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anyone got any good jokes? Feeling a bit bitter today...



 
 
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  #21  
Old March 17th 04, 04:03 AM
Vicky Bilaniuk
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Posts: n/a
Default anyone got any good jokes? Feeling a bit bitter today...

Carol Ann wrote:
Hope you enjoyed those!!!


Oh yes, especially the first one! This has been great! Thanks everyone
for the jokes! Ahhhh, laughter really is the best medicine.

  #22  
Old March 17th 04, 04:42 PM
Welches
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Posts: n/a
Default anyone got any good jokes? Feeling a bit bitter today...


A&G&K wrote in message
...

"Vicky Bilaniuk" wrote in message
.. .
I could check out RHF, but I'm wondering if anyone here has any good
jokes to share. I just got robbed and I'm feeling rather bitchy,
bitter, and plain ****ed off. I could use a little cheering up. Don't
worry, the damage is minimal, but *emotionally*... I'm very very very
****ed off. This has happened to me before in this town. I wish we
could move away but DH doesn't want to drive, so he needs to be close
enough to use the bus. I don't know what's wrong with people these

days.


That just stinks Vicky. I saw a doco on bank robbers a few weeks back,

and
they couldn't understand how traumatised people could get from being there
while the did their "job". None of the tellers cared much about the money
stolen, but were much more concerned about the impact on their emotions.

... Ok this isn't really a joke in the true sense of the word, more of an
urban myth, and is very very poor taste considering the circumstances, but

I
did laugh I admit it.....

A friend of ours had noticed a rattling of windows in his bedroom and

snuck
down the hallway to see what was going on. As he peeped into his bedroom,
he saw a man climb in through the window. The man didn't notice him and
began rifling through his belongings.
Our friend immediately called the police to report the break-in and that

the
person was still there. He was told that all available officers were on
assignment and he could expect someone to come in about 3 hours.
"3 hours!" he was horrified as he knew that they would never catch the
thief.

.... so (and this is the truly off part) ... he called the police back and
said:




"I called 5 minutes ago about a break-in and just wanted to let you know
that its OK, you don't need to hurry here. I've shot the *******!" He

was
impressed to see five police on his doorstep within 2 minutes. ....

Of course he hadn't actually shot anyone, but it sure did make the police
come quick.


That did approximately happen he I saw the report in Sunday Times. It was
a garden shed broken into and the police said they'd no one to send.
When the (armed!) police arrived after he'd said he shot them they said "I
thought you said that you'd shot them" to which he replied "I thought you
said you had no one available to send!" which was a very good reply!
The article also got read out on the News Quiz (BBC Radio 4), but we did see
the original!
Debbie

Told you it was in poor taste, but I hope you got a giggle.

Amanda

--
DD 15th August 2002
1 tiny angel Nov 2003
EDD 19th August 2004




  #23  
Old March 17th 04, 11:20 PM
aml
external usenet poster
 
Posts: n/a
Default anyone got any good jokes? Feeling a bit bitter today...

I am going to be evil and top-post.

Sorry to hear about everyone's theft problems...I'll add my story here
as well.
Just after I found out I was pregnant a liitle over 3 years ago our
house was broken into. To date there are no suspects.

This is how it apparently happened (mid day): the perp kicked in my
front door (steel) and then closed it behind him. He opened my garage
door from the inside and drove his vehicle in, closing the door behind
it so he wouldn't be interupted. He stole our TV, most of our jewelry
(including our H.S. class rings and a sterling silver (German) charm
bracelet that had belonged to an aunt of mine, lawn and garden
equipment, about $20 in change,and I can't recall what else at the
moment. He/she/they left a huge mess from going through our
drawers...they just dumped everything on the floors and beds and
picked up what they wanted. They tried to take our computer...but were
unable to unhook it. In leaving they left the garage door open and one
of our neighbors noticed and called the police.

The officer went in to look...while my husband and I were on our way
home...and came out to tell the neighbor that everyhthing looked
fine...nothing had been taken as far as he could tell. My neighbor
peeked in and just couldn't believe what he'd just said...the place
was trashed. When we got there he refused to take photos of the door
(marred shoe-print) or try to lift prints from anything. We carefully
bagged items that the perp had to have touched (like all the junk he'd
dumped in the miidle of our bed) and took them to the police for
testing. I picked them back up several months later...but it didn't
look like they'd been dusted.

Definitely makes me wonder who was involved. We installed a monitored
alarm system shortly afterward.

I'm afraid I don't have a joke...however there is something funny
about how my DS answers me when I ask him if he needs to go to the
potty (we are trying to potty train)...he waits a moment to
answer...then looks at me, grinning and says..."No Mama...all gone."
Sigh.

aml

Vicky Bilaniuk wrote in message ...
Welches wrote:

Vicky Bilaniuk wrote in message
.. .

I could check out RHF, but I'm wondering if anyone here has any good
jokes to share. I just got robbed and I'm feeling rather bitchy,
bitter, and plain ****ed off. I could use a little cheering up. Don't
worry, the damage is minimal, but *emotionally*... I'm very very very
****ed off. This has happened to me before in this town. I wish we
could move away but DH doesn't want to drive, so he needs to be close
enough to use the bus. I don't know what's wrong with people these days.


We had an attempted break in on Sat. 4:30am. Phoned the police but he'd gone
before they came. Heck! This has one of the smallest crime rates in UK and
I'm still feeling rough (and scared). Dh did say that if they cased the
joint beforehand they must be stupid on what's worth stealing in our house
(anyone that'll take our 8yr old computer...?), and it's not the loss that
shook me up, but as you said it's the emotions.
hugs
Debbie



They like going after little things like CDs and jewellery. Games, too,
and ID. The easy stuff to carry. Oh, and cash. The one who robbed my
apartment was also clearly looking for drugs, since they took random
pill bottles that contained nothing of interest (I think I *may* have
had a bottle with Tylenol 3 in it, but that was all I had). Later on,
they tried to steal my identity and use it to rip off a pharmacy to get
some narcotics. The pharmacy alerted the police, who phoned me, and the
problem was solved. They tried to rip off another pharmacy, but big
mistake: It was the one I used and the pharmacist knew (and still
knows) me rather well, so he alerted the police immediately.

It's terrible. I just can't believe what some people are willing to do
to their fellow citizens. What's worse is when someone tries to rape
and/or kill someone. That just sickens me.

Oh and unfortunately, now and then, you get big time thieves who use
trucks and actually steal not only all of your small stuff, but your
furniture, too. Someone a couple of blocks away from us recently had
their entire house cleaned out. Once again, the cops are showing little
interest. I said to DH today that if ever there was an investigation
into the police here, there would probably be a *lot* of corruption
uncovered. He said that another professor had actually said the same
thing, but this other guy apparently has interesting connections, so
what he says might not entirely be based on speculation. Makes me
nervous. I hate it when the people you're relying on to protect you
aren't trustworthy.

I've toyed with the idea of installing security cameras and maybe even
hiring a security firm to watch our house (assuming that *they* can be
trusted...). Maybe we'll look into that more after the mortgage, which
will thankfully be done next year. Cash flow won't be so tight, then,
so it might be feasible. The irritating thing is that we don't live in
a fancy house, but as I said before, it's little stuff that most of them
are interested in.

BTW, for the first time in my life, I vacuumed my driveway today. I had
to. It was full of broken glass. There's still some there, too, so
I'll have to do a second pass.

  #24  
Old March 18th 04, 01:25 PM
Vicky Bilaniuk
external usenet poster
 
Posts: n/a
Default anyone got any good jokes? Feeling a bit bitter today...

aml wrote:

This is how it apparently happened (mid day): the perp kicked in my
front door (steel) and then closed it behind him. He opened my garage


What failed on the door? I'm curious to know. Was it the knob? Did
you have a dead bolt? They didn't actually break the door and/or frame,
did they? (these things are important to me, since being in my first
ancient house (I'm used to new houses), we're faced with replacing all
the doors, and I want to make sure we get some that will at least make
it really inconvenient to try to rob us)

door from the inside and drove his vehicle in, closing the door behind
it so he wouldn't be interupted. He stole our TV, most of our jewelry
(including our H.S. class rings and a sterling silver (German) charm


I have a great way to discourage theft of jewellery: put it in a box
full of thumb tacks, or something else that's sharp. Seriously. I had
done that with my two most expensive rings, for some reason, and they
were the only ones I had left afterwards.

bracelet that had belonged to an aunt of mine, lawn and garden
equipment, about $20 in change,and I can't recall what else at the
moment. He/she/they left a huge mess from going through our
drawers...they just dumped everything on the floors and beds and
picked up what they wanted. They tried to take our computer...but were


They dumped everything in my place, too. And I mean *everything*. Even
closet contents. I spent days washing everything afterwards because I
wouldn't wear any of my clothing or use any of my
blankets/towels/sheets/etc. My one cat had a serious ball exploring
everything, though. The other was so terrifed by the whole ordeal that
I didn't see her for hours after I got back.

unable to unhook it. In leaving they left the garage door open and one
of our neighbors noticed and called the police.

The officer went in to look...while my husband and I were on our way
home...and came out to tell the neighbor that everyhthing looked
fine...nothing had been taken as far as he could tell. My neighbor
peeked in and just couldn't believe what he'd just said...the place
was trashed. When we got there he refused to take photos of the door
(marred shoe-print) or try to lift prints from anything. We carefully
bagged items that the perp had to have touched (like all the junk he'd
dumped in the miidle of our bed) and took them to the police for
testing. I picked them back up several months later...but it didn't
look like they'd been dusted.


You must have been living in my town. The cop who did the report on my
case said that they couldn't take any finger prints because my place was
too dirty. Uh, yeah right. I told this to a social worker friend of
mine who laughed her head off because they dusted at *her* places all
the time, and her kids were wayyyyyy dirtier than I was! (she worked in
group homes for troubled teens) Even better was that they didn't want
to take the gouge marks on the front door and frame (located around the
door knob, of course) seriously. Instead, they blamed me for leaving my
never opened balcony door unlocked. (again, uh, yeah right) They also
didn't seem to care that when I got home, the front door was actually
open wide. I lost thousands of dollars worth of stuff that day, and the
cops never once cared. The hock shops never cared, either. I phoned
them all and gave them full reports, and at the time I had thought that
my two most expensive rings had also been stolen, so their descriptions
were included in those reports. Well, when I found them, I brought them
in to one place to see what would happen, and they never said a thing.
This was only 2 weeks after the theft. I've never set foot in a hock
shop again, and I never will. (and interestingly, the one I went to
closed down not too long afterwards, but I *know* they were doing good
business...)


Definitely makes me wonder who was involved. We installed a monitored
alarm system shortly afterward.


I was thinking of doing the same. But you know, something *really*
weird happened yesterday... Just one day (but not even a 24 hour
period) after the break-in into my car, I got a call from a security
agency that had a special deal for me... I found that *rather* weird.
(not that I'm implying that they were involved - actually I'm implying
that they somehow saw my name on the report at the police station,
hint...heh heh, I'll be sure to never give the police an e-mail address)


I'm afraid I don't have a joke...however there is something funny
about how my DS answers me when I ask him if he needs to go to the
potty (we are trying to potty train)...he waits a moment to
answer...then looks at me, grinning and says..."No Mama...all gone."
Sigh.


Actually I found this to be totally hilarious. Cute, too!

  #25  
Old March 18th 04, 01:26 PM
Vicky Bilaniuk
external usenet poster
 
Posts: n/a
Default anyone got any good jokes? Feeling a bit bitter today...

Welches wrote:

A&G&K wrote in message
...
... Ok this isn't really a joke in the true sense of the word, more of an
urban myth, and is very very poor taste considering the circumstances, but


I

did laugh I admit it.....

A friend of ours had noticed a rattling of windows in his bedroom and


snuck

down the hallway to see what was going on. As he peeped into his bedroom,
he saw a man climb in through the window. The man didn't notice him and
began rifling through his belongings.
Our friend immediately called the police to report the break-in and that


the

person was still there. He was told that all available officers were on
assignment and he could expect someone to come in about 3 hours.
"3 hours!" he was horrified as he knew that they would never catch the
thief.

.... so (and this is the truly off part) ... he called the police back and
said:




"I called 5 minutes ago about a break-in and just wanted to let you know
that its OK, you don't need to hurry here. I've shot the *******!" He


was

impressed to see five police on his doorstep within 2 minutes. ....

Of course he hadn't actually shot anyone, but it sure did make the police
come quick.



That did approximately happen he I saw the report in Sunday Times. It was
a garden shed broken into and the police said they'd no one to send.
When the (armed!) police arrived after he'd said he shot them they said "I
thought you said that you'd shot them" to which he replied "I thought you
said you had no one available to send!" which was a very good reply!
The article also got read out on the News Quiz (BBC Radio 4), but we did see
the original!
Debbie


News agencies routinely report urban legends as truth, unfortunately.
It's still a good one, though!

 




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