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#21
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anyone got any good jokes? Feeling a bit bitter today...
Carol Ann wrote:
Hope you enjoyed those!!! Oh yes, especially the first one! This has been great! Thanks everyone for the jokes! Ahhhh, laughter really is the best medicine. |
#22
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anyone got any good jokes? Feeling a bit bitter today...
A&G&K wrote in message ... "Vicky Bilaniuk" wrote in message .. . I could check out RHF, but I'm wondering if anyone here has any good jokes to share. I just got robbed and I'm feeling rather bitchy, bitter, and plain ****ed off. I could use a little cheering up. Don't worry, the damage is minimal, but *emotionally*... I'm very very very ****ed off. This has happened to me before in this town. I wish we could move away but DH doesn't want to drive, so he needs to be close enough to use the bus. I don't know what's wrong with people these days. That just stinks Vicky. I saw a doco on bank robbers a few weeks back, and they couldn't understand how traumatised people could get from being there while the did their "job". None of the tellers cared much about the money stolen, but were much more concerned about the impact on their emotions. ... Ok this isn't really a joke in the true sense of the word, more of an urban myth, and is very very poor taste considering the circumstances, but I did laugh I admit it..... A friend of ours had noticed a rattling of windows in his bedroom and snuck down the hallway to see what was going on. As he peeped into his bedroom, he saw a man climb in through the window. The man didn't notice him and began rifling through his belongings. Our friend immediately called the police to report the break-in and that the person was still there. He was told that all available officers were on assignment and he could expect someone to come in about 3 hours. "3 hours!" he was horrified as he knew that they would never catch the thief. .... so (and this is the truly off part) ... he called the police back and said: "I called 5 minutes ago about a break-in and just wanted to let you know that its OK, you don't need to hurry here. I've shot the *******!" He was impressed to see five police on his doorstep within 2 minutes. .... Of course he hadn't actually shot anyone, but it sure did make the police come quick. That did approximately happen he I saw the report in Sunday Times. It was a garden shed broken into and the police said they'd no one to send. When the (armed!) police arrived after he'd said he shot them they said "I thought you said that you'd shot them" to which he replied "I thought you said you had no one available to send!" which was a very good reply! The article also got read out on the News Quiz (BBC Radio 4), but we did see the original! Debbie Told you it was in poor taste, but I hope you got a giggle. Amanda -- DD 15th August 2002 1 tiny angel Nov 2003 EDD 19th August 2004 |
#23
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anyone got any good jokes? Feeling a bit bitter today...
I am going to be evil and top-post.
Sorry to hear about everyone's theft problems...I'll add my story here as well. Just after I found out I was pregnant a liitle over 3 years ago our house was broken into. To date there are no suspects. This is how it apparently happened (mid day): the perp kicked in my front door (steel) and then closed it behind him. He opened my garage door from the inside and drove his vehicle in, closing the door behind it so he wouldn't be interupted. He stole our TV, most of our jewelry (including our H.S. class rings and a sterling silver (German) charm bracelet that had belonged to an aunt of mine, lawn and garden equipment, about $20 in change,and I can't recall what else at the moment. He/she/they left a huge mess from going through our drawers...they just dumped everything on the floors and beds and picked up what they wanted. They tried to take our computer...but were unable to unhook it. In leaving they left the garage door open and one of our neighbors noticed and called the police. The officer went in to look...while my husband and I were on our way home...and came out to tell the neighbor that everyhthing looked fine...nothing had been taken as far as he could tell. My neighbor peeked in and just couldn't believe what he'd just said...the place was trashed. When we got there he refused to take photos of the door (marred shoe-print) or try to lift prints from anything. We carefully bagged items that the perp had to have touched (like all the junk he'd dumped in the miidle of our bed) and took them to the police for testing. I picked them back up several months later...but it didn't look like they'd been dusted. Definitely makes me wonder who was involved. We installed a monitored alarm system shortly afterward. I'm afraid I don't have a joke...however there is something funny about how my DS answers me when I ask him if he needs to go to the potty (we are trying to potty train)...he waits a moment to answer...then looks at me, grinning and says..."No Mama...all gone." Sigh. aml Vicky Bilaniuk wrote in message ... Welches wrote: Vicky Bilaniuk wrote in message .. . I could check out RHF, but I'm wondering if anyone here has any good jokes to share. I just got robbed and I'm feeling rather bitchy, bitter, and plain ****ed off. I could use a little cheering up. Don't worry, the damage is minimal, but *emotionally*... I'm very very very ****ed off. This has happened to me before in this town. I wish we could move away but DH doesn't want to drive, so he needs to be close enough to use the bus. I don't know what's wrong with people these days. We had an attempted break in on Sat. 4:30am. Phoned the police but he'd gone before they came. Heck! This has one of the smallest crime rates in UK and I'm still feeling rough (and scared). Dh did say that if they cased the joint beforehand they must be stupid on what's worth stealing in our house (anyone that'll take our 8yr old computer...?), and it's not the loss that shook me up, but as you said it's the emotions. hugs Debbie They like going after little things like CDs and jewellery. Games, too, and ID. The easy stuff to carry. Oh, and cash. The one who robbed my apartment was also clearly looking for drugs, since they took random pill bottles that contained nothing of interest (I think I *may* have had a bottle with Tylenol 3 in it, but that was all I had). Later on, they tried to steal my identity and use it to rip off a pharmacy to get some narcotics. The pharmacy alerted the police, who phoned me, and the problem was solved. They tried to rip off another pharmacy, but big mistake: It was the one I used and the pharmacist knew (and still knows) me rather well, so he alerted the police immediately. It's terrible. I just can't believe what some people are willing to do to their fellow citizens. What's worse is when someone tries to rape and/or kill someone. That just sickens me. Oh and unfortunately, now and then, you get big time thieves who use trucks and actually steal not only all of your small stuff, but your furniture, too. Someone a couple of blocks away from us recently had their entire house cleaned out. Once again, the cops are showing little interest. I said to DH today that if ever there was an investigation into the police here, there would probably be a *lot* of corruption uncovered. He said that another professor had actually said the same thing, but this other guy apparently has interesting connections, so what he says might not entirely be based on speculation. Makes me nervous. I hate it when the people you're relying on to protect you aren't trustworthy. I've toyed with the idea of installing security cameras and maybe even hiring a security firm to watch our house (assuming that *they* can be trusted...). Maybe we'll look into that more after the mortgage, which will thankfully be done next year. Cash flow won't be so tight, then, so it might be feasible. The irritating thing is that we don't live in a fancy house, but as I said before, it's little stuff that most of them are interested in. BTW, for the first time in my life, I vacuumed my driveway today. I had to. It was full of broken glass. There's still some there, too, so I'll have to do a second pass. |
#24
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anyone got any good jokes? Feeling a bit bitter today...
aml wrote:
This is how it apparently happened (mid day): the perp kicked in my front door (steel) and then closed it behind him. He opened my garage What failed on the door? I'm curious to know. Was it the knob? Did you have a dead bolt? They didn't actually break the door and/or frame, did they? (these things are important to me, since being in my first ancient house (I'm used to new houses), we're faced with replacing all the doors, and I want to make sure we get some that will at least make it really inconvenient to try to rob us) door from the inside and drove his vehicle in, closing the door behind it so he wouldn't be interupted. He stole our TV, most of our jewelry (including our H.S. class rings and a sterling silver (German) charm I have a great way to discourage theft of jewellery: put it in a box full of thumb tacks, or something else that's sharp. Seriously. I had done that with my two most expensive rings, for some reason, and they were the only ones I had left afterwards. bracelet that had belonged to an aunt of mine, lawn and garden equipment, about $20 in change,and I can't recall what else at the moment. He/she/they left a huge mess from going through our drawers...they just dumped everything on the floors and beds and picked up what they wanted. They tried to take our computer...but were They dumped everything in my place, too. And I mean *everything*. Even closet contents. I spent days washing everything afterwards because I wouldn't wear any of my clothing or use any of my blankets/towels/sheets/etc. My one cat had a serious ball exploring everything, though. The other was so terrifed by the whole ordeal that I didn't see her for hours after I got back. unable to unhook it. In leaving they left the garage door open and one of our neighbors noticed and called the police. The officer went in to look...while my husband and I were on our way home...and came out to tell the neighbor that everyhthing looked fine...nothing had been taken as far as he could tell. My neighbor peeked in and just couldn't believe what he'd just said...the place was trashed. When we got there he refused to take photos of the door (marred shoe-print) or try to lift prints from anything. We carefully bagged items that the perp had to have touched (like all the junk he'd dumped in the miidle of our bed) and took them to the police for testing. I picked them back up several months later...but it didn't look like they'd been dusted. You must have been living in my town. The cop who did the report on my case said that they couldn't take any finger prints because my place was too dirty. Uh, yeah right. I told this to a social worker friend of mine who laughed her head off because they dusted at *her* places all the time, and her kids were wayyyyyy dirtier than I was! (she worked in group homes for troubled teens) Even better was that they didn't want to take the gouge marks on the front door and frame (located around the door knob, of course) seriously. Instead, they blamed me for leaving my never opened balcony door unlocked. (again, uh, yeah right) They also didn't seem to care that when I got home, the front door was actually open wide. I lost thousands of dollars worth of stuff that day, and the cops never once cared. The hock shops never cared, either. I phoned them all and gave them full reports, and at the time I had thought that my two most expensive rings had also been stolen, so their descriptions were included in those reports. Well, when I found them, I brought them in to one place to see what would happen, and they never said a thing. This was only 2 weeks after the theft. I've never set foot in a hock shop again, and I never will. (and interestingly, the one I went to closed down not too long afterwards, but I *know* they were doing good business...) Definitely makes me wonder who was involved. We installed a monitored alarm system shortly afterward. I was thinking of doing the same. But you know, something *really* weird happened yesterday... Just one day (but not even a 24 hour period) after the break-in into my car, I got a call from a security agency that had a special deal for me... I found that *rather* weird. (not that I'm implying that they were involved - actually I'm implying that they somehow saw my name on the report at the police station, hint...heh heh, I'll be sure to never give the police an e-mail address) I'm afraid I don't have a joke...however there is something funny about how my DS answers me when I ask him if he needs to go to the potty (we are trying to potty train)...he waits a moment to answer...then looks at me, grinning and says..."No Mama...all gone." Sigh. Actually I found this to be totally hilarious. Cute, too! |
#25
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anyone got any good jokes? Feeling a bit bitter today...
Welches wrote:
A&G&K wrote in message ... ... Ok this isn't really a joke in the true sense of the word, more of an urban myth, and is very very poor taste considering the circumstances, but I did laugh I admit it..... A friend of ours had noticed a rattling of windows in his bedroom and snuck down the hallway to see what was going on. As he peeped into his bedroom, he saw a man climb in through the window. The man didn't notice him and began rifling through his belongings. Our friend immediately called the police to report the break-in and that the person was still there. He was told that all available officers were on assignment and he could expect someone to come in about 3 hours. "3 hours!" he was horrified as he knew that they would never catch the thief. .... so (and this is the truly off part) ... he called the police back and said: "I called 5 minutes ago about a break-in and just wanted to let you know that its OK, you don't need to hurry here. I've shot the *******!" He was impressed to see five police on his doorstep within 2 minutes. .... Of course he hadn't actually shot anyone, but it sure did make the police come quick. That did approximately happen he I saw the report in Sunday Times. It was a garden shed broken into and the police said they'd no one to send. When the (armed!) police arrived after he'd said he shot them they said "I thought you said that you'd shot them" to which he replied "I thought you said you had no one available to send!" which was a very good reply! The article also got read out on the News Quiz (BBC Radio 4), but we did see the original! Debbie News agencies routinely report urban legends as truth, unfortunately. It's still a good one, though! |
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