
support punishing parents who don't follow them to the letter. I do not support the reform of reasonable force statutes that lead to punitive measures for parents who may use discipline within the current legal limits (this would include but is not limited to physical restraint to protect a child from harm or self or others). 50 Suggestions (taken from a "cohort" site): Positive Discipline:* 50 Principles & Alternatives to Punishment Principle #1: Decode the message behind the misbehavior Principle #2: Understand WHY the behavior is occurring Principle #3: Help the child calm down by staying calm and speaking calmly Principle #4: Explain to the child how his/her behavior affects others Principle #5: If possible, alter the precipitating factors that led to the behavior Principle #6: Discuss together a non-punitive consequence for the behavior that is logical to the behavior Principle #7: Carry out what you promised to carry out when you promised to do so Principle #8: Do not nag, lecture, threaten or use sarcasm Principle #9: Praise efforts and reward success Principle #10: If the behavior begins to occur again, give a reminder of why the behavior is not appropriate- you will need to be consistent over time Principle #11: Unless the behavior involves harming self, others or property, give three warnings "1,2,3..." Principle #12: Immediately follow through with the consequence with a brief restating of the infraction in a firm (but friendly) tone Principle #13: Discuss with the child what occurred, why it wasn't acceptable and how it can be prevented in the future. Principle #14: Let the child voice his/her feelings freely without judgment Principle #15: Help the child to understand that he/she is a good, acceptable person and that the behavior, not the child, is unacceptable- accept young people unconditionally regardless of their behavior Principle #16: Remember what it was like to be at the child's age. Refrain from tacking adult meanings and connotations onto childish behavior Principle #17: Read up on child and adolescent development and find out if what you are expecting is developmentally appropriate- or if the misbehavior is age-appropriate behavior Principle #18: Understand each child's individual capabilities, needs and circumstances and modify your expectations and approaches accordingly Principle #19: If the child has multiple negative behaviors, only focus on modifying those that are most destructive to self, others and property Principle #20: Empower children with acceptable choices- don't just tell them what they CAN'T do- give them acceptable alternatives Principle #21: Use re-direction, distraction and selective ignoring for minor infractions Principle #22: Use of the toilet should be viewed as a necessary right, not a privilege- promote health and healthy attitudes towards the body by honoring this right- if children misuse the bathroom pass in school, have them use the toilet in the nurse's office for one week as a consequence Principle #23: Decode the need the child is trying to meet by his/her misbehavior and help them meet that need by acceptable means Principle #24: If the child is out of control, guide them to a quiet area to calm down before discussing the problem Principle #25: If a child must be placed in a "time out", do not impose a time limit- let the child come out when he/she is ready- never leave a young child unsupervised- never close a child into a frightening room- do not banish the child Principle #26: If the child comes out of a "time out" prematurely, state that it looks as if he/she is ready to behave appropriately and give them that chance- avoid forcing them back in unless the behavior starts up again Principle #27: Children often misbehave when they lack attention- give them the attention they need and deserve- including hugging, patting the back, ruffling the hair, high fives, etc. Principle #28: Rather than give "do not" messages, state what you would like to see instead Principle #29: Principle #30: If physical restraint is necessary to avoid an attack against the self or others, do so progressively, in stages beginning with a verbal warning, increased physical proximity, followed by a hand on the shoulder and then a gentle hand on the arm, progressing with as little restraint as possible to keep the child from harming self or others Principle #31: If the child shows lack of attention and restlessness, evaluate whether the activities you provide are stimulating, exciting, involving and appropriate to the learning style and intelligence needs of the child Principle #32: Discuss the importance of verbalizing feelings rather than acting on impulses- model this! Principle #33: Principle #34: Model the behaviors you want to see your children emulate Principle #35: Do not engage in conduct that you don't allow in your children Principle #36: If your child has consistent behavioral problems do your best to alleviate the causes- enforce only necessary limits and cut away unnecessary rules and inflexible ways of doing things Principle #37: Teach and model positive, healthy guilt and remorse that leads to restitution and responsibility- teach and model good social skills Principle #38: Never shame, belittle or humiliate your child- help them build a positive self-image and a healthy self-esteem Principle #39: Admit when you've made mistakes and apologize to your child Principle #40: Teach and model that violence is not acceptable, including that it is never acceptable for adults to hit children Principle #41: Be involved with the media your child is viewing and discuss what they see and why it is positive or negative Principle #42: The rule about gaining respect is to earn it- you earn it from a child by giving it to them Principle #43: Help a frequently errant child succeed by giving him/her small steps towards a goal that ensures success- never give up on a kid! Principle #44: Do guide children and do not leave them to regulate their own behavior- children feel unsafe when there are no limits at all- spend more time with them Principle #45: Tune in to, rather than ignore, physical and verbal cues that something is bothering a child Principle #46: Deescalate a problem before the child gets out of control- be aware of the warning signs of escalating behavior Principle #47: Treat boys with the same dignity and caring, gentle, loving concern that you treat girls with- do not discipline boys for a behavior that you allow girls to get away with- do not tolerate sexist attitudes in girls that you wouldn't allow boys to get away with- do not put gender restrictions on toys, emotions, hobbies and activities Principle #48: Avoid power struggles and verbal fights with older kids- negotiate democratically when possible Principle #49: Honor a child's need for autonomy and power over some aspects of his/her decisions- let them make decisions where appropriate Principle #50: Above all, treat all children with dignity and respect by refraining from using negative, punitive and violent methods of control- Use positive methods that promote critical thinking and show love, caring, empathy, understanding and patience towards all children --I'm interested in hearing from those of you who are not supportive of the "cohort" agenda to punish parents through revoking the reasonable force statutes on the books. Here in TX we are keeping an eye on them when they try to harm families by extending the control of laws to further limit family rights and by putting kids at greater risk.--I am not interested in any contact with the"cohort" and have boycotted any conversations with them for several years now. Their agenda is all to obvious and very harmful to families.--The only point we agree on is that spanking is not needed to discipline kids--beyond that they beat the drum for their singular cause (spanking = child abuse---no matter what and parents who use it should be punished). They support full equal--political, social rights for kids and have posted as much. Keep an eye on them in your community.-Non-spanker by choice Chris C. TX -The above list came from a website by Laurie A. Couture. |
#2
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Suggestions for parents in need of advice-
What great suggestions, Chris C. What I cannot understand is your
persistent lie that those of us who oppose the use of corporal punishment and advocate legally banning the practice are somehow supporting statutes that would no longer allow a parent to restrain a child to protect the child from harming self or others. This was a lie the first time you tried the logic years ago and it remains a lie. Legally banning spanking is exactly that. Legally banning spanking. This means corporal punishment is legally banned. Restraining a child is not corporal punishment. You are the individual cannot seem to differentiate between what has been proposed and your paranoid view that this somehow revokes all "reasonable force" statutes. This is ignorant, Chris C. The "cohort" that you have been referring to for at least 6 years has never been defined, and you have been called on the overgeneralization many times. Many of us oppose corporal punishment yet not all of us agree on what should be done. I firmly believe in a law that provides children the same protection from physical assault that is enjoyed by every adult in this society. This means legally banning corporal punishment. This does not mean punishing parents, it means educating parents. And it means changing societal norms that view children as legally hittable under law. You know this for I have explained this to you for many years. I thank you for the opportunity to once again explain my position. LaVonne "Chris C." wrote: In the absence of any regular advice --here is some that doesn't support punishing parents who don't follow them to the letter. I do not support the reform of reasonable force statutes that lead to punitive measures for parents who may use discipline within the current legal limits (this would include but is not limited to physical restraint to protect a child from harm or self or others). 50 Suggestions (taken from a "cohort" site): Positive Discipline:* 50 Principles & Alternatives to Punishment Principle #1: Decode the message behind the misbehavior Principle #2: Understand WHY the behavior is occurring Principle #3: Help the child calm down by staying calm and speaking calmly Principle #4: Explain to the child how his/her behavior affects others Principle #5: If possible, alter the precipitating factors that led to the behavior Principle #6: Discuss together a non-punitive consequence for the behavior that is logical to the behavior Principle #7: Carry out what you promised to carry out when you promised to do so Principle #8: Do not nag, lecture, threaten or use sarcasm Principle #9: Praise efforts and reward success Principle #10: If the behavior begins to occur again, give a reminder of why the behavior is not appropriate- you will need to be consistent over time Principle #11: Unless the behavior involves harming self, others or property, give three warnings "1,2,3..." Principle #12: Immediately follow through with the consequence with a brief restating of the infraction in a firm (but friendly) tone Principle #13: Discuss with the child what occurred, why it wasn't acceptable and how it can be prevented in the future. Principle #14: Let the child voice his/her feelings freely without judgment Principle #15: Help the child to understand that he/she is a good, acceptable person and that the behavior, not the child, is unacceptable- accept young people unconditionally regardless of their behavior Principle #16: Remember what it was like to be at the child's age. Refrain from tacking adult meanings and connotations onto childish behavior Principle #17: Read up on child and adolescent development and find out if what you are expecting is developmentally appropriate- or if the misbehavior is age-appropriate behavior Principle #18: Understand each child's individual capabilities, needs and circumstances and modify your expectations and approaches accordingly Principle #19: If the child has multiple negative behaviors, only focus on modifying those that are most destructive to self, others and property Principle #20: Empower children with acceptable choices- don't just tell them what they CAN'T do- give them acceptable alternatives Principle #21: Use re-direction, distraction and selective ignoring for minor infractions Principle #22: Use of the toilet should be viewed as a necessary right, not a privilege- promote health and healthy attitudes towards the body by honoring this right- if children misuse the bathroom pass in school, have them use the toilet in the nurse's office for one week as a consequence Principle #23: Decode the need the child is trying to meet by his/her misbehavior and help them meet that need by acceptable means Principle #24: If the child is out of control, guide them to a quiet area to calm down before discussing the problem Principle #25: If a child must be placed in a "time out", do not impose a time limit- let the child come out when he/she is ready- never leave a young child unsupervised- never close a child into a frightening room- do not banish the child Principle #26: If the child comes out of a "time out" prematurely, state that it looks as if he/she is ready to behave appropriately and give them that chance- avoid forcing them back in unless the behavior starts up again Principle #27: Children often misbehave when they lack attention- give them the attention they need and deserve- including hugging, patting the back, ruffling the hair, high fives, etc. Principle #28: Rather than give "do not" messages, state what you would like to see instead Principle #29: Principle #30: If physical restraint is necessary to avoid an attack against the self or others, do so progressively, in stages beginning with a verbal warning, increased physical proximity, followed by a hand on the shoulder and then a gentle hand on the arm, progressing with as little restraint as possible to keep the child from harming self or others Principle #31: If the child shows lack of attention and restlessness, evaluate whether the activities you provide are stimulating, exciting, involving and appropriate to the learning style and intelligence needs of the child Principle #32: Discuss the importance of verbalizing feelings rather than acting on impulses- model this! Principle #33: Principle #34: Model the behaviors you want to see your children emulate Principle #35: Do not engage in conduct that you don't allow in your children Principle #36: If your child has consistent behavioral problems do your best to alleviate the causes- enforce only necessary limits and cut away unnecessary rules and inflexible ways of doing things Principle #37: Teach and model positive, healthy guilt and remorse that leads to restitution and responsibility- teach and model good social skills Principle #38: Never shame, belittle or humiliate your child- help them build a positive self-image and a healthy self-esteem Principle #39: Admit when you've made mistakes and apologize to your child Principle #40: Teach and model that violence is not acceptable, including that it is never acceptable for adults to hit children Principle #41: Be involved with the media your child is viewing and discuss what they see and why it is positive or negative Principle #42: The rule about gaining respect is to earn it- you earn it from a child by giving it to them Principle #43: Help a frequently errant child succeed by giving him/her small steps towards a goal that ensures success- never give up on a kid! Principle #44: Do guide children and do not leave them to regulate their own behavior- children feel unsafe when there are no limits at all- spend more time with them Principle #45: Tune in to, rather than ignore, physical and verbal cues that something is bothering a child Principle #46: Deescalate a problem before the child gets out of control- be aware of the warning signs of escalating behavior Principle #47: Treat boys with the same dignity and caring, gentle, loving concern that you treat girls with- do not discipline boys for a behavior that you allow girls to get away with- do not tolerate sexist attitudes in girls that you wouldn't allow boys to get away with- do not put gender restrictions on toys, emotions, hobbies and activities Principle #48: Avoid power struggles and verbal fights with older kids- negotiate democratically when possible Principle #49: Honor a child's need for autonomy and power over some aspects of his/her decisions- let them make decisions where appropriate Principle #50: Above all, treat all children with dignity and respect by refraining from using negative, punitive and violent methods of control- Use positive methods that promote critical thinking and show love, caring, empathy, understanding and patience towards all children --I'm interested in hearing from those of you who are not supportive of the "cohort" agenda to punish parents through revoking the reasonable force statutes on the books. Here in TX we are keeping an eye on them when they try to harm families by extending the control of laws to further limit family rights and by putting kids at greater risk.--I am not interested in any contact with the"cohort" and have boycotted any conversations with them for several years now. Their agenda is all to obvious and very harmful to families.--The only point we agree on is that spanking is not needed to discipline kids--beyond that they beat the drum for their singular cause (spanking = child abuse---no matter what and parents who use it should be punished). They support full equal--political, social rights for kids and have posted as much. Keep an eye on them in your community.-Non-spanker by choice Chris C. TX -The above list came from a website by Laurie A. Couture. |
#3
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Suggestions for parents in need of advice-
Take time for your children.
Love them. Let them know they are the most precious thing in the world to you. Honor their choices. Remember they are only LITTLE for such a short time. Expose them to nature, the glory of geese on the wing, the lapping of water against their feet, and turn off the TV and video games. Let them know that their help is meaningful and important to the family. Let them contribute toward making family life better. Don't do things for them. Empower them to learn to experience the natural consequences of homework, school projects, and sports. Teach them to be passionate about something. Whether it be music, or performing, school and community service, let them know that they are vital and necessary part of a larger community other than their immediate family. |
#4
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Suggestions for parents in need of advice-
Fern5827 wrote: Take time for your children. And make this time quality time. Spanking takes time also, but it is hardly quality time. Love them. Let them know they are the most precious thing in the world to you. And don't hit them. It's hard for a little child to believe that parents would hit and hurt the most precious thing in the world to them. Honor their choices. Remember they are only LITTLE for such a short time. And do not hit, hurt, ridicule or humiliate them when you disapprove of their choices. Remember, you are there to guide and teach, not to hit and hurt. Expose them to nature, the glory of geese on the wing, the lapping of water against their feet, and turn off the TV and video games. Expose them to nature and to technology. It's all part of their world. Help them become enjoyers of nature, wise consumers, and proficient in both nature and technology. Let them know that their help is meaningful and important to the family. Let them contribute toward making family life better. Do that by not shaming and belittling them with words or by hitting them. Don't do things for them. Empower them to learn to experience the natural consequences of homework, school projects, and sports. Do things for them that they cannot yet do. Teach and who them how to do things. Do not hit or hurt them for not being able to do things. Empower them to experience the natural consequences of their choices. Spanking is never a natural consequence. Teach them to be passionate about something. Whether it be music, or performing, school and community service, let them know that they are vital and necessary part of a larger community other than their immediate family. Teach them to be passionate about something. This can include music, performing, school and community service. This can also include passion for others. Being part of a larger community means growing up to care about how others are treated, including children. Maybe they will grow up to fight against the injustice of a society's failure to protect minor children from physical assault, especially when the society provides this protection to everyone over the age of 18. LaVonne |
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