how long was sibling w/caregiver during birth?

I know this all depends on how long my labor actually ends up being, but
how long was your older child/ren with a cargiver while you were in
labor and giving birth? I'm having a hard time figuring out how many
activites to leave for them to do, how many meals, etc. All depends on
the time of day too, of course.

We are planning to have ds at the birth itself (he'll be nearly 4 and
said he wants to see the baby come out), we will be at a freestanding
birth center, and there is room for ds and caregiver to be there while
waiting. But when should they actually get there? So they theoretically
will have time together at either our home or our friends', then come to
the birth center when it is affirmed that what's happening is actually
happening...

I don't know why I'm having such a hard time getting my mind around
this, I guess partially because I was in labor for time that can be
counted in days with ds, so it's hard for me to think it might not
actually take that long this time. And once we give birth at the birth
center, unless it's the middle of the night, we only stay about 6 hours
after giving birth. We can stay until morning if it's late, though.

Any good ideas on special activities ds and our friend can do, or any
other good ideas for the situation?

Thanks,

-Karen, mom to Henry 3 3/4 and someone due 4/24/04-
-also expecting a (probable)niece/cousin by sceduled c sometime today-

Karen wrote:
We are planning to have ds at the birth itself (he'll be nearly 4
and said he wants to see the baby come out), we will be at a
freestanding birth center, and there is room for ds and caregiver
to be there while waiting. But when should they actually get there?
So they theoretically will have time together at either our home or
our friends', then come to the birth center when it is affirmed
that what's happening is actually happening...

Honestly, given that this is your second baby, I'd be concerned that he
wouldn't make it to the birth if you don't take him with you to the birth
center when you go. In my experience, at least, labor can move slowly for a
while in a second/subsequent labor, but once it gets going, things can
happen very fast. IOW, by the time you're sure you're really in labor and
that you need to head to the birth center, it could be a matter of only a
couple of hours (or less) until you give birth and your ability to gauge how
long it's going to be might not be very good.

As an example, I was in labor with my daughter (second baby) for a total of
about 28 hours, but only in the hospital for about 90 minutes before she was
born, and I didn't feel at the time like I was being overly conservative in
waiting until the last minute to leave home. In fact, when I arrived at the
hospital I was only 3cm, and if at that time I'd had any plans to have my
older son brought to the hospital in time for the birth, I'd have thought it
was going to be literally *hours* until then. As it turned out, when I was
checked again 45 minutes later, I was already at 8 cm and had a baby in just
under a half an hour, so if we'd called then to have our son brought, he'd
never have made it in time!

When I had my third, my kids were there from the moment we arrived at the
hospital (I was induced due to high BP, though thankfully all it took to
start my labor was breaking my water) until their brother was born a little
less than 4 hours later. My mother and then-13yo nephew came, too, and my
nephew played with my kids (they think he hung the moon) and they watched
videos together on the machine in the room. It really wasn't difficult for
them at all.

So my personal recommendation would be to have your caregiver and your son
come with you when you leave for the birth center, bringing with you some
activities to keep him busy until the baby's born. Of course, if you go in
the middle of the night, then he'll probably just sleep until you wake him
up when you're pushing. But otherwise, you can come up with games and other
things to keep him occupied. I just wouldn't want to risk not having him
make it in time by leaving him at home, at least not if being there when the
baby is born is important to *him*!

My two cents...
--
Be well, Barbara
(Julian [6], Aurora [4], and Vernon's [2] mom)

All opinions expressed in this post are well-reasoned and insightful.
Needless to say, they are not those of my Internet Service Provider, its
other subscribers or lackeys. Anyone who says otherwise is itchin' for a
fight. -- with apologies to Michael Feldman

Karen wrote:

I know this all depends on how long my labor actually ends up being, but
how long was your older child/ren with a cargiver while you were in
labor and giving birth? I'm having a hard time figuring out how many
activites to leave for them to do, how many meals, etc. All depends on
the time of day too, of course.

We are planning to have ds at the birth itself (he'll be nearly 4 and
said he wants to see the baby come out), we will be at a freestanding
birth center, and there is room for ds and caregiver to be there while
waiting. But when should they actually get there? So they theoretically
will have time together at either our home or our friends', then come to
the birth center when it is affirmed that what's happening is actually
happening...

I don't know why I'm having such a hard time getting my mind around
this, I guess partially because I was in labor for time that can be
counted in days with ds, so it's hard for me to think it might not
actually take that long this time. And once we give birth at the birth
center, unless it's the middle of the night, we only stay about 6 hours
after giving birth. We can stay until morning if it's late, though.

I think you just have to be prepared for anything.
That said, my first labor was 45 hours long, and my second
was only 2.5 hours, so it could be *really* fast as well ;-)
I'd just stock up on stuff and roll with whatever happens.

Best wishes,
Ericka

Karen wrote in message
link.net...
I know this all depends on how long my labor actually ends up being, but
how long was your older child/ren with a cargiver while you were in
labor and giving birth? I'm having a hard time figuring out how many
activites to leave for them to do, how many meals, etc. All depends on
the time of day too, of course.

We are planning to have ds at the birth itself (he'll be nearly 4 and
said he wants to see the baby come out), we will be at a freestanding
birth center, and there is room for ds and caregiver to be there while
waiting. But when should they actually get there? So they theoretically
will have time together at either our home or our friends', then come to
the birth center when it is affirmed that what's happening is actually
happening...

I don't know why I'm having such a hard time getting my mind around
this, I guess partially because I was in labor for time that can be
counted in days with ds, so it's hard for me to think it might not
actually take that long this time. And once we give birth at the birth
center, unless it's the middle of the night, we only stay about 6 hours
after giving birth. We can stay until morning if it's late, though.

Any good ideas on special activities ds and our friend can do, or any
other good ideas for the situation?

Thanks,

-Karen, mom to Henry 3 3/4 and someone due 4/24/04-
-also expecting a (probable)niece/cousin by sceduled c sometime today-

Dd#1 was almost exactly 3 yrs. She would have liked to see #2 come out, but
I didn't feel that she would necessarily cope, and I didn't think I would
cope with her not coping, if you see what I mean.
One thing that concerned me with the idea of her being there was the length
of labour-you know at that age they expect things to be pretty quick. With
#1 I was in labour for 30 hrs, and about 20hrs active labour.
#2 I was 13hrs labour and only 6ish of active labour.
Basically: 8:30am she awoke and I told her I was in labour.
11am dd#1, and dh went to church.
11:45 dh came home
12:30 her children group finished and she went back with a friend.
6:35pm dd#2 was born
7:00 dh phoned her and told her.
(she then went to bed there)
9pm dh took the bus home.
8:30am (next morning) dd#1 went back to dh
9:30am dh brought #1 into hospital to see me. (and #2)

She was v. excited and the only problem we had when she had to leave me for
"mother's rest period" (in the afternoon) when she did get upset at leaving
me. And she did quite enjoy the night away too!
At the time she accepted I was going in by herself, but I think she'd have
been equally fine if I'd prepared her to go with me. I just never made a
fuss about what she was doing!
Debbie

Mmmmmm. Let's see. I think our "older sibling" (22 months at the time)
was with the caregiver from about 10 PM until 2:30 AM, while Monika was
in labor. They were asleep in Clara's room. They came wandering out
just when Monika wanted to start pushing, and we were about to call them.
Niel was born about 3 AM, and Clara was sitting up on the bed doing
a commentary on how far out the baby was with each push. I felt like
I was watching it on ESPN.

Larry

The whole story is available at http://home.comcast.net/~l.mcmahan/
Read the link marked "Niel's Birth Story."

Karen writes:
: I know this all depends on how long my labor actually ends up being, but
: how long was your older child/ren with a cargiver while you were in
: labor and giving birth? I'm having a hard time figuring out how many
: activites to leave for them to do, how many meals, etc. All depends on
: the time of day too, of course.

: We are planning to have ds at the birth itself (he'll be nearly 4 and
: said he wants to see the baby come out), we will be at a freestanding
: birth center, and there is room for ds and caregiver to be there while
: waiting. But when should they actually get there? So they theoretically
: will have time together at either our home or our friends', then come to
: the birth center when it is affirmed that what's happening is actually
: happening...

: I don't know why I'm having such a hard time getting my mind around
: this, I guess partially because I was in labor for time that can be
: counted in days with ds, so it's hard for me to think it might not
: actually take that long this time. And once we give birth at the birth
: center, unless it's the middle of the night, we only stay about 6 hours
: after giving birth. We can stay until morning if it's late, though.

: Any good ideas on special activities ds and our friend can do, or any
: other good ideas for the situation?

: Thanks,

: -Karen, mom to Henry 3 3/4 and someone due 4/24/04-
: -also expecting a (probable)niece/cousin by sceduled c sometime today-

"Circe" wrote in message
news:w606c.6851$Bg.3651@fed1read03...
Karen wrote:
We are planning to have ds at the birth itself (he'll be nearly 4
and said he wants to see the baby come out), we will be at a
freestanding birth center, and there is room for ds and caregiver
to be there while waiting. But when should they actually get there?
So they theoretically will have time together at either our home or
our friends', then come to the birth center when it is affirmed
that what's happening is actually happening...

Honestly, given that this is your second baby, I'd be concerned that he
wouldn't make it to the birth if you don't take him with you to the birth
center when you go. In my experience, at least, labor can move slowly for
a
while in a second/subsequent labor, but once it gets going, things can
happen very fast. IOW, by the time you're sure you're really in labor and
that you need to head to the birth center, it could be a matter of only a
couple of hours (or less) until you give birth and your ability to gauge
how
long it's going to be might not be very good.

As an example, I was in labor with my daughter (second baby) for a total
of
about 28 hours, but only in the hospital for about 90 minutes before she
was
born, and I didn't feel at the time like I was being overly conservative
in
waiting until the last minute to leave home. In fact, when I arrived at
the
hospital I was only 3cm, and if at that time I'd had any plans to have my
older son brought to the hospital in time for the birth, I'd have thought
it
was going to be literally *hours* until then. As it turned out, when I was
checked again 45 minutes later, I was already at 8 cm and had a baby in
just
under a half an hour, so if we'd called then to have our son brought, he'd
never have made it in time!

Ditto. I wasn't in real pain until we got into the car to go to the
hospital. After we got there, DH took DS home and I called him 12 minutes
later to tell him we had a girl.

my friend who had number 2 a similar time to number 1 arranged for someone
to go to there house when she went to the hospital, as it was night time
and the person just fell asleep in their bed, the baby was born about 3
hours later, they didn't want the other child at the birth, but I'd plan
on taking them if that was what you did want. My friend also stayed around
6 hours, she had another friend pick up her daughter and entertain her.

I really wouldn't worry about meals etc. unless the other child is very
particular any adult could figure out something!

Personally it will likley be a while before we have number 2, but I'll be
aiming for a home birth and will want ds home (he could be at school),
I'll try and arrange for someone to come round to attend to his needs so
dh can attend to mine.

Actually I read in a very old book called "What every young wife should
know" that sons should watch there mothers labour to know what they have
been through for them!

"Karen" wrote in message
link.net...
I know this all depends on how long my labor actually ends up being, but
how long was your older child/ren with a cargiver while you were in
labor and giving birth? I'm having a hard time figuring out how many
activites to leave for them to do, how many meals, etc. All depends on
the time of day too, of course.

We are planning to have ds at the birth itself (he'll be nearly 4 and
said he wants to see the baby come out), we will be at a freestanding
birth center, and there is room for ds and caregiver to be there while
waiting. But when should they actually get there? So they theoretically
will have time together at either our home or our friends', then come to
the birth center when it is affirmed that what's happening is actually
happening...

I don't know why I'm having such a hard time getting my mind around
this, I guess partially because I was in labor for time that can be
counted in days with ds, so it's hard for me to think it might not
actually take that long this time. And once we give birth at the birth
center, unless it's the middle of the night, we only stay about 6 hours
after giving birth. We can stay until morning if it's late, though.

Any good ideas on special activities ds and our friend can do, or any
other good ideas for the situation?

Thanks,

-Karen, mom to Henry 3 3/4 and someone due 4/24/04-
-also expecting a (probable)niece/cousin by sceduled c sometime today-

Maggie was with her grandparents from 6:30 am Tuesday til 6pm Wednesday.
They just took her places and got her a special movie to watch. Then of
course they came and visited us at the hospital.
Kat
Mama to Maggie 11/03/01
and Will 02/10/04

my first labor was 45 hours long, and my second
was only 2.5 hours, so it could be *really* fast

This is the ballpark I was in first time around, so to hear you went in
2 1/2 hours second time is a) frightening! and b)encouraging. I was
thinking at most I would have like a normal, average "first birth"
length of time, didn't realize that we could go from one ridiculous
extreme to the other!

-K-

Thanks Barbara, toypup, and Anne, you've given me a much better
understanding of what to expect. Sounds like when it's time to go, it's
time for everyone to go! As I said, my first labor was so long, I was
having a hard time understanding really how short it could possibly be
second time, especially once things really get active.

Dh was also very interested in the opinions and ideas expressed, so
thank you. And I think with 5 1/2 weeks to go and his sister having had
her baby today, it all suddenly became imminent reality to him and when
I got in bed he was re-reading the Sears Birth Book we bought first time
around!

-K-