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BTDT moms: is it as hard the second time around?
So following Carol Ann's story over the last six weeks has had me reliving
the early days with my daughter; the shellshock, the exhaustion, the inability to stop her crying at times, the six weeks sitting on the couch nursing, the 30 second showers, the mess.... I'm remembering all the stuff I'd just forgotten (or blocked out grin). I'm beginning to get seriously nervous about going through it again, but this time with the responsibility of looking after a toddler as well. I had nothing left the first time around -I can't conceive of how I'm going to handle two. Is it easier the second time around? My mom swears that it is - not that it's any easier to get in a shower, or get them to sleep through the night, but that not having that constant shell-shocked "now what do I do" feeling, makes a world of difference. (But really, what else are they going to tell me? "Oh no, honey, the first 10 weeks are *just* as horrible, and this time around, you'll also have to keep your elder child entertained, too!" Not likely. smile) So - what is the real answer? I can take it. Donna (who'd also be grateful for any tips you all have for managing a newborn and a toddler) |
#2
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BTDT moms: is it as hard the second time around?
Well, obviously you have a new challenge in that you have an older child to
care for as well. But in terms of baby care, I think it is easier because 1) you know what you are doing and 2) you know that the difficult stage will end and things will get better. That doesn't mean it will be easy, just easier. :-) IMO, the really easy thing is going from 2 to 3 kids, because then not only do you have the whole baby thing down but you also know that you can care for and love more than one child at a time. Leslie |
#3
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BTDT moms: is it as hard the second time around?
Donna wrote:
So following Carol Ann's story over the last six weeks has had me reliving the early days with my daughter; the shellshock, the exhaustion, the inability to stop her crying at times, the six weeks sitting on the couch nursing, the 30 second showers, the mess.... I'm remembering all the stuff I'd just forgotten (or blocked out grin). I'm beginning to get seriously nervous about going through it again, but this time with the responsibility of looking after a toddler as well. I had nothing left the first time around -I can't conceive of how I'm going to handle two. Is it easier the second time around? My mom swears that it is - not that it's any easier to get in a shower, or get them to sleep through the night, but that not having that constant shell-shocked "now what do I do" feeling, makes a world of difference. (But really, what else are they going to tell me? "Oh no, honey, the first 10 weeks are *just* as horrible, and this time around, you'll also have to keep your elder child entertained, too!" Not likely. smile) So - what is the real answer? I can take it. Sounds like you had a rough go the first time around? If your first was colicky and the second isn't, you'll likely feel that the second is a breeze ;-) I've been fortunate. None of mine were colicky, I never had any problems nursing, I had great support, and I've always been pretty laid back about parenting (so I didn't have much in the way of first-timer nerves). I had to deal with some sleep deprivation, and it's challenging to be on call 24/7 even with an easy baby, but for me the newborn period wasn't all that difficult. It's when they're nearing that toddler stage and they're perpetual motion machines hell bent on killing themselves that I find things difficult ;-) If you started out with a fussy first baby and a case of first-time parent nerves, I'll bet the second seems *way* easier. Even in my case, I did find that the second was a little bit easier, probably because I had more routines in place and he just slid right into them. Having a toddler and a newborn is busy, but you do get through it. It really helps if you can get both down at the same time for an afternoon nap so that you can have a little snooze yourself. Have routines in place. Make sure Daddy can handle the routines without you (for times when he needs to be able to put the toddler down or whatever while you're busy elsewhere). Best wishes, Ericka |
#4
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BTDT moms: is it as hard the second time around?
Donna wrote in message ... So following Carol Ann's story over the last six weeks has had me reliving the early days with my daughter; the shellshock, the exhaustion, the inability to stop her crying at times, the six weeks sitting on the couch nursing, the 30 second showers, the mess.... I'm remembering all the stuff I'd just forgotten (or blocked out grin). I'm beginning to get seriously nervous about going through it again, but this time with the responsibility of looking after a toddler as well. I had nothing left the first time around -I can't conceive of how I'm going to handle two. Is it easier the second time around? My mom swears that it is - not that it's any easier to get in a shower, or get them to sleep through the night, but that not having that constant shell-shocked "now what do I do" feeling, makes a world of difference. (But really, what else are they going to tell me? "Oh no, honey, the first 10 weeks are *just* as horrible, and this time around, you'll also have to keep your elder child entertained, too!" Not likely. smile) I have found it much easier this time round. Despite #2 doesn't sleep or eat as well as #1. (#1 slept through at 8 weeks, #2 still 2x a night at 6 months) What do you think a baby is-entertainment for #1! Labour was much easier too! Debbie |
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BTDT moms: is it as hard the second time around?
Donna wrote:
So following Carol Ann's story over the last six weeks has had me reliving the early days with my daughter; the shellshock, the exhaustion, the inability to stop her crying at times, the six weeks sitting on the couch nursing, the 30 second showers, the mess.... I'm remembering all the stuff I'd just forgotten (or blocked out grin). I'm beginning to get seriously nervous about going through it again, but this time with the responsibility of looking after a toddler as well. I had nothing left the first time around -I can't conceive of how I'm going to handle two. Is it easier the second time around? Oh in my case it was definitely easier. Here are the reasons. Some are pure luck ;-) a) My first was a hold me all the time, fuss in the evening, nurse me non-stop, I'll sleep in 20 minutes spurts type of baby. My second was a sleep my newborn life away any place you put me down type of baby! That was lucky!! :-D b) I didn't have *any* anxiety while nursing the second baby. With #1 I was obsessive about counting minutes, keeping track of sides, counting diapers, etc. This made a surprisingly big difference. That was experience. With #2 my milk came in quicker, baby was alert and nursed better (no jaundice). That was lucky. c) delivery was easier and I regained my energy level much quicker. d) A big one. I had zero routine before I had #1 and getting into a routine was a bit painful. I already had a routine (and some people would laugh at that statement because it still isn't very strict) with #2 so there wasn't that adjustment. e) I never let #1 cry. In the beginning with #2 I had a very hard time adjusting to the fact that sometimes one of them would be crying (including the baby) and they would just have to wait. It wasn't until #2 became a little older (4-5mos) and was obviously such an expressive, happy, and joyful baby that I let go of that anxiety. That was the only negative of the first few months. It was unnecessary I really found it much easier the second time around even though I had a 2yo as well. The second pregnancy with a toddler is what about did me in. Anything might have seemed like an improvement after that, lol. Tips for two: Toddler proof your house big time. If not the whole house, at least the main room you use all day. If you do need to redirect - get up and do it instantly instead of saying no from across the room. You'll have much speedier results. It was worth it in my opinion even if I had to interrupt a nursing session. Learn to nurse the baby while getting up, walking around, doing other things. Most people use slings but I only had one and didn't like it (way to hot). That was a life saver and I don't know why I didn't do it more with #1? Never blame the baby for some injustice to the toddler. I never told Hunter he had to wait because the baby was eating etc. I *always* found another excuse. Sometimes (like at bath and baby woke up) I'd say out loud that I was helping Hunter right now and that I'd be there in a minute. I guess I blamed the toddler but the baby didn't notice, lol. I was doing that for the toddlers sake, so he'd realize that sometimes his needs come first too. If things get overwhelming either go outside or for a drive (pray for a baby that likes car rides!). At night if things were ugly I'd just turn off every light and all three get in bed together. Hunter would cry but soon fall asleep as he was generally tired if things were ugly. I didn't really have to do any of that until the baby was 7 months at the earliest. -- Nikki Mama to Hunter (5) and Luke (3) |
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BTDT moms: is it as hard the second time around?
"Donna" wrote in message
... So following Carol Ann's story over the last six weeks has had me reliving the early days with my daughter; the shellshock, the exhaustion, the inability to stop her crying at times, the six weeks sitting on the couch nursing, the 30 second showers, the mess.... I'm remembering all the stuff I'd just forgotten (or blocked out grin). I'm beginning to get seriously nervous about going through it again, but this time with the responsibility of looking after a toddler as well. I had nothing left the first time around -I can't conceive of how I'm going to handle two. Yikes, if my first time was like that, I'd have been scared to do it again too - lol. Is it easier the second time around? My 1st time was easy, the 2nd time was harder. My mom swears that it is - not that it's any easier to get in a shower, or get them to sleep through the night, but that not having that constant shell-shocked "now what do I do" feeling, makes a world of difference. (But really, what else are they going to tell me? "Oh no, honey, the first 10 weeks are *just* as horrible, and this time around, you'll also have to keep your elder child entertained, too!" Not likely. smile) So - what is the real answer? I can take it. Are you sure?? I hate telling people adding #2 was the hardest transition of all - harder than having #1 or #3, and I'm betting #4. The only way #2 is easier is you're more experienced at the baby part. Donna (who'd also be grateful for any tips you all have for managing a newborn and a toddler) Learn to multi-task big time, if you don't already. Especially when feeding the baby. I used to do that on the couch and read a book to C at the same time. What I didn't know with 2 that is so simple is - no one will die if they have to wait. I though if they both needed me, they both needed me *NOW*. Lol. |
#7
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BTDT moms: is it as hard the second time around?
It is just as hard - at least it was for me - but for totally
different reasons. Second time around, you are not too daunted by the birth and by the baby care - you have a pretty good idea what to expect, so you aren't freaking out about every little thing. In fact,I'm willing to bet money that you find looking after a baby no biggie and wonder why you had such a hard time the first time around. Immobility is a wonderful thing compared to a toddler - wherever you put baby, baby at least STAYS there and isn't running all over, climbing up and getting into things every time you try and get something done. The big challenge for me was looking after both the baby AND the high energy non-stop toddler at the same time. Learning to juggle that was really hard for me - trying to figure out how to get some kind of workable routine going and get enough rest was very hard. I was accustomed to being able to take care of the toddler's needs with little delay. When I got tired, I could hand kiddo off to the DH. However, when you have two, they are competing for your time and attention and you really can't always keep them both happy at the same time (seems like someone is always crying or wanting something and you often have to make them wait, which is hard to get used to - i.e. we can't go to the park now, baby is napping, eek, baby has been screaming for 5 minutes but I can't go get her because I'm in the middle of bathing the toddler etc. etc. You also can't always hand them both off to daddy at the same time and hope to be able to have some "you" time. It was a good 6 months before I felt like I was sort of on top of it all, and used to not being able to look after everyone at once, plus sufficiently organized to manage. The good news is that when I had #3, it was a cakewalk. I'm too old to have more kids now, but I can see that adding #4 or beyond would be managable - I've got the skills now. Mary G. |
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BTDT moms: is it as hard the second time around?
Ericka Kammerer wrote:
It's when they're nearing that toddler stage and they're perpetual motion machines hell bent on killing themselves that I find things difficult ;-) LOL, I adore (adore, Adore, ADORE) toddlers and particularly 2yo's because they are just cute beyond words, but I have already told my husband that my biggest fear in even considering another child is that another 2yo like Vernon will kill me. I am not kidding. I don't think my heart could take the stress! My husband keeps saying, in response, that both Julian and Aurora were easy 2yo's, at least in this regard and therefore, the odds of another easy one are in our favor. He obviously does not believe in karma! -- Be well, Barbara Mom to Sin (Vernon, 2), Misery (Aurora, 4), and the Rising Son (Julian, 6) Aurora (in the bathroom with her dad)--"It looks like an elephant, Daddy." Me (later)--"You should feel flattered." All opinions expressed in this post are well-reasoned and insightful. Needless to say, they are not those of my Internet Service Provider, its other subscribers or lackeys. Anyone who says otherwise is itchin' for a fight. -- with apologies to Michael Feldman |
#9
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BTDT moms: is it as hard the second time around?
"Ericka Kammerer" wrote in message ... Sounds like you had a rough go the first time around? Either that, or I'm a huge whiner. The jury is still out. I remember it being an awful first 8 weeks -- the big problem, I think, was that I had no help at all, for most of the time. My husband was doing 36-72 hour stretches at the hospital, and once my mom left... it was just me and Sarah, for 8 weeks. If your first was colicky and the second isn't, you'll likely feel that the second is a breeze ;-) I've been fortunate. None of mine were colicky, I never had any problems nursing, I had great support, and I've always been pretty laid back about parenting (so I didn't have much in the way of first-timer nerves). Sarah wasn't colicky, but I have to say that I had some serious first-timer nerves. *Everything* was stressful, and I had a major perfectionistic thing going on. I'm over that, thank god. I had to deal with some sleep deprivation, and it's challenging to be on call 24/7 even with an easy baby, but for me the newborn period wasn't all that difficult. It's when they're nearing that toddler stage and they're perpetual motion machines hell bent on killing themselves that I find things difficult ;-) If you started out with a fussy first baby and a case of first-time parent nerves, I'll bet the second seems *way* easier. Even in my case, I did find that the second was a little bit easier, probably because I had more routines in place and he just slid right into them. Having a toddler and a newborn is busy, but you do get through it. It really helps if you can get both down at the same time for an afternoon nap so that you can have a little snooze yourself. Have routines in place. Thnaks, Ericka. Donna |
#10
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BTDT moms: is it as hard the second time around?
Donna wrote: Is it easier the second time around? My mom swears that it is - not that it's any easier to get in a shower, or get them to sleep through the night, but that not having that constant shell-shocked "now what do I do" feeling, makes a world of difference. I found taking care of the *baby* was easier the 2nd time around, but it's hard for me to imagine how adding a toddler into the mix could result in an overall easier time. My daughter was 5.5 and in school all day by the time her little brother was born, and my husband was scrupulous about getting home from work as soon as he possibly could, so I didn't have many hours in the day where it was just me and them. Clisby |
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