Help! Potty problems with my daughter

I just found this group. Great group by the
way. I've got a problem. My daughter is 4½,
and sleeps in pullups at night. I'm not too
worried about that, it's pretty normal at that
age. However, recently, she started wetting
before bed. She puts her pullups on after her
bath, and by bedtime, 30 minutes later, she's
wet. She told me that sometimes, she'll wake
up, and pee in her pullup instead of getting
out of bed. She didn't do this until about 6
months ago.

She also wears them when we go out on errands and stuff. She is ALWAYS wet
when we get home. I ask her if she has to go potty, and she always says no,
and then when we get home, she's soaked. She's had accidents when we went
out since we started training. I think she may be afraid of public toilets.

Also, her mother and I are seperated. She stays a week with me, and a week
with her mother. With me, during the day, she asks me to take her potty, and
I'll help her(I know, she's a bit old for that, but it's better than
accidents). But it seems her mother is too lazy to help her go potty. She
goes into pullups as soon as she leaves(for the car ride), and stays in them
all week. I don't know what to do. I can't control her mother. But I'm sick
of my daughter coming home in wet pullups every week. She also had an
accident in daycare about a month ago, and told the teacher that she forgot
she didn't have a pullup on. Any help is appriciated.

"golem" wrote in message
...
I just found this group. Great group by the
way. I've got a problem. My daughter is 4½,
and sleeps in pullups at night. I'm not too
worried about that, it's pretty normal at that
age. However, recently, she started wetting
before bed. She puts her pullups on after her
bath, and by bedtime, 30 minutes later, she's
wet. She told me that sometimes, she'll wake
up, and pee in her pullup instead of getting
out of bed. She didn't do this until about 6
months ago.

She also wears them when we go out on errands and stuff. She is ALWAYS
wet
when we get home. I ask her if she has to go potty, and she always says
no,
and then when we get home, she's soaked. She's had accidents when we went
out since we started training. I think she may be afraid of public
toilets.

Bingo.

Also, her mother and I are seperated. She stays a week with me, and a week
with her mother. With me, during the day, she asks me to take her potty,
and
I'll help her(I know, she's a bit old for that, but it's better than
accidents). But it seems her mother is too lazy to help her go potty. She
goes into pullups as soon as she leaves(for the car ride), and stays in
them
all week. I don't know what to do. I can't control her mother. But I'm
sick
of my daughter coming home in wet pullups every week. She also had an
accident in daycare about a month ago, and told the teacher that she
forgot
she didn't have a pullup on. Any help is appriciated.

You and the mom need to be on the same page on this one (and many others).
Make sure your daughter is caught in the middle as little as possible.
Perhaps you can talk about this with your doctor on the next visit. I don't
think you need to go through your doctor, but it is important that both
parents are involved in her medical care. In addition, it will be sort of
neutral ground.

Jeff

In article ,
golem wrote:
I just found this group. Great group by the
way. I've got a problem. My daughter is 4½,
and sleeps in pullups at night. I'm not too
worried about that, it's pretty normal at that
age. However, recently, she started wetting
before bed. She puts her pullups on after her
bath, and by bedtime, 30 minutes later, she's
wet. She told me that sometimes, she'll wake
up, and pee in her pullup instead of getting
out of bed. She didn't do this until about 6
months ago.

She also wears them when we go out on errands and stuff. She is ALWAYS wet
when we get home. I ask her if she has to go potty, and she always says no,
and then when we get home, she's soaked. She's had accidents when we went
out since we started training. I think she may be afraid of public toilets.

Also, her mother and I are seperated. She stays a week with me, and a week
with her mother. With me, during the day, she asks me to take her potty, and
I'll help her(I know, she's a bit old for that, but it's better than
accidents). But it seems her mother is too lazy to help her go potty. She
goes into pullups as soon as she leaves(for the car ride), and stays in them
all week. I don't know what to do. I can't control her mother. But I'm sick
of my daughter coming home in wet pullups every week. She also had an
accident in daycare about a month ago, and told the teacher that she forgot
she didn't have a pullup on. Any help is appriciated.

What would happen if you eliminated (no pun intended) the pullups
during the day? That way there's no "forgetting" that she doesn't
have a pullup on. Plus, wet cotton is pretty uncomfortable; she'd
probably learn pretty quickly to go to the potty. You might have to
deal with cleaning her up for a little bit until she's back on track,
but it might help her learn more quickly.

Just a thought from someone who hasn't been through it yet -- we're
going to start the potty-training process pretty soon :-|

- marty
(mom to alex & andie, almost 3)

In article ,
"golem" wrote:

I just found this group. Great group by the
way. I've got a problem. My daughter is 4½,
and sleeps in pullups at night. I'm not too
worried about that, it's pretty normal at that
age. However, recently, she started wetting
before bed. She puts her pullups on after her
bath, and by bedtime, 30 minutes later, she's
wet. She told me that sometimes, she'll wake
up, and pee in her pullup instead of getting
out of bed. She didn't do this until about 6
months ago.

She also wears them when we go out on errands and stuff. She is ALWAYS wet
when we get home. I ask her if she has to go potty, and she always says no,
and then when we get home, she's soaked. She's had accidents when we went
out since we started training. I think she may be afraid of public toilets.

Also, her mother and I are seperated. She stays a week with me, and a week
with her mother. With me, during the day, she asks me to take her potty, and
I'll help her(I know, she's a bit old for that, but it's better than
accidents). But it seems her mother is too lazy to help her go potty. She
goes into pullups as soon as she leaves(for the car ride), and stays in them
all week. I don't know what to do. I can't control her mother. But I'm sick
of my daughter coming home in wet pullups every week. She also had an
accident in daycare about a month ago, and told the teacher that she forgot
she didn't have a pullup on. Any help is appriciated.






having a trained child in pullups when awake and about sends a strong
mixed message -- pullups are diapers -- they tell a child to pee in her
pants

I would simply not have her in pullups [take a change of clothes for
accidents as most people do at this age -- e.g. have a change in the car
and at pre-school]

don't put the pull ups on at night until the last visit to the potty

you want to break the chain i.e. the habit -- don't let this get much
further

Well, marty, when she's with me, she doesn't wear them at home. Only on
errands. She can't hold it very long. When she says she has to go, she means
it, and she has to go like every 45 minutes, so I'm not gonna make her suffer
in wet panties when we're out of the house. The rest of the time, except when
she's sleeping or with her mom, she's in underware already. I hope that came
out right. I'm still pretty new to this whole usenet thing.

What would happen if you eliminated (no pun intended) the pullups
during the day? That way there's no "forgetting" that she doesn't
have a pullup on. Plus, wet cotton is pretty uncomfortable; she'd
probably learn pretty quickly to go to the potty. You might have to
deal with cleaning her up for a little bit until she's back on track,
but it might help her learn more quickly.

Just a thought from someone who hasn't been through it yet -- we're
going to start the potty-training process pretty soon :-|

- marty
(mom to alex & andie, almost 3)

As I said to marty, she's already in panties at home with me, unless she's
sleeping. She rarely has accidents, and when we're at home, she always lets me
know when she has to go. I think you may be right about the using them for
convenience thing. It seems like it's be much easier to just pee wherever you
happen to be than to go to the potty. I don't think my ex and I will be able
to come to terms on this one, or on anything for that matter. She barely
speaks to me. Next time we're out, I'll keep the pullups, but I'll make sure
to actually take her to the bathroom every now and again too, weather she has
to go or not. Good idea there. Thanks nan.


It would be ideal if you and your wife could work together on this,
but that doesn't always happen.
It sounds like your daughter is just used to the Pullups and is using
them for convenience.
Personally, I'd do away with them (at your house), and have her wear
her own panties. Take her shopping to pick out some of her own,
pretty undies and remind her that keeping them clean and dry will make
them last much longer.
Be prepared for accidents, and have her help you clean them up (she's
old enough to do that, imo). But don't make them a big deal. Just
clean it up and go on about the day.

When you're out shopping, make sure you stop at the bathroom every so
often, not just ask her if she needs to go. Make sure she goes before
you leave the house.

It may take longer if her mother is not willing to work on this as
well, but it will work out in the end.

Nan

I'd put her in panties when we go on errands, but I don't want her to suffer in
wet panties until we can get somewhere to change them. She goes about every 45
minutes, and can't wait very long when she says she has to go. As for the
mixed message part, I can see that. I'm sure it's easier to just pee in your
pullups then sit on a big scary public potty. I'm not really sre what to do
here. I guess I'll try it, and see if she can tell me when she has to go. On
to the not putting her pull ups on until she's gone potty the last time. She
takes her night clothes into the bathroom with her when she takes her bath or
shower, whichever she wants to do that night, and puts them on immediately
afterword. I guess she could go around bottomless until she goes potty the
last time, and then put the pullups on. Thanks for the help jenn

having a trained child in pullups when awake and about sends a strong
mixed message -- pullups are diapers -- they tell a child to pee in her
pants

I would simply not have her in pullups [take a change of clothes for
accidents as most people do at this age -- e.g. have a change in the car
and at pre-school]

don't put the pull ups on at night until the last visit to the potty

you want to break the chain i.e. the habit -- don't let this get much
further

On Thu, 29 Jan 2004 02:17:19 -0600, "golem"
wrote:

I'd put her in panties when we go on errands, but I don't want her to suffer in
wet panties until we can get somewhere to change them. She goes about every 45
minutes, and can't wait very long when she says she has to go

Bring extra pants with you. You may find that once she realizes she
doesn't have the pullups she will hold her pee longer. Also find the
bathrooms when you go out before you need them. Take her every
30 minutes if necessary since you say she only can hold it about
45 minutes.


--
Dorothy

There is no sound, no cry in all the world
that can be heard unless someone listens ..

The Outer Limits

"golem" wrote in message ...
Well, marty, when she's with me, she doesn't wear them at home. Only on
errands. She can't hold it very long. When she says she has to go, she means
it, and she has to go like every 45 minutes,

This seems really weird to me. You go potty before you leave for an
errand, and she *always* has to go again in 45 minutes? She goes every
45 minutes while at home? My kids didn't do this even in diapers at
age 1. Does she go a lot each 45 minutes (full bladder) or just a
little? If it is is a little but she can't hold it, that seems like it
might be a medical problem. Is she drinking gallons and gallons of
liquid?

I think it would be worth mentioning this to her doctor.

-Jan

Nan wrote in message
...
On Thu, 29 Jan 2004 02:08:59 -0600, "golem"
wrote:

As I said to marty, she's already in panties at home with me, unless
she's
sleeping. She rarely has accidents, and when we're at home, she always
lets me
know when she has to go. I think you may be right about the using them
for
convenience thing. It seems like it's be much easier to just pee
wherever you
happen to be than to go to the potty. I don't think my ex and I will be
able
to come to terms on this one, or on anything for that matter. She barely
speaks to me. Next time we're out, I'll keep the pullups, but I'll make
sure
to actually take her to the bathroom every now and again too, weather she
has
to go or not. Good idea there. Thanks nan.

The convenience thing hit me when you said she wakes up and will just
pee in the pullups instead of getting up. Hey, if I could do that, I
might ;-)
Trying bedtime without them may be a key. I'd put down a waterproof
mattress pad, though. Just in case.
It's too bad her mother won't work with you, but if you're consistent
at your house, then things should transition fairly smoothly.

With my almost-4 year old, I may ask her if she needs to go, but I
take her even when she says, "no". The power of suggestion usually
works once she's in there and I have to go, as well :-)

I say "I can do a bigger one than you", or "I want to go first". Then it
changes it from whether she decides to go to a competition-she always wants
to be bigger or first!
Debbie