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BTDT moms: is it as hard the second time around?



 
 
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  #1  
Old May 10th 04, 12:19 PM
Donna
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Default BTDT moms: is it as hard the second time around?

So following Carol Ann's story over the last six weeks has had me reliving
the early days with my daughter; the shellshock, the exhaustion, the
inability to stop her crying at times, the six weeks sitting on the couch
nursing, the 30 second showers, the mess.... I'm remembering all the stuff
I'd just forgotten (or blocked out grin). I'm beginning to get seriously
nervous about going through it again, but this time with the responsibility
of looking after a toddler as well. I had nothing left the first time
around -I can't conceive of how I'm going to handle two.

Is it easier the second time around? My mom swears that it is - not that
it's any easier to get in a shower, or get them to sleep through the night,
but that not having that constant shell-shocked "now what do I do" feeling,
makes a world of difference. (But really, what else are they going to tell
me? "Oh no, honey, the first 10 weeks are *just* as horrible, and this time
around, you'll also have to keep your elder child entertained, too!" Not
likely. smile)

So - what is the real answer? I can take it.

Donna (who'd also be grateful for any tips you all have for managing a
newborn and a toddler)



  #2  
Old May 10th 04, 01:42 PM
Leslie
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Default BTDT moms: is it as hard the second time around?

Well, obviously you have a new challenge in that you have an older child to
care for as well. But in terms of baby care, I think it is easier because 1)
you know what you are doing and 2) you know that the difficult stage will end
and things will get better. That doesn't mean it will be easy, just easier.
:-)

IMO, the really easy thing is going from 2 to 3 kids, because then not only do
you have the whole baby thing down but you also know that you can care for and
love more than one child at a time.

Leslie
  #3  
Old May 10th 04, 01:47 PM
Ericka Kammerer
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Default BTDT moms: is it as hard the second time around?

Donna wrote:

So following Carol Ann's story over the last six weeks has had me reliving
the early days with my daughter; the shellshock, the exhaustion, the
inability to stop her crying at times, the six weeks sitting on the couch
nursing, the 30 second showers, the mess.... I'm remembering all the stuff
I'd just forgotten (or blocked out grin). I'm beginning to get seriously
nervous about going through it again, but this time with the responsibility
of looking after a toddler as well. I had nothing left the first time
around -I can't conceive of how I'm going to handle two.

Is it easier the second time around? My mom swears that it is - not that
it's any easier to get in a shower, or get them to sleep through the night,
but that not having that constant shell-shocked "now what do I do" feeling,
makes a world of difference. (But really, what else are they going to tell
me? "Oh no, honey, the first 10 weeks are *just* as horrible, and this time
around, you'll also have to keep your elder child entertained, too!" Not
likely. smile)

So - what is the real answer? I can take it.


Sounds like you had a rough go the first time around?
If your first was colicky and the second isn't, you'll likely
feel that the second is a breeze ;-) I've been fortunate.
None of mine were colicky, I never had any problems nursing,
I had great support, and I've always been pretty laid back
about parenting (so I didn't have much in the way of
first-timer nerves). I had to deal with some sleep
deprivation, and it's challenging to be on call 24/7 even
with an easy baby, but for me the newborn period wasn't
all that difficult. It's when they're nearing that toddler
stage and they're perpetual motion machines hell bent on
killing themselves that I find things difficult ;-)
If you started out with a fussy first baby and
a case of first-time parent nerves, I'll bet the second
seems *way* easier. Even in my case, I did find that the
second was a little bit easier, probably because I had
more routines in place and he just slid right into them.
Having a toddler and a newborn is busy, but you
do get through it. It really helps if you can get both
down at the same time for an afternoon nap so that you
can have a little snooze yourself. Have routines in
place. Make sure Daddy can handle the routines without
you (for times when he needs to be able to put the toddler
down or whatever while you're busy elsewhere).

Best wishes,
Ericka

  #4  
Old May 10th 04, 04:18 PM
Welches
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Default BTDT moms: is it as hard the second time around?


Donna wrote in message
...
So following Carol Ann's story over the last six weeks has had me reliving
the early days with my daughter; the shellshock, the exhaustion, the
inability to stop her crying at times, the six weeks sitting on the couch
nursing, the 30 second showers, the mess.... I'm remembering all the

stuff
I'd just forgotten (or blocked out grin). I'm beginning to get

seriously
nervous about going through it again, but this time with the

responsibility
of looking after a toddler as well. I had nothing left the first time
around -I can't conceive of how I'm going to handle two.

Is it easier the second time around? My mom swears that it is - not that
it's any easier to get in a shower, or get them to sleep through the

night,
but that not having that constant shell-shocked "now what do I do"

feeling,
makes a world of difference. (But really, what else are they going to

tell
me? "Oh no, honey, the first 10 weeks are *just* as horrible, and this

time
around, you'll also have to keep your elder child entertained, too!" Not
likely. smile)

I have found it much easier this time round. Despite #2 doesn't sleep or eat
as well as #1. (#1 slept through at 8 weeks, #2 still 2x a night at 6
months)
What do you think a baby is-entertainment for #1!
Labour was much easier too!
Debbie


  #5  
Old May 10th 04, 04:23 PM
Nikki
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Default BTDT moms: is it as hard the second time around?

Donna wrote:
So following Carol Ann's story over the last six weeks has had me
reliving the early days with my daughter; the shellshock, the
exhaustion, the inability to stop her crying at times, the six weeks
sitting on the couch nursing, the 30 second showers, the mess....
I'm remembering all the stuff I'd just forgotten (or blocked out
grin). I'm beginning to get seriously nervous about going through
it again, but this time with the responsibility of looking after a
toddler as well. I had nothing left the first time around -I can't
conceive of how I'm going to handle two.

Is it easier the second time around?


Oh in my case it was definitely easier. Here are the reasons. Some are
pure luck ;-)

a) My first was a hold me all the time, fuss in the evening, nurse me
non-stop, I'll sleep in 20 minutes spurts type of baby. My second was a
sleep my newborn life away any place you put me down type of baby! That was
lucky!! :-D

b) I didn't have *any* anxiety while nursing the second baby. With #1 I was
obsessive about counting minutes, keeping track of sides, counting diapers,
etc. This made a surprisingly big difference. That was experience. With
#2 my milk came in quicker, baby was alert and nursed better (no jaundice).
That was lucky.

c) delivery was easier and I regained my energy level much quicker.

d) A big one. I had zero routine before I had #1 and getting into a routine
was a bit painful. I already had a routine (and some people would laugh at
that statement because it still isn't very strict) with #2 so there wasn't
that adjustment.

e) I never let #1 cry. In the beginning with #2 I had a very hard time
adjusting to the fact that sometimes one of them would be crying (including
the baby) and they would just have to wait. It wasn't until #2 became a
little older (4-5mos) and was obviously such an expressive, happy, and
joyful baby that I let go of that anxiety. That was the only negative of
the first few months. It was unnecessary

I really found it much easier the second time around even though I had a 2yo
as well. The second pregnancy with a toddler is what about did me in.
Anything might have seemed like an improvement after that, lol.

Tips for two:

Toddler proof your house big time. If not the whole house, at least the
main room you use all day.

If you do need to redirect - get up and do it instantly instead of saying no
from across the room. You'll have much speedier results. It was worth it
in my opinion even if I had to interrupt a nursing session.

Learn to nurse the baby while getting up, walking around, doing other
things. Most people use slings but I only had one and didn't like it (way
to hot). That was a life saver and I don't know why I didn't do it more
with #1?

Never blame the baby for some injustice to the toddler. I never told Hunter
he had to wait because the baby was eating etc. I *always* found another
excuse.

Sometimes (like at bath and baby woke up) I'd say out loud that I was
helping Hunter right now and that I'd be there in a minute. I guess I
blamed the toddler but the baby didn't notice, lol. I was doing that for
the toddlers sake, so he'd realize that sometimes his needs come first too.

If things get overwhelming either go outside or for a drive (pray for a baby
that likes car rides!). At night if things were ugly I'd just turn off
every light and all three get in bed together. Hunter would cry but soon
fall asleep as he was generally tired if things were ugly. I didn't really
have to do any of that until the baby was 7 months at the earliest.



--
Nikki
Mama to Hunter (5) and Luke (3)


  #6  
Old May 10th 04, 05:36 PM
Sophie
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Posts: n/a
Default BTDT moms: is it as hard the second time around?

"Donna" wrote in message
...
So following Carol Ann's story over the last six weeks has had me reliving
the early days with my daughter; the shellshock, the exhaustion, the
inability to stop her crying at times, the six weeks sitting on the couch
nursing, the 30 second showers, the mess.... I'm remembering all the

stuff
I'd just forgotten (or blocked out grin). I'm beginning to get

seriously
nervous about going through it again, but this time with the

responsibility
of looking after a toddler as well. I had nothing left the first time
around -I can't conceive of how I'm going to handle two.


Yikes, if my first time was like that, I'd have been scared to do it again
too - lol.

Is it easier the second time around?


My 1st time was easy, the 2nd time was harder.

My mom swears that it is - not that
it's any easier to get in a shower, or get them to sleep through the

night,
but that not having that constant shell-shocked "now what do I do"

feeling,
makes a world of difference. (But really, what else are they going to

tell
me? "Oh no, honey, the first 10 weeks are *just* as horrible, and this

time
around, you'll also have to keep your elder child entertained, too!" Not
likely. smile)

So - what is the real answer? I can take it.


Are you sure?? I hate telling people adding #2 was the hardest transition
of all - harder than having #1 or #3, and I'm betting #4.

The only way #2 is easier is you're more experienced at the baby part.


Donna (who'd also be grateful for any tips you all have for managing a
newborn and a toddler)


Learn to multi-task big time, if you don't already. Especially when feeding
the baby. I used to do that on the couch and read a book to C at the same
time.

What I didn't know with 2 that is so simple is - no one will die if they
have to wait. I though if they both needed me, they both needed me *NOW*.
Lol.




  #7  
Old May 10th 04, 07:13 PM
Mary Gordon
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Default BTDT moms: is it as hard the second time around?

It is just as hard - at least it was for me - but for totally
different reasons. Second time around, you are not too daunted by the
birth and by the baby care - you have a pretty good idea what to
expect, so you aren't freaking out about every little thing. In
fact,I'm willing to bet money that you find looking after a baby no
biggie and wonder why you had such a hard time the first time around.
Immobility is a wonderful thing compared to a toddler - wherever you
put baby, baby at least STAYS there and isn't running all over,
climbing up and getting into things every time you try and get
something done.

The big challenge for me was looking after both the baby AND the high
energy non-stop toddler at the same time. Learning to juggle that was
really hard for me - trying to figure out how to get some kind of
workable routine going and get enough rest was very hard. I was
accustomed to being able to take care of the toddler's needs with
little delay. When I got tired, I could hand kiddo off to the DH.
However, when you have two, they are competing for your time and
attention and you really can't always keep them both happy at the same
time (seems like someone is always crying or wanting something and you
often have to make them wait, which is hard to get used to - i.e. we
can't go to the park now, baby is napping, eek, baby has been
screaming for 5 minutes but I can't go get her because I'm in the
middle of bathing the toddler etc. etc. You also can't always hand
them both off to daddy at the same time and hope to be able to have
some "you" time.

It was a good 6 months before I felt like I was sort of on top of it
all, and used to not being able to look after everyone at once, plus
sufficiently organized to manage. The good news is that when I had #3,
it was a cakewalk. I'm too old to have more kids now, but I can see
that adding #4 or beyond would be managable - I've got the skills now.

Mary G.
  #8  
Old May 10th 04, 07:25 PM
Circe
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Default BTDT moms: is it as hard the second time around?

Ericka Kammerer wrote:
It's when they're nearing that toddler
stage and they're perpetual motion machines hell bent on
killing themselves that I find things difficult ;-)


LOL, I adore (adore, Adore, ADORE) toddlers and particularly 2yo's because
they are just cute beyond words, but I have already told my husband that my
biggest fear in even considering another child is that another 2yo like
Vernon will kill me. I am not kidding. I don't think my heart could take the
stress! My husband keeps saying, in response, that both Julian and Aurora
were easy 2yo's, at least in this regard and therefore, the odds of another
easy one are in our favor. He obviously does not believe in karma!
--
Be well, Barbara
Mom to Sin (Vernon, 2), Misery (Aurora, 4), and the Rising Son (Julian, 6)

Aurora (in the bathroom with her dad)--"It looks like an elephant, Daddy."
Me (later)--"You should feel flattered."

All opinions expressed in this post are well-reasoned and insightful.
Needless to say, they are not those of my Internet Service Provider, its
other subscribers or lackeys. Anyone who says otherwise is itchin' for a
fight. -- with apologies to Michael Feldman


  #9  
Old May 10th 04, 07:30 PM
Donna
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Default BTDT moms: is it as hard the second time around?


"Ericka Kammerer" wrote in message
...

Sounds like you had a rough go the first time around?


Either that, or I'm a huge whiner. The jury is still out. I remember
it being an awful first 8 weeks -- the big problem, I think, was that I had
no help at all, for most of the time. My husband was doing 36-72 hour
stretches at the hospital, and once my mom left... it was just me and
Sarah, for 8 weeks.


If your first was colicky and the second isn't, you'll likely
feel that the second is a breeze ;-) I've been fortunate.
None of mine were colicky, I never had any problems nursing,
I had great support, and I've always been pretty laid back
about parenting (so I didn't have much in the way of
first-timer nerves).


Sarah wasn't colicky, but I have to say that I had some serious first-timer
nerves. *Everything* was stressful, and I had a major perfectionistic thing
going on. I'm over that, thank god.

I had to deal with some sleep
deprivation, and it's challenging to be on call 24/7 even
with an easy baby, but for me the newborn period wasn't
all that difficult. It's when they're nearing that toddler
stage and they're perpetual motion machines hell bent on
killing themselves that I find things difficult ;-)
If you started out with a fussy first baby and
a case of first-time parent nerves, I'll bet the second
seems *way* easier. Even in my case, I did find that the
second was a little bit easier, probably because I had
more routines in place and he just slid right into them.
Having a toddler and a newborn is busy, but you
do get through it. It really helps if you can get both
down at the same time for an afternoon nap so that you
can have a little snooze yourself. Have routines in
place.


Thnaks, Ericka.

Donna


  #10  
Old May 10th 04, 07:32 PM
Clisby
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Default BTDT moms: is it as hard the second time around?



Donna wrote:

Is it easier the second time around? My mom swears that it is - not that
it's any easier to get in a shower, or get them to sleep through the night,
but that not having that constant shell-shocked "now what do I do" feeling,
makes a world of difference.


I found taking care of the *baby* was easier the 2nd time around, but
it's hard for me to imagine how adding a toddler into the mix could
result in an overall easier time. My daughter was 5.5 and in school
all day by the time her little brother was born, and my husband was
scrupulous about getting home from work as soon as he possibly could, so
I didn't have many hours in the day where it was just me and them.

Clisby

 




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